jackinman: [quote author=SmallStuffButTall1 link=board=youth;num=1055913166;start=0#3 date=06/18/03 at 06:25:04]I mean like b/j's h/j's stuff like that! I thought you would have known that![/quote]
Hey Smallstuff, try to take a deep breath and relax a little. I understand that you're 13 y/o and your question might not have come out the way it did. But like Prepky mentioned don't go off an a tangent. We are all here for support ok. If you don't understand the answer that is given then just ask kindly if the person can reword it for you. As far as your quote above, don't automatically assume that everybody is net-savvy and knows what all the abbreviations mean. Yes h/j's and j/o's are pretty common but there may be others that everyone might not be familiar with.
So just relax keep posting and we'll all try to help you. ok buddy.
Hey Smallstuff, try to take a deep breath and relax a little. I understand that you're 13 y/o and your question might not have come out the way it did. But like Prepky mentioned don't go off an a tangent. We are all here for support ok. If you don't understand the answer that is given then just ask kindly if the person can reword it for you. As far as your quote above, don't automatically assume that everybody is net-savvy and knows what all the abbreviations mean. Yes h/j's and j/o's are pretty common but there may be others that everyone might not be familiar with.
So just relax keep posting and we'll all try to help you. ok buddy.
prepky: well smallstuff, i wasnt trying to be your boss...was just trying to point out some things that were in your posts...that we are here to help, but we can not help if you go around getting your boxers in a bunch, everytime someone tries to understand your question or qives you advice, which you was asking for...so my simple suggestion was....if you cant handle the answers, then maybe think real hard about how you are going to word your question, so that assumptions are not made, and you dont get upset over the answer...that is all i was trying to do.
Longhornjok: You're 13, don't stress about labeling yourself as anything just because you're curious. Maybe you're fascinated and you'll jack-off one bud and then say "hmmm, ok, cross THAT off my list" and never wanna do it again. Who knows? Be whatever you are, ok? On the other hand, when you're older, hopefully even if you're a 100% raging heterosexual, you won't be so quick to freak out if someone asks if you're gay. I know at 13 being called gay is one of the worst things kids do to each other, but it would be nice if adult society could move beyond that.
To address your actual original question, if you're interested in maybe just experimenting some with a friend, I would bet MOST of the time when that happens...
a) it is either alcohol (or mind-altering substance of choice)-fueled i.e., "wow, what happened, I was soooooo drunk last night" OR
b) someone starts something surreptitiously, under cover of darkness, usually when one or both parties are asleep or feigning same "when I knew my bud was asleep, I decided to try and feel his package and that led to so much more..." OR
c) you set up the ol' "we're both horny, let's jack off to my dad's porn tape" scene and take it from there OR
d) some combination of the above
In my case, it was option D.
On the other hand, your friend also has the right to refuse your advances, and maybe even cause you problems at school (as Dantesco mentioned), so I think it's best to just be chill and hang out and see what kind of vibe you get from your friend. If he's really cool, he might just say "thanks, but no thanks" and you move forward as friends from there.
Good luck!
To address your actual original question, if you're interested in maybe just experimenting some with a friend, I would bet MOST of the time when that happens...
a) it is either alcohol (or mind-altering substance of choice)-fueled i.e., "wow, what happened, I was soooooo drunk last night" OR
b) someone starts something surreptitiously, under cover of darkness, usually when one or both parties are asleep or feigning same "when I knew my bud was asleep, I decided to try and feel his package and that led to so much more..." OR
c) you set up the ol' "we're both horny, let's jack off to my dad's porn tape" scene and take it from there OR
d) some combination of the above
In my case, it was option D.
On the other hand, your friend also has the right to refuse your advances, and maybe even cause you problems at school (as Dantesco mentioned), so I think it's best to just be chill and hang out and see what kind of vibe you get from your friend. If he's really cool, he might just say "thanks, but no thanks" and you move forward as friends from there.
Good luck!
Javierdude22: wow...this has become a sad thread. So a 13 (!!) year old kid asks a question, maybe not put together politically correct (he's 13!!!) and instead of answering and being the support group this is supposed to be, you all make up his mind FOR him to tell him he's gay?
