Any advice please?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by WesleyJ, Mar 3, 2009.

  1. WesleyJ

    WesleyJ New Member

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    right so im in this new relationship with this guy who is absolutly amazing and we just click brilliantly when we're together. the only problem is its a long distance relationship so i only get to see him for a few days every 3 weeks or so, the time we do spend together however is so good it's indescribable.. :rolleyes:

    anyway in the times when we're apart i find myself missing him like crazy and although i know he misses me too i cant help but feel that he doesnt miss me as much (i always overanalyze things but i can't help it!).
    this completely melts away when im with him cos he treats me soooo well and i just cant stop smiling when im with him. i have never felt this way before and felt so strongly for someone but in the times when we're not together i find myself getting A) depressed cos im not with him and B) paranoid because i dont think he's missing me as much (even though i'm sure he is!!)
    i dont want to keep saying 'do ya miss me do ya miss me etc' to him cos i dont want to be that annoying person, but basically im looking for any advice goin on how i should deal with the whole thing.
    thanks!!
     
  2. Gl3nn

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    Call him a few times a week and maybe you'll feel more secure.
     
  3. WesleyJ

    WesleyJ New Member

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    yeah we do talk and text during the week and are on msn and stuff aswell, but i still cant help feeling bad tho..
     
  4. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    It's called love man :smile:
     
  5. D_CountdeGrandePinja

    D_CountdeGrandePinja Account Disabled

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    Just be careful - been there!
     
  6. WesleyJ

    WesleyJ New Member

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    hehe awww :) i'm pretty sure it is love mate, for me anyways!
    i guess im just worried if he loves me back, cos i know he likes me.. but love?? hmm..
     
  7. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    Don't be, know the feeling, and the funny thing is, they love you, but rarely say it. :smile:
     
  8. WesleyJ

    WesleyJ New Member

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    ahh cheers dude that makes me feel much better!:smile:
    i hope you're right! he says he's never met anyone like me before and says im the only person who's ever really 'gotten' him and im like his best mate already also, although he'd had sex with guys before i was the first person to fuck him so i know that hes really really into me.
    its just aaarrgh i never thought it was possible to like someone so much its scary!

    (sorry if i seem like im going on, its just so nice to be able to talk freely about this!!)
     
  9. B_4inches

    B_4inches New Member

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    You are obviously caught up in an emotional roller coaster and I find its sometimes difficult to talk to people who have a question about that because they are constantly reacting emotionally. My only real adivce is to go with the good stuff but try to also reign yourself in emotionally simply so you can see whats what. I cant answer for you why you think hes not missing you as much as all Ive got on that is that its simply how you feel, get what Im saying? I cant comment on your feelings concretely and tell you if hey are founded or not cause well, I dont know either of you or your situation.

    On a somewhat related note and to no one in paticular, people now a days are constantly putting themselves in bad relationship situations because they wanna be liked and loved so badly. I mean there are scores of examples just on this board. Its okay to wanna be liked but I keep seeing people make really bad choices because they want it so bad and of course since thats the genesis of those feelings the emotions can be fickle and you can find yourself not feeling that way towards the person later or, find out you are no longer getting as much from that person as before, and not know why. And it can really hurt. All I can say to that is, guard yourselves. Love others of course, but guard yourselves. If you show love and consideration to others you might just inspire it in others but do it for thier sake not your own. Life as it so often does will take care of the rest but only if you are honest and faithful.
     
  10. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    Listen too him too, it's true what he is saying :smile:
     
  11. WesleyJ

    WesleyJ New Member

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    thank you thats really sound advice.
    i think writing these posts has helped me pinpoint what exactly it is that is irratating me. im a really confident outgoing person on the surface but deep down im insecure and feel like i need constant reassurance to validate that someone actually likes me. this would be satisfied, i think, if i lived nearer him and could see him everyday or every other day but because he lives far away its just not possible.
    im only back from spending a week with him and he's already booked to come over to see me again in 3 weeks so that has to mean something i suppose!
    any suggestions on how to reign myself in emotionally? cos you're right- i am on a bit of a rollercoaster!
     
  12. erratic

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    Hey OP.

    What you're trying to do is called mind-reading. Humans are incapable of reading other people's minds. I'm sure you believe this. If you do, every time you start wondering if he loves and misses you as much as you do tell yourself "I cannot read minds." Every. Single. Time. Write it down on paper, keep it in your wallet and look at it to remind yourself that, yes, you are certain that you can't read minds (some people find that having it in black-and-white makes it more effective). Do this long enough and consistently enough and it will become automatic. Every time you try to read his mind you'll remind yourself of how silly that idea is, and maybe you'll move on to the issue at the heart of it.

    If, however, you do believe that you can read his mind there is very little I can suggest that will help you. :)
     
  13. Florida Boy

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    Be careful. Long distance relationships are tricky. You get to focus on the good and in your mind heighten it. It has a tendency to warp your perception of the relationship. If you could be together daily, or nearly so, there would be more of a sense of reality about the relationship.

    I'm saying this, Not To Rain on your Parade or Feelings, but as a warning. In the meantime, i wish you all the good things possible in this relationship.
     
  14. D_season 5

    D_season 5 Account Disabled

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    as far as time..there is always one in a relationship that loves a little bit more..

    get use to it, don't smother him and move closer if he means that much to you.

    i did...i left my home, didn't sell it..meaning i never put it up for sale...and i bought a new place 3 mins walk from where he lives...
    going on 6 yrs..and i love him more as the days go by...and he too, loves me more, as he tells me when he whispers into my ear...

    all different kinds of love...the love of family, the love of friends, and the love of stranger in distress...and the love of ur life.

    in all these examples, there is always one who loves a bit more or is loved a bit more.
     
  15. mountainjew

    mountainjew New Member

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    awww, you sound a lot like me.

    do you live somwhere in the vast country of scotland?
     
  16. WesleyJ

    WesleyJ New Member

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    thanks so much guys for all your advice
    i tried to talk to him about how i feel and he said that to forward plan things makes him feel suffocated but he really likes me and wants to see more of me..
    he said that cos im an all or nothing kind of person that if he had to choose he'd pick all cos nothing would kill him. but then at the same time he's saying he doesnt know exactly what he wants..
    arghh my head is wrecked :(

    ps nope im not from scotland mountainjew
     
  17. mountainjew

    mountainjew New Member

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    haha, dayum was hoping you were my other half/thing/what ever my current relationship is called =/
     
  18. Andy1369

    Andy1369 New Member

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    Hate that feeling of being "ignored" so I definitely feel ya. My recommendation would be to give your relationship time to grow... and try to maintain more contact, but in a way that won't suffocate him, ya know? I suggest you two have a serious discussion about this and from there, decide what's the best strategy.

    Let us know how it goes! :)
     
  19. txquis

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    I have a success story in the "long distance" department.

    My partner and I were long distance for two of the 5 and a half years that we have been together.

    The time together is certainly easier/happier than the years where were hundreds of miles apart.
    There were times when we each went our separate ways and saw other people because the pressure was too great.

    But, it was all meant to be, and we are happy we stuck it out.
    It all takes patience and trust and commitment on both sides...and lots of serious conversations about where we stood and what we were both feeling.
    Good luck.
     
    #19 txquis, Mar 7, 2009
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2009
  20. WesleyJ

    WesleyJ New Member

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    seriously guys i really really appriciate all your sound advice!!
    ill keep everyone posted on how things go, but right now i'm feeling so bad about the whole thing i'm completely down and can't think of anything else. i know its not normal to feel this way but i cant help it. i wish i could jump forward a year and see how things are cos im so insecure at the moment :-(
     
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