Are gay guys only into sex?

[Brodie888]

I wondered how many M-F relationships work because they each has something the other wants, as in the woman wants a stable environment and the man wants frequent sex with low effort to obtain. I have not asked actual heterosexuals this.

I think all relationships work because both sides are getting something out of it.

 

[keenobserver]

A common analogy used in discussing the ever-increasing frequency of hook-up sex for both gays and straights is the “post-it note”. It goes that just like a post-it note, the more it is used, the less likely it will stick, especially where long-term relationships are concerned. Some research is beginning to support this parallel in the straight community.

It would be interesting to learn from the gay community if they have observed a direct correlation between sexual activity (hookups) and failure to achieve and sustain a long-term relationship.

That's a fair question. Speaking for myself my longest relationship was 12 years. I was 100% faithful and so was he. We broke up over a long festering problem with his family and their unhappiness about his being gay. Having been highly active with multiple partners before and after the relationship was never a factor. When we were together I looked at other guys - and porn, but never had the desire to actually stray. When I'm in, I'm all in.

 

[Brodie888]

A common analogy used in discussing the ever-increasing frequency of hook-up sex for both gays and straights is the “post-it note”. It goes that just like a post-it note, the more it is used, the less likely it will stick, especially where long-term relationships are concerned. Some research is beginning to support this parallel in the straight community.

It would be interesting to learn from the gay community if they have observed a direct correlation between sexual activity (hookups) and failure to achieve and sustain a long-term relationship.

Interesting question but probably very hard to say why.

It seems that you are implying higher sexual activity retards ones ability to form long term relationships.

But you could also see it the other way. Due to someone's lack of experience, it has retarded their ability to leave a bad relationship out of fear of being alone or unable to find another partner.

 

[1018071]

I wondered how many M-F relationships work because they each has something the other wants, as in the woman wants a stable environment and the man wants frequent sex with low effort to obtain. I have not asked actual heterosexuals this.

Women - of all the women I know all they ever talk about is money! & what a man can do for them! They start by having sex a few times a day, its great, fantastic, once a wedding band is on and they have kids or just have kids, they gain the upper hand, and use those kids as bargain chips in their relationships and or divorce! To gain every advantage!

Men - men who love men are designed to be great lovers, because they are driven bu sex, not because they want money or to gain anything more than to love that man, I always spent my time learning things to please a man, I remember they saying my mother told me, the way to a mans heart is to give him great food! So I learned to cook very well, I can cook, clean, iron, and wash, I can manicure, pedicure, wax and shave and cut hair, I'm a qualified hair dressing and barber, I am a qualified massage and holistic and spa therapist, I am a qualified beauty therapist to a teaching level and nail technician, make up artist, among many other things all to be EVERYTHING FOR A MAN! I can sew, and make clothes, curtains and bedding and pillowcases, EVERYTHING I AM, is design to be a perfect mate for a man, but with all that said, I use to ride horse, my favourite one was called Bracken a huge shire horse, how I loved that, the connection!! I am also design to be a perfect lover, I keep in shape, I have swam for the north of England twice in the UK championships and am a gold medalist both times and won points for my team, I am a city club and city championship gold medalist runner, I did boxing, karate, and judo and trained in judo with an Olympic champion for nine weeks included in my training of judo, I played five a side and 11 a side football, I played basket ball, tennis and was a long jump champion, I trained in running with a tyre and rope and house bricks, by tying the rope round the tyre, then round the waist and body and ran with in across 100m and during that training put one house brick in every couple of times! I broke my spine in a motorbike crash, but never gave up, I cycle, to stay fit. I keep on learning and I keep on trying, but the bottom line is, you cannot make a man love you enough not to go behind your back and cheat because he cannot be faithful to anyone! Because what I learned, was men don't like to feel inferior, in any way, they ask you about your passed lovers, and if one is bigger, hey that is it, he doesn't want you, if its all I've learned and anyone that I've had a relationship with, that in then end fucks me up for a relationship, I wish I had of stayed out of it all and stayed a couch potato and watched everyone else from the side lines! Then someone might of been faithful right? Many cheat, you don't have to be male or female, everyone has an agenda, my agenda was love and happiness and getting knocked back because someone said he couldn't go with me as a partner, because I had one partner with a bigger cock than his and that is all he would ever think about, HOW VERY FUCKING SAD!