That exactly is what pisses me of...and especially from gay people who put words in your mouth simply cause THEY experienced that asking for this and that means youre this and that, and are all offensive about people maybe being hesitant to open up about their sexuality.
Again...HE'S 13!!!!!....
Let me open some of your narrow little minds people and tell you that enjoying a bj, or hj with a guy occasionally does NOT mean your gay, meaning you prefer guys, or whatever. It might mean you love being with girls in every possible way, but like the occasional (and if it more than occasional who cares) hj or bj.
And if the kid wants to deny it....then by all means let him, what the hell do YOU care? Again...HE IS 13!! I myself at 23 havent even figured it out, let alone him. Some people know at 13, some dont, some dont ever want to know.
So now we have a thread with 15 posts, half of which are from a 13 year old defending himself....logically....from a buncha grown ups and middle aged men telling him who he is what it means. And we have the amazing number of ONE post with an actual answer to the question.
Nice support group. Sad people sometimes.
That exactly is what pisses me of...and especially from gay people who put words in your mouth simply cause THEY experienced that asking for this and that means youre this and that, and are all offensive about people maybe being hesitant to open up about their sexuality.
Again...HE'S 13!!!!!....
Let me open some of your narrow little minds people and tell you that enjoying a bj, or hj with a guy occasionally does NOT mean your gay, meaning you prefer guys, or whatever. It might mean you love being with girls in every possible way, but like the occasional (and if it more than occasional who cares) hj or bj.
And if the kid wants to deny it....then by all means let him, what the hell do YOU care? Again...HE IS 13!! I myself at 23 havent even figured it out, let alone him. Some people know at 13, some dont, some dont ever want to know.
So now we have a thread with 15 posts, half of which are from a 13 year old defending himself....logically....from a buncha grown ups and middle aged men telling him who he is what it means. And we have the amazing number of ONE post with an actual answer to the question.
Nice support group. Sad people sometimes.
[quote author=Javierdude23 link=board=youth;num=1055913166;start=20#25 date=06/19/03 at 06:11:59]instead of answering and being the support group this is supposed to be, you all make up his mind FOR him to tell him he's gay?
[/quote]
But, Javier, he's not seeking support; he's looking for a way to suggest handjobs and blowjobs to friends without being perceived as gay. At least that's what it sounds like; he's never made it crystal-clear exactly what he's looking for. When he reads that it's pretty unlikely that it would be perceived as anything but gay, especially by 13 year olds, he gets defensive and belligerent. I'm sorry that he doesn't like the answers he's getting, but he did ask ... even if what it is he asked is still rather vague.
[/quote]
But, Javier, he's not seeking support; he's looking for a way to suggest handjobs and blowjobs to friends without being perceived as gay. At least that's what it sounds like; he's never made it crystal-clear exactly what he's looking for. When he reads that it's pretty unlikely that it would be perceived as anything but gay, especially by 13 year olds, he gets defensive and belligerent. I'm sorry that he doesn't like the answers he's getting, but he did ask ... even if what it is he asked is still rather vague.
[quote author=DoubleMeatWhopper link=board=youth;num=1055913166;start=20#27 date=06/20/03 at 09:36:42]But, Javier, he's not seeking support; he's looking for a way to suggest handjobs and blowjobs to friends without being perceived as gay...[/quote]
I'm with Javier on this one (he is seeking support), and in fact, I feel increasingly sympathetic to Small because, at 13, I was once in that situation. I'm sure many more of us, members here even, could probably relate even though no one's really speaking up here.
It sounds like Small is more than comfortable with the idea of being "experimental" with his peers, and perhaps he's frustrated because not only is it a difficult topic to bring up much less discuss with said peers, but because it seems as if we're mocking him when he's looking for a little bit of reassurance or confirmation.
Yes, Whopper, Dantesco, and whoever else chimed in... calling him gay like this...
[quote author=DoubleMeatWhopper link=board=youth;num=1055913166;start=0#8 date=06/18/03 at 08:12:35]If you're not gay, then why do want... (ed. my emphasis)[/quote]
isn't going to help his situation, irregardless of your own feelings during your specific periods of pubescent exploration.
