Anxiety and cock size - help needed

[Trebor152]

Hi,

Ive had something on my mind all day and Im not quite sure how to word it. I'll do my best and hope the right meaning comes across.

Im a 25 year old gay guy. Ive just got a new boyfriend who is totally amazing. I suffer from an anxiety disorder, which basically means I worry endlessly and intensely from time to time about unnecessary things. And would you believe it, on this occasion it was about......cock size!

So I figured I should come here. Basically im hung. My bf is average or a little bit above. He is totally hot though. Amazing body, face and personality. We hit it off amazingly well. The sex has been awesome too. Infact, its the first time ive gone out with someone and thought of them loads when I masturbate! I know that sounds crude, but I figure that in this early lustful stage of our relationship it can only be a good sign.

If there was one small thing I could change about him, it would be for him to be slightly bigger - or maybe for me to be smaller - either way! I guess people just like similarity. Anyway, thats basically not possible, I truly believe that I would never fin some one as good as him and that im on to a really good thing here. The problem is that my anxiety kicks in if I think anything bad. So for example, if i think, just for a second, that it'd be cool if he was more hung I absolutely flood my self with guilt and shame. I know thats completely irrational! But I still find myself looking for reassurance.

It might be difficult to understand why such a minor detail could cause me so much distress, but thats the nature of the beast. Its not its cock size that even bothers me, its completely fine! In fact its beautiful and so is the rest of him! What gets me is that I thought that - and I beat myself up about it. So ive decided that i need to write this to be honest and to sort this out in my head once and for all. What id like to hear is from people who have had similar experiences in terms of thinking little things theyd change about a partner. How do you reason with your self to shrug it off and realise it doesnt matter? Thats the info I am missing.

I even feel guilty if i concentrate on my body. Like the site of him sucking me off I feel bad because its like im focussing on my own cock. But i mean is it a crime to like to see your bf sucking on a big one?? And then i over analyise and realise im attracted to other parts of him rather than his cock. And this makes me worry, is that not how its supposed to be??

My anxiety tends to catastrophise and creep up on me in devious and unsuspecting ways. It may sound odd but something personal and something embarrassing like this is the perfect way for it to attack. Thankgod for the internet is all I can say. Last week I was so so happy then wham, from no where, anxiety comes knocking. Please help me get back on track and be kind! Im a good person I swear.

Thankyou in advance :smile:

 

[novice_btm]

Trust me, we have quite a few people here that deal with anxiety disorder, although a few of the more illustrious, aren't around as much as they used to be.

In any case, the first thing about anxiety, is that it's not "just you". Also, the "issue", isn't really the issue. It's simply the trigger of the day, week, month. To a degree, it could be because you like him, and so want to me more like him, so that he likes you the way you like him, but fact is, he does like you. So, you've got to find a way to let this difference go. Besides, what if that difference is exactly what he likes about the two of you? While you're worrying about this difference, and seeing it as an issue, he may be reveling in it. You've gotta step back, be objective, and look at it from the outside, and ask yourself, "Really? You're anxious about having a nice dick?" Give yourself reality checks. What you're allowing to be a trigger, is almost guaranteed to only be an issue for you.

Take care of yourself, and be good to yourself.

 

[Trebor152]

I get what your saying. But in short what I feel is that im a bad person for some times wishing he had a bigger dick - even if it is only for a second before I forget about it and get on with having fun. The guilt I feel about that is totally disproportionate

Does everyone have fleeting thoughts like that time to time?

 

[jakeconnerly]

To be blunt, it's not his fault, but it's not your fault either. Is a cancer patient a bad person for having cancer? Is an Alzheimer's patient a bad person for not remembering things? Is a diabetic a bad person for not producing enough insulin? Certainly not.

You are not a bad person: you have a disease - anxiety disorder. It is the disease's fault. You wouldn't let cancer, Alzheimer's, or diabetes go untreated. You should get professional treatment for your anxiety disorder. If you're already getting professional treatment, then you should tell that professional exactly what you posted to start this thread.

 

[joeym]

He has an above avg cock? Well then I don't get the problem.

