Any advice for women with low sensitivity?

[Not_Punny]

Damn...talk about being on the ragged edge! :tongue:

Ah, that was funny! That'll teach me for using spell check!!!! :biggrin1:

The word I meant to use was: serotonin

 

[533248]

Just my two cents:

I can orgasm one of three ways: with a vibrator, on the left side of my clit, and sort of down below the clit a little; with 45 minutes or more of oral sex, from someone who really "knows what they're doing" and is paying attention to my noises, the requests I make, etc; or with a vibrator and strong g-spot stimulation, which is faster than a vibe alone and also has the side benefit of making me squirt.

I have very large labia, and it seems like the extra flesh gets in the way during penetrative sex. It makes it hard for me to find my clit sometimes, even though it's mine and I know where it is, and on top of that, the excess flesh makes it impossible for me to come with my hand or with just normal penetration. I'd have to rub forever, and my arm muscles just get tired, and I've only come from penetrative sex once, with a dude whose penis was shaped just weird enough, I guess. (Sort of short, thick, and bullet shaped, unlike any dick I'd ever seen before, and I've seen quite a few.)

Anal is a fun stimulation but it doesn't really make me come faster, it is just more intense than vaginal penetration.

I've tried pumps, stimulating lubes, mints, etc and while they were fun, different sensations, they didn't make it easier for me to come.

When I'm masturbating, I watch porn - it makes me come faster and makes the whole masturbating thing easier and less tiring on my hands (which start to feel weird if I hold a vibe for too long.)

I like the plug in vibes a lot more than the battery powered ones, though both work. My faves are the Hitachi Magic Wand, the Wahl 7-in-1, and the Pocket Rocket.

Hope my experiences help, I know how frustrating it is to want an orgasm and not be able to have one. I didn't have my first orgasm until I was 16, and probably didn't have one with a partner until I was 18.

Edited to add: I use vibes during partner sex all the time. It's embarrassing to tell a guy he'll never make me come (most likely) on his own, and here's my "other boyfriend." But you know what? I'd rather we both experience my orgasm than to leave the toy out, and watch the boy orgasm while I just sort of twiddle my thumbs

 

[crossy]

Some women won't cum from penetrative sex. You seem to have the best luck with a guy with a wierd fat bullet dick. Good luck! The Hitachi Wand is a miracle for gals with large labia and sort of smallish or hidden clit.

 

[Olivia]

I have the same problem. I never orgasm from sex. Even oral doesn't do it for me even though I absolutely love it. I had a guy go down on me for at least 20 min or so and while I really enjoyed it, in my mind I was worried because I knew he was wondering when was I going to cum?

Now when my husband tries oral, I cannot cum from that either because I'm pretty sure he's not enjoying giving me oral. When he does it, its for a few seconds and it just seems like he's not into it so of course I cannot come from that. I'm starting to think its all in my mind. I can orgasm from masturbation, but not from sex. The other day my hubby spent a lot of time trying to find out what feels good, and he was trying to find my clit and kept asking is that the spot? For some reason I couldn't tell him because I could not tell if he was hitting it or not, but when I finger myself I find it no problem. What's wrong with me! Do I have such a tiny clit that its hard to find?

 

[Barely Big]

First off I am not terribly sexually experienced, nor do I want to make this about any of my experiences; however I think I've got something to add, so why not try?

I have never been able to cum from sex, oral, stimulation, or even masturbating in front of someone (together). The last part to me is what is most important, since I can get off in a reasonable amount of time, but once there's another person in the room, things change completely, and it's impossible for me.

I did read the whole thread, but it's late so I apologize if I've missed something. Have you tried stimulating yourself in the presence of others? It's not exactly a lab study, but that would certainly suggest if you can't that it is to a large extent a mental issue. This is not at all discounting physical issues, however this is something you can isolate, so might be worth trying.

I would suggest possibly seeking professional advice regardless of outcome if you are comfortable with doing so.