Reinstating that such desires (i.e. handjobs and blowjobs from his friends) typifies gay behavior only sets the kid up for further anguish down the road; and though he's going through maturity now, I think people at 13 are way too young to start trying to figure out if they're gay, bi, transgendered, or whatever. Grow a little first! I know some people have grown to accept their sexuality at an early age -- good for you, but perhaps not good for everyone else, you know?
No wonder the kid was so vague about his question. I'm willing to bet that it took more than enough courage on his behalf to bring it up here, even though we're all but strangers.
Truth is, Small, there's not a whole lot you can do about this developing curiosity, interest, or what have you. It's good that you can accept this curiosity and you want to act on it in a seemingly healthy manner. Unless you know of a good friend who is also curious and that you can trust, you're pretty much out of luck though, sorry to say. I was lucky. I had a teenage buddy that approached me with the idea. Yeah, I thought it was strange -- and though I didn't outright call him gay, I knew messing around would stay a secret between us! -- but I went along with it. So, listen to Longhorn on this one. Maybe a friend might bring it up or make a move, and maybe not. Maybe you can ask a good friend of yours to keep a secret, talk about it, maybe do some stuff -- and again, maybe not.
In the meantime, don't let somebody (much less a stranger on this board) tell you something that you're not... in this case, that you're gay (or will eventually turn out that way) because of these desires. Again, it's a pretty common thing for teenage men to want to explore, and even the current statistics ignore just how many won't admit to it because of feeling ashamed.
I'm with Javier on this one (he is seeking support), and in fact, I feel increasingly sympathetic to Small because, at 13, I was once in that situation. I'm sure many more of us, members here even, could probably relate even though no one's really speaking up here.
It sounds like Small is more than comfortable with the idea of being "experimental" with his peers, and perhaps he's frustrated because not only is it a difficult topic to bring up much less discuss with said peers, but because it seems as if we're mocking him when he's looking for a little bit of reassurance or confirmation.
Yes, Whopper, Dantesco, and whoever else chimed in... calling him gay like this...
[quote author=DoubleMeatWhopper link=board=youth;num=1055913166;start=0#8 date=06/18/03 at 08:12:35]If you're not gay, then why do want... (ed. my emphasis)[/quote]
isn't going to help his situation, irregardless of your own feelings during your specific periods of pubescent exploration.
Reinstating that such desires (i.e. handjobs and blowjobs from his friends) typifies gay behavior only sets the kid up for further anguish down the road; and though he's going through maturity now, I think people at 13 are way too young to start trying to figure out if they're gay, bi, transgendered, or whatever. Grow a little first! I know some people have grown to accept their sexuality at an early age -- good for you, but perhaps not good for everyone else, you know?
No wonder the kid was so vague about his question. I'm willing to bet that it took more than enough courage on his behalf to bring it up here, even though we're all but strangers.
Truth is, Small, there's not a whole lot you can do about this developing curiosity, interest, or what have you. It's good that you can accept this curiosity and you want to act on it in a seemingly healthy manner. Unless you know of a good friend who is also curious and that you can trust, you're pretty much out of luck though, sorry to say. I was lucky. I had a teenage buddy that approached me with the idea. Yeah, I thought it was strange -- and though I didn't outright call him gay, I knew messing around would stay a secret between us! -- but I went along with it. So, listen to Longhorn on this one. Maybe a friend might bring it up or make a move, and maybe not. Maybe you can ask a good friend of yours to keep a secret, talk about it, maybe do some stuff -- and again, maybe not.
In the meantime, don't let somebody (much less a stranger on this board) tell you something that you're not... in this case, that you're gay (or will eventually turn out that way) because of these desires. Again, it's a pretty common thing for teenage men to want to explore, and even the current statistics ignore just how many won't admit to it because of feeling ashamed.
Longhornjok: Dee, there ya go! I tried to say something along those lines but you filled in my ellipses. ha The bluster and bravado that resulted from the initial responses here is exactly in line with what I might expect from a 13 year-old. Forget SmallStuff, who self-identifies as gay at 13??! Ok, other than Quentin Crisp. Actually, some incredibly self-assured kids might, but I would bet the vast majority don't - we just ain't there yet as a society. Adolescence is about exploring and discovering, so I don't think it's necessary to slap labels on 13 year-olds... if we have to label each other at all.
