Are gay men often fatherless sons?

invisibleman

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I like being masculine. I like masculine men. And I think rites of passage are cool.

Strictly speaking, a man is a member of the male gender who has passed puberty.

Yeah, I agree with that statement.

I think that sometimes rigidity of gender roles and tests (rites of passage) aren't true indicators and illustrations of what it is to be masculine. We can like what we see but sometimes what we like isn't necessarily what is good for us.

I believe that it is with rigid confines of what is masculine limits what creative potential a man could be.
 

cocktaste

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Well, thank you for noting that I asked a question rather than proposed an answer.

There again, these answers don't preclude the possibility that many gay men may not have been close to their fathers, and that perhaps I bond with these particular gay men. (Similarly, I bond with straight men who deal with the same issue.)

You're agenda has been clear from the beginning, and every post you make about sexuality, is based on pure ignorance. Get a hobby.
 

cocktaste

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I dont know if this was written down here already, but here is the Sigmund Freud theory:

When the son is ~5 years old, it loves his mother and hates his father. He wants to see his father dead to get his mother for him alone. But he sees the mother loves daddy more than him, so the kid imitates his father.
If there is no person that can play the father, or mommy loves the son more than daddy, then the goal is already reached and it doesnt imitate the father. So it could possibly never learn to love, or become homosexual.

Freud hated women, which is why his findings are pretty much thrown out, or at least updated. Not a good source.
 

cocktaste

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But then there is a connection between the fatherlessness of these males in the urban areas and their hyper masculinity. The poorer the man, usually the more hyper masculine he is. And usually the more hyper masculine, the more homophobic.

So, there are intersections here and there.

You're just WAAAAY out there. No way is any of that based on fact, and for the most part, is absolutely absurd.
 

cocktaste

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And so it's no wonder why most people don't even want to talk about these issues at all.

The irony is that if society -- gays and straights -- would be more willing to talk about these things, homophobia would probably dissipate or at least be greatly diminished. A great deal of homophobia is the fear of the unknown. How do you get past fear of the unknown? Why, by asking questions....

You're line of questioning, and wanting a particular answer in return, is why we have homophobia to begin with. You're question has been debunked a million times over.
 

Howard10011

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"Debunked," cocktaste? I don't see how or where. There are gazillions of theories circulating about why people are gay or bisexual. The most credible and widely accepted point to a combination of nature and nurture as the key. It's impossible to deny that a disproportionate number of fatherless boys do, in fact, become gay, and it's equally impossible to deny that studies with twins, for instance, show that there's a genetic component to it as well.

Don't play the "homophobia" card unless you've got your facts straight (so to speak).
 

CUBE

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I ask because sometimes I feel I can relate to a lot of gay men, though not in terms of sexuality. I don't want to have sex with another man. It recently occurred to me that maybe what I can relate to is that gay men are often, like me, fatherless sons.

I sometimes wonder if some gay men are searching to fulfill their lack of a father while growing up.

Sterotype. Gay guys are from every background. Glad you find good frineds in these men. A kind straight man (as yourself) is indeed a good catch for a dear friend. Cheers
 

B_henry miller

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"Agenda". LOL. :rolleyes: You sound like Bill O'Reilly.

Perhaps some time when you're done with whatever hobby it is you do, you will return to enlighten us what it is about this thread that struck such a cord in you that you decided to insult me. Not that I'm really interested, though.

You're agenda has been clear from the beginning, and every post you make about sexuality, is based on pure ignorance. Get a hobby.
 

B_henry miller

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How do you debunk a question?

Questions aren't debunked. Assertions of fact are debunked. Questions are either answered or not answered.

You're line of questioning, and wanting a particular answer in return, is why we have homophobia to begin with. You're question has been debunked a million times over.
 

Principessa

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I ask because sometimes I feel I can relate to a lot of gay men, though not in terms of sexuality. I don't want to have sex with another man. It recently occurred to me that maybe what I can relate to is that gay men are often, like me, fatherless sons.
I sometimes wonder if some gay men are searching to fulfill their lack of a father while growing up.
Not being gay or a male I may be way off base here. :redface: I think the most basic answer to your query is a resounding no.

Oh, well, if it is the case that some gay men are searching for their father, it's subconscious. Likewise, the theory is that straight men are searching for their mother -- but they don't think of it that way and would probably be creeped out if someone said that to them.[/quote] I have never heard of either of these theories and find them at best odd. :confused:

This seems like another "What causes someone to be gay thread"I thought that as well at first. Every gay person I know knows that they always felt different even before they were sexually aware. I for one believe 100% that you are born gay just as others are born straight. And yes, for the record, I had and still do have a father who has always been part of my life. We didn't always get along. I know he was not happy with the way I was and I also know that he is one of my stongest supporters. His children come first, no matter what.
Your relationship sounds like that of many people I know both gay and straight. :rolleyes:

People are free to extrapolate any further question from my question. Could it be that some gay men are so sensitive about the "What is the cause?" question that it always comes to mind for them?
Search back through my original post and you'll never see the word "cause." If I am looking for a cause of anything, I am looking for the cause of the bond I often feel with some gay men -- despite the fact that I am not gay.
I think the obvious answer is that you are gay or at least a little bi and you just don't know it yet. :smile: I don't mean that as an insult. Some men realize they are gay late in life and it comes as terrible shock to them as they had alway been the epitome of the heterosexual male in the past.

My friend, I hope that you will find that, when the time comes to come out of the closet, that your parents will love you for what you are and not what they might want you to be. You are their son and I am sure they love you...what makes you think that they would love you any less? You might be surprised. Yes! I am so glad I am not the only one who picked up on this.