In the end, be on your own, if being on your own and growing old by yourself is what makes you happy, GO FOR IT, when your looks fade and you get to old to attracted a mate, its okay, IT WAS YOUR CHOICE!

 

[tncentaur]

A common analogy used in discussing the ever-increasing frequency of hook-up sex for both gays and straights is the “post-it note”. It goes that just like a post-it note, the more it is used, the less likely it will stick, especially where long-term relationships are concerned. Some research is beginning to support this parallel in the straight community.

It would be interesting to learn from the gay community if they have observed a direct correlation between sexual activity (hookups) and failure to achieve and sustain a long-term relationship.

1.) It might be interesting, but the gay community isn't, as a group, going to answer you--individuals maybe--and their experiences would be anecdotal at best.

2.) Failure to achieve and sustain a long-term relationship is problematic.
a.) first, the fact that a long-term relationship doesn't last doesn't necessarily constitute 'failure'.
b.) second, I think you need to quality 'sexual activity': do you mean 'a lot' 'some' 'excessive'?
c.) third, the argument used that sexual fidelity increases the chances of a relationship lasting a long time has been advanced by
conservative christians as a reason to abstain from premarital sex for straight people: if you haven't had enough sexual experience to distinguish between bad, middling, good, and great sex, a couple is probably not going to be dissatisfied with what each partner gets from the other. Ugh! Another ignorance = bliss equation.
d.) fourth, it's not just gays: the rate of divorce and multiple serial marriages among straight folks may in part indicate that sexual dissatisfaction or unmet sexual needs of an individual and/or the desire to look for something better is not limited to gays. Also, it may not just be sex that accounts for plural partners.

But what I find disturbing is your word choice 'failure'. It's as though you are trying to be normative and insist that a long-term relationship is or should be the desideratum of everyone. Clearly that's not so.

I've had a monogamous relationship with the same man for almost forty years, but I sure as hell am not going to say that everybody else should do as I do. I would never generalize from my own experience to others. I have never had sex with another man since entering this relationship, but I have considered murder...

I have friends (gay, straight, bisexual, and whatever else there is) that have or have had multiple relationships and are very happy with that. The women that I know, gay and straight, are pretty open about having had multiple sexual partners with whom the sexual satisfaction was certainly not equal across all their partners--same is true of the gay guys. I also know happy straight and gay people who have only had one partner. Hell, I even know singletons (people who don't have interpersonal sex at all) that are happy, fulfilled individuals. I know long-termers (lifers) who say sex is not an important factor and never was.

Just because a gay man (or a straight one) is/has been sexually active with, well, maybe more than ten fingers worth, doesn't make him a 'libertine' or 'promiscuous'. I've had a lot of straight friends (single and married) who say 'Well, I'm a hound (and you know what that means), and I think no less of them. And I don't think that a woman who like sex with lots of men is a human luge.

Your post is disturbing to me because it's one in a string where you make value judgments about others who aren't like you.

 

[1018071]

I enjoy gym. And baking. Drinking good beer or wine. Good days at work. Walking my dogs. Reading.

Some days, it can be difficult to fit in the hard sex too.

Depends what your going home to 'darling' isn't that foe sure?

If I was standing naked in the kitchen with a lovely shepherds pie and some fresh cream to pour over a nice body, would that help you to get back home in time for dinner?

 

[622675]

he cannot be faithful to anyone! Because what I learned, was men don't like to feel inferior, in any way, they ask you about your passed lovers, and if one is bigger, hey that is it, he doesn't want you, if its all I've learned and anyone that I've had a relationship with, that in then end fucks me up for a relationship

This conclusion may reflect your experience with other guys. But does this also reflect the way you would treat another man. If it doesn’t, then there must be others like you out there who only want to be wanted by another person. And they are not interested in head games or competition.

 

[alcor972]

Laissez-moi rire!

