Anyone have an anger problem? I do.

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by ssongs, Jan 26, 2009.

  1. ssongs

    ssongs Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2006
    Messages:
    172
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    44
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Jacksonville (FL, US)
    Hi, everyone. I have a history of anger problems. I was been sent to anger management when I was in the Navy, which didn't work because I quit going to them. I was getting angry at the lady who ran them. Now I'm sitting in my living room and I'm just observing the damage I did last night. There's a coffee mug shattered into at least one hundred pieces on my kitchen floor, a bent broom that has the sweeper part missing from it, an empty bottle of bourbon (that's surprisingly in one piece) several new holes in my wall, three blinds ripped of my window, a broken lamp, everything knocked off my coffee table, two wheels separated from my computer chair (from throwing it), a broken Xbox controller, and some food is missing because I get the munchies when I'm angry. I'm amazed that my plasma TV isn't broken yet. Doesn't have a scratch on it, thank God.

    How can I control my anger? I almost turn into the Incredible Hulk, except I don't wake up in a field somewhere wearing ripped purple pants. And it's not the fact that I was drinking that caused this. I get angry when I'm sober too. I guess it's just the stress in my life piling up on me. When I got laid off last month and was on winter break from school, I had zero responsibilities to worry about. I actually went a few weeks without getting angry. But now that I have a new job (going back into the Navy in March) and I'm worried about my weight and my future, it can be the littlest thing that sets me off.

    But fortunately these outbursts only happen when I'm alone, not when there's other people around. I've never struck anyone because of my anger. But I have hurt myself though. I've cut my hand on glass, cut my hand from punching through a wall, I'll throw something and it'll bounce off the wall and come back and hit me (almost as if my appliances were getting back at me). I need to stop this before I end up seriously hurting myself or, worse, a loved one (mainly my cats).

    Can anyone share some stories or some ideas? Thanks for reading!
     
  2. goodwood

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2005
    Messages:
    1,804
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    36
    Location:
    Dallas/Ft. Worth, Texas
    ssongs -
    thanks for sharing.
    i don't have nor have ever had an anger issue, but one woman i was involved with did have anger issues - which to be fair, she told me about up front. I had never heard of anger issues and had no idea what they entailed until one day she literally mis-heard what i said and went cuh-CRAZY! Screaming and throwing things. and i was like WTF?! and she screamed that i knew she had anger issues. i replied that i didn't realize that her anger would be unleashed on me for something that i didn't cause.
    This was my first first-hand exposure to someone with anger issues.

    i encouraged her to see doctors, counselors, therapists - anyone i could think of. she was able to get on some kind of medication - what i can't remember - but it seemed to level her off all the way around so she didn't have these extreme bursts of anger. Is it possible that you could be bi-polar? has this possibility been investigated? just off the top of my head i wonder if there might be a chemical imbalance that could be leveled out?

    Aside from anger management classes, what else have you tried, what courses have you tried to determine and diagnose exactly what the problem is? This is a great issue. Thanks for sharing.
     
  3. Principessa

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    19,494
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female


    Anger Management Treatment Options - What Is Available For You?

    By Mike Eltis




    If you're looking for an anger management treatment but don't know exactly what to go for, you've stumbled upon the right article. Here I'll relate for you the best options you have to learn anger management skills and techniques, and to finally get your excessive rage under control.

    Anger Management Treatment Options

    1. Therapy - One of the most common treatments is to seek one-on-one therapy with a psychologist. This may indeed provide impressive results but you need to be aware that this is an expensive option as you need to pay per session. This will also take some time to see results.

    2. Support groups - Going to Rageaholics Anonymous or a support group like that it is a good idea and I highly recommend it for maintenance purposes after you get your anger under control. To learn to control your anger with a support group might take time and will also require you to expose your personal life in front of other people.

    3. Anger management courses - There are some courses for anger management techniques. If you live in a large city there should be one or more nearby. These will cost a little less than therapy and usually take a few weeks to months in order to complete. These can be good. You need to examine each one specifically as the effectiveness of these courses is dependent upon the quality of the organization which administers them.

