Anyone tried match.com?

helgaleena

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Because women on free dating sites are more likely to be on there just to see what kind of attention they get (I'm NOT saying they're all like that, just more likely). Women who are paying for a dating site are probably more serious, overall, about actually meeting people. That's my hypothesis anyway.

I joined match.com today with the free 3 day trial. The first message I sent got a response. Good start, we'll see what happens in the long run though.

OkCupid will still be there after your three days. Patience, grasshopper. :tongue:
 

shyyguy123

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I've been on OkCupid for over a year and 1/2. I think that exhibits plenty of patience lol...

I'm gonna add my profile in hopes that you guys will critique it (mainly the women, I want to know what kind of stuff creeps into their mind when reading it).

I give you my OkCupid profile. It's almost identical on both match and pof:




My self-summary I'm not really interested in dating right now but I've been fortunate enough to meet some interesting people via this website so I'd love to keep that going. And If I really like you I'm not opposed to things developing further, but just friends for now.

I used to be painfully shy and I hated it. I decided to do something about it and have been forcing myself into uncomfortable situations (like meeting up with women I don't know from okcupid) the past few years. It has definitely helped as I am wayyy less shy than as little as 3 years ago. It's still work in progress though and probably always will be.

Apparently I'm not TOO socially inept though because everyone I've met on here has wanted to hang out again after the 1st meeting. =]

I live with my lesbian sister, her lesbian friend, and her straight guy friend. Sometimes I feel like I'm living in The Real L Word (yes I've seen that show haha). But they're all cool and it's definitely interesting being able to observe different lifestyles.

I love sports. College football is the greatest sport on earth. I'm a die hard Gator fan (yes even when we suck like this year). I definitely have a nerdy side though and I still attend video game tourneys occasionally. My motto in life is dessert first. I honestly can't go a day without eating some kind of sweet. I love cake. I tend to label myself as an observer. I like to watch and see how people interact with each other.

I'm not extremely into the bar/club scene but I do dabble in it every once in a while (yah all my pics are from the rare times I do go out). Especially if it's been a long day/week. The pub crawls downtown are really fun too.

I am observant, a little shy, and open

The first things people usually notice about me People who know me well tell me I look different every day. Probably because my hair never does the same thing twice, even with the same haircut.

People who don't know me, I have no idea. Depends on the setting I guess.

The six things I could never do without College football
Cake
Electricity
College football
Any other type of sweet
Family

I spend a lot of time thinking about What I'm going to eat next.

Past regrets so I don't make the same mistake twice.

Why gum commercials have gotten so strange over the years.

On a typical Friday night I am Shakin my butt somewhere.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit A girl I met on here stole my clothes. Yah I'm serious. If you've got a similar story I'd love to hear it lol.

And another girl made me look at naked women (no not her) for about 30 minutes the 1st time we met. Luckily for her I didn't mind too much.


I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18-30
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends


You should message me if - You like to meet new people.
- You're a girl that's not afraid of messaging a guy. =]
- You don't take yourself too seriously.
- You like cake.
- You're not out to steal my clothes!

Or if you have any crazy ideas about awkward social situations I can throw myself into, or if you'd like to join me in them.




What do you guys think? Women, what crosses your mind when you read that?
 
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AlteredEgo

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My first thought is there is too much allusion to the other women/people you met online. While I like that you immediately make it very plain exactly what you are looking for, I don't want you to rehash your flaws (extreme shyness) with me; I'm a stranger. I just (maybe) want to fuck you. Tell me your fine points. I'll learn about your shortcomings on my own. Or, who knows? You may be able to hide some of them from me forever. A sentence about shyness is fine if you feel it is so much a part of you that women need a disclaimer. But you have a whole paragraph about working on shyness. For me, a major attractor is a man's confidence. Disclaimers negate any perception of confidence.

How can you improve that? Instead of shyness, I would talk about a desire to expand my horizons (as you mentioned earlier in this thread) and how the woman reading your profile could contribute to that. Maybe talk about some things you want to try out together. Try to use sensual descriptions. Sensual, NOT sexual.

Lastly, while nothing in your profile made me laugh, or even smile, it still came across that you are a man with a good sense of humor. In fact, that was my favorite thing. I don't know if your profile would have made me want to initiate contact with you, but it certainly would not have prevented me from responding to a message you sent me.
Good luck!
 

shyyguy123

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Thanks for the critique.