How big is your cock, and how big is his? Is it that you feel bad that you're bigger than him?

 

[Sharpone]

This is really common with anxiety. I used to be tortured with crazy thoughts all of the time that I would bet myself up about and work myself into an anxious fit. It has nothing to do with you as a person or your boyfriend. The root of this can be a few different things such as mentally/emotionally avoiding something that is too upsetting to confront...so to protect ourselves we displace the anxiety on something different.

Also, it could be the over time your brain has gotten into the habit of worry and it doesn't matter what it is about....you'll worry about something. It could also be a dietary thing...caffeine, cigarettes, sugar, food allergies, etc. all ignite the panic as well.

It could also be a combination of all of these....that was my situation. All of these things keep the adrenaline going that feeds the panic. It took me a few years, but I was able to work my way out of it. Therapy, hypnosis, diet change, exercise all helped, but I had to do all of them. I find that all problems are best resolved when approached from many different ways.

 

[uberhund]

Hi there

I agree with most of the above points: with so many perfect guys on view through porn etc., I don't think I've ever been with a guy in my 52 years of very gay life without noticing something less-than-perfect about him: even the guy with the biggest dick was a bit scrawny! It doesn't matter: I still enjoyed the sex, and enjoyed the guy, and hey, I'm not perfect myself and neither, I'm betting are you!

But I feel that no amount of sane and rational statements like this, or the ones you yourself make, will help with the deeper issue which is your anxiety. Why not get some help with that and look after yourself a little? You sound like a lovely caring guy: why not care for yourself as wel?

 

[D_ed75rde]

I wonder if it might help to mention your feelings to your partner? It sounds as if you have a good relationship and are attracted to him regardless..maybe if you fess up to having these fleeting thoughts, you won't feel burdened by guilt anymore. If you are honest with yourself and your partner, he will know what is going on in your head and might even surprise you by relating to what you are going through...especially as your anxiety seems to be based in inequality of size, not just that you would prefer him to be bigger.

If you and your partner care for each other and trust each other, chances are he will understand your dilemma and will be willing to do what he can to make sure you are both comfortable I hope that helps.

 

[onewatcher]

Those are just fleeting, irrational thoughts that your brain throws out every now and then. We all have them, regardless if we have anxiety disorder or not. Personally, I would not bring it up to the bf. It might implant in his brain a feeling of inferiority that would flare up now an again. Just keep telling yourself how happy you are with him, and when those thoughts pop in, quickly think of something wonderful about him. Don't give them a chance to take hold of your thought process. Soon, they will totally disappear.

 

[Stephenmass]

Only advice I can give you is we are born with what we have. If his dick satisfies you, and you him, and everything else is GREAT about the relationship, they are irrational thoughts. Between two guys, one is likely to have the bigger dick. Big deal. While you may get anxiety when you have the "I wish he were bigger" thoughts, maybe you should be examing why it is such an issue for you.

It shouldn't be because your own words say more or less "he's perfect". Accept him as he is and your anxiety should dissipate on it's own.

 

[citr]

I feel ya on the anxiety.

Try setting aside some time to regularly practice allowing yourself to fantasize. There's no reason at all to feel guilty about your imagination, and in fact it can become a really healthy source of pleasure for you. Sometimes I imagine larger breasts onto my lover, and I don't doubt she sometimes imagines me as thinner or more toned. It's all cool dude! Just practicing indulging in harmless thought. . . your imagination is yours alone, ain't gonna hurt anyone.

 

[B_patrickmcc]

It is only human to wish for perfection. Dont beat yourself up for doing it. There are many things about everybody that could use improvement, so realize that, and dont obsess. (Easier said than done i know). There is absolutely nothing wrong with watching and enjoying him giving you a hummer. Everybody does that.
Had a bud in high school that was the most comfortable person in his own skin I ever knew. He was relatively underendowed, and when he was teased about it in the locker rooms, he always shrugged and said " I dont give a shit how big it is. It makes me feel good, and thats all I care about".

 

[Ramsey]

Not to sound like an ass but I think men should just be stripped of their penises. They aren't happy with their size no matter if they belong to themselves or someone else.