Apps Like Grindr As A "new" Bi

yorkshirepudding

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Hello folks

So I've finally taken the plunge and admitted to myself that I'm Bi. But because it's taken so long for me to accept it, I'm really wet behind the ears. Done stuff in the past, don't get me wrong - but not THAT much.

Now that I've come out of a long-term relationship with a woman, I'm more than ready to explore what's always been there. Looking forward to it, to be honest!

I've been toying around with Grindr, but it's probably not what I need just now. It's all a bit in-your-face for someone in my boat - I mean I'm liking the dick pics, I won't lie - but for someone trying to ease myself into it, it's probably just a bit too much, too soon.

What I'm wondering - apart from whether I should delete it and try something else - is how I should communicate where I'm at on there? I keep feeling the need to explain that I'm just easing myself in, and I guess I'm worried that people will expect more from me than I'm ready to give. I feel a bit selfish - I'd love to be blown, wanked off or rimmed (oh gawd, rimmed!), and I'm happy to top - but I've never properly sucked a cock before, and I'm still not sure I'd ever rim. I'd probably be shit at a blowjob, until I get a bit of practice - but the one time I had a cock thrust in my mouth, I just wasn't ready for it. I am now, but it'd have to be gentler, and I'd want to feel that it was okay to back out and just use my hand instead - but I'm just a bit worried about what the reaction would be.

To be fair, maybe I'm doing it wrong in that I'm finding myself explaining these things on Grindr - I'm not sure I'm doing it right!

Do I need to be up-front about the fact that I'm more a taker right now - but not because I'm selfish, but because I'm just easing myself in?

How do you guys react when you see "Bi" in, say, a Grindr profile - do you assume they're closeted, give them a bit of slack, or just swerve? I've killed a couple of conversations on there by trying to explain this - and I don't really know whether it's just the platform, or I'm talking too much, or someone in my boat just isn't going to give someone what they want.

Any thoughts? Sorry for the long-winded post.
 

cedarizzo

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I highly recommend that you let people know what exactly you are looking for.

When I am on Grindr, I am only looking to service (or take care) a guy. I only like to suck his dick and if he is a top, I love to bottom. I don't want to get sucked or jacked off, I really don't want my dick played with. So sounds like we would be a great match. And I always find guys who are looking for what I offer.

You just need to let them know. Good luck!
 

yorkshirepudding

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Thanks for replying!

Yes, I agree I should let them know - I just keep going down a rabbit hole of telling them my full am-I-aren't-I story - I should probably stop doing that, and just get to the point!

I think I'm still trying to get my head around the idea that some guys are only interested in getting someone off, and don't expect - or want - anything back. This is probably straight-me talking - it's just something I'm not quite getting my head around, yet. And yet, the idea of getting someone off and then going on my way sounds great!
 
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Player_01

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I suppose like anything, some guys might find it a turn off but others see "newly Bi" or inexperienced with guys as an opportunity. :p
And of course there's the guys who don't even read your profile. :laughing:

And some guys on Grindr just quit talking. It's not always you, a lot of guys are flakes. I usually assume its them getting an answer from another guy they were also messaging. You can look for dates on Grindr, there are guys on it who say they are. I don't know how successful they are at it. LOL.

The good thing about Grindr, is people are usually pretty clear about their sexual interests so even if you feel yours are limited it's totally ok when someone asks "looking?" to say "My interests are topping and being serviced" because they either will want it and start figuring out a time and place, or they say it's not what they want and they move on.
 

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This is the section of the forum for gay men.

Also, Grindr is testicular cancer.
 

Wb37wcl

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Be honest and up front about what you want in your profile. Grindr is full of guys who just want to fuck, but there are a minority who are into what you're offering (me included). It's very difficult to find guys like you on there!
 