    4. Anger Management Hypnosis - Hypnosis is an excellent option to treat your excessive anger. Hypnosis can bypass the subconscious mind and get into the root of the problem. It can also help you plant suggestions inside your psyche which will help to keep you calm at all times.

    5. Anger Management Books - These are some Anger Management books on the market. Some are good, some are useless. There are also digital books which can be found online and these are often surprisingly effective. If you're a person who likes to read and apply what you learn, then a book may be the best option for you.
    I hope this article helped to open your eyes to the variety of anger management treatments which are open for you. Don't let this condition take hold of your life. You deserve better. Good luck.


    IMO, you need to find a different therapist or maybe try hypnosis or a combination of the two. This is no way to live your life. I'm sure the people around you have noticed but are just too scared to say anything. :redface:






     
  4. ssongs

    ssongs Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2006
    Messages:
    172
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    44
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Jacksonville (FL, US)
    Thanks for the tips guys. I'm sure other people have noticed my anger, njqt466. It's pretty obvious when someone comes over and there are holes in my walls (I usually patch them up though. I'm getting pretty good at that!) It makes for an awkward moment when a date comes over. I can usually get away with saying my roommate and I were drunk and got into a fight.

    And, goodwood, I never have considered the possibility that I might have bi-polarism. I'd rather not have to go see a counselor or a doctor but I think it might come to that. I guess there's no easy fix for this like I had originally hoped for. The good about the Navy is that I can get support and treatment for FREE!
     
    #4 ssongs, Jan 26, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2009
  5. n2_packers

    n2_packers Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2009
    Messages:
    59
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    It's round on the ends and high in the middle
    This is a very unfortunate side effect... you end up cutting people out of your life. I know that when I've seen someone go into a rage, I distance myself from them. I don't want to have it directed at me somewhere down the road.

    I think it is great that you are asking these questions. I would suggest talking to a trained therapist or going to a support group. You may just hear something or say something that makes it click. Having an understanding of the source of your anger is a great tool for getting past it. There may be some sort of cycle or pattern of thinking that needs to be interrupted. Unresolved anger and isolation often lead to depression, hopelessess and more unresolved anger and isolation.

    Since this is a state you have felt yourself in before, I suspect it is more than the present stress you're under. That is likely just the trigger. When I'm stressed, I find doing something physical lengthens my fuse. I'll go hit a heavy bag or take a hike or a swim (nature and water soothe me too).

    I hope you find a way to work through this. Keep us postd on you're progress. Sometimes it helps to be accountable to someone, even if it is someone who's on a website to check out your cock. :cool:
     
  6. D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead

    D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2008
    Messages:
    8,978
    Likes Received:
    11
    Hey ssongs, I had anger stuff that I had to deal with as part of larger issues I had to take responsibility for and deal with.

    Congrats on having the guts to admit you got shit going on you want to fix. Therapy is a great idea, and let that anger energy make sure that your therapist(s) give you the very best they got.
     
  7. Skull Mason

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2006
    Messages:
    3,101
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Dirty Jersey
    what are you really covering up with your drinking and emotional tirades
     
  8. ssongs

    ssongs Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2006
    Messages:
    172
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    44
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Jacksonville (FL, US)
    Thanks a lot guys. I don't have many friends here in Phoenix, especially after my roommate moved out (not because of me), and it's good to talk to someone.

    n2_packers, sometimes when I get angry I go to the gym and I calm down significantly. I'm really surprised how much strength I have when I'm angry and I can literally see that when I'm lifting 50 pounds more than usual. But then when I calm down I can't lift that much without hurting myself. I swear I'm the Hulk.

    Kotchanski, thanks for sharing your story. I always throw the nearest thing in sight and I have gone through countless remote controls, game controllers, mouses, and keyboards.
     
