Anyone experience this?

[Principessa]

I meant what we find attractive is influenced by what other people find attractive. Just look at different cultures throughout time. Whether that influence is 10% or 50% I don't know.

In N_P's situation, her boyfriend appears to get turned on only by knowing that other men want her, so that accounts for almost 100% of why he is attracted to her.

I know, that's why I don't think talking about it will change him.

On the other hand, maybe he is turned on by the fact that she is willing to do sexual acts with other men for his enjoyment. Meaning it's not so much that he likes to see other men want her, but the fact that she is doing something that other women wouldn't be willing to do. So in his mind it shows how much she likes him.

He can't get aroused by just looking at her, he needs to see her with another man, which makes this a fetish. The fact she has been fearful of sharing her fantasys with him screams UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP to me.

 

[B_boynextdoorkpt]

I have never been in a relationship, BUT, I think if one or the other is not getting what they need, then the relationship is bad. You cannot step out or invite in, if you are satisfied.
Just my 2 cents,

 

[Chick&2DicksUK]

Our situation is similar but different.

I like seeing Suzie enjoy herself and she can be a bit of a handful for just one guy. It takes forever for her to cum, so tag-teaming allows us two guys to take a break from our exertions and Suzie finds sucking while fucking particularly pleasurable to the point that when enjoying double-penetration or two-in-her-pussy, her only complaint is that her mouth is inactive.

She knows that I find the whole naughtiness a turn-on and our trust in each other's feelings towards each other is actually the stronger for our arrangement.

Also, there is no gay-play on the part of the guys, with us.

If either became uncomfortable with it though, we would stop. Period.

And we only enjoy such "less traditional" sex occasionally. We enjoy a great one-on-one sex life and if that ever began to suffer, the first thing we'd do is curtail that other aspect of our sexuality and take stock of the situation, hopefully.

Certainly, neither would do or expect the other to do anything we didn't enjoy - let alone feel comfortable with.

You might wanna take a break from your threesomes as it seems it could be taking its toll on your relationship. If he's not happy with this then you're probably with the wrong partners.

Hope that helps some.

 

[Mule]

It's a complex situation, but then, all human relationships tend to be complex. That is why frank, honest, open communication is the most important aspect to any successful and long-lasting relationship. It may sound cliché, but you and he have to talk about this at a fundamental level where you can both discuss your deepest feelings, fears and hopes. Only then will either one of you decide if the relationship can continue as-is or after some kind of alteration that you both agree to.

 

[Not_Punny]

I feel like giving you a hug puny...you are a beautiful woman w/lots to offer...dont sell yourself short. Do your self a favor and spend some time working on you...he'll want you then when he sees with a little clearer vision. No offense but, he sounds like an asshole.

Long distance * hug *

Yes, I need to spend some time working on me. (Isn't that what pedicures are for??!!) (j/k - I do know what you mean)

 

[Not_Punny]

Our situation is similar but different.

I like seeing Suzie enjoy herself and she can be a bit of a handful for just one guy. It takes forever for her to cum, so tag-teaming allows us two guys to take a break from our exertions and Suzie finds sucking while fucking particularly pleasurable to the point that when enjoying double-penetration or two-in-her-pussy, her only complaint is that her mouth is inactive.

She knows that I find the whole naughtiness a turn-on and our trust in each other's feelings towards each other is actually the stronger for our arrangement.

Also, there is no gay-play on the part of the guys, with us.

If either became uncomfortable with it though, we would stop. Period.

And we only enjoy such "less traditional" sex occasionally. We enjoy a great one-on-one sex life and if that ever began to suffer, the first thing we'd do is curtail that other aspect of our sexuality and take stock of the situation, hopefully.

Certainly, neither would do or expect the other to do anything we didn't enjoy - let alone feel comfortable with.

You might wanna take a break from your threesomes as it seems it could be taking its toll on your relationship. If he's not happy with this then you're probably with the wrong partners.

Hope that helps some.

Yeah, well, if we didn't live on opposite sides of the pond, I'd probably be over there taking lessons from Suzie! The different between us is that she does it for her own enjoyment. I do it for someone else's. And I'd like to have a bit more of her attitude.

Although I will say that I completely agree with her on liking to have my mouth occupied while...

 

[Phil Ayesho]

I think you are fairly young and clearly in your sexual prime...

Men, however.. age differently. "stepping it up" in a relationship is fairly common among men of a certain age as it seems to take more intense stimulation to get the same level of response.

Some men philander strictly for the thrill of getting caught... Some delve into extreme sexuality...