I've always figured my whole shyness spiel probably turns a lot of women off when reading my profile. A lot of women think shyness equates to a socially awkward men with no confidence. I'm definitely curious as to how my results would change were I to remove the shyness part all together.

If I were to leave a sentence in about being shy how should I go about it? I want women to know I'm still kind of shy but I don't want them to interpret it as low confidence.
 

AlteredEgo

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Won't they figure out you're shy when you talk to them? Leave it out of your profile. No one needs to know everything about you up front. When actually talking to a woman, you can tell her then that you are slow to open up around new people.
 

shyyguy123

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No, they probably won't figure it out on the initial date/meetup.

My social skills are perfectly fine and for whatever reason my shyness doesn't really rear it's head too much when meeting up with women from online dating. I guess probably because I already know they're interested, so I don't get TOO nervous.

They'll probably realize I'm not going to talk anyone's ear off but probably not that I have significant shyness issues, not until they know me better anyway. So I guess you're right, I should just leave it out.
 

D_Timmy_Toejam

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I would also recommend speed dating if I were you...it is all about deal flow or in other words putting yourself in position to meet as many women as possible. There will be someone who you come across that you may end up dating...just don't have too high expectations...just go in with the idea that you may end up on a few dates and see where it goes. Online dating is too much hit and miss...at least speed dating you can see the person in real life...for me it is much easier to meet in person then try to find someone online.
 

shyyguy123

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bump update

For anyone interested in match.com. I ended up doing the 3 day trial and getting a 3 month subscription, why the hell not.

Despite the fact that I got a number and a probable date within 3 days of being on there I'm not impressed so far. Response rate hasn't been great and there's no way to tell which profiles have a paid subscription or not. Which means you may be sending messages to women who may not even be able to read them. My guess is ATLEAST 1/4th to possibly 1/2 the messages I've sent have been to women who can't even read them. Fail.
 

AlteredEgo

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I used it years ago. But when I used it, I could read messages before I paid for a subscription, I just could not respond. Dudes included their email addresses in their messages, and that delayed any interest I had in paying for a subscription. I did eventually pay for one though. Are you sure women without paid memberships can't even see their messages?
 

shyyguy123

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No I'm not. I know I couldn't read my messages until I subscribed, so I was assuming it was the same for them.

Even if they can read them they definitely can't respond without paying so it's still dumb. They need to mark profiles that are subscribers ughh.
 

D_8u6edit5

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I'm not really interested in dating right now but I've been fortunate enough to meet some interesting people via this website so I'd love to keep that going.

I'm on Okcupid too, and the matching algorithm is great--I would recommend that you answer more questions and then filter your search to women match % who are interested in: casual sex. [If truly you are not looking to date]


And If I really like you I'm not opposed to things developing further, but just friends for now.

I don't really get this--you kind of flip from not wanting to date to maybe taking things further if you 'really like' the girl. That makes you come across as really unsure of what it is that you're looking for. I would recommend that if you are wanting to date, make that clear. Assertiveness is attractive.

I used to be painfully shy and I hated it. I decided to do something about it and have been forcing myself into uncomfortable situations (like meeting up with women I don't know from okcupid) the past few years. It has definitely helped as I am wayyy less shy than as little as 3 years ago. It's still work in progress though and probably always will be.

This is pretty heavy for the beginning of your self-introduction--If you feel that you must make a disclaimer about your shyness, then do-so briefly [maybe in the 'most private section' so it gives a person a chance to read the more positive aspects of your personality traits first]. Srsly though, maybe just count-it-out altogether--fake it 'til you make it!

Apparently I'm not TOO socially inept though because everyone I've met on here has wanted to hang out again after the 1st meeting. =]

Maybe not mention other people you've met on there too much. After all, the girl reading your profile doesn't want to feel like another number!

I live with my lesbian sister, her lesbian friend, and her straight guy friend. Sometimes I feel like I'm living in The Real L Word (yes I've seen that show haha). But they're all cool and it's definitely interesting being able to observe different lifestyles.

This is good--it's light-hearted but tells a lot about you. You are tolerant and open-minded and you appreciate/ can make light of ridiculous situations. You are also close with family. Girls like that.