  9. D_Portelay Porquesword

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2008
    Messages:
    3,107
    Likes Received:
    5

    This is what went through my mind in reading your post.
    Maybe now you are ready to face the answers to those questions?
     
  10. ssongs

    ssongs Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2006
    Messages:
    172
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    44
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Jacksonville (FL, US)
    I don't know. Maybe that I'm not happy with my life? I mean I live in a nice place, I have nice things, I'm a talented musician, I'm not poor, I'm healthy, I have family that loves me. I am over weight, but not fat. I don't know what I could be covering up.
     
  11. Skull Mason

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2006
    Messages:
    3,101
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Dirty Jersey
    is that a motif stand on the left in your gallery pic?
     
  12. Principessa

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    19,494
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    Maybe you need some pussy. :biggrin1:
     
  13. ssongs

    ssongs Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2006
    Messages:
    172
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    44
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Jacksonville (FL, US)
    Ha ha I DO need to get laid. It's been, like, more than a year. And that's a music keyboard stand in my gallery pic.
     
  14. D_Pubert Stabbingpain

    D_Pubert Stabbingpain Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2007
    Messages:
    2,194
    Likes Received:
    8
    Well, as much as I appreciate njqt466's options, you are going back into the Navy so, unless they send you back to anger management *and you stay there* those options won't work.

    You have a good sense of humor (The Hulk) so you have that going for you and perhaps you can find a way to always find a humor to help you out of your anger.

    Most of the times I have been angry at the point that I wanted to throw something was usually due to my inability to communicate my feelings to someone or I am frustrated with my own inability to do something. My anger would all come out at once because I had previously pushed it down instead of dealing with it.

    Through the years, I have practiced taking a deep breath and swallowing hard and trying to speak what I am feeling and what is on my mind. Getting in touch with how I actually feel inside and learning to express it at all times is not at all easy and takes a long time.

    When I am alone, the key for me is recognizing the anger (or sometimes fear) and physically removing myself from where I am at the moment and doing something else physical. So, if I feel the emotion rising up in me, I have learned to stop whatever I am doing and get out of the house. Any type of physical activity will help me, running, biking, even walking. Basically, just getting out of my own mind.

    I thought I had this "cornered" until I found myself unemployed during the holidays. Holidays always bring up all kinds of shit and not working this year it was more difficult to get my mind off of it, I had to "deal" with it, emotionally. It was a very rough time but I came through it.

    Most of this crap is from when I was a child and had no control over my environment. I won't go into all the personal stuff but those feelings are just left over "baggage" that is no longer relevant to my life. Recognizing it when it happens, feeling it, and then consciously choosing to not "act out" with anger because what I am feeling is no longer valid for me is the key.

    And yes, it often happens when I am alone and this last one because I felt that I had been "abandoned." It was stupid as there was no one to be abandoned from! It is all old childhood crap for me.

    It is not easy and it means being "on my toes" for the rest of my life. But, knowing what causes how I feel deep down inside and then how to communicate that feeling to myself so I can get through it and communicate my feelings to others so it doesn't get all pushed down inside is what I have to do.

    If I can't get out of the house when I feel the anger rising, I put on a DVD (a copy of The Hulk is good!) and just let him express my anger. I really like a good action film when I feel like I could kill the world. That seems to work for me sometimes.

    One last thing ssongs, you say that this happens even when you are not drinking. Alcohol is a depressant, that is a fact. I could never get to the root of what was happening in me as long as I had any substance in my body that suppressed my ability to think and feel. I don't even drink coffee anymore and I have to be real careful with caffeinated soft drinks as they screw with my nervous system, keep me awake at night, and then adversly affect me the next day. Crazy stuff, huh?

    The fact that you have reached out here proves that you are ready to start the process. If you can't do it alone, and most of us can't get your butt back in a group. I don't like it when other people try to "psychoanalyze" me. It makes me feel like I am being probed by an alien. When they do it, I tell them. If that is how a group leader makes you feel, you need to tell them that. But you have to take that first step.

