Are gay men often fatherless sons?

[silvertriumph2]

I think that all this speculation of whether it was because of a strong or absent father figure or whether the mother was domineering or whatever
...is a lot of horse pucky.

No one can convience me that we are not born with our sexual proclivities.
I have known that I liked both sexes since I was 6 or 7 and have enjoyed
love and sexual pleasures with both males and females, and would have it no other way. I do not regret that I was married to the most wonderful woman that ever lived, although I do regret that the marriage did not last. Being a natural father is the most wonderful thing to happen to a man, EVER, and I am greatly honored to be a father.

WhoM I love, is dictated by how my heart reacts to someone. At present I am in a relationship for over 20+ years with a wonderful man.

I had a wonderful, attentive and loving father who was strong, but not overbearing, and whose strong masculine ways I believe I have iinherited.
My mother was wonderful, loving, and supportive. I believe I have gotten from her my ability to make friends, and to feel free to accept and to love others without question. I'm the only one of a family of 7 that is anything other than straight.

Over the years I have known many Gay, Lesbian, and Bis and there is only one that I know of that did not have the same type of upbringing and family as I. His father was a US Marine and killed in battle, leaving him without a father. However, he was already Gay before he lost his father.

So, the answer to the question "Are gay men often fatherless sons?" my answer is NO, I don't think so and don't believe it have any connection since I believe your are born with your sexual preferences.

 

[Time2Talk]

I think that all this speculation of whether it was because of a strong or absent father figure or whether the mother was domineering or whatever
...is a lot of horse pucky.

No one can convience me that we are not born with our sexual proclivities.
I have known that I liked both sexes since I was 6 or 7 and have enjoyed
love and sexual pleasures with both males and females, and would have it no other way. I do not regret that I was married to the most wonderful woman that ever lived, although I do regret that the marriage did not last. Being a natural father is the most wonderful thing to happen to a man, EVER, and I am greatly honored to be a father.

WhoM I love, is dictated by how my heart reacts to someone. At present I am in a relationship for over 20+ years with a wonderful man.

I had a wonderful, attentive and loving father who was strong, but not overbearing, and whose strong masculine ways I believe I have iinherited.
My mother was wonderful, loving, and supportive. I believe I have gotten from her my ability to make friends, and to feel free to accept and to love others without question. I'm the only one of a family of 7 that is anything other than straight.

Over the years I have known many Gay, Lesbian, and Bis and there is only one that I know of that did not have the same type of upbringing and family as I. His father was a US Marine and killed in battle, leaving him without a father. However, he was already Gay before he lost his father.

So, the answer to the question "Are gay men often fatherless sons?" my answer is NO, I don't think so and don't believe it have any connection since I believe your are born with your sexual preferences.

I agree. I have only known people who face the difficulty of what their fathers would say in response to them stepping out of the closet. I have not had to make that decision yet, but I know when/if I do in spite of my feeling fatherless he will find out and I will in turn possibly be unable to cope. I don't think being gay or bisexual is linked to missing fathers, though I do think my own personal promiscuity is down to the void left by my father refusing to love me and accept me as his son let alone his sexually ambiguous son.

 

[Novaboy]

This seems like another "What causes someone to be gay thread" Every gay person I know knows that they always felt different even before they were sexually aware. I for one believe 100% that you are born gay just as others are born straight. And yes, for the record, I had and still do have a father who has always been part of my life. We didn't always get along. I know he was not happy with the way I was and I also know that he is one of my stongest supporters. His children come first, no matter what.

Novaboy

 

[B_henry miller]

I never asked the "cause" of homosexuality. I asked if gay men are often fatherless sons. Emphasis on the word asked. And I never suggested fatherlessness was a "cause" of homosexuality. Frankly, I don't care what the cause of homosexuality is.

This seems like another "What causes someone to be gay thread" Every gay person I know knows that they always felt different even before they were sexually aware. I for one believe 100% that you are born gay just as others are born straight. And yes, for the record, I had and still do have a father who has always been part of my life. We didn't always get along. I know he was not happy with the way I was and I also know that he is one of my stongest supporters. His children come first, no matter what.