Okay, let's look at this:
Josh wrote:
and
Dee wrote:
Does it? I thought that's what Josh was suggesting as well. But Josh also wrote:
Okay ... so what was he asking? I still don't get his point. Apparently he's not saying that he wants to experiment with hs friends sexually. So he's actually saying ... what???
Dee further wrote:
Okay, maybe I shouldn't have suggested that the kid is an ass pirate. Bad Whopper. I know that there's more to being gay than certain sexual behaviour, but I don't think a 13 year old is really prepared for discussion of the psychological subtleties involved. What I'm not certain of is that there are large numbers of heterosexual men swapping blowjobs with their buds. Even in the spirit of 'experimentation', Sex between two males is, by definition, gay sex. Take prison rape: even if both the perpetrator and the victim are heterosexual, it is still classified as homosexual rape. So Josh might be straight; he might like girls, even if he can't spell it. But the act he is talking about is a gay act. Guys talking gay sex with their male friends are likely to be viewed as gay. I don't see a way around it.
Josh wrote:
and
Dee wrote:
Does it? I thought that's what Josh was suggesting as well. But Josh also wrote:
Okay ... so what was he asking? I still don't get his point. Apparently he's not saying that he wants to experiment with hs friends sexually. So he's actually saying ... what???
Dee further wrote:
Okay, maybe I shouldn't have suggested that the kid is an ass pirate. Bad Whopper. I know that there's more to being gay than certain sexual behaviour, but I don't think a 13 year old is really prepared for discussion of the psychological subtleties involved. What I'm not certain of is that there are large numbers of heterosexual men swapping blowjobs with their buds. Even in the spirit of 'experimentation', Sex between two males is, by definition, gay sex. Take prison rape: even if both the perpetrator and the victim are heterosexual, it is still classified as homosexual rape. So Josh might be straight; he might like girls, even if he can't spell it. But the act he is talking about is a gay act. Guys talking gay sex with their male friends are likely to be viewed as gay. I don't see a way around it.
yeah Dee you hit the nail right on the head man. Most of us here either haven't admitted it or won't admit it but at some time in our life we have messed around with a dude or whatever. Small don't be pushed into any corner or labeled anything at this time. You've got a lot of growing up to do... the same growing up that we here have done. I've done some freaky things in my youth but it's left there and it's a memory between me and my friends of that time. You're gonna be alright kid.... don't stress about this anymore.
[quote author=DoubleMeatWhopper link=board=youth;num=1055913166;start=20#30 date=06/20/03 at 16:34:20]What I'm not certain of is that there are large numbers of heterosexual men swapping blowjobs with their buds. Even in the spirit of 'experimentation', Sex between two males is, by definition, gay sex. Take prison rape: even if both the perpetrator and the victim are heterosexual, it is still classified as homosexual rape. So Josh might be straight; he might like girls, even if he can't spell it. But the act he is talking about is a gay act. Guys talking gay sex with their male friends are likely to be viewed as gay. I don't see a way around it.
[/quote]
Who cares if this is a gay act? I know you're all about proving that sexual behaviors hardly make up the whole of someone's sexuality, but when straight people participate in "gay acts," it seems as if you hesitate in calling them straight? I mean, that makes sense; you subscribe to a similar slant to the society that dictates such sexual norms anyway. Anything that's the least bit non-straight seems evidence enough to question how straight someone is... and that type of thinking makes you sound hypocritical. Okay, perhaps that's too strong a remark. But either way, it's unimportant.
"The no way around it" doesn't matter. His friends will probably think he's gay if he decides to wear a pink button-down or do anything that's considered the least bit "gay" to impressionable lads his age. That's how sexual norms work; be a man and conform to the heterosexual ones, or else. Asking them to participate in some sexual curiosity -- yeah, that's risky business too. That's why posters so far have commented on the importance of "feeling out vibes" and playing it cool. If something happens, then it happens. But if it does happen, it's crucial for him not to worry about whether or not "it" happening makes him gay.
[/quote]
Who cares if this is a gay act? I know you're all about proving that sexual behaviors hardly make up the whole of someone's sexuality, but when straight people participate in "gay acts," it seems as if you hesitate in calling them straight? I mean, that makes sense; you subscribe to a similar slant to the society that dictates such sexual norms anyway. Anything that's the least bit non-straight seems evidence enough to question how straight someone is... and that type of thinking makes you sound hypocritical. Okay, perhaps that's too strong a remark. But either way, it's unimportant.