As for Not_Punny's suggestion of supplements, while they seem to have helped her, I am instantly very skeptical of any sort of supplements, natural or not. They are unregulated substances (in many countries) so they don't have to be proven safe/effective. Please also note there are MANY dangerous natural substances so that natural doesn't mean safe. Consult with a physician before taking a new supplement, and research it, and what if any interactions it may have with any drugs in your system, and health problems that are current.

 

[HazelGod]

I'm starting to think its all in my mind.

You're absolutely right, it is. This is true for all of us, though, not just you...sex is at least as much about what's happening between your ears as between your legs.

Until you're comfortable enough to relax and let go some of your self-consciousness, orgasms with a partner will likely remain elusive. You need to find a way to stop fixating on what your partner may be thinking about while he's going down on you...get yourself good and relaxed (wine, smoke, whatever does it for you) and let your thoughts turn inward to a fantasy place. It may take some time to get used to it, but keep at it.

 

[Chaotica]

All my first orgasms were from internal stimulation. Externally, I have almost no sensation until I am already half-way there, and it offers more of an 'assist' than anything. I can't cum from clitoral stimulation alone. ......The same I found is true with my vibe - only the lowest frequency works, the others don't do anything for me.

Doggy-style where both of you are sort of standing up might help.
Because it sounds like your G spot certainly works. I am a 90% clit girl but there have been a few times when I can't cum unless I am also stimulating my G spot. I rarely have an O during sex unless I'm with an understanding partner who encourages me to rub myself during the act, or use toys.
The fact that you say you need the lowest setting on the vibe makes it sound like you are more sensitive than you think. But I'm puzzled at how you say you DON'T feel it if it's on high. Have you tried any vibrators/massagers that plug into the wall, or have you only tried battery vibes?

One FB of mine once asked me, "What are you getting out of this anyway?" and I wish I could have said something like that. It was the first time my lack of sensitivity was brought up in that way and the question, especially at the time, left me dumbstruck and quite hurt.

And is this the same guy who remarked on the sensitivity of his previous lovers? He is saying more about himself than about you, that he's insecure. On the plus side, he really wants to please you. But still. He's an ass. He shouldn't have said it. MEN...don't ever talk about your previous lovers to your current lover! So are you enjoying it anyway? Like others have said, the journey is fun too, it's not always about the destination. There have been many times in my life when I didn't have an O, but thoroughly enjoyed the hell out of being pounded and tossed around like a rag doll.

Yep, arousal could be a bit of a problem. When I can get off it's only while watching quite a bit of porn. Good call.

I, too, cum much quicker when I've watched porn. You could be the type who is more visually stimulated than mentally stimulated.

What about the clit hood. How different is the sensation when you pull it back and stimulate the naked shaft?

You weren't asking me that but I just had to chime in and say...OUCH! That hood is there for a reason and even though I can't cum from penetration, I still don't like any direct touching of the clit, but find the hood & labia sensitive and love to have it fiddled with. But naked shaft or clit, no!

Ever dabbled with piercings?

Thought about it but decided against it due to worries of nerve damage in the hood.

What about bridging (fucking with his cock inside you and a bive on your clit)?

Interesting. Have you ever done it, did it work, and which positions have you tried?

 

[RawDog]

You weren't asking me that but I just had to chime in and say...OUCH! That hood is there for a reason and even though I can't cum from penetration, I still don't like any direct touching of the clit, but find the hood & labia sensitive and love to have it fiddled with. But naked shaft or clit, no!

First off, welcome to the forum!

Almost all the women I've been with have said the same thing about pulling back their hoods. I figured if sensitivity were an issue, maybe pulling the hood back would "normalize" the sensation.

One thing that I remembered recently was there was this one time my wife took a bit of cialis as an experiment. I wasn't expecting anything remarkable, but her g-spot and clit were both hyper-sensitive about 45 minutes after taking it. This may be another idea?

Thought about it but decided against it due to worries of nerve damage in the hood.

Yeah, it's the same reason a PA is getting less and less appealing. The downsides and possible irreversible risks are outweighing what little benefit may happen. I love my frenulum and don't want anything poking it.

Interesting. Have you ever done it, did it work, and which positions have you tried?