Novaboy

 

[Novaboy]

I never asked the "cause" of homosexuality. I asked if gay men are often fatherless sons. Emphasis on the word asked. And I never suggested fatherlessness was a "cause" of homosexuality. Frankly, I don't care what the cause of homosexuality is.

If you "ask" if gay men are often fatherless sons, is it not a logical leap to assume that you were wondering if that somehow attributed to their homosexuality? I'm not arguing with you it just seems a logical leap to me. The opposite scenerio would be that many gay men are fatherless sons because their father realized their son was gay and left the family home?

Perhaps I misunderstand your post/question

Novaboy

 

[B_henry miller]

People are free to extrapolate any further question from my question. Could it be that some gay men are so sensitive about the "What is the cause?" question that it always comes to mind for them?

Search back through my original post and you'll never see the word "cause." If I am looking for a cause of anything, I am looking for the cause of the bond I often feel with some gay men -- despite the fact that I am not gay.

 

[davidjh7]

More likely, we gay men are a bit naturally defensive, because most of our lives, society has required us to explain our existence, and justify it, and in most cases, reject us as valid human beings. Like most overt societal prejudice, you sometimes see it or perceive it, even when it isn't implied. It doesn;t make it right for gay people to lash out when it isn't justified---I'm just trying to explain one reason why it often happens.

 

[silvertriumph2]

I never asked the "cause" of homosexuality. I asked if gay men are often fatherless sons. Emphasis on the word asked. And I never suggested fatherlessness was a "cause" of homosexuality. Frankly, I don't care what the cause of homosexuality is.

Well, Henry M, to tell you the truth I am not really sure what the heck you are really trying to get answers to...and I think others feel the same way. Your "question" is so ambiguous it can be taken all sorts of ways. I am sure you know what you are after, but I am not sure we are.

The statement was that you '"ASKED" : "if gay men are often fatherless sons.....what? That is like asking if straight men always have mothers.
???????? what does it have to do with anything?

If your don't care what the cause of homosexuality is...them why the question?

I don't think that being fatherless, motherless, sisterless, brotherless, has anything to do with a persons sexual desires. I just don't understand your question or what you are looking for. SORRY!

 

[B_henry miller]

I understand the logic behind it, why many gay men are defensive. But boy can it get frustrating sometimes because it hinders what could otherwise be interesting conversations.

More likely, we gay men are a bit naturally defensive, because most of our lives, society has required us to explain our existence, and justify it, and in most cases, reject us as valid human beings. Like most overt societal prejudice, you sometimes see it or perceive it, even when it isn't implied. It doesn;t make it right for gay people to lash out when it isn't justified---I'm just trying to explain one reason why it often happens.

 

[B_henry miller]

Well, I suppose you didn't see the question in the title of the thread. Because you missed it the first time, HERE'S the question again: Are gay men often fatherless sons?

Well, Henry M, to tell you the truth I am not really sure what the heck you are really trying to get answers to...

 

[davidjh7]

Agreed---sometimes, even though it shouldn't be necessary, you have to preface and qualify yourself at the beginning---I am just curious, I am not looking for causes, only your opinion, etc. You obviously are not attacking, from what I can see, but only posed a hypothesis you wanted others opinion on---which is why I am answering in an open, non-judgmental way as well....If you were being a dick about it, you would get my wrath as well :biggrin1:.

 

[Novaboy]

From my experience, there often are no "interesting conversations. We are gay because we are just as you are straight. As I said earlier, virtually all the gay people I know will tell you that they always new they were different even before they knew anything about sexuallity. There are however many interesting conversations about what it was like to grow up knowing that you are different and eventually putting the pieces together when you really learn just what being "different" means. But that's another topic. We can be defensive sometimes because no one likes to be asked "What's wrong with you or Why are you like that?" (and I'm not saying you are doing this as I do not believe you are)

Silvertriumph: Thankyou for your post. I didn't and don't want to get into a slinging match with anyone but I was glad to see you agreed that the OP is vague as to it's purpose.

Novaboy

 

[silvertriumph2]

I agree. I have only known people who face the difficulty of what their fathers would say in response to them stepping out of the closet. I have not had to make that decision yet, but I know when/if I do in spite of my feeling fatherless he will find out and I will in turn possibly be unable to cope. I don't think being gay or bisexual is linked to missing fathers, though I do think my own personal promiscuity is down to the void left by my father refusing to love me and accept me as his son let alone his sexually ambiguous son.