"The no way around it" doesn't matter. His friends will probably think he's gay if he decides to wear a pink button-down or do anything that's considered the least bit "gay" to impressionable lads his age. That's how sexual norms work; be a man and conform to the heterosexual ones, or else. Asking them to participate in some sexual curiosity -- yeah, that's risky business too. That's why posters so far have commented on the importance of "feeling out vibes" and playing it cool. If something happens, then it happens. But if it does happen, it's crucial for him not to worry about whether or not "it" happening makes him gay.
Ineligible: Here's my take on it:
I think deep in the brain, we are probably all bi. Further up, some feelings get suppressed, but which ones, and how efficiently, varies. It also depends on circumstances: it's well known that where there are no women, many otherwise straight men start finding other men more interesting (though of course it's also likely that very many, perhaps most, 'straight' men are bisexual to at least some extent, even in normal circumstances).
When hormone levels zoom up at puberty, people find an intensity of feelings they hadn't known before. But the direction of those feelings is not always well-defined. Since people at that age spend far more time with their own gender than with the opposite one, it wouldn't be surprising to find that's the direction they are first interested in. It may stay like that, but it may not, and frequently doesn't. For that reason, I think it's unwise to put a label on someone at 13. Things are still settling out; the brain has yet to take in all the possibilities.
We also have to remember how bad the label 'gay' can be in middle school. The word is used as a general perjorative, and carries baggage of something utterly despised. This is wrong, but it happens widely. It's not surprising if a 13 year old resists that label with every fibre of his being, whatever his feelings. Indeed, the baggage of the word is bigger than the real meaning, and the statement "I am not gay!" might be translated "I am not to be despised!".
In any case, it's perfectly normal for boys at that age to do stuff with each other. At least, they did when I was in Scouts. Admittedly it wasn't as advanced as SmallStuff's suggestions, but perhaps that's just because young people are more knowledgeable about such things than we innocents were in my day. We didn't have access to porn on the Net. In my day (puts on quavering voice, wobbles Zimmer frame) a bare breast in a magazine was the height of erotica.
I think deep in the brain, we are probably all bi. Further up, some feelings get suppressed, but which ones, and how efficiently, varies. It also depends on circumstances: it's well known that where there are no women, many otherwise straight men start finding other men more interesting (though of course it's also likely that very many, perhaps most, 'straight' men are bisexual to at least some extent, even in normal circumstances).
When hormone levels zoom up at puberty, people find an intensity of feelings they hadn't known before. But the direction of those feelings is not always well-defined. Since people at that age spend far more time with their own gender than with the opposite one, it wouldn't be surprising to find that's the direction they are first interested in. It may stay like that, but it may not, and frequently doesn't. For that reason, I think it's unwise to put a label on someone at 13. Things are still settling out; the brain has yet to take in all the possibilities.
We also have to remember how bad the label 'gay' can be in middle school. The word is used as a general perjorative, and carries baggage of something utterly despised. This is wrong, but it happens widely. It's not surprising if a 13 year old resists that label with every fibre of his being, whatever his feelings. Indeed, the baggage of the word is bigger than the real meaning, and the statement "I am not gay!" might be translated "I am not to be despised!".
In any case, it's perfectly normal for boys at that age to do stuff with each other. At least, they did when I was in Scouts. Admittedly it wasn't as advanced as SmallStuff's suggestions, but perhaps that's just because young people are more knowledgeable about such things than we innocents were in my day. We didn't have access to porn on the Net. In my day (puts on quavering voice, wobbles Zimmer frame) a bare breast in a magazine was the height of erotica.