Regarding coping.....it is your life and you have the ability to be sad or happy....look on the bright side and be happy with yourself and live a wonderful and exciting and happy life. I don't know if you have a partner, but life can be wonderful and a lot easier if you have someone to share you life with.
Agreed. :smile:

Well, I once -- years ago -- asked a black friend if he thought a mutual black friend was entirely of African descent as opposed to partly of African descent with some European ancestry as well. LOOK OUT! ... I had to learn the hard way that that is a question you aren't supposed to ask black people. That's cause it's a stupid question. :rolleyes: What were you trying to determine in asking that?
The thing gay men should probably try to understand is that straight men suffer from homophobia as well. Gay men and straight men suffer from homophobia. One reason is because everyone gets so goddamned uptight about the topic; no one wants to talk about it!
Oh please, no you don't! Straight men do not suffer at all from homophobia. :mad: When was the last time you heard of a straight man getting beat up by a bunch of angry, drunken, gay men just because he dared walk down the street holding his girlfriends' hand? :confused: Don't even go there.

I understand where sivertriumph is coming from, too. Maybe an anology can help... "Whi is the sky blue, daddy? 'because the sunlight shines through water in the air, and makes it blue.' but WHY?' because the water takes out the blue light, so you can see it" but WHY?"...etc. etc. People get tired of answering the same questions over and over and over again---to different people, sure--but it often still comes across, even if not meant, as requiring us to justify our existence, and it does get a bit old .
Bingo! Well said!


I didn't require anyone to justify anything. I asked a simple question. Some answered yes. Some answered no. Others, well, apparently misinterpreted what I had written.
No, they didn't. Your question had a subtext whether you realized it or not.


i grew up without a father but he was a around but he wasnt always in my life but atleast i knew him
Does that mean you are bi-sexual because your dad was in and out of your life?:confused::biggrin1: What an odd concept! It's silly, but I'm more comfortable with the idea that you are bi because you like men and women. Not because your dad held a sporadic place in your upbringing. :redface:
 

B_dumbcow

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! everyone is arguing and saying everyone else is wrong etc and reaching no conclusion, i know a very straight guy who has no dad and a very gay guy who is good friends with his dad. i
dont think that in many cases the dad plays a role in a persons sexuality.

i think that a minority of people are born with ginger hair and a majority with brown hair. just because the people with brown hair dont understand why the redheads were born redhead, they search for a reason which may or may not be true, like redheads washed their hair too much.

the above situation does not happen because everybody understands that redheads are born with red hair. i think that sexuality is just a confused case of how someone is born, rather than how they have lived.

ps im have reddish hair and am not discriminating or anything against redheads, it was just an example

pss sorry if this is confusing, but i hope someone will understand what im saying :)
 

B_Monster

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I ask because sometimes I feel I can relate to a lot of gay men, though not in terms of sexuality. I don't want to have sex with another man. It recently occurred to me that maybe what I can relate to is that gay men are often, like me, fatherless sons.

I sometimes wonder if some gay men are searching to fulfill their lack of a father while growing up.


This is just an irrational generalization like gay men having limp wrist, bull crap!
 

B_henry miller

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Excuse me, but where exactly is the generalization? I asked a question. Questions by definition cannot be generalizations. A generalization has to take place within the context of a statement.

I never said all gay men have limp wrists.

I never said all gay men are fatherless sons.

This is just an irrational generalization like gay men having limp wrist, bull crap!
 

B_henry miller

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I think the obvious answer is that you are gay or at least a little bi and you just don't know it yet. :smile: I don't mean that as an insult. Some men realize they are gay late in life and it comes as terrible shock to them as they had alway been the epitome of the heterosexual male in the past.


So all men who get along with gay men are gay or at least bisexual?

Oh please, no you don't! Straight men do not suffer at all from homophobia. :mad: When was the last time you heard of a straight man getting beat up by a bunch of angry, drunken, gay men just because he dared walk down the street holding his girlfriends' hand? :confused: Don't even go there.


So straight men don't feel the sting of being called "fag" if they venture only slightly outside of the narrow framework of "straight" behavior? The fear of being perceived as gay, effeminate, etc., doesn't motivate straight men to macho excesses to prove they aren't gay? These desires to prove they aren't gay aren't oppressive and aren't based on the fact that homophobia could make them suffer if they are perceived as gay? Straight men aren't sometimes perceived as gay?

No, they didn't. Your question had a subtext whether you realized it or not.


Of course my question had a subtext. In fact, it probably has hundreds of subtexts. I never said I agree or disagree with any of the subtexts.
 

Lex

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So all men who get along with gay men are gay or at least bisexual?

No. But men who claim that they are 100% straight while saying that they have no desire for any compliments or advances from gay men and who hang on cock sites where there are TONS of gay and bi men and post cock shots (which can open you to PMs and compliments/advances from gay/bi men), MIGHT BE.

We've seen some of these patterns before.

I want to believe that your questions are honest, but I am beginning to wonder if you don't have a secondary agenda (which is fine, actually).

I made a conscious effort to not be offended by the title of this thread. You do, however, do a lot of questioning here (in a closed, unrepresentative community) when you could google instead.
 

B_henry miller

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Well, thank you for accepting that these are your suspicions that you've read in to this.

By the way, I never said I don't want compliments from other men. Click on the pictures and see that I've welcomed any compliment I can get.

I said I'm not interested in come-ons.

Wow. It's all just so counter intuitive. I thought what this world wanted was open minded people. The reward for being open minded in this case, apparently, is that people think you are lying.

Could it be that some gay and bisexual men think that no truly straight man will accept them and that any straight man who accepts them is not truly straight? Again, just asking. Not a statement. Any thoughts?