Fortunately I never had to go through the trauma of knowing what my parents would think of me being BI, I never had the chance to find out, since they have already passed and I still have never come out to any of my family members. I don't think that it would have been a problem since there are a couple of my extended family whe are gay/lesbian and one is HIV Positive. My parents knew this and while they were still alive, they
never treated or loved them any less when they found out. I am sure had I told them that my bisexuality would have been accepted and I would have not been loved any less. I really believe that parents know more than we think they do, and I do believe that my parents knew, but they never let on.

However, I do have friends who have gone through this and it was not a happy time for any of them. But, only one of them, a lesbian, has been rejected by her mother, but not her father. I have high hopes that the mother will come around someday.

My friend, I hope that you will find that, when the time comes to come out of the closet, that your parents will love you for what you are and not what they might want you to be. You are their son and I am sure they love you...what makes you think that they would love you any less? You might be surprised.

Regarding coping.....it is your life and you have the ability to be sad or happy....look on the bright side and be happy with yourself and live a wonderful and exciting and happy life. I don't know if you have a partner, but life can be wonderful and a lot easier if you have someone to share you life with.

 

[B_henry miller]

Well, I once -- years ago -- asked a black friend if he thought a mutual black friend was entirely of African descent as opposed to partly of African descent with some European ancestry as well. LOOK OUT! ... I had to learn the hard way that that is a question you aren't supposed to ask black people.

The thing gay men should probably try to understand is that straight men suffer from homophobia as well. Gay men and straight men suffer from homophobia. One reason is because everyone gets so goddamned uptight about the topic; no one wants to talk about it!

Agreed---sometimes, even though it shouldn't be necessary, you have to preface and qualify yourself at the beginning---I am just curious, I am not looking for causes, only your opinion, etc. You obviously are not attacking, from what I can see, but only posed a hypothesis you wanted others opinion on---which is why I am answering in an open, non-judgmental way as well....If you were being a dick about it, you would get my wrath as well :biggrin1:.

 

[davidjh7]

Well, I once -- years ago -- asked a black friend if he thought a mutual black friend was entirely of African descent as opposed to partly of African descent with some European ancestry as well. LOOK OUT! ... I had to learn the hard way that that is a question you aren't supposed to ask black people.

The thing gay men should probably try to understand is that straight men suffer from homophobia as well. Gay men and straight men suffer from homophobia. One reason is because everyone gets so goddamned uptight about the topic; no one wants to talk about it!

You are right---it is a touchy subject for everybody---you run the gamut of predudice hatred, insensitivity, too much sensitivity, etc. etc. I agree it is only when we can talk openly about things that we cause them to become less scary to talk about. You have an open mind, and want to learn and understand. That is to be repsected, and encouraged.

 

[silvertriumph2]

I have had my say. It is just another "straight" question that somehow doesn't make sense to most non straights.

Henry, I am not complaining, I am just tired of the same old things being asked of us and then making it look like it is our fault that we don't quite "get it." I will let the others continue.

I do enjoy your posts, Henry M, so keep it up. It is just this one that I am not enjoying.

 

[B_henry miller]

The only way you learn is by asking questions. The risk in asking questions is that you may seem ignorant in the process. Many people are so afraid of that possibility that they let it inhibit them from asking questions.

I think I now understand what poor Kinsey went through. hehe Asking questions like these, you get fired on from all sides.

 

[B_henry miller]

Thanks.

I do enjoy your posts, Henry M, so keep it up. It is just this one that I am not enjoying.

 

[davidjh7]

I understand where sivertriumph is coming from, too. Maybe an anology can help... "Whi is the sky blue, daddy? 'because the sunlight shines through water in the air, and makes it blue.' but WHY?' because the water takes out the blue light, so you can see it" but WHY?"...etc. etc. People get tired of answering the same questions over and over and over again---to different people, sure--but it often still comes across, even if not meant, as requiring us to justify our existence, and it does get a bit old .

 

[silvertriumph2]

Thanks David....I wish I could have said it as eloquently!