...
thank you, tncentaur for having helped guys like me to face the malakos' well written arguments that are difficult to counter for me... lol... and your support is even more appreciated that you are in a long term relationship...
you touched me... thank you...
what does malarkey mean?...
lol...
oh.. and your response to levi was very cool too...

 

[622675]

1.) It might be interesting, but the gay community isn't, as a group, going to answer you--individuals maybe--and their experiences would be anecdotal at best.

2.) Failure to achieve and sustain a long-term relationship is problematic.
a.) first, the fact that a long-term relationship doesn't last doesn't necessarily constitute 'failure'.
b.) second, I think you need to quality 'sexual activity': do you mean 'a lot' 'some' 'excessive'?
c.) third, the argument used that sexual fidelity increases the chances of a relationship lasting a long time has been advanced by
conservative christians as a reason to abstain from premarital sex for straight people: if you haven't had enough sexual experience to distinguish between bad, middling, good, and great sex, a couple is probably not going to be dissatisfied with what each partner gets from the other. Ugh! Another ignorance = bliss equation.
d.) fourth, it's not just gays: the rate of divorce and multiple serial marriages among straight folks may in part indicate that sexual dissatisfaction or unmet sexual needs of an individual and/or the desire to look for something better is not limited to gays. Also, it may not just be sex that accounts for plural partners.

But what I find disturbing is your word choice 'failure'. It's as though you are trying to be normative and insist that a long-term relationship is or should be the desideratum of everyone. Clearly that's not so.

I've had a monogamous relationship with the same man for almost forty years, but I sure as hell am not going to say that everybody else should do as I do. I would never generalize from my own experience to others. I have never had sex with another man since entering this relationship, but I have considered murder...

I have friends (gay, straight, bisexual, and whatever else there is) that have or have had multiple relationships and are very happy with that. The women that I know, gay and straight, are pretty open about having had multiple sexual partners with whom the sexual satisfaction was certainly not equal across all their partners--same is true of the gay guys. I also know happy straight and gay people who have only had one partner. Hell, I even know singletons (people who don't have interpersonal sex at all) that are happy, fulfilled individuals. I know long-termers (lifers) who say sex is not an important factor and never was.

Just because a gay man (or a straight one) is/has been sexually active with, well, maybe more than ten fingers worth, doesn't make him a 'libertine' or 'promiscuous'. I've had a lot of straight friends (single and married) who say 'Well, I'm a hound (and you know what that means), and I think no less of them. And I don't think that a woman who like sex with lots of men is a human luge.

Your post is disturbing to me because it's one in a string where you make value judgments about others who aren't like you.

You bring a lot of questions to the table, but my question, what is the impact of numerous sexual encounters (or relationships) on the eventually success of a gay man achieving a long term relationship.

Yes, there is any number of variables and terms to be defined, and you identify several, but this is just a discussion.

All I would expect to happen is to have LPSG posters provide their view or antidotal info. You have described your life space and long-term relationship as a success. I would expect that others might ask how you did it, or describe where they may have failed.

Others (like Damina Xavia) have report searching for potentially long-term relationships and not finding one (thus far). His observation about what gay men are interested in and how they relate to each other paint a dim prospect for finding any kind of fidelity or emotional security with another man.

It is being reported in the world of traditional heterosexual marriage that around 40 percent of first marriages end in divorce. Of those who marry for the second time more than 50 percent end in divorce. For those who marry for the third time over 70 percent end in divorce. One underlying assumption is that these were intended to be long-term relationships.

All I am saying is that if a gay man has any intent of achieving a sustained (perhaps lasting) relationship, then he needs the best information possible about what is going on in his world and a skill set that will let him make it to his objective (actualization). With out that clarity, then world of gay relationships will, as Damina Xavia describes, continue to resemble a cage full of over sexed monkeys.

 

[622675]

1.) It might be interesting, but the gay community isn't, as a group, going to answer you--individuals maybe--and their experiences would be anecdotal at best.

