Any advice for women with low sensitivity?

[eeleeleel]

I've seen plenty of threads on this site about different types of orgasms women have during sex, g-spots, multiorgasmic and highly sensitive women, etc, but I have yet to see any threads concerning women with low sensitivity and would like some advice.

I have never achieved an orgasm during sex, any type of sex, no matter what I try. It's getting really frustrating for both me and the guys that I sleep with. I struggle enough having them on my own. Has anyone had this problem or been with similar girls and found ways to overcome it?

I know that the problem has both a mental and a physical component and advice with either would be helpful. I thought this forum would be a good place to ask because the most common (and least useful) advice I get is to find a bigger dick or a more skilled guy - been there, done that. As most of us here have had experience with large guys, I'm hoping any advice I get here will be more substantial.

 

[deleted356736]

A few more details might help, such as what sort of stimulation you receive from your partners, whether you're orgasmic when you masturbate, those sorts of things. Also, some who are raised in Christian societies equate sex with intercourse, while I equate sex with the entire act, which may start some time before we even get our clothes off. So orgasm often comes from oral sex before intercourse, but it's still sex as far as I'm concerned.

My experience is that some, but not many, women can orgasm purely through thrusting intercourse, many but not all women can orgasm during intercourse while their clitoris is being stimulated at the same time, and most can orgasm with stimulation of their clitoris, be it using tongue or fingers. I like oral sex, and with long-term partners I have a 100% success rate, as it's pretty easy to work out where, how firmly and so on. I don't always perform oral sex, and stroking a pussy while kissing, and having your lover orgasm during that kiss is really hot! This one is easier for less experienced men to learn as well.

The women I have been with who took a lot of effort to reach orgasm generally had been playing around with vibrators a lot, and had de-sensitised themselves. The women I have been with who were most orgasmic were the ones who had masturbated before partner sex, and also were able to get into the moment and to connect with me and what I was doing. They gave over to the sensations, however that was achieved, often by closing their eyes and just allowing pleasurable sensations to wash over them. As a man you can (or should) be able to tell how your partner is responding, which is why a 100% success rate with a long-term partner is possible.

I have had a lot of sexual partners in my life, more than 100, so I have seen a lot and done a lot. I hope what I have posted will give you something to think about, and if you want to post some more specific details of what you are doing when it doesn't work, then I or others here might be able to help.

 

[dolfette]

lost of women just don't.
i don't.
by all means keep trying but don't assume you're a rare freak.

 

[L_Lynn]

Assuming that you have tried every physical solution, from oils to toys to different techniques etc., could it be your head getting in the way? This reminds me of a recent discussion I was in and the advice given was to work on breathing techniques and to read up on Tantric sex.

 

[AlteredEgo]

This discussion of the information in this book might help you. It helped a friend of mine. I used to be loosely acquainted with the author of the book on the internet. I always found her to be a straight shooter.

Actually, thanks for reminding me about the topic. I always meant to try her methods, but the way I was eating when this book came out didn't jive with the way the book suggest to eat. It would be no problem for me these days.

 

[eyescream]

This might sound insensitive (pun not intended) but the best thing to do is to masturbate whenever you can. It helps you identify what gets you there the quickest.

Also, since you've been reading the other threads by now you should know that not all women have the g-spot. Which is completely normal. Stimulate the clitoris and just keep at it, don't rush.

If it helps, watch porn or something that turns you on.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

Start off from the position suggested above - i.e. knowing that you are not a rarity nor a freak for this. Far more women than will admit it are inorgasmic.

It appears you can make yourself cum through masturbation. Is there any way you can incorporate that masturbation into sex? For example, if you can get yourself to orgasm with clitoral stimulation, muscle tensing and concentration can you do that while a guy is penetrating you? That may help your body learn to associate the orgasm with the feeling of penetration. When I was in my late teens I could only cum by clitoral stimulation and I hadn't met a guy who could / would do it the way I needed it done - I had to do it myself either during penetrative sex or after. I feel that mixing the two sensations helped me get more pleasure from penetration and now I cum from penetration quite easily.

The other thing you can do is forget about it and stop worrying - even just for a while. The sensations of sex are pleasurable without orgasm. Enjoy those sensations for their own sake. Your posts suggests you feel you and your partner(s) are missing out - that's a bad place to start from. You are judging your own pleasure against someone else's standards. If you bake a thoroughly delicious chocolate cake and give it to two people, one who likes chocolate and one who isn't that fussed for it, are you any less of a good cook when the person who doesn't like chocolate so much says that the texture and lightness of the cake was wonderful but it was just too chocolatey? Are you any more of a good cook when the chocolate lover mmms and aahs his way through 3 slices? Is the person who doesn't like chocolate so much defective for getting less pleasure from the cake than the other person?