But its not necessarily anything to do with being tired of you.

Men's sexual capacities and response fall off after 30. Their testosterone level is falling... the circulation is not as good as it was... blood pressure climbing... a whole host of things that, eventually result in some level of erectile dysfunction in the majority of men.

Its the reason viagra and cialis are making billions of dollars for pharmaceutical companies.

Men can combat this by getting into things even more intensely stimulating...
Novel sensation that they are not accustomed to... situations more mentally stimulating than physically stimulating. But as Anis nin wrote... exotic flavors spoil the palate for ordinary ones.



Having a similar sexual background to your SO, I can tell you that he may only now be coming to grips with his early homosexual conditioning. There is literally nothing that can be done about those experiences and their effect.

If allowed by you... his forays into three-ways will begin to involve more direct sexual contact between him and the other man in the situation.

If this is exciting for you, then fine... but if this is a direction you don't want to travel in... then either you, or he, are faced with a very hard choice.


One choice is to have a less sexual life with a man you love and who loves you... but who gets his sexual jollies in other ways...

Or- it might not even be a problem... as he and you age the sexual drive may simply taper to the point of it no longer being an issue.

Or... you could look for just one other man to include in your relationship that will help your SO explore his homosexual issues... and satisfy you by being a person with more of an emotional connection than the random strangers...

Or... you can ask to end this 'phase' and he may be able to transition to simply having less sex... or to taking cialis to improve his sexual responsiveness.

I do not indulge my homosexual fantasies because I am faithful to my woman... it is easy for me because I had already HAD those experience... already dealt with the effect of what happened to me....
Perhaps your SO can make that accommodation as well...having been there and done that.

But the issue really comes down to how much does the sexual component matter to your happiness in a relationship?

Is he worth your staying in other ways... even if sex is something no longer present?

If not... you owe it to yourself to do some serious self examination...
If you really are a hermit... leaving might well mean being alone the rest of your life...

Or it might enable you to blossom in ways you never had the freedom to explore...

only you can determine these things about yourself.

You need to figure out a way to be happy, to be content...

It could mean changing your attitude...

It could mean changing your address.


But the best advice is to ask yourself, in contemplating any future path... "is this a path with heart?"

Follow the path with heart.

 

[Not_Punny]

It's a complex situation, but then, all human relationships tend to be complex. That is why frank, honest, open communication is the most important aspect to any successful and long-lasting relationship. It may sound cliché, but you and he have to talk about this at a fundamental level where you can both discuss your deepest feelings, fears and hopes. Only then will either one of you decide if the relationship can continue as-is or after some kind of alteration that you both agree to.

We've tried talking. But obviously not adequately. I feel that if I can come to terms with it MYSELF, and be clear about it MYSELF, then I'll be able to have better communication about it.

It really helps to gather different people's viewpoints, which is one factor that makes LPSG so very useful.

BTW, he says that the drive would only take 45 minute after rush hour. See what I mean -- he WANTS me to go. What to do??!!!

 

[yngjock20]

...Meantime, my guy is what I call "part-bi" -- he was sexually abused as a kid by his stepdad who used to make him suck his cock. A lot. Anyway, sucking cocks became part of his sexual wiring, and he enjoys talking about sucking cocks. He also, occasionally and very rarely, sucks a "clean cock" (e.g. a married man). Usually while the two of them are looking at photos of me or talking about double tagging me.

(I know, weird.)

Now, I'd much rather he suck a married man's dick than chase other women. Especially since he's in the public eye a lot, he's really good looking and women frequently pursue him.

Yes, yes, you say -- why don't I just leave him?

(edit)

...Will he ever want ME again?

Or am I doomed to forever courting other men in order to get MY man to look at me?

Well, speaking from some experience with unfortunate sexual wiring, it may be a factor of his past getting the best of him.

It's really difficult to work backwards from a negative sexual experience that happened in your formative years because it causes one to have nothing to base their own feelings on but that which they are "programmed" to desire.

I feel like you know that his heart is yours, but of course you have that sexual desire and need to feel like you are the one who is his only means of arrousal.

What I think is that you are, it's just as I said previously, that his past is getting the best of him. When you try to engage him without any other stimulus, he is distant and barely affectionate...even though he probably would like to show you the same level of affection he does when that sensitive spot is triggered in his mind (i.e. the part-bi factor).

NP, as difficult as it may be to stand at such a crossroads; it may be neccessary for your emotional help to end this level of your relationship to your husband. You can show him your love by admitting that you care for every inch of his being, but cannot allow him to continue down this road. While I don't know him personally, I know that people in this situation have either snapped out of it, or repressed themselves; or gone even further to swithching sides to trigger the emotions they have.

