Any females suffer from female orgasmic disorder?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Rommette, Jan 4, 2009.

  1. Rommette

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    I think I have it. Every time I have sex I never have an orgasm. It feels good but it never gets "very" good or even close to an orgasm. The thing is that I can have an orgasm with a vibrator but not with someone. So I was wondering has anybody on here ever suffered from it?
     
  2. nay-nay

    nay-nay New Member

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    one of my friends is like that. she had been sexually active for 3 years and still hadn't had an orgasm in her entire life (she was 20 at the time - she's 22 now). and then she used a massager and finally had one. but she can't have an orgasm during sex. she thought i was lying when i said i can make myself cum everytime i masturbate since she had never been able to achieve it.

    ...that must really suck. :frown1:
     
  3. ManlyBanisters

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    I can't say that I have suffered from female orgasmic disorder as defined on the various medical and psych health sites I have just read - but I do recall a time about 15 years ago (late teens into early twenties) when orgasm from intercourse was much, much harder for me to achieve than orgasm from masturbation.

    I have seen female orgasmic disorder defined on two sites as "a persistent delay in, or complete absence of, orgasm that causes the woman marked distress". I certainly never had any marked distress - just mild frustration and having to finish myself off with clitoral stimulation. This is not at all uncommon in younger women. Part of it is confidence - having the confidence to tell your partner that his 'skillz' are not doing for you and having both the self-knowledge and confidence to either direct him in how to stimulate you or to just take over and do it yourself (either while he continues to stimulate in another way or not).

    I found there were two keys that helped me orgasm during intercourse and the more often I did it the easier it became and the less reliant I was on those two keys. The first key was clitoral stimulation. It is extremely rare to find someone who can stimulate your clitoris with the same timing and precision as you can yourself - this is unsurprising as only you have the level of feedback (knowing what feels good) to do so. Masturbate yourself (with fingers or vibe, or whatever you do to give yourself an orgasm) during sex - bring yourself to orgasm while he fucks you.

    The other key I found was relaxing enough to fantasise while fucking. A very big factor in my orgasm when masturbating at that age was fantasy. Often when you are with someone else you will be concentrating on their pleasure as much as your own, and quite rightly too. An unfortunate side effect of that can be that you need to concentrate on them in such a way as it does not allow your brain to focus on the mental stimulation you may need to achieve orgasm. While having sex try having the same fantasy (fantasies) that you use when masturbating.

    Now you are not necessarily at all like me and the above may not apply. Those were my keys to orgasm from intercourse. But because you are able to orgasm from masturbation you know you are not inorgasmic. That's a good start - a great start. What you need to do is focus on what makes you orgasm from masturbation and bring that in to your sexual intercourse experience. Having a partner you know well and trust may not be vital, but I think it makes things a lot easier - especially one who understands that neither of you are failing if you don't orgasm.

    Good luck :smile:
     
  4. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    I come, but I do not orgasm from sex, ever. I can masturbate and have body shaking orgasms.
     
  5. Penis Aficionado

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    what about receiving oral sex? does that work?
     
  6. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    Nope.
     
  7. Penis Aficionado

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    That sucks. Could you have one of your body-shaking orgasms from masturbating if a hot guy were right there, maybe caressing you or kissing you? Or would that ruin it?
     
  8. Rommette

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    I too can have body shaking orgasms with my vibrator. Also, I have had enough partners to know its not them, its me. For some reason it seems to sort of worry my current partner like he's not doing something right. I wanna have an orgasm with someone. The weird thing is that every time i've had an orgasm with my vibrator it wasn't from penetration...its from rubbing in against my lips and near penetration. Don't get me wrong here, i've stuck it in before and it feels like it does when im with a guy (kinda good but nothing spectacular). I'm 20 and im already wondering if there is medication for this.....i always thought only old men had trouble during sex :)
     
  9. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    Yeah, and I've done it on webcam.. it's just during sex when it's a lost cause.
     
  10. AlteredEgo

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    If you'd asked me this some years ago I'd have said I was sure I did. For me, as I got older (now in my late 20's) I found that I was far more orgasmic, and could have the same strong orgasms I had alone with a partner. This definitely was no always the case.
     
  11. Rommette

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    I'll get there someday!
     
  12. meerin

    meerin New Member

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    I learned to orgasm in this order: from a vibrator, then from manual stimulation, then from oral and I'm still working on from penetration. Each way had a bit of a learning curve. I just kept at it 'till I got it (oh, the horror of pleasuring myself for hours until I came lol). It helped while I was figuring it out to use porn or fantasize a lot until I was extremely horny: seemed to happen quicker that way. It also helped to fantasize even while I was with my partner, just to keep the "wow, he's been down there awhile, is he bored, am I taking too long etc." thoughts from popping up.
     
  13. Principessa

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    Stop using the vibe! :rolleyes: Your problem is the female equivalent to when guys jerk off all the time then can't ejaculate with or in a woman. Men are great but even the best man isn't going to be able to move on and in you like a vibrator can.
     
  14. ManlyBanisters

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    I disagree, NJ. Do not stop using the vibe - if it makes you come and it feels good then why deny yourself.

    Instead try using the vibe in different ways as well AND use the vibe during sex. The orgasm you get from intercourse will be different from the vibe orgasm but you need to train your body (and your mind) to associate intercourse and orgasm. Bring yourself to orgasm with the vibe and then, as you start to cum, whip out the vibe and have him fuck you while you cum.

    The lack of orgasm during intercourse is not because the stimulation is not as good as the vibe, it is because she is not in the same relaxed state as she is with the vibe only. She's taught herself to cum with the vibe, now she can use that to teach herself to cum with a man.

    Besides, no orgasm I've had with a toy has ever been as good as the orgasms I have with my man.
     
  15. melis

    melis New Member

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    Not all women have vaginal orgasms; I tend to think you can learn it by practicing, though. Seriously. Take MB's advice:

    This worked for me. Work yourself up with the vibe as forplay - you can do it yourself if your guy likes to watch or let him do the job (of course, doing it yourself offers him the opportunity to see how you like it). When you are close, you let him enter - continue the clitoral stimulation with the vibe or your hand while he fucks you. I found my g-spot this way; take that as a bonus. Also, as MB says, the orgasms you can have with an actual person definitely beats vibe-gasms.

    Oh, by the way, you have years of wonderful sex ahead of you - relax and enjoy, trying to force is will make it harder :) Chances are you will figure it out way sooner than I did - I think I was 27-28 before I got it. (I know, I'm an idiot.)
     
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