You are not a failure when you don't orgasm. Your partner is not a failure when you don't orgasm. You are giving each other pleasure. That's a good thing.

 

[RawDog]

I realize this is one of those questions better answered by women, but I may have some input here. My ex-wife was the same way. She slept with 13 guys before me (yeah I asked), but I was the first who actually allowed her to have an orgasm. It's a misnomer to say I gave her one, she just felt more open with me to let herself have one.

What drove it more than anything else was the second time we had sex. The first time was two hours of me trying everything I could and failing miserably. But on the second encounter, I asked her to masturbate for me because I wanted to see just how beautiful she was as she was having an orgasm.

I started mimicking her process when we fucked and it worked. More than just the process though, is the trust she had to feel to cum properly.

 

[need2bsexy2]

Most women I have been with orgasm through clitoral stimulation. Several have orgasmed from intercourse, much to my pleasure, and one I could not get to cum. She used a vibrator for her pleasure and there was no way I could match that level of stimulation.

Based on my experience I would suggest "stay away from toys". They may give you entry into the pleasure land but deny you the pleasure of sharing a wonderful emotion with somebody else.

 

[dolfette]

Based on my experience I would suggest "stay away from toys". They may give you entry into the pleasure land but deny you the pleasure of sharing a wonderful emotion with somebody else.

i say bollocks to that!

if the only way a woman can orgasm is through toys, why should she go without orgasm? what...just hang around waiting, on the off chance that some bloke will give her a ''real'' orgasm?

why not just include toys in sex?

i didn't discover vibes until i was in my late 20's. i still never came from sex. if i wanted to orgasm during sex then the only way would be to use a vibe at the same time.

 

[deleted356736]

i say bollocks to that!

if the only way a woman can orgasm is through toys, why should she go without orgasm? what...just hang around waiting, on the off chance that some bloke will give her a ''real'' orgasm?

why not just include toys in sex?

i didn't discover vibes until i was in my late 20's. i still never came from sex. if i wanted to orgasm during sex then the only way would be to use a vibe at the same time.

My experience of women who have used vibrators is they end up desensitising themselves, which makes orgasm from a partner very difficult or sometimes close to impossible. My general experience of women is that, unless there's a physical or mental blockage involved, it's easy for this man to get them to orgasm. So many women, so many first times together, so many orgasms and a lot of interesting experiences. A young woman's first time orgasm with a partner, and the way she curled up on the bed with her eyes closed, totally overcome by what had just happened. A more experienced lady who hardly every had orgasms with partners, and her contractions lasting a couple of minutes, complete with soaking her bed with her ejaculate. The young lady last week who came (and ejaculated) because I was thrusting in a way that my penis was rubbing her g-spot, which still suprised me because vaginal orgasms without clitoral stimulation are rare, especially with a first-time partner.

I learned many decades ago by asking someone to show me how they masturbated, and then imitating her technique with my fingers and then my tongue. It was really very simple. From there, I broadened my experience with different partners by observing their reactions to what I was doing, as the stimulation that every woman requires is different. And that's all there is: knowing what to do in a basic sense, and staying in tune with your partners response all the way through. I really can't understand why some men don't seem able to master it.

 

[dolfette]

vibrators do NOT cause any permanent desensitisation. they may cause a temporary numbness which wears off.

maybe these woman are using vibes precisely because they are not very sensitive!

since the birth of my youngest i have to use bruise inducing pressure with my fingers...it's not fun or sensual to only use my fingers...or the lightest touch with a vibe.

if you've no fricking idea how her body feels like from the inside then you've no right to make sweeping statements about fingers being better.

 

[dolfette]

''oh these poor, sweet, silly women! they just have no idea how their sexuality works. not like us clever men! aren't they lucky that we know their sexualities for them?''

 

[ManlyBanisters]

I've said this before in other threads and I'll say it again in answer to cbrmale's "it's easy for this man to get them to orgasm", a man does make a woman orgasm. A man can help a woman orgasm but the orgasm is hers, not his.

There is no point in me insisting that what you say isn't true - I have no idea. It sounds like so much clap-trap that I hear all the time, especially online, about how the woman just needs the right man to get her to cum, to make her cum. In my own personal experience, and having listened to other women's experiences, it isn't a matter of sleeping with a man who knows what he's doing. It's about finding out what works for her own body and most women who spoken candidly to me have done this alone, I know I did.