You can stay in the relationship, but I personally don't believe that it will reverse itself. Ending the marriage doesn't mean you have to end your relationship, but of course you know that already.

I 1,000% wish you the best of luck in the coming days to both of you and hopefully, there is a silver lining or something wonderful happens for the both of you.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

PS- It is also possible that he is gradually becoming more gay than straight. You need to ask yourself if this could be the direction things are going and where you would stand if he ever came to that determination...

 

[Not_Punny]

I have never been in a relationship, BUT, I think if one or the other is not getting what they need, then the relationship is bad. You cannot step out or invite in, if you are satisfied.
Just my 2 cents,

Thanks for the comments, sweetie. :wink:

 

[Not_Punny]

I think you are fairly young and clearly in your sexual prime...

Men, however.. age differently. "stepping it up" in a relationship is fairly common among men of a certain age as it seems to take more intense stimulation to get the same level of response.

Some men philander strictly for the thrill of getting caught... Some delve into extreme sexuality...

But its not necessarily anything to do with being tired of you.

Men's sexual capacities and response fall off after 30. Their testosterone level is falling... the circulation is not as good as it was... blood pressure climbing... a whole host of things that, eventually result in some level of erectile dysfunction in the majority of men.

Its the reason viagra and cialis are making billions of dollars for pharmaceutical companies.

Men can combat this by getting into things even more intensely stimulating...
Novel sensation that they are not accustomed to... situations more mentally stimulating than physically stimulating. But as Anis nin wrote... exotic flavors spoil the palate for ordinary ones.



Having a similar sexual background to your SO, I can tell you that he may only now be coming to grips with his early homosexual conditioning. There is literally nothing that can be done about those experiences and their effect.

If allowed by you... his forays into three-ways will begin to involve more direct sexual contact between him and the other man in the situation.

If this is exciting for you, then fine... but if this is a direction you don't want to travel in... then either you, or he, are faced with a very hard choice.


One choice is to have a less sexual life with a man you love and who loves you... but who gets his sexual jollies in other ways...

Or- it might not even be a problem... as he and you age the sexual drive may simply taper to the point of it no longer being an issue.

Or... you could look for just one other man to include in your relationship that will help your SO explore his homosexual issues... and satisfy you by being a person with more of an emotional connection than the random strangers...

Or... you can ask to end this 'phase' and he may be able to transition to simply having less sex... or to taking cialis to improve his sexual responsiveness.

I do not indulge my homosexual fantasies because I am faithful to my woman... it is easy for me because I had already HAD those experience... already dealt with the effect of what happened to me....
Perhaps your SO can make that accommodation as well...having been there and done that.

But the issue really comes down to how much does the sexual component matter to your happiness in a relationship?

Is he worth your staying in other ways... even if sex is something no longer present?

If not... you owe it to yourself to do some serious self examination...
If you really are a hermit... leaving might well mean being alone the rest of your life...

Or it might enable you to blossom in ways you never had the freedom to explore...

only you can determine these things about yourself.

You need to figure out a way to be happy, to be content...

It could mean changing your attitude...

It could mean changing your address.


But the best advice is to ask yourself, in contemplating any future path... "is this a path with heart?"

Follow the path with heart.

I always love your posts.

And you have made some Interesting observations here.

I really do feel like I need to give him free reign to pursue his bi side. Although I would prefer he do it out of my sight -- I'd probably have a hissy fit if I had to watch him play with someone else. I really have no fear that I would lose him to another man.

Interesting that you mention it -- I would LOVE to have a stable "other man" -- one that I had a mental connection with. Although if there was an M-M aspect, I'd prefer not to witness it until I felt secure enough.

Most people frown on that sort of thing. But it would be extremely useful to me on many levels.

 

[Principessa]

Interesting that you mention it -- I would LOVE to have a stable "other man" -- one that I had a mental connection with. Although if there was an M-M aspect, I'd prefer not to witness it until I felt secure enough.

If you can get the type and quality of sex that you need from another man along with an emotional connection, Then why would you want to stay with this schmuck? :12:

Most people frown on that sort of thing. But it would be extremely useful to me on many levels.

Really? Why is that? I'm not condemning, I just don't understand why that would be helpful to you.

 

[Not_Punny]

[/i][/b]
Really? Why is that? I'm not condemning, I just don't understand why that would be helpful to you.

Many levels, QT:

-- I hate break ups. I get debilitated. This way, if I lose one, I still have the other and it won't be anywhere near as bad.

