Anyone else have difficulty having and orgasm? (Men)

[BRpope]

Title says it. Simply, it takes me a long time to cum. My main problem used to be that I didn't cum vaginally with my gf, but now I do...most of the time, it just takes a long time. Oral/hand takes forever and I only came once with out helping her out, and that time was with lots of lube and took a while. The main problem now, especially if she gives me oral/hand my penis is actually sore afterward since it takes so much effort to make me cum. And sometimes even after sex.

I thought maybe I masturbated too much on my own, but asked around and it seems like I masturbate less than all my friends. My friends said that a guy should cum at least once a day, any "truth" to that. If you count when I masturbate and when I am with my gf its maybe once every 2 days, depending if college is in session or not. Right now its not so I've seen my gf everyday and came 1-3 times nearly every day for about 2 weeks. And the only time I came from just her oral/hand was very recently.

So I am going to try and cum at least once a day and see if that makes any difference.

Am I just being "stupid" thinking this is a "problem". Because if i am please say so.

 

[vince]

How long does it take to orgasm? You said it takes a "long time". Can you put a number on that?

 

[BRpope]

during sex, probably 2 hours, sometimes more, sometimes less. Usually if its the more one, and we're both too exhausted to continue, and I'll help her finish me off.
Oral/hand not as long, but takes more "force" I guess would be the term.

 

[trentster]

It might be nerve damage. I would talk to a doctor about it, because it could lead to complications down the line.

 

[Ackers1967]

Do you take any antidepressents as these can have this effect? Talk to you doctor either way.

 

[Steve26]

It could be due to antidepressants, if you are on those -- they have well documented sexual side effects. I really doubt it's nerve damage.

It's probably just a touch of what's called "performance anxiety." In some guys this can cause erectile dysfunction and in others it can lead to difficulty reaching orgasm.

I had performance anxiety with symptoms similar to yours up until I was about 20. With time the issue went away on its own ... I think it just had to do with getting fully comfortable with my GF(s), with my body, and with sex.

In retrospect, one thing that did not help in my case was that my first GF (we were together when I was 16-18) put a LOT of pressure on me to cum when I could not. She meant well, but definitely didn't help matters any. If your GF is pressuring you the same way, maybe you could gently encourage her to lay off. If she thinks that your inability to cum is any reflection on her (as I think my GF erroneously thought), assure her that this is not the case.

I also put pressure on myself over it, thinking I was weird or dysfunctional for having this problem when most of what you read about with "timing" difficulties has to do with premature ejaculation. This surely also didn't help. I now think it's actually relatively common, so you shouldn't lose sleep over it.

I don't think it has anything to do with how often you masturbate. Back when I was 16-20, I was very much the opposite of you, jacking off 2-3 times a day, on average ... so I just don't think that is a factor here.

Good luck -- feel free to private message me if you want to talk further about this.

Steve

 

[BRpope]

I'm not on any antidepressants or any drug for that matter. Very light drinker as well.

My gf doesn't pressure me at all, if anything she assures me its a good thing. And to be honest its not that big of a deal anymore for me. I feel like perhaps its better I last longer. When I do cum during intercourse or if she's pleasuring me, she finds it more satisfying when I orgasm too. I'm not worried that its a problem with her since it takes me a while by myself as well and she's the only person I've came vaginally.

I was just curious if anyone else experienced this. Thanks for the responses.

 

[Big Al]

From Original post

You can improve your penile sensitivity by doing specifice exercises. A lot of men, through masturbation or vigorous PE, can decrease their penile sensory threshold. This is due to using a very tight grip. If you're having issues in this department, you can do a reverse "Stop and Start". Instead of the goal being to prolong ejaculation, you'll want to make yourself ejaculate quickly using as loose a grip as you can to get the job done.

Practice this exercise at least three times a week and refrain from masturbating with a tight grip. If you're doing PE exercises, use a small towel to cushion your grip for your stretches. You should see a noticeable difference in your sensitivity within two weeks.

 

[Wish-4-8]

I think a good test is too see how quickly you cum on your own. If you can make yourself cum in a reasonable amount of time without a problem, then the issue is a mental one. I have not issues cumming myself, but...

I had/ have this issue when I meet someone new. I takes me a while to cum the first time around. It has to be performance anxiety. It seems like I do not have the ability to mentally "let go" too quickly.

That being said, I dont believe I have ever had a woman make me come. I have never cum from just a blowjob. I have to help out in the end. BJ's are like my favorite thing too. When I have intercourse vaginally, about 90% of the time I have to be in doggy position to cum.

Earleir I freaked out thinking something was wrong with me. I even went to the school psychologist to get help. Unfortunatly, after a couple sessions, she was not going to help. She was facinated, but it did not help.

I also think part of the fear was I did not want to get a girl pregnate. I must of thought, or think, that if a woman can make me cum, she can manipulate the situation.

I eventually was able to cum easily with a girlfriend, (the third woman I had sex with) after 3 months into the relationship.

But to this day, I could not have a woman give me head and make me cum. Or to have her "ride" me and make me cum. If I aint doing, it aint happening.

My biggest fantasy is to lie back, have girl give me head and me blow my load on her face in under 10 minutes.

 

[suineg]

I had similar issues with my gfs in college. I did find however, not that this is your situation, the more into my gf I was, the faster I came. The gf I first lost my virginity to in college was the worst, I could get it on with her for 2 hours or more and then she would go down on me and I still wouldn't let it go. It got better the more we did it, but I never completely relaxed. I completely understand the sore dick issue. Now that I am happily married, a quick handjob from the mrs. has me cleaning up a minute later!

 

[ZOS23xy]

Sometimes I've had a woman or two I haven't orgasmed with. And often it's the woman who gets a little in the way, with "are you finished yet?" Nothing like a bit of bitter to move you along.

 

[BRpope]

thanks for the responses. Something that I have noticed is that after we have sex my penis is slightly sore. Sometimes more than less. My gf is... lets just say tighter than average. And I'm above average. So she said it may be because I dont go "in". I go in okay after the initial few minutes, just maybe half way or a bit more. But I thought that sounded wrong since its the head that matters, at least I feel that way.

Back to the soreness, today we has sex, I came in her. Took a bit, probably an hour and a half. My penis was fairly sore after. But a bit later one thing led to another and we had sex again. My penis was still a little sore, but wasn't really a problem. But for some reason my penis felt very sensitive and I came really quick, like 5 minutes. This has happened twice so far, so I'm wondering if there's anything to it?

I can cum in a reasonable amount of time by myself. I'd say 10 min, probably less if I tried to.

But like I said before, I've come to grips with this and I think I'm more than okay with it now. Frankly my gf thought it was weird that I was complaining that it took 2 hours of sex to make me cum. And I think I was/am overreacting. But thanks for the responses and any help.

 

[Symphonic]

I have your problem. My penis isn't sort though, but I orgasm once every blue moon with my girlfriend. I hear there are others like that. I go in two rounds, I cum in five minutes, or pseudo-cum, then I actually orgasm and ejaculate a lot after an extreme amount of time.

I can go for 4+ hours, but I've yet to do so without causing pain due to lube problems.