When I was in school in Boston in the early 90s, my uncle Richard (father's only brother) passed away from AIDS. Growing up I always liked the guy. He had a brutal and fantastic sense of humor and wit, was generally reserved but that guy knew how to party and was part of the Studio 54 scene in the 70s. We got along very well and he was very kind to me. However, in my severely republican and repressed WASPY family, my uncle was shunned and never spoken of and if he was spoken of or to, it was very cursory and brief. I remember as a child visiting his five story townhouse in the city for shopping and parties and he and his lover did visit our country house upstate twice.
When he was diagnosed it was a great sadness to me. While in college I went back and forth from Boston to New York to party and toward the end (I had no idea the end was so close) he stopped by my hotel to see me, but I was late getting back and missed him by fifteen minutes. As it turns out, that was to have been the last time we could have seen one another. I think he was disappointed but he was great and left an envelope of cash for proper partying in grand style.
A few weeks later I heard he was not doing well and I called him to say "Hang on, I will be on the next train to see you." His reply was "Jesus Christ! I'm not dead yet!" which made me smile because that was very much something he would say. As I was at the train station on my way to see him, his lover called me to say that he had passed away. That was my first and only loss of someone close to me from AIDS.
I wish I was able to know him better as a person. I was forbidden from being in contact with him by my parents because of his homosexuality. He was a connoisseur in every way - of art, achitecture, fashion, music, world travel, of life.
After his death, his lover visited me in Boston and I visited him in New York (without my family's knowledge of course).
I think it is heartbreaking that the family (not one) attended the funeral or party. I was not able to attend b/c of travel. I find it perfect that after his death, a huge costume ball was held to remember and celebrate him. I would like to believe that my uncle knew that I appreciated and valued him as a great person and I think after his death, his lover knew that I did care for him very deeply.
I miss him Uncle Richard.