Anxiety about Sex

[Teb8807]

I feel that you have every right to be scared of sex and for it to give you anxiety, honestly. Here you are having sex with your partner, somebody you think you can trust and has your best interest at heart. He was selfishly thinking of himself when he was having sex with these guys without wearing protection, especially knowing that you two occasionally have sex unprotected. In all honestly, he almost changed your life forever, and hopefully you realize that. No disrespect to you, I know you have your reasoning, but I would have left his ass after getting the first STD!

It sounds to me that you weren’t too open about having an open relationship, but maybe you felt that you had to do it in order to keep him. I don’t know the story behind that, though. I have huge trust issues, so it’s hard for me to really comment and give my opinion on open relationships without being bias. I guess your story is the perfect example of why the thought of it terrifies me, other than somebody else I love being with another man. What scares me the most about this is, he now knows he he’s HIV+ and he’s continuing to have unprotected sex with other men, and that angers me!

To be completely honest with you, if you’re having anxiety with having sex with this man, which you have right to, you’re never going to be too keen on the idea. Nobody wants to be scared of getting something as serious as HIV while having sex and knowing the person they’re having sex with has it. I would be having panic attacks too. Honestly, I would have stopped having sex with when I first found out, but then again, I would have left him a long time ago.

You don’t deserve what kind of emotional trauma he’s putting you through. I know you feel that your whole life is about to change forever, but you have a big decision to make, because he has HIV and your rational fear of getting it is never going to go away. It’s never easy taking away years of comfort and having that feeling of starting all over again, but the position you’re in now is toxic and I don’t see it getting better. Why put yourself through this long-term fear and hurt, when you could eventually do better off later I guess is the question I want to ask you.

 

[Exbiker]

It's really quite strange that you can be so stupid, for so long, and expect a bunch of strangers on the Internet to fix it for you... Isn't it ???

I mean how many STDs do you have to pick up from someone before you get the picture ?

And how can you not see that being told that you are selfish, is the most absurd piece of ignorance and cruelty ?

Get out. Quickly. And don't look back; he absolutely is not worth a shred of concern.

 

[hippyglass]

boy, that is an epic list of STIs there. wow. good luck getting out of this.

 

[MrJimSir]

This may not be fair -- I know what it's like to stay in an abusive relationship. Or a cult! You delude yourself.

It's really quite strange that you can be so stupid, for so long, and expect a bunch of strangers on the Internet to fix it for you... Isn't it ???

I mean how many STDs do you have to pick up from someone before you get the picture ?

And how can you not see that being told that you are selfish, is the most absurd piece of ignorance and cruelty ?

Get out. Quickly. And don't look back; he absolutely is not worth a shred of concern.

 

[rbkwp]

boy, that is an epic list of STIs there. wow. good luck getting out of this.

Yes'

This may not be fair --

and Yes'

i guess we will never know of the full circumstances etc
Human nature & behaviours, the silent crys for help of those possibly in a form of bondage?
just never know, apart from your ability to assume, a danger in itself often huh?

I know what it's like to stay in an abusive relationship. Or a cult!

Thanks for that reminder
have relented of my comfortable ignorance
sorry again op..

 

[D_2534tr]

Thanks to everybody for your words. I really appreciate the support from you all since I've currently got no other support.

I have had a really emotional and messed up few days. Especially today.

We have a mutual friend, and she works with both of us, but he and I don't work together, the friend works 2 jobs. Anyway, at their work today he told her that she was going to be in the office alone next Friday because he took the day off and was planning on going out of town. She questioned him about it, and he said that he planned a trip with someone and that I wasn't invited. When she saw me at work, she asked me if I knew about it. I didn't. I had no clue. Now, we have each taken trips before without each other, but no big deal, we at least told each other about it. My trips without him were family trips, his were with....well at this point, who knows who the hell he was with.

Anyway, he can go wherever the hell he wants...Since earlier this week, I've been mentally and emotionally preparing myself a little each day to deal with the task ahead. Whether you guys think so or not, all of your posts have helped me.

I wish that I could discuss this with friends as well, which I sort of have, in tidbits...but I feel as if I have to leave out the HIV part, since he hasn't disclosed it to anyone. Is it wrong of me to mention this to people? I wouldn't do it in a vindictive way, although some people may think that I should. Is this OK?

As much as I'd like to avoid therapy/counseling, I may just need a person like that. What should I look for when searching for a counselor? I have no idea....

Thanks again to all....