-- My guy travels a lot. It can be quite lonely without him.

-- It would indulge the sex-with-another-man fantasy is a safer manner.

 

[Not_Punny]

PS- It is also possible that he is gradually becoming more gay than straight. You need to ask yourself if this could be the direction things are going and where you would stand if he ever came to that determination...

I don't think he'll ever be completely gay. He says he doesn't have the urge to fuck another man or be fucked by one. His "gayness" seems to revolve entirely around his childhood experiences: him sucking his stepdad's cock.

I might puchase a viagra or cialis and see what happens...

 

[Not_Punny]

Well, speaking from some experience with unfortunate sexual wiring, it may be a factor of his past getting the best of him.

It's really difficult to work backwards from a negative sexual experience that happened in your formative years because it causes one to have nothing to base their own feelings on but that which they are "programmed" to desire.

I feel like you know that his heart is yours, but of course you have that sexual desire and need to feel like you are the one who is his only means of arrousal.

What I think is that you are, it's just as I said previously, that his past is getting the best of him. When you try to engage him without any other stimulus, he is distant and barely affectionate...even though he probably would like to show you the same level of affection he does when that sensitive spot is triggered in his mind (i.e. the part-bi factor).

NP, as difficult as it may be to stand at such a crossroads; it may be neccessary for your emotional help to end this level of your relationship to your husband. You can show him your love by admitting that you care for every inch of his being, but cannot allow him to continue down this road. While I don't know him personally, I know that people in this situation have either snapped out of it, or repressed themselves; or gone even further to swithching sides to trigger the emotions they have.

You can stay in the relationship, but I personally don't believe that it will reverse itself. Ending the marriage doesn't mean you have to end your relationship, but of course you know that already.

I 1,000% wish you the best of luck in the coming days to both of you and hopefully, there is a silver lining or something wonderful happens for the both of you.

Thanks so much for your insights, YngJock20.

I don't believe this is a path to homosexuality. I honestly think he's, like 20 - 30% bisexual.

Because of some work we've done together, we will always be connected. Whether we will have a sexual relationship forever -- well, that remains to be seen.

I would LIKE it to continue if I can somehow see/feel my way to a sense of security.

So thank you for your good wishes.

 

[B_dumbcow]

Whatever happens, here is a big :hug: and a :kiss: from the cow...

 

[Not_Punny]

Whatever happens, here is a big :hug: and a :kiss: from the cow...

:wave2:resent: :smile2: :kiss:

 

[Chick&2DicksUK]

I think you are fairly young and clearly in your sexual prime...

Men, however.. age differently. "stepping it up" in a relationship is fairly common among men of a certain age as it seems to take more intense stimulation to get the same level of response.

Some men philander strictly for the thrill of getting caught... Some delve into extreme sexuality...

But its not necessarily anything to do with being tired of you.

Men's sexual capacities and response fall off after 30. Their testosterone level is falling... the circulation is not as good as it was... blood pressure climbing... a whole host of things that, eventually result in some level of erectile dysfunction in the majority of men.

Its the reason viagra and cialis are making billions of dollars for pharmaceutical companies.

Men can combat this by getting into things even more intensely stimulating...
Novel sensation that they are not accustomed to... situations more mentally stimulating than physically stimulating. But as Anis nin wrote... exotic flavors spoil the palate for ordinary ones.



Having a similar sexual background to your SO, I can tell you that he may only now be coming to grips with his early homosexual conditioning. There is literally nothing that can be done about those experiences and their effect.

If allowed by you... his forays into three-ways will begin to involve more direct sexual contact between him and the other man in the situation.

If this is exciting for you, then fine... but if this is a direction you don't want to travel in... then either you, or he, are faced with a very hard choice.


One choice is to have a less sexual life with a man you love and who loves you... but who gets his sexual jollies in other ways...

Or- it might not even be a problem... as he and you age the sexual drive may simply taper to the point of it no longer being an issue.

Or... you could look for just one other man to include in your relationship that will help your SO explore his homosexual issues... and satisfy you by being a person with more of an emotional connection than the random strangers...

Or... you can ask to end this 'phase' and he may be able to transition to simply having less sex... or to taking cialis to improve his sexual responsiveness.

I do not indulge my homosexual fantasies because I am faithful to my woman... it is easy for me because I had already HAD those experience... already dealt with the effect of what happened to me....
Perhaps your SO can make that accommodation as well...having been there and done that.

But the issue really comes down to how much does the sexual component matter to your happiness in a relationship?