2.) Failure to achieve and sustain a long-term relationship is problematic.
a.) first, the fact that a long-term relationship doesn't last doesn't necessarily constitute 'failure'.
b.) second, I think you need to quality 'sexual activity': do you mean 'a lot' 'some' 'excessive'?
c.) third, the argument used that sexual fidelity increases the chances of a relationship lasting a long time has been advanced by
conservative christians as a reason to abstain from premarital sex for straight people: if you haven't had enough sexual experience to distinguish between bad, middling, good, and great sex, a couple is probably not going to be dissatisfied with what each partner gets from the other. Ugh! Another ignorance = bliss equation.
d.) fourth, it's not just gays: the rate of divorce and multiple serial marriages among straight folks may in part indicate that sexual dissatisfaction or unmet sexual needs of an individual and/or the desire to look for something better is not limited to gays. Also, it may not just be sex that accounts for plural partners.

But what I find disturbing is your word choice 'failure'. It's as though you are trying to be normative and insist that a long-term relationship is or should be the desideratum of everyone. Clearly that's not so.

I've had a monogamous relationship with the same man for almost forty years, but I sure as hell am not going to say that everybody else should do as I do. I would never generalize from my own experience to others. I have never had sex with another man since entering this relationship, but I have considered murder...

I have friends (gay, straight, bisexual, and whatever else there is) that have or have had multiple relationships and are very happy with that. The women that I know, gay and straight, are pretty open about having had multiple sexual partners with whom the sexual satisfaction was certainly not equal across all their partners--same is true of the gay guys. I also know happy straight and gay people who have only had one partner. Hell, I even know singletons (people who don't have interpersonal sex at all) that are happy, fulfilled individuals. I know long-termers (lifers) who say sex is not an important factor and never was.

Just because a gay man (or a straight one) is/has been sexually active with, well, maybe more than ten fingers worth, doesn't make him a 'libertine' or 'promiscuous'. I've had a lot of straight friends (single and married) who say 'Well, I'm a hound (and you know what that means), and I think no less of them. And I don't think that a woman who like sex with lots of men is a human luge.

Your post is disturbing to me because it's one in a string where you make value judgments about others who aren't like you.

Your reply to my post has been positively received by alcor972.

With no negative criticism of alcor972, I would enjoy knowing what he found difficulty with in either my or malakos post. What did he disagree with that your comments corrected?

 

[alcor972]

then world of gay relationships will, as Damina Xavia describes, continue to resemble a cage full of over sexed monkeys.

lol...
oh no, levi...
I'm not an over sexed monkey in a cage... ok?...
lol
I'm sure there are guys and girls who are in a long term relationship... and who are well more interested in sex than me... no?...
promiscuous doesn't necessarily significate sex-addict...
I have serious difficulties to build a long term relationship... but I don't anymore match these difficulties up to my promiscuity...
my promiscuity significates that I'm looking for something concerning my sexuality... but it's not necessarily an overdose of sex... nor a long term relationship...
I am not an over sexed monkey in a cage...
I repeat... I am not an over sexed monkey in a cage...
ok...

 

[alcor972]

...
the difficulties I experience reading your post and malakos' come from you both use a rather informative tone.. as in an encyclopedia... a newspaper article... that gradually erodes my comprehensiveness of your message.. lol...
this tone has a tendancy to reinforce your statement and make it valid to my mind... lol...
so... even if I feel a discordance in your reasoning... the first impression of validity you gave me makes even more difficult my research of this discordance...
lol...
tncentaur has put the stress on these discordances I was not able to find rapidly alone... and he helped me to initiate at last my reasoning in the post 51...
without him... I would certainly delay my response... given that I was reading the malakos posts in this thread since already several days... but with real comprehensiveness difficulties lol...
I will just rephrase my main idea I presented previously...
I make a clear separation between the fact of being promiscuous and being sex-addict...
I think I'm promiscuous... because I am looking for confrontations with other men...
I like seeing another virility facing mine... and I like comparing my body to another man body...
so... my promiscuity is funded on an intellectual interest rather more a sexual interest...
naturally... my sexual response to stimulation is rather slow... and conditioned to very specific conditions... this explain why I have to somewhat struggle to respond to the general hurry that the hook-ups require in my promiscuous enconters...
this is a good indication that naturally... my body is not addicted to sex... since I have to force... a little... and learn myself to be more sexually receptive during my enconters...
this is why I think you and malakos should consider those two phenomenons... promiscuity and high need for sex... separately...
thank you, levi...