Vertigo1814

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Don’t rush it.
You don’t have to like or be good at everything before you’re an “Official Bi”
Loads of gay guys don’t bottom/suck/whatever. So you’d hardly be in a small minority.
Just be honest and start with what you’re comfortable with.
 

chrisrobin

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Hello folks

So I've finally taken the plunge and admitted to myself that I'm Bi. But because it's taken so long for me to accept it, I'm really wet behind the ears. Done stuff in the past, don't get me wrong - but not THAT much.

Now that I've come out of a long-term relationship with a woman, I'm more than ready to explore what's always been there. Looking forward to it, to be honest!

I've been toying around with Grindr, but it's probably not what I need just now. It's all a bit in-your-face for someone in my boat - I mean I'm liking the dick pics, I won't lie - but for someone trying to ease myself into it, it's probably just a bit too much, too soon.

What I'm wondering - apart from whether I should delete it and try something else - is how I should communicate where I'm at on there? I keep feeling the need to explain that I'm just easing myself in, and I guess I'm worried that people will expect more from me than I'm ready to give. I feel a bit selfish - I'd love to be blown, wanked off or rimmed (oh gawd, rimmed!), and I'm happy to top - but I've never properly sucked a cock before, and I'm still not sure I'd ever rim. I'd probably be shit at a blowjob, until I get a bit of practice - but the one time I had a cock thrust in my mouth, I just wasn't ready for it. I am now, but it'd have to be gentler, and I'd want to feel that it was okay to back out and just use my hand instead - but I'm just a bit worried about what the reaction would be.

To be fair, maybe I'm doing it wrong in that I'm finding myself explaining these things on Grindr - I'm not sure I'm doing it right!

Do I need to be up-front about the fact that I'm more a taker right now - but not because I'm selfish, but because I'm just easing myself in?

How do you guys react when you see "Bi" in, say, a Grindr profile - do you assume they're closeted, give them a bit of slack, or just swerve? I've killed a couple of conversations on there by trying to explain this - and I don't really know whether it's just the platform, or I'm talking too much, or someone in my boat just isn't going to give someone what they want.

Any thoughts? Sorry for the long-winded post.
Use these pages for expressing your inner man, ask questions, be inquisitive and seek advice.
In the beginning none of us had tossed a cock, sucked a willy or fucked or been fucked, it all came in time, some liked and enjoyed other stuff not so much. Because a guys says you have to doesn't mean you have to, you have to want to, you have to feel the need to explore your sexual side, needs and flings. In my very first long term relationship I think we frotted more than anything else - and boy I still think that's incredibly sensual.
 

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I just keep going down a rabbit hole of telling them my full am-I-aren't-I story - I should probably stop doing that, and just get to the point!
Good idea. While you are coming out, and it is definitey a lengthy process to mature into your new self, people on apps don't log on to hear wordy personal stories. However, a counselor would love to help you realign your bricks. ;)


I think I'm still trying to get my head around the idea that some guys are only interested in getting someone off, and don't expect - or want - anything back. This is probably straight-me talking - it's just something I'm not quite getting my head around, yet. And yet, the idea of getting someone off and then going on my way sounds great!
There are a lot of people that like no-recip, be they top or bottom. They just meet up, blow you, then they leave. Just be clear about what your intentions are, and make sure you are clear about what they want as well. You don't want to invite someone over, and they have something else entirely on their mind. You don't need drama.

That said, be smart about what you are doing as well. You are meeting complete strangers.
 
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yorkshirepudding

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Good idea. While you are coming out, and it is definitey a lengthy process to mature into your new self, people on apps don't log on to hear wordy personal stories. However, a counselor would love to help you realign your bricks. ;)



There are a lot of people that like no-recip, be they top or bottom. They just meet up, blow you, then they leave. Just be clear about what your intentions are, and make sure you are clear about what they want as well. You don't want to invite someone over, and they have something else entirely on their mind. You don't need drama.

That said, be smart about what you are doing as well. You are meeting complete strangers.
Thank you for this - it's very helpful. Appreciated.

Particularly the bit about people on apps not logging on to hear wordy personal stories - though I think for me, I'm just giving long-winded answers to simple questions, as much as anything!