Apparently She Knew Nothing...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Wonderboy, Jun 13, 2006.

  1. Wonderboy

    Wonderboy New Member

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    About me.

    So earlier tonight I was talking to the ex. (I'm in her town now for one night only while I move out of my flat) I asked did she want to go for a Chinese but she was having dinner at home. I said how about meeting up for a drink then, one last time, a way to say goodbye because there was no such thing said when we broke up. After the events below, she doesn't want to now.

    So she got to talking, the other night she was saying how she never really knew me (because there are some things I'm uncomfortable with and have never told anyone). She tonight says in six months she would have thought she could know everything about me.

    I told her if she made me feel comfortable about telling them and wasn't having mood swings all the time I would have told her all about 'myself' (as if its even so important!). I just think, she was fine not knowing little things about me. She found out she actually didn't know EVERYTHING about me saying that I knew EVERYTHING about her. We got along, I'm a nice person, treated her well etc.

    Anyway, she's saying she never really knew me. It sounds like one of those lines she's picked up from some shit movie or something like "If you loved me, you'd buy me that car" type of ridiculous crap.

    I was just wondering are all girls like this? I mean I can only be as open as I feel I can be. She said I'd never get a woman if I wasn't open. I told her I would be open if I found a woman to be so intimate with. I hope all girls don't want to know EVERYTHING about a guy right away. Because I'm just not like that.

    Comments/etc?
     
  2. dong20

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    Not in my experience, maybe she feels bad that maybe she didn't make enough effort to get to know you and is turning that into misdirected anger. Maybe she tried and you missed the cues and she didn't try again and is upset feeling that you didn't open up on your own.

    I like to know what's important about someone quite quickly but that isn't something that is 'told', it's usually pretty obvious. I'd say most women are pretty similar, many of us 'hold a little bit back', even subconsciously in the early stages, perhaps to increase the 'mystery' or perhaps, if we have been burned as self protection. Usually, in time the 'shell' cracks or the relationship fails, sadly sometimes both when one half finds out something they rather they hadn't; that's part of the risk I guess.

    FWIW I'd say that asking such a question here suggests that any communication issue was on the receiving end of the equation. :smile:
     
  3. D_Elijah_MorganWood

    D_Elijah_MorganWood New Member

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    You're the guarded type and for you it takes time to open up to people. Those types don't give away trust. It takes quite a while to earn it. Women want to know how we feel and "what did he really mean by that?". You slowly gave yourself away and she wanted it all up front. I'm the same way and I don't think there's anything wrong with it.
     
  4. Wonderboy

    Wonderboy New Member

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    Okay cool :) thanks guys.

    Well she said that she had THOUGHT she knew me and was all happy and smiley. Until one day she said something like 'I don't know everything about you do I?' and I said 'Of course you don't'. Then that's when she got really psycho and had the episode the next day that led to the break up and me not caring anymore.

    Women, eh...one more step towards gayness for me lol.
     
  5. D_Elijah_MorganWood

    D_Elijah_MorganWood New Member

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    Tease:cool:
     
  6. Lex

    Lex
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    I agree with what Sorceror said. Trust issues notwithstanding, people are much too complex and come with far too much personal history to be known in a few short months. Hell, from where I sit, learning more and more about a person over years of being together is a part of the rich fabric that underpins a relationship. If you know everything about someone in 2 months--where's the fun in the lifelong journey?
     
  7. dong20

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    Turncoat...:cool:
     
  8. Fredneck1951

    Fredneck1951 Member

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    When you find a woman who doesn't have mood swings, let me know and good luck to you!

    In the meantime, here's a pretty good rule of thumb: the less they know, the better. My wife and I have been together 31 years and she still says she doesn't know everything about me. Nothing like a little mystery!
     
  9. D_Elijah_MorganWood

    D_Elijah_MorganWood New Member

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    It took my partner 3 years to really get to know me. With him it was easier. There's also a comfort level that comes when you've been together a while. You don't worry as much about the typical relationship transgressions and you can really be yourself.
     
  10. dong20

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    That works for me too..though sometimes it seems there has been a few too many rest stops along the way. :rolleyes:
     
  11. invisibleman

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    Hmmm. The big question is: Why are you afraid to reveal the truer self? How is anybody going to know who you are if you are afraid to say who you are?