    Best wishes navigating your own internal roller-coaster. I have found that looking at all of life that way actually helps a lot. :smile:
     
  15. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2003
    Messages:
    28,013
    Likes Received:
    725
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    the pain behind your eyes
    Uh, a more constructive rather than destructive outlet might suit you. Either that or try meditation.
     
  16. rbkwp

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2007
    Messages:
    29,267
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1,919
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Auckland (AUK, NZ)
    Always had an anger problem when younger..up to 35/45 odd....(dont have it now tho fortunately) .developed when i used to have fights with my Older brother .. i think
    Was mainly an 'internal' anger where i could vent/shake my body for 20 mins or so..or the Death stare at someone.. and then calm down/was not into the physical and/or throwing smashing things biz.
    Stood me in GOOD Stead when older .. and with the types of Jobs i had
    |Working with all manner of persons i was able to PRETEND to be Real Angry..and that was more often than not enuf to quell a potentially nasty situation .. worked a treat often

    Sorry i cant offer any suggestions ssongs...but i geuss with your being around heaps of Navy folk most of the time that will possibly assist you
    Know it may sound stupid...as we all want/need time alone often..but geuss you can perhaps try and be with buddies as often as possible huh?
    Have worked with a few folk who have succesfully got onto a relatively small dosage of meds to help control such tantrums ssongs..it works especially well i have found when a person can recognize WHEN he needs them...not just a routine daily intake
    Make useo f them Navy Drs..get them to refer you to there specialists...use them to the MAX for your needs i reckon.
    Dont worry about yr weight either matey..you know you will lose it in the Navy huh??
    -aahhh time alone i Treasure immensely ..so i geuss we are direct opposites in that respect.
    ALL the Very BEST matey.would really like to know how you cope with it all later in life.
    enz
     
  17. HazelGod

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2006
    Messages:
    7,531
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The Other Side of the Pillow
    I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem...that is to say I'm surrounded by them.
     
  18. lucky8

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2006
    Messages:
    3,716
    Likes Received:
    17
    Gender:
    Male
    I have thrown ashtrays through walls, kicked holes in walls, punched holes in walls and doors, and one time threw one of my guitars through a window...slight anger problems when I'm drunk...to say the least
     
  19. Skull Mason

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2006
    Messages:
    3,101
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Dirty Jersey
    I know, I was asking you if it was a motif (type of keyboard).

    I suggest you start working out a bit more and getting fit. Upgrade yourself as a person, make it a goal to become a better you, which will help you get laid. Pick up a book on spirituality and/or the ego such as A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle and you may find out where exactly this "anger" is coming from. Your outbursts seem egoic in nature, after all, you are only impressing yourself or some part of your mind with them.

    Reading and perspective can help with a lot of things.
     
  20. invisibleman

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2005
    Messages:
    9,976
    Likes Received:
    39
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Carolina

    I admit that I have anger issues. I am a blue sky with a sun and a few white clouds...but when things tip to being unfair...then it is red moon, torrential deluges, thunderstorms, hail, lightning, and maelstroms.

    Anger is when you have a lot of frustrations that aren't being expressed. You should be able to express yourself. Whenever you have a lot of frustrations in your life, you have to counterbalance those frustrations with some good positive things.

    I think that you have to start monitoring your emotions. And when you find that you pickup stuff...STOP. And get away from whatever is making you angry. If it is people making you angry, you should tell them to leave or stay away from them for a while. Or you could go to a room where you designate as an angry room where you have walls that are protected and padded. And you have big cardboard box of old magazines. Pillows. Foam balls. Pictures of people you hate. You can go there and throw magazines. Rip the pages. Throw the foam balls and pillows. Curse people out from A-Z. Yell. Scream. Cry. You do whatever you do in that room. Never allow your anger to be expressed outside that room.

    Whenever you are angry outside of your angry room. Always make an appointment to go to your angry room and express your emotions at a later time.

     
Draft saved Draft deleted