This thread was inspired by The Causes of Homosexuality thread. I had posted this there but was advised it was off-topic and so created its own thread.
Are gay men with strong paternal relationships less likely to come out of the closet?
We all know there are a lot of closet cases out there. If a boy has a strong relationship with his father, seeks to emulate him, feel loved by him, seeks to please him because of that strong bond, then perhaps a boy would be less likely to come out for fear of displeasing his father if that father was homophobic and the boy knew how his father felt about homosexuality.
It seems logical to me that the stronger the bond between father and son then the more the son will work to please and emulate his father. Boys do look to their fathers as sexual role models and that's a unique bond which mothers cannot provide save that they can see their mother pleased (or not) by the father's actions and affections. If the father is homophobic and the son knows this, then the son may feel that he's deeply displeasing the father by failing to emulate his sexual behaviors.
I know that many homophobic men do not regard homosexuals as men. They will use every other word to describe gays, but they won't see them as men and, truly, to be validated (regarded as, treated as, loved as) as a man by a father is something very intrinsic to the needs of a son. To then reject the father's sexuality, indeed the very act that created the son in the first place, is to reject a father in the most intimate, and possibly relationship-damaging, manner possible. The son is saying he rejects his father's sexual role in his own life and his father's parental role modeling (failing to want to conceive children of his own).
In a healthy relationship, I can see this as perhaps being difficult but not irreparable, yet it's very difficult for an adolescent dealing with both developing his own adult personality and adult sexuality to possibly disappoint a beloved father to such an intimate degree. Wouldn't it be more difficult if that father was the object of not only love but admiration and role modeling? Add to that mix the father's possible open homophobia and the son soon learns that while they may argue about playing soccer or football, there is NO option for the son to be accepted as homosexual.
In a poor relationship, a boy may well have looked to peers or other adults for role modeling and love so that there's less to lose by coming out.
Perhaps that is why there are so many closeted conservatives out there? They've been raised by conservative parents who may be openly hostile to homosexuality. Say what you will about conservatism, but many conservatives are family-oriented taking great care to raise their children in the manner they believe they should be raised in all areas ranging from clothing to religion to sexuality. Many also believe homosexuality to be a choice and that adds a double disappointment to a boy with a strong fatherly bond. Not only is the boy disappointing his father but he is actually choosing to do so in the eyes of his father. It's one thing to fail someone through no fault of your own; an entirely different matter to choose to disappoint someone.
The problem with any survey of homosexuality is that you're only surveying people who will admit to being homosexuals, not people who are homosexual but practicing heterosexuality or asexuality. For sexual-orientation statistics to be valid, there needs to be utter and complete truthfulness in the answers. Unlike chemical experiments, people can lie and they do lie and they very certainly will lie about their sexual orientation when they do not care for it to be discovered.
So the most I can say about that 1000 man sample is that it's only taking into consideration men who are out, not men who are closeted. After all, a closeted male, by definition, wouldn't admit to being homosexual and so wouldn't participate.
Are gay men with strong paternal relationships less likely to come out of the closet?
We all know there are a lot of closet cases out there. If a boy has a strong relationship with his father, seeks to emulate him, feel loved by him, seeks to please him because of that strong bond, then perhaps a boy would be less likely to come out for fear of displeasing his father if that father was homophobic and the boy knew how his father felt about homosexuality.
It seems logical to me that the stronger the bond between father and son then the more the son will work to please and emulate his father. Boys do look to their fathers as sexual role models and that's a unique bond which mothers cannot provide save that they can see their mother pleased (or not) by the father's actions and affections. If the father is homophobic and the son knows this, then the son may feel that he's deeply displeasing the father by failing to emulate his sexual behaviors.
I know that many homophobic men do not regard homosexuals as men. They will use every other word to describe gays, but they won't see them as men and, truly, to be validated (regarded as, treated as, loved as) as a man by a father is something very intrinsic to the needs of a son. To then reject the father's sexuality, indeed the very act that created the son in the first place, is to reject a father in the most intimate, and possibly relationship-damaging, manner possible. The son is saying he rejects his father's sexual role in his own life and his father's parental role modeling (failing to want to conceive children of his own).
In a healthy relationship, I can see this as perhaps being difficult but not irreparable, yet it's very difficult for an adolescent dealing with both developing his own adult personality and adult sexuality to possibly disappoint a beloved father to such an intimate degree. Wouldn't it be more difficult if that father was the object of not only love but admiration and role modeling? Add to that mix the father's possible open homophobia and the son soon learns that while they may argue about playing soccer or football, there is NO option for the son to be accepted as homosexual.
In a poor relationship, a boy may well have looked to peers or other adults for role modeling and love so that there's less to lose by coming out.
Perhaps that is why there are so many closeted conservatives out there? They've been raised by conservative parents who may be openly hostile to homosexuality. Say what you will about conservatism, but many conservatives are family-oriented taking great care to raise their children in the manner they believe they should be raised in all areas ranging from clothing to religion to sexuality. Many also believe homosexuality to be a choice and that adds a double disappointment to a boy with a strong fatherly bond. Not only is the boy disappointing his father but he is actually choosing to do so in the eyes of his father. It's one thing to fail someone through no fault of your own; an entirely different matter to choose to disappoint someone.
The problem with any survey of homosexuality is that you're only surveying people who will admit to being homosexuals, not people who are homosexual but practicing heterosexuality or asexuality. For sexual-orientation statistics to be valid, there needs to be utter and complete truthfulness in the answers. Unlike chemical experiments, people can lie and they do lie and they very certainly will lie about their sexual orientation when they do not care for it to be discovered.
So the most I can say about that 1000 man sample is that it's only taking into consideration men who are out, not men who are closeted. After all, a closeted male, by definition, wouldn't admit to being homosexual and so wouldn't participate.