    You probably need a very independent woman who isn't marriage minded. :smile:
     
  12. Gisella

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    Wonderboy...forgive and forget and learn!:wink:

    Im not her of course...but...

    She may have felt in the end that u knew more about her and she not about you because we women have a tendency to talk more and open up more ...maybe she felt she gave a lot of her and u give little in return...she shared more and u didn't...most we women are always blablabla...we just like to talk and share!

    We are moody and etc... :rolleyes: :tongue: and we communicate easy since very young about everything at least most of us...and men are sooo different. We must learn to accept each others differences soon or late to communicate wonderful and productively! If we want to have good relationships...we must learn!

    And of course she could not knew all about you in short time it take soooo long to know people...whole life of real intimacy it takes... but in the end what she may felt u were really not sharing all u could and trust her too...and she did not have patience to wait and etc and she already gave her "all" to you without feeling reciprocated..she felt u as an strange? in the end?...her 'psycho' ways as you said, i think is 'frustration' (it just looks psycho)...:tongue:

    People style of communicating and trust to open up are just different anyways...is so much easier understand the ones who are similar to yourself...:rolleyes:...


    Well , there are a lot of fish in the ocean just keep swiming !!!

    :kiss:
     
  13. Lex

    Lex
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    *Nods*

    I tend to show people my really big baggage right away, so they can either run for the hills or dig in their heels for the longer haul. Then, over time, they get to see past all of my armor to the other parts of me as well. Not a traditional approach (be who I think you want and slowly revert to normal me over time), but it has served me well.
     
  14. Ethyl

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    She feels more secure when she "knows" as much as possible about someone right away. You feel more secure when given the space to slowly reveal yourself. Everyone operates differently in a relationship. Don't feel bad about it. Don't apologize for being cautious or for being yourself. You will eventually find someone who is patient with you. Don't dismiss the entire female gender because of this relationship. We have our good points. At least two. :biggrin1:
     
  15. rawbone8

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    Wonderboy, you seem like a nice guy from all the posts I've seen here.

    It seems both of you are assigning blame and the wounds are still rather tender.

    Consider how the IF statements highlighted above illustrate how you put the onus of responsibility on her. You are telling her she is the one lacking the ability to provide the right conditions. Yeah, so it's her fault. I can easily see how she would cut off further contact for drinks.

    It usually works best in that situation, where you are doing a post-mortem on the relationship, to keep the orientation of the statements to "I felt" "I needed" or "from my perspective" and avoid making her the subject, if you want to talk peacefully.

    I think her expectations are pretty naiive, but she's what, 19 or 20? She seems to be using the premise that you should be more intimate and open. It's a dangerous attitude when one partner has these expectations that you are abnormal if you don't meet them. Seems manipulative.

    You don't need to apologise for being who you are. We all have our insecurities and trust issues. Sharing deep emotional histories and things can be over-rated. The age you are at is the perfect time to gain experience and have fun. And get through your formal education if you haven't done by now.

    best wishes
     
  16. Wonderboy

    Wonderboy New Member

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    She turned 19 in May. She listens to other people a lot and really doesn't think for herself eg my dad said I shouldn't even be talking to you etc.

    Anyway that doesn't matter! I found someone a lot hotter than her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Maybe not long term but...g.d the sex will be incredible. I've had some very good signs.
     
  17. D_Elijah_MorganWood

    D_Elijah_MorganWood New Member

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    You're young, fuck your brains out. When you're ready to get serious, it'll hit you out of left field.
     
  18. Gisella

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    :chairfall:

    OMG...i'm laughing and almost fall from my chair...really...:tongue:

    Wonderboy...now i understand why she behaved psycho....:biggrin1:

    just kidding just kidding...

     
  19. Wonderboy

    Wonderboy New Member

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    Yeah I will do! Might stay here a few days and fuck her brains out all week. She's my flatmate, there's only us two here...a lot of hinting and real good signage. She's French, bronzed and a body like a gymnast...

    If anyone thinks its a big change from the topic of this thread...I only really wanted confirmation of us being incompatible and that the way I behaved/am is okay...

    Now I can move on...maybe even go across the hall!
     
  20. Gisella

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    :biggrin1:

    :fing02: Yeh go across the hall !!!

    Just go and try!!!:wink:
     
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