Anyone else have this problem?

SpoiledPrincess

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The fact that the OP states when he's jerking off alone he's pretty normal strongly indicates it's psychological in nature. He and his gf are both pretty inexperienced sexually so it would be quite easy for them to get it wrong and cause problems.
Communication is everything in a relationship, try going without actual penetrative sex for a while and learn how to please each other in different ways, sex shouldn't be about cumming, it should be more about what you do along the way.
 
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SirConcis

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If vaginal sex doesn't quite stimulate you enough to reach orgasm, have you tried to prolong foreplay to include a lot of direct stimulation of your penis , after which it might be much easier to get to orgasm while in her vagina ?
 

Jonesy98

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So far, manual and oral stimulation has the same effect on me... none. We worked into actual intercourse over a period of a year. Unfortunately I can't use the "my erection is proof of how good you are" b/c it usually dissipates at the most in opportune moment... I should really get back on the kegel train. I greatly enjoy the emotional connection I feel when we're intimate, and that really is enough for me, but she really wants to take me all the way.

Thank you all for contributing. I'll keep checking in and working on it. Thanks again.
 

dhsdad

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What kind of sensation do you have when you masturbate?

Cut out masturbation for a while if you can come easily with masturbation.

What is the most sensitive part of your penis? Is that part in contact with her vagina during intercourse? If it's not, perhaps a different position will help.

Are you circumcised? Do you experience pain on erection? Have you torn your frenulum before?

Ruling out any of the physical issues above...

When we're with someone we love, something happens to our semen, like in Dr. Strangelove it turns into a, "precious bodily fluid." You're sharing the most intimate part of yourself, essentially giving it someone else. At the moment of orgasm you're as vulnerable as you ever can be. You have to trust her completely in that moment.

Guys have two kinds of orgasms, the first is the one we all know, the basic jack-off orgasm where suddenly semen becomes a nuisance. You have this orgasm when you jack off, or have a quick hook-up where you don't really share anything. You're both there to get off. Hi you're hot, let's fuck, go baby yeah!, cigarette, was it good for you too? Need cab fare? Fucks like that are just better ways to masturbate. It's an essentially self-satisfying act.

The other orgasm is when you love somebody and using your body to express that love. That's something entirely different and extremely personal. Though the sensations are the same, the desire behind the act is something different altogether. You're shifting gears from just wanting to lose a load to sharing the most absurdly powerful thing you possess. As you approach orgasm so you approach ultimate intimacy. You have to bare yourself for a moment in such a completely open way that it can be frightening. In that sense, your release of semen is the deepest thing you can reveal to someone. Afterwards when you look at her, you can know that physically and literally, part of you is in her.

First search yourself and your soul. Go someplace alone and think very seriously about your relationship and where you stand. Is part of you feeling guilty? Are you unsure about where this is going? More particularly, do you want to love her more than you feel you do? This last part is really important because it can be the impediment to intimacy.

Next I suggest that you forget about orgasm altogether. Focus sex on pleasing her and allowing her to reach orgasm. Go into sex expecting not a thing for yourself knowing that when or if it happens it's OK.

I've had this issue before and at a very young age, younger than you are now. I didn't get over it with the particular girl I was seeing because she was wrong for me no matter how much I wanted her. I'm not saying this girl is wrong for you, but the intimacy issue is intertwined with inorgasmia providing everything else works fine.


Yeah..you cock is used to manual and you need it to get accustom to her box. Take a week of so off of jerking and you should be fine.
 

the_reverend

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so you can orgasm just fine from jerking yourself off...which means it's nothing mechanical (which is good). i think it could mostly just be psychological. i've had those issues with oral sex, though never intercourse (i DID encounter problems climaxing with condoms that were too small, but as you noted that's not going to help you here...besides which, she actually really enjoyed watching me jack off for her to finish. lol).

beyond solutions to the immediate problem, i can speak to the emotional and psychological impact on the relationship because i've been there. most of us, men and women, are raised with a certain sense of goal based accomplishment. in sex, that means that orgasm=success and many of us hang our sexual identities in our ability to get our partner off (i know i've done this, and still continue to do it from time to time). the thing you have to do is continue to reassure her, not only in word but in deed, that you find her sexy and desireable. take it back to basics if you have to and just make out for extended periods of time. don't even take each other's clothes off, just communicate it all through kissing and touching. show her your passion and lust in both physical and emotional ways. so that while you're doing your own soul searching and self examination, she can feel desired and worthy as a sexual creature regardless of whether you cum or not

just a thought.
 

invision99

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ive had the problem of not being able to finish. it stopped happening when i switched to magnum xl's. everything else I used(magnums, ultra thin) got way to tight and would cut off circulation.
 

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Take it easy. Time will take over. Never worry about orgasm. You can also increase the pre-play, then fore-play and finally insertation. In my youth I often shot off very quick. It takes time to develop the perfect level of sexual activity so that you both can love every moment. Please be aware that an orgasm timed so you both climax at the same time is the ultimate goal, one worth working for, but seldom happens.

Perfection and the goal of achieving it, is what keeps me going, going, and going.

Enjoy life and never look back on the bad times. The future is always anticipated with fun.
 

