So I've been on this Earth long enough to know in general, resentment is not a desirable trait. I hadn't really come across it too much when I was young and single, I was self aware enough to know I had some self esteem issues, and wasn't exactly the most desirable physical specimen, so elongated periods of romantic/sexual inattention were more a personal motivator to get myself to a place and mindset that would attract said attention. Fast forward to a couple serious relationships and I see how quickly intermittent nonfulfillment of established attentions lead to resentment and conflict...
Fast forward to now to where the relationship, the marriage now encompasses so many more facets that I have to value and compartmentalize. The sexual attentions(specifically the lack thereof), are no less frustrating but I value so many other aspects I can't consciously allow resentment to creep in and cause them irreparable harm so I reconciled with apathy...
Basically I can't get excited for sex to come. The anticipation, the mental foreplay the mood making, the frustratingly fun wait and lead up to the big event, I just...can't anymore, not when the frequency has dropped so dramatically, and with file cabinets full of rainchecks and memories full of a sleeping wife. The odd time it actually goes down, I have no problems getting or maintaining erections, can still fuck with the ferocity and effectiveness we had during the "honeymoon period"
But the proverbial boy has cried wolf so many times, Ive become the proverbial fox that refuses to get excited for grapes he cant reach...
I get that life happens and so that's I why I posted this question in this specific section, because Im sure plenty of the ladies here have had ebbs and flows in their own libidos and have had to reconcile that with their partners needs and desires; If lack of excitement or mild apathy towards an often reneged or forgotten sexual offering is the way your partner prevents themselves from succumbing to resentment, how would you recieve that?
In my particular case my wife seemed initially hurt, but seemed to understand the percieved rejection that motivated it.
Fast forward to now to where the relationship, the marriage now encompasses so many more facets that I have to value and compartmentalize. The sexual attentions(specifically the lack thereof), are no less frustrating but I value so many other aspects I can't consciously allow resentment to creep in and cause them irreparable harm so I reconciled with apathy...
Basically I can't get excited for sex to come. The anticipation, the mental foreplay the mood making, the frustratingly fun wait and lead up to the big event, I just...can't anymore, not when the frequency has dropped so dramatically, and with file cabinets full of rainchecks and memories full of a sleeping wife. The odd time it actually goes down, I have no problems getting or maintaining erections, can still fuck with the ferocity and effectiveness we had during the "honeymoon period"
But the proverbial boy has cried wolf so many times, Ive become the proverbial fox that refuses to get excited for grapes he cant reach...
I get that life happens and so that's I why I posted this question in this specific section, because Im sure plenty of the ladies here have had ebbs and flows in their own libidos and have had to reconcile that with their partners needs and desires; If lack of excitement or mild apathy towards an often reneged or forgotten sexual offering is the way your partner prevents themselves from succumbing to resentment, how would you recieve that?
In my particular case my wife seemed initially hurt, but seemed to understand the percieved rejection that motivated it.