Is he worth your staying in other ways... even if sex is something no longer present?

If not... you owe it to yourself to do some serious self examination...
If you really are a hermit... leaving might well mean being alone the rest of your life...

Or it might enable you to blossom in ways you never had the freedom to explore...

only you can determine these things about yourself.

You need to figure out a way to be happy, to be content...

It could mean changing your attitude...

It could mean changing your address.


But the best advice is to ask yourself, in contemplating any future path... "is this a path with heart?"

Follow the path with heart.

If only LPSG could have influence on the Nobel awards.

You're very enlightened and extremely erudite.

Maybe there should be a "Knobel" award.

There's many points in your post that deserve taking note of and to comment on them all would be only confirming them. Such would just end up ultimately long and boring.

If, as N_P states, she's not wholly against sharing/being shared (either &/or other), it might be a compromise to fix on just one guy and have a semi-polygamous relationship with her S/O and the other guy that she enjoys.

N_P, like Suzie, finds she can do what many (whether male or female) can't - which is to share or be shared and agrees that she positively enjoys it, to a point, and more importantly, provided that her "normal" sexual relationship is unaffected.

What we (by we, I mean Chick&2Dicks) have found is that occasional three-way sex fits in with our lifestyle perfectly (and we're currently considering another female &/or another guy, that are not connected as in being a couple - not particularly at the same time, either - it's simply because Suzie would enjoy 3 guys and the boys would hardly object to another female).

But the thought of either one of us being just passed onto the next person, like another food course, is not for us quite yet (but never say never - LOL).

Good post, mate.

Sorry N_P to be relating our own experiences so much, but it's our only point of reference.

PS. If ever you're "over the pond" :wink:.

And Suzie couldn't teach you anything at all. You can't teach or learn this stuff. Just have to feel your way but do what YOU want to do, with thoughts for your S/O.:smile:

PPS. Did we say, if you're ever over the Pond:wink:? :biggrin1:

 

[Phil Ayesho]

I don't think he'll ever be completely gay. He says he doesn't have the urge to fuck another man or be fucked by one. His "gayness" seems to revolve entirely around his childhood experiences: him sucking his stepdad's cock.

I might puchase a viagra or cialis and see what happens...

He can say that now... and I am certain he means it... but as with normal sexual contact... as the cocksucking becomes something far more common and less intellectually novel... he may be driven to more extreme sensations... he might not... but a lot might hinge on your reaction to it... If seeing him suck another man creeps you out... that is a tempering effect...
His expression of never wanting to get fucked by a guy may in part be due to subtle cues you send about how you feel about the idea...

...however, if you developed an ability to enjoy seeing him service another man ( which would probably be necessary for you to really feel good about the 3-way situation long term) then he would begin to feel safer about further experimentation.


I think a full time third partner would certainly have to be either someone Bi... or someone willing to dominate your S/O via the blowjob thing... There are men out there who have no problem screwing a guy and still feeling straight.

But it would, ideally, have to be someone you both felt affection and closeness to.

The pitfall is that this might well backfire... He may well be unable to deal with your having actual feelings for another man...

Its something to discuss with him in any case...



In the only couple I have ever known make this work the wife turned out to be turned on by seeing her husband take it from another man.
She had sex with the both of them, or either of them, only twice a week. But her husband was servicing the other guy daily.
But the guy came about as a man her husband had the initial relationship with..
that is, she didn't bring him into the relationship, he did. But it turned out to be a guy she really could click with.
Her husband's prior connection to the guy made the jealousy issue moot.


If you have a problem with his homosexual side that you don't feel you can get around... then it may be time to start circulating your resume... that is... looking for more than just another guy to please you husbands need... but looking for a replacement guy.



As to the drugs.... some men do not respond to one or the other... so if you donlt get a good response with viagra, try the cialis, or levitra.

I can tell you from my own experience that cialis makes me feel like I am 30 again, in terms of how I respond to sexual cues... doesn't spring a permanent boner... just makes things stir, and stay stirred, more the way they used to...

But its important to note.... its not usually an issue of lack of interest... its the biology of Nitrous oxide and how it affects the nervous system.

Women should know that what may seem like inattentiveness, or a lack of passion is often simply the man trying to avoid sexual situations for fear of poor performance.

Its not psychological, not anxiety... its a leaky hose that doesn't hold pressure like when it was new, no matter how much you want it to.


If that is part of his problem... then the blue pill may be revolutionary to your relationship.

If he can respond the way he wishes he could, without the extra-intense stimulation of forbidden ground... then this fetish of his may abate and become less prominent.