I love sports. College football is the greatest sport on earth. I'm a die hard Gator fan (yes even when we suck like this year). I definitely have a nerdy side though and I still attend video game tourneys occasionally. My motto in life is dessert first. I honestly can't go a day without eating some kind of sweet. I love cake. I tend to label myself as an observer. I like to watch and see how people interact with each other.

I would break this up into four separate bullet-points. Mentioning four different interests in one paragraph is sort-of "WHOA!"

If you are looking for a girl who loves sports, then keep the points in the order they're in--if you're just wanting to say that you love sports but don't care if the girl is into them or not, then I would make that my last bullet-point. Generally a guy liking football is Run Of The Mill.

The observer point is interesting. I might expand on that if I were you.

I'm not extremely into the bar/club scene but I do dabble in it every once in a while (yah all my pics are from the rare times I do go out). Especially if it's been a long day/week. The pub crawls downtown are really fun too.

I would say delete the contents in the parenthesis'. You've already gotten the main message across--that you don't like the bar scene. Maybe elaborate on places you _do_ like to go, though. The girl wants to be able to picture herself somewhere with you.



I am observant, a little shy, and open

This is not needed any more because the site was re-vamped. I would delete this section

The first things people usually notice about me People who know me well tell me I look different every day. Probably because my hair never does the same thing twice, even with the same haircut.

This is pretty standard. This section isn't all that important, though.


People who don't know me, I have no idea. Depends on the setting I guess.

This point is useless because it takes up space but doesn't really answer the question--I would delete it.

The six things I could never do without College football
Cake
Electricity
College football
Any other type of sweet
Family

Maybe put family first! Your points are quite materialistic--I would maybe count-out football (you've already mentioned it) and include a more profound need of yours. eg. time out to reflect.



I spend a lot of time thinking about What I'm going to eat next.

Past regrets so I don't make the same mistake twice.

Why gum commercials have gotten so strange over the years.

This is good! The latter gives you a light-hearted talking point. I would definitely play-up the humour.


But you've already mentioned not liking bars too much!


The most private thing I’m willing to admit A girl I met on here stole my clothes. Yah I'm serious. If you've got a similar story I'd love to hear it lol.

And another girl made me look at naked women (no not her) for about 30 minutes the 1st time we met. Luckily for her I didn't mind too much.

If you're looking to date then keep the first point and delete the second. If you're looking for casual sex, keep the second point.

I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18-30
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends

Why are you only looking for new friends? If you are wanting to date and you put down that you're looking for 'new friends' then it is all-too-transparent to anybody looking at your profile!

You should message me if - You like to meet new people.
- You're a girl that's not afraid of messaging a guy. =]
- You don't take yourself too seriously.
- You like cake.
- You're not out to steal my clothes!

Or if you have any crazy ideas about awkward social situations I can throw myself into, or if you'd like to join me in them.

Girls like prerequisites--it makes them feel special for having filtered past your criteria. Maybe add in another couple. Or make a list of things you don't want.



What do you guys think? Women, what crosses your mind when you read that?

You seem like a nice guy and I'm sure you'll have no problem finding a girl if you make a few slight alterations. Good luck!
 

Phil Ayesho

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Try OKCupid. It's free and it really works. They are constantly bombarding me with matches even when I am not looking anymore.

OkCupid is free, has a phone app that keeps you up to date on the move, and it has a really good matching system that works well if you answer enough of the questions.... but the trick is to answer honestly...

They give you three basic measures, percent match, percent friend and percent enemy... The enemy one of the most important... don't even think about anything serious with anyone more than 5% enemy.

The Match vs Friend measures seem fairly interchangeable... one seems weighted on romance related question, the other on general likes and dislikes...

The only real problem with dating systems, of course, is that if it effectively matches you with similar people, and you happen to be a jerk... expect it to match you with fellow jerks...
If you happen to be shallow, don't be surprised when all your potential matches seem shallow.

And if you present yourself as someone other than the person you actually are, don't be surprised when the matches it finds for you don't seem to match.


In any case,... it worked for me....took about two weeks...

But then... I was a serious fellow seeking genuine commitment... and not just a string of dates... and of course I found a woman who felt the same way...
 

AlteredEgo

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No I'm not. I know I couldn't read my messages until I subscribed, so I was assuming it was the same for them.