 

[alcor972]

my promiscuity is funded on an intellectual interest rather more a sexual interest...

my promiscuity is more funded on... rather than a sexual interest...
sorry...

 

[1018071]

This conclusion may reflect your experience with other guys. But does this also reflect the way you would treat another man. If it doesn’t, then there must be others like you out there who only want to be wanted by another person. And they are not interested in head games or competition.

I'm talking about what one man said to me on here, not generalising all men!!

 

[1018071]

You bring a lot of questions to the table, but my question, what is the impact of numerous sexual encounters (or relationships) on the eventually success of a gay man achieving a long term relationship.

Yes, there is any number of variables and terms to be defined, and you identify several, but this is just a discussion.

All I would expect to happen is to have LPSG posters provide their view or antidotal info. You have described your life space and long-term relationship as a success. I would expect that others might ask how you did it, or describe where they may have failed.

Others (like Damina Xavia) have report searching for potentially long-term relationships and not finding one (thus far). His observation about what gay men are interested in and how they relate to each other paint a dim prospect for finding any kind of fidelity or emotional security with another man.

It is being reported in the world of traditional heterosexual marriage that around 40 percent of first marriages end in divorce. Of those who marry for the second time more than 50 percent end in divorce. For those who marry for the third time over 70 percent end in divorce. One underlying assumption is that these were intended to be long-term relationships.

All I am saying is that if a gay man has any intent of achieving a sustained (perhaps lasting) relationship, then he needs the best information possible about what is going on in his world and a skill set that will let him make it to his objective (actualization). With out that clarity, then world of gay relationships will, as Damina Xavia describes, continue to resemble a cage full of over sexed monkeys.

My longest relationship is six years and I'd say that is quite long in this day and age for any relationship gay or straight!

 

[1018071]

This conclusion may reflect your experience with other guys. But does this also reflect the way you would treat another man. If it doesn’t, then there must be others like you out there who only want to be wanted by another person. And they are not interested in head games or competition.

I'd treat a man like he should be treated! But because of passed behaviours and my general knowledge of men, I'd always be thinking if or when he would stray to fk another, because for a lot, they are nothing but sex addicts and ten different cocks a week isn't enough, but I know that is just the same for a women (straight) or a man (straight)! Once a slag, always a slag! & in a world of HIV & AIDS, I am not prepared to trust someone unconditionally without being sure!

 

[tncentaur]

Levi101, what the fuck is a 'life space'?. And I didn't say in my post that my long-term relationship was a 'success'. I think others will do what is right or necessary for them. And I think you meant anecdotal info, not antidotal info, since there's no evidence of poison here

 

[1018071]

Hey there's nothing wrong with people having sex, and don't put words in my mouth! What I want maybe not what others want!! I am only sick of my people being uses by people for sex, because they don't like commitment!

 

[622675]

View attachment 512599

Hey there's nothing wrong with people having sex, and don't put words in my mouth! What I want maybe not what others want!! I am only sick of my people being uses by people for sex, because they don't like commitment!

You are a very observant guy and report what you see / feel with a lot of detail. If I ever appear to be putting words in your mouth, let me know,,, but some of your observations are good examples for another guys question.

 

[622675]

Levi101, what the fuck is a 'life space'?. And I didn't say in my post that my long-term relationship was a 'success'. I think others will do what is right or necessary for them. And I think you meant anecdotal info, not antidotal info, since there's no evidence of poison here

Life space is a concept used in and around the discipline of education psychology. In a way it acts like a taxonomy for organizing skills and knowledge.

Briefly, it says 1) you are born, 2) you die and between those two points separated in time you perform in a number of roles. There are generally 9 to12 roles we all “play” in today’s America culture, therefore, the more the individual knows about those roles and develops the needed skills to utilize the role, the greater quality of live the individual will likely be able to achieve.

Example roles are 1) sexual being, 2) family member, 3) political being – leader / follower, 4) member of economy -producer / consumer, 5) vocation, 6) avocation, 7) member of culture, 8) member of ecology, 9) unique self – individual….