[quote author=DeeBlackthorne link=board=youth;num=1055913166;start=20#32 date=06/20/03 at 19:13:55] If something happens, then it happens. But if it does happen, it's crucial for him not to worry about whether or not "it" happening makes him gay.[/quote]
If he means this the way we're interpreting this, he's not worrying about whether or not it makes him gay; he's worried about people thinking he's gay because of it. There's a world of difference. Reread hs first post: "... without them thinking you were gay!" Regardless of one's actual orientation, people's perception follows you around. If he's out looking to give or receive blowjobs from his friends and word gets out about it, all the laughing and pointing isn't going to stop mattering to him simply because he knows he's really straight. We were all 13 once; some of us must remember what peer perception was like at that age. I do. To be labelled a 'homo' was a fate worse than death. If Josh is determined to score cock from his friends, so be it. I don't predict a joyous outcome or a liberating sense of self-discovery. But he's 13. He's going to do whatever the hell he feels like. And judging from his posts, he has a very unfortunate way with words, so he'll probably choose the worst possible way of phrasing it and end up being thought of as the class faggot. But he can take solace in knowing that they're all wrong; he's really straight. That's positive thinking.
If he means this the way we're interpreting this, he's not worrying about whether or not it makes him gay; he's worried about people thinking he's gay because of it. There's a world of difference. Reread hs first post: "... without them thinking you were gay!" Regardless of one's actual orientation, people's perception follows you around. If he's out looking to give or receive blowjobs from his friends and word gets out about it, all the laughing and pointing isn't going to stop mattering to him simply because he knows he's really straight. We were all 13 once; some of us must remember what peer perception was like at that age. I do. To be labelled a 'homo' was a fate worse than death. If Josh is determined to score cock from his friends, so be it. I don't predict a joyous outcome or a liberating sense of self-discovery. But he's 13. He's going to do whatever the hell he feels like. And judging from his posts, he has a very unfortunate way with words, so he'll probably choose the worst possible way of phrasing it and end up being thought of as the class faggot. But he can take solace in knowing that they're all wrong; he's really straight. That's positive thinking.
And having to fend off strangers online, enough so to feel like a scared animal in a corner, is positive... how?
Yes, he's not the greatest, most articulate poster in the world. And yes, he's curious and that curiosity can get him into some trouble, especially if he confides in a blabbermouth. And yes, teenagers are brutally judgmental as all hell -- they're fuckin' evil. That's all been established plenty.
There's quite the element of luck here. Maybe he'll find some other exploratory peer and things will take off naturally from there. It's just a huge expression of teenage hormones anyway; last I checked, kids can and do come out of the phase just fine, regardless of what particular "gay sex acts" they do.
And to you personally, hell, it couldn't hurt to feign a little optimism, alright? If you remember being 13 so well and remember just how much that 'fag' word hurt your feelings, then perhaps you would be a little more sensitive to the guy's needs, even if they aren't your own for once.
Yes, he's not the greatest, most articulate poster in the world. And yes, he's curious and that curiosity can get him into some trouble, especially if he confides in a blabbermouth. And yes, teenagers are brutally judgmental as all hell -- they're fuckin' evil. That's all been established plenty.
There's quite the element of luck here. Maybe he'll find some other exploratory peer and things will take off naturally from there. It's just a huge expression of teenage hormones anyway; last I checked, kids can and do come out of the phase just fine, regardless of what particular "gay sex acts" they do.
And to you personally, hell, it couldn't hurt to feign a little optimism, alright? If you remember being 13 so well and remember just how much that 'fag' word hurt your feelings, then perhaps you would be a little more sensitive to the guy's needs, even if they aren't your own for once.
Aside from your last remark that suggests that I'm a self-centered asshole, I actually agree with quite a bit of what you said in your last post. I hope it does turn out well for Josh, but at the same time I don't take it for granted that it will. Gay/bisexual actions/feelings and/or experimentations are explosive topics in the world of a 13 year old. I hated the word maricón (remember that I was in Cuba at the time), and though the word was never directed at me, I was terrified that I would be found out, labelled maricón and ostracised by the rest of my schoolmates. I really don't want that to happen to Josh; I don't know him well enough to dislike him that much. But he should be aware of the possibility of being burnt when he plays with fire. Geez, I'm glad I'm not 13 anymore!
7x6andchg: Me too.
Honestly though - the things one does at 13 are often forgotten by the parties involved...Josh, IMHO, needs to make sure that any experimentation he does (which is natural at that age) does not "get out" if he does not want the "teen machine" to smear his "rep"...and that same rep will not matter in 20 years if he is either (a) married with children or (b) a gay man. But it matters like we all remember now.
I think Ineligible's post is quite erudite and quite true...