My ex came for the very first time with a cock (mine) in her vagina from that very method. (I just noticed my typo there, no idea what a bive is, I meant "vibe".) It's the same thing you mentioned earlier in your post about being able to rub yourself while he's inside you.

At any rate, the position I can do this the best with is with her lying back hanging on to her legs, and me sitting back on my legs inside her with my thumb rubbing her clit. Sort of like this, but me leaning back and my thumb assisting:

Folded Deck Chair Sex Position

Cowgirl is a pretty effective position for bridging too.

 

[Chaotica]

First off, welcome to the forum!

Thank you! :biggrin1: This thread compelled me out of lurkdom... btw I like your posts, you seem to go out of your way to be thoughtful and helpful.

Almost all the women I've been with have said the same thing about pulling back their hoods. I figured if sensitivity were an issue, maybe pulling the hood back would "normalize" the sensation.

It makes a certain amount of sense, but IME I need firm pressure in a circular motion AROUND the clit. I need some kind of a "shelf" to bump on and a man's pelvic bone isn't enough. I have tried a silicone ring with a vibrating bullet in it and it has never worked for me, but I just looked up other designs on Amazon.com where they have things sticking up that may work better. (I know you directed your advice at the OP but I'm chiming in because I have had similar problems.)

One thing that I remembered recently was there was this one time my wife took a bit of cialis as an experiment. I wasn't expecting anything remarkable, but her g-spot and clit were both hyper-sensitive about 45 minutes after taking it. This may be another idea?

Nice idea. I may try this.

Yeah, it's the same reason a PA is getting less and less appealing. The downsides and possible irreversible risks are outweighing what little benefit may happen. I love my frenulum and don't want anything poking it.

Yep. I am pretty sure that my hood is analogous to your frenulum.

My ex came for the very first time with a cock (mine) in her vagina from that very method. (I just noticed my typo there, no idea what a bive is, I meant "vibe".) It's the same thing you mentioned earlier in your post about being able to rub yourself while he's inside you.

Yep. Yet, I can't help but feel like I'm missing out because I always need fingers or a vibe. Ladies? Am I missing out?

 

[RawDog]

btw I like your posts, you seem to go out of your way to be thoughtful and helpful.

Aww, shucks. Thanks for the compliment. I have no special knowledge, just endless curiosity and an ability to communicate (written and verbal) without being embarassed.

It makes a certain amount of sense, but IME I need firm pressure in a circular motion AROUND the clit. I need some kind of a "shelf" to bump on and a man's pelvic bone isn't enough.

Which brings me to a thread that's been kicking around here...

http://www.lpsg.org/146526-orgasms-during-intercourse-c-v.html

My wife's extremely multi-orgasmic (vaginally, clitorally, etc.) and we've found out that her clit is less than an inch from her introitus. Thanks to AlteredEgo's feedback, we also realized that the thicker the cock, the closer the clit gets to the shaft. As it turns out, my wife's clit, at the thickest part of my cock, is pretty much rubbing on the shaft. I love my avatar for this very reason... Picture the clit much lower down, and that's what it looks like..

I have tried a silicone ring with a vibrating bullet in it and it has never worked for me, but I just looked up other designs on Amazon.com where they have things sticking up that may work better.

It's interesting that the bullet doesn't stick out far enough. We have something similar to this:

Amazon.com: California Exotics Triple Orgasm Erection Enhancer Cock Ring: Health & Personal Care

..and it used to be fine for my wife and then for some reason the virbator just seemed painful. Odd, but that happens to us sometimes. One week a position/motion hits all the right spots and then the next week, we can't find it anymore.

(I know you directed your advice at the OP but I'm chiming in because I have had similar problems.)

I've done exactly as you have on other threads as well, so you fit right in here.

Nice idea. I may try this.

As I've said before, it's not a magic bullet. I've heard other women say they didn't feel anything different.

Yep. I am pretty sure that my hood is analogous to your frenulum.

Which may explain why I can spend an extraordinary amount of time rubbing my frenulum on my wife's clit hood. The sansation probably is the same.