B_ScaredLittleBoy

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I have to fuck someone really hard until I cum. If I can't do that then no bj or hj will work and I have to masturbate myself, but I like to do this with the girl lay next to me, with a hand on my cock and with me rubbing her pussy til we both cum at the same time or at least in quick succession.

Some tips:

Don't masturbate for ages and build up the horniness
Just enjoy the feeling/don't think is she enjoying it/what if I Cum too soon etc
Try some mutual masturbation as foreplay.
 

Jonesy98

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What is the most sensitive part of your penis? Is that part in contact with her vagina during intercourse? If it's not, perhaps a different position will help.

Are you circumcised? Do you experience pain on erection? Have you torn your frenulum before?

Well, its been over 1 year now since our first time, and still no progress.

I just saw that there were some questions I never answered, so I'll address them in this bump.

Generally, my penis isn't all that sensitive. If I lube my palm, place fingers underneath the head and stroke my palm over the top side of my head (an away from the body stroke) I feel a lot of sensation, but it usually makes me pee. I've used this to try and empty my bladder after reading up on female g-spot information, but more and more pee will work its way out, even if it's only a trickle.

I am uncut. I don't feel pain when I am erect. I have never torn anything.

I rarely masturbate these days, and it's still not any easier for me to climax when I am with her.

Again, any help would be appreciated.
 

Ed69

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You could try a visit to a chiropracter.Sometimes when my lower back is messed up it pinches nerves and makes my dick numb. It make it almost impossible to ejaculate other than through rough masturbation for me.Usualy after an adjustment I get instant wood and it's hyper sensitive.
 

PinkSteel

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maybe your cock is too used to masturbation?
When I want to cum I sometimes just position myself over top of her with only my cock in her and the only thing touching her. Then i pull almost all the way out (with the underside of the knob being the most sensitive).
then just slow down and move in and out at your discretion.
A co-operative girl will allow you to be in control, others just start moving on thier own.
I find this will allow my cock to want to cum and then i just get back to pounding and Kaboom!
What i'm really saying here is , try something different , be inventive, find out what works for you and let it happen.
(dont' be selfish though, during this time also you'll get an idea what your works for your partner, so focus on that as well at times)
The ulimate goal is for both of you to cum at the same time.
(but with all my experience, I'd say... Good Luck with that!)
 

Jonesy98

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bumping again... any help would be GREATLY appreciated...

I'll definitely try the Chiropractor when I get a chance.
 

Ed69

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bumping again... any help would be GREATLY appreciated...

I'll definitely try the Chiropractor when I get a chance.[/quote]

If it does not work,no harm done.For 40-50 dollars you get a hot oil massage and your back readjusted.But if it does work for you the results will be evident the same day.:smile:
 

Jonesy98

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Bumping again... anything would be great... even knowing that somebody had a friend with the same problem would help me out.

In a few days it will be 2 years since I lost the V-card, and I still can't have an orgasm unless I'm touching myself, and it's still just as difficult now as it ever was.
 

amygdala

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So it's been about 2 years and the only girl you've been with is her? Or have there been others? When you used to masturbate, was it such a challenge to reach orgasm? Do you use condoms with your gf? Have you tried faking your orgasms for her sake? (since you've stated repeatedly that pleasing her is good enough for you).
 

Jonesy98

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No condoms, can't feel a thing with them on, and what's the point anyway... nothings gonna come out. She is the only one I've been with. Masturbation alone is not nearly as difficult as it is with her present. I have faked one... I tried and tried and was too exhausted to go any further... I was about to puke.
 

vince

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I have this problem a sometimes as well. It's seems that, for me, when I worry about her pleasure too much and start the conversation in my head about "How can I get this women off?", "How can I please her?", "What does she like?", or "Am I hurting her?", I have trouble ejaculating. Even happens if she is orgasming! Weird, I know...

Mostly, it has happened when it's the first time with a partner. I guess it's a form of performance anxiety.

What I do now, is realize that this is happening and try to forget about her pleasure and get selfish about it. Turn it into MY pleasure.

Being unable to ejaculate often happens if I edge the orgasms while getting a bj and later fucking. I'll have the intense 'dry' orgasms which I love, but if it goes on for too long, like 3 or 4 hours, then I'll have a really hard time getting to the final climax. I have to bare down and really go at it intensely for a long time, maybe 20 minutes.

My advice would be to be more selfish about your own pleasure for a while. Once you get more comfortable having sex with her, it will become easier to orgasm in that nice warm fuzzy cocoon of mutual giving/loving.

edit- Sorry, I just read the second page of your thread. I didn't realize this has been going on for two years! See a doctor or sex therapist.

There are sensitizing lotions that might help with the lack of sensation in your dick.
 
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D_Andreas Sukov

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my god this has been troubling me alot. ive only done it 3 times and i havent cumed once. im certain its coz i cant come coz im worried about pleasing her. she says at this point she cant feel anything, and its wierd, i was her 1st aswell and basically im almost sure its this and when the wierdness turns to pleaure which we asssume happens then i guess ill be able t cum when i can see shes having a good time. but i just read if u wank alot you will find it hard to cum and im so scared this is me. i wank everyday and i cn only come if i go fast and well is it due to my wakning? or just my desire to please?