7x6&C
Honestly though - the things one does at 13 are often forgotten by the parties involved...Josh, IMHO, needs to make sure that any experimentation he does (which is natural at that age) does not "get out" if he does not want the "teen machine" to smear his "rep"...and that same rep will not matter in 20 years if he is either (a) married with children or (b) a gay man. But it matters like we all remember now.
I think Ineligible's post is quite erudite and quite true...
7x6&C
Longhornjok: DMW, one of the reasons I responded on this topic is because in your first few posts here you directly challenged SmallStuff as to his sexual orientation. Yes, you mentioned what other 13 year-olds might think, but you went beyond that, practically goading him with "Call me crazy, but it sounds pretty gay to me..." and "Are you sure you're not an ass pirate?"and "If you're straight, why are you looking for other dudes to get your nut with?" I commend you when you say you only had concern about how SmallStuff or his actions might be viewed by junior high-age kids, but disagree with your earlier (entirely subjective) reading of what this curiosity says about him. Suggesting that adolescent curiosity about a particular sexual experience (which he apparently hasn't even had) automatically shifts a person into a specific orientation seems remarkably short-sighted coming from someone who has proven his erudite nature repeatedly on this board. Yes, many of SmallStuff's peers would have trouble making such subtle distinctions, but it's unfortunate that older and wiser minds can fall into the same traps.
Javierdude22: Look DMW, you say Josh has a bad choice of words....and maybe he does, but he's 13, you don't think about how to put things correctly at that age. But in all honesty i think your choice of words was a 'tad' worse, and simply rude. So Josh not using the correct words is not an excuse to go ranting one's own story.
On another note, i can tell you that all these nice little posts might have f-ked that kid up ok? Youre worried about his well being, but in the meantime the only ones to have called him gay upto now are not his peers, but people he asked for support. And not stating you answers clearly, not using the right words, and changing your questions or opinions, why would he have done that? Probably cause he got judgement for his second post. I think the problem with the world today is that we don't think about WHY others do things, that would help us alot. Try to place yourself in the other person.
He has desires, but cant express them, and maybe doesnt really want to either. But theyre there, what to do? T%heres two types of acceptance in this case, the acceptance from the outside world, and the acceptance within yourself. Im glad that for most the self acceptance is a set case, but try to realise that for some it is not. So even without the outside world coming into play, they might not want this themselves. At 13 you dont want to struggle with that, let me tell you. You''l age too quick.
But anyways, back to topic, Josh...its not an esy thing. To be honest, i think its best not to say or try anything yourself, cause then you risk that people might think: hm, thats strange. In many cases you'll have someone ask yóu, or the subject will come up somehow. In many cases girls tend to bring this up in a group (on holiday or so). And maybe subtally you can hook in somewhere. But, like Dee said, theres not much you can do at this point, and please, i think it's best not even to try. Put it in the freezer for a few years, then see if you styill want to, and how. So basically: don't think about it too much right now, just do your other things, and itll all work out fine.
On another note, i can tell you that all these nice little posts might have f-ked that kid up ok? Youre worried about his well being, but in the meantime the only ones to have called him gay upto now are not his peers, but people he asked for support. And not stating you answers clearly, not using the right words, and changing your questions or opinions, why would he have done that? Probably cause he got judgement for his second post. I think the problem with the world today is that we don't think about WHY others do things, that would help us alot. Try to place yourself in the other person.
He has desires, but cant express them, and maybe doesnt really want to either. But theyre there, what to do? T%heres two types of acceptance in this case, the acceptance from the outside world, and the acceptance within yourself. Im glad that for most the self acceptance is a set case, but try to realise that for some it is not. So even without the outside world coming into play, they might not want this themselves. At 13 you dont want to struggle with that, let me tell you. You''l age too quick.
But anyways, back to topic, Josh...its not an esy thing. To be honest, i think its best not to say or try anything yourself, cause then you risk that people might think: hm, thats strange. In many cases you'll have someone ask yóu, or the subject will come up somehow. In many cases girls tend to bring this up in a group (on holiday or so). And maybe subtally you can hook in somewhere. But, like Dee said, theres not much you can do at this point, and please, i think it's best not even to try. Put it in the freezer for a few years, then see if you styill want to, and how. So basically: don't think about it too much right now, just do your other things, and itll all work out fine.