After that, once a woman has found what can make her orgasm, then she can repeat it with a man with whom she can be relaxed enough (or who turns her on enough). I can only think of one woman who told me she had her first orgasm with a man and I can think of none who had problems orgasming who would say that the company they kept had anything to do with them finding their orgasm.

Maybe that's what cbr is trying to say, but looking at his post he sounds like he is making it about himself and his 'skillz' and I just don't believe that is the case - If you asked me to comment I'd say those women would have had that experience with any man who was willing to try to please them - which most men these days are.

I really do believe the 'vibe desensitizing' thing is a myth. Like dolfette says, in some cases the vibe is the only way to cum in the first place - so nothing to desensitize. My personal experience of sex toys is that the feeling is totally different from anything I can do to myself or that a man can do to me. For me it isn't better, or worse, just different. Sometimes I achieve orgasm quicker with a toy, sometimes I don't cum at all - it depends.

 

[dolfette]

I really do believe the 'vibe desensitizing' thing is a myth. Like dolfette says, in some cases the vibe is the only way to cum in the first place - so nothing to desensitize. My personal experience of sex toys is that the feeling is totally different from anything I can do to myself or that a man can do to me. For me it isn't better, or worse, just different. Sometimes I achieve orgasm quicker with a toy, sometimes I don't cum at all - it depends.

my clit has so little sensitivity that i had stopped wanking completely until i found vibes. i was fed up of having to rub myself raw to get anywhere. when i could orgasm easily with my fingers there was no motivation for me to experiment with toys in the first place.

doesn't take a genius to figure out that women who find it hard to orgasm might be more likely to be using toys.

i think it's a fear/envy thing.
they can tell themselves that they can compete with my fingers but they'll never believe they can compete with a vibe.

well tough! some women need a damn vibe.

there is no evidence at all that vibes cause long term numbing...i've found one or two vibes that tended to numb, but it wore of in a very short time.

 

[RawDog]

when i could orgasm easily with my fingers there was no motivation for me to experiment with toys in the first place..

Any idea what changed that? Were you able to have orgasms while having sex back then?

That same ex I spoke of a few posts back was highly orgasmic until she went on birth control. She switched a few times to different types and some had less severe side effects. When we decided to stop birth control and actually tried having a kid, she was such a roaring bitch, and she had changed so very much, she stopped enjoying sex altogether.

 

[dolfette]

Any idea what changed that? Were you able to have orgasms while having sex back then?

That same ex I spoke of a few posts back was highly orgasmic until she went on birth control. She switched a few times to different types and some had less severe side effects. When we decided to stop birth control and actually tried having a kid, she was such a roaring bitch, and she had changed so very much, she stopped enjoying sex altogether.

childbirth.

not, as lots of men want to belive, a sudden case of not being in touch with my body and needing a man just like them to show me how.

it's nerve damage. i've gone from needing three rubs to needing a jackhammer.

 

[EllieP]

I've never admitted this before but my ex never brought me to orgasm. Not that he didn't try, but I never truly had an orgasm until I remarried. And I'm not just saying that because I'm still married to him (maybe that's why I'm still married to him? Nah. Love you, Darling!).

I don't know why that is, but that's the way it is. And I kind of like the way it is - a lot!

 

[hotwetkiss]

You could try an arousal gel or cream that will increase blood flow to your clit and many women orgasm more easily using these. "Make Me Cum Clit Sensitizer" is the type of thing I'm talking about. I've not used it myself but have a friend who has with good results for her. Try not to get too uptight about it, I know thats easier said than done. Good luck trying and happy orgasms, I'm sure you'll win through in the end.

 

[RawDog]

childbirth.

not, as lots of men want to belive, a sudden case of not being in touch with my body and needing a man just like them to show me how.

it's nerve damage. i've gone from needing three rubs to needing a jackhammer.

That absolutely sucks. Not that this makes a difference now, but in hindsight would you have done anything differently, knowing what you know now (as in caesarian vs. vaginal delivery, etc.)?

As hotwetkiss commented, have you tried any of those enhancement creams? This side of the pond there's Zestra and "G Female Stimulating Gel", or heck, even Altoids mint candy makes a difference with my wife,

Another question: How about anal or nipple stimulation, any difference there?

I'm not trying to "cure" you, dolfette, I'm really just intensely curious. There's something very compelling here and I hope you don't mind me using your mind/body as a Guinea pig.