Approaching, Initiating Conversation

[D_Bettie_Fiord]

So, you notice the eyes of someone glancing at you once, then again. You have a feeling they might be into you. They expect you to be the hunter and approach, but I'm too nervous and shy. What do I do? Many say you must break out of your comfort zone, but I start to shake and heart rate rises.

So many women.... what's my problem? My self confidence and self worth is and has been in the gutter my whole life. I'm finally starting to feel better about myself. I have ZERO experience in picking a lady up. I've only been with one, and it lasted 13 years. Now I feel like a caveman in a bustling city. I'm lost.... no clue.

Shine some light for me please. Blessed Love.

 

[someperson]

So, you notice the eyes of someone glancing at you once, then again. You have a feeling they might be into you. They expect you to be the hunter and approach, but I'm too nervous and shy. What do I do? Many say you must break out of your comfort zone, but I start to shake and heart rate rises.

So many women.... what's my problem? My self confidence and self worth is and has been in the gutter my whole life. I'm finally starting to feel better about myself. I have ZERO experience in picking a lady up. I've only been with one, and it lasted 13 years. Now I feel like a caveman in a bustling city. I'm lost.... no clue.

Shine some light for me please. Blessed Love.

Sound like you have stolen my life story except for the being with someone for 13 years part

 

[Call_Me_Daddy]

Practice makes perfect!

I talk to damn near every women I see regardless of my attraction to them, telling crazy jokes is my favorite.

But don't focus on "picking women up", just relax and have fun. Eventually women will get to know you and you'll be in high demand

 

[D_Bettie_Fiord]

I can shoot the shit with dudes no problem, but just feel inferior when I am around females.

 

[theplayerking]

Put your cock pics in an online ad and you'll get all of the dates you can possible handle.

But seriously, it's much easier to start up a conversation online. The difference is you know the persons is already somewhat interested.

I find chatting up strangers in a bar very difficult.

 

[chrisj428]

I absolutely have no clue on how to flirt. I am just crap at it and feel like I come across like an over-eager puppy, which only makes matters worse.

 

[GeekLust]

Be yourself!

We're not that scary. I used to be very introverted and then I just stopped worrying about how I would come across if I just said 'hi'.

Take Call_Me_Daddy's advice; don't try to pick up women. Just talk to them. At the store etc, speak to the check out girl. Just smile, make eye contact and say hello. How is your day? Have a great weekend etc etc

You'll soon learn that it's not that scary. I promise

 

[D_Fergus_Fearsomegas]

try sensitive yet not to the point of girly watch what they do their likes their mannerisms Ive been people watcher, have a great wife of 13 years and got her by starting to hone in on the likes and what she said listening was the key

You will get there bud PM for any ideas pointers of thoughts

 

[socalfreak]

Take a deep breath..... listen for a moment to what she's saying....... then..... click het ' View Cam ' button.
That's how managed to get snarky, anyway....

 

[canuck_pa]

Sometimes just a smile can help break the ice.

 

[redneckgymrat]

You did not mention your age, but experience does help.

Of course, you have to feel your way through it, but there are subtle cues, body language, etc that take place before actual conversation. I once read that 90% of communication is non-verbal, and I believe it. This goes for all social interaction, not just for dating. I've had women flirt with me by coming up to me, rubbing my hair, and grinding against my hips, but those are the exceptions, not the rule.

I suggest that you start with eye contact. Maybe a sheepish grin. This lets each of you know you saw and acknowledged the other.

After that, you're aware...either of you can initiate contact. Hello works nicely, as does some off-the-cuff comment. The idea is to break the ice, to initiate contact. Nothing more.

If all goes well, you'll both start sending out body language signals that can be interpreted as interest, or at least not as rejection. Feet pointing towards you, body turning towards you, postural changes, touching the face or hair with the hand, etc.

Then do what comes naturally. Talk. Laugh. Sing. Skip and dance. Or whatever...you've initiated contact, and the rest is up to you.

 

[erratic]

But don't focus on "picking women up", just relax and have fun.

For real. There's whiff of desperation in the whole pick-up game, and desperation is not attractive.

As for advice, I've found it helps to be curious about the other person when you're first talking to them - whether you're interested in romance or sex or not. And if it feels awkward, don't blame you summarily. It's quite possibly a sign that the chemistry wasn't there, and just the data you needed to know you have to move on.

 

[KTF40]

Initiating conversation and attracting women though those sorts of methods is a skill that not everyone has or is able to develop (as much as some people would like to make it sound so easy). It's not something to worry about though. You just have to find alternative methods for initiating contact, such as online dating.

 

[Snarky_succubus]

Take a deep breath..... listen for a moment to what she's saying....... then..... click het ' View Cam ' button.
That's how managed to get snarky, anyway....

Hahahaha this literally made me laugh out loud.

I don't think there's any fool proof approach. Different things work for different people. Just try to remember that there are waaaayyyyyyy too many women in the world to get hung up on what any one of them think of you. Rejection only sucks as much as you let it. It's bound to happen and it really isn't a reflection of your worth... Just be you. Someone will either be interested or they won't. The more pressure you put on yourself about it... The more awkward you come off to us and that's just bound to screw you up. Just say the things that make you smile and laugh... Ultimately, people just want to feel good. If you behave in a way that makes YOU happy, you're bound to attract people who are made happy by the same things

 

[shyyguy123]

Agree with the OP. I get the glances all the time, I just don't know what to do after that. What do I go up and say to them? Just going up and saying "hi" or "hello" seems like it would be lame. Or am I just over thinking it?

But yah I can't approach women in person, I'm too shy. Online dating works great for me though.

 

[Snarky_succubus]

Agree with the OP. I get the glances all the time, I just don't know what to do after that. What do I go up and say to them? Just going up and saying "hi" or "hello" seems like it would be lame. Or am I just over thinking it?

But yah I can't approach women in person, I'm too shy. Online dating works great for me though.

You are overthinking. Start with a smile. If she returns it… Say hi. It's really just that simple. Any girl who's worth your time isn't going to think you're lame for saying hi to her.

 

[shyyguy123]

As guys were kind of conditioned to think we need to have something clever or witty to say when approaching women.

So it's really hard to get out of that mind set. But yah I really do need to try going up to them and just saying "hi".

Problem is as a shy dude, my mind usually goes blank in such situations. Thus, having the burden of conversation put on myself can be quite tricky.