Even if they can read them they definitely can't respond without paying so it's still dumb. They need to mark profiles that are subscribers ughh.
The idea is that if a woman wants to talk to you badly enough, she will pay to respond. Eventually, that's is what made me subscribe. A dude contacted me and didn't leave an email address, and I wanted to talk to him. If you decide to include an email address, you will have to spell out dot com or daht com.
 

B_bxmuscle

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I met someone I was in a relationship for a few years through match.com some years ago. My impression is that people tend to be on their better behavior in that particular forum vs. others.
 

No_Strings

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As coincidence would have it, I created a profile on OKCupid a few weeks ago mostly out of curiosity, and with the intention of using it for social entertainment more than anything else. Things that I've found given my relatively short time on there, that may or may not be relevant/helpful, and may or may not be accurate over a larger sample size:


  • If you are a heterosexual male, it's pretty damn easy to get laid with extremely attractive women, should you so desire.
  • The site is fairly accepting of the more liberal aspects of sexuality - homosexuality, transsexualism, polyamory, etc.
  • A majority of the women who seem interested in various sexual exploits are more likely to have "new friends" and "activity partners" listed on their profile than "casual sex".
  • Many that do list "casual sex" seem to believe they're much better in the bedroom than they actually are. The ones that are can often be more dominant/demanding that the 'average woman'.
  • Questions are addictive.
  • There are many arousingly intelligent women who use the site, but that doesn't mean they're not approachable.
  • It shouldn't need mentioning, but txtspk will fuck you up.
  • Holy shit, redheads.
  • Also, most of AlteredEgo's post leave me with a leaking semi.
 

AlteredEgo

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As coincidence would have it, I created a profile on OKCupid a few weeks ago mostly out of curiosity, and with the intention of using it for social entertainment more than anything else. Things that I've found given my relatively short time on there, that may or may not be relevant/helpful, and may or may not be accurate over a larger sample size:


  • If you are a heterosexual male, it's pretty damn easy to get laid with extremely attractive women, should you so desire.
  • The site is fairly accepting of the more liberal aspects of sexuality - homosexuality, transsexualism, polyamory, etc.
  • A majority of the women who seem interested in various sexual exploits are more likely to have "new friends" and "activity partners" listed on their profile than "casual sex".
  • Many that do list "casual sex" seem to believe they're much better in the bedroom than they actually are. The ones that are can often be more dominant/demanding that the 'average woman'.
  • Questions are addictive.
  • There are many arousingly intelligent women who use the site, but that doesn't mean they're not approachable.
  • It shouldn't need mentioning, but txtspk will fuck you up.
  • Holy shit, redheads.
  • Also, most of AlteredEgo's post leave me with a leaking semi.
You are forgetting (or still in denial) that you are very good-looking. Some of my overweight or less attractive male friends have a hard time getting responses on OKCupid. They still get responses, but not nearly as often as the better-looking guys I know. Granted, my less-attractive friends are already in primary relationships, seeking poly sex partners or secondary girlfriends, and my better-looking friends mostly just want sex or female company. The difference may be their looks, or maybe it's what they are looking for; I wouldn't know. I do know that if my less-attractive friends were strangers, their profiles would have turned me on, but their pictures would have given me pause.

I never did a lot of looking around at other women's profiles, except for ones that interested my friends, but I have to agree with your observations. I'll add that women I saw listed seemed more likely to list casual sex if they also copped to being in a poly lifestyle.

My profile listed activity partners and casual sex; it did not list new friends. I just wanted to be clear that I didn't want to meet men who didn't want sex. At first, I also listed short-term dating and at one point I listed long-term dating, but it attracted men who wanted to "take things slowly". Those men were looking for a girlfriend; I was only interested in men who were looking for sex, but were open to the idea that if it was going well, and we were really becoming friends, we might become a couple. But I wanted the sex to be the priority.

Approach everyone who interests you. It's like laying eggs. They won't all get to be chicks.

I have to say, the idea of your leaking semi makes my mouth water.
 
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shyyguy123

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If you are a heterosexual male, it's pretty damn easy to get laid with extremely attractive women, should you so desire.
I'd definitely disagree with that lol.

If that's true then you're part of the 1% on there that can say that. I mean I've done well on OkCupid and have met attractive women but I'd never get anywhere close to describing it as "pretty damn easy" lol.

If that's really true I'm curious as to what you look like haha!

And thanks for the looonggg reply whatthefoucault21, I really appreciate it. I did change some of what you suggested!