Are relationships a sign of weakness?

keenobserver

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No. It takes a certain courage to risk yourself in a relationship. It takes a lot of work to make things come out. People are bombarded with pressures from family, friends, work, financial pressures and their own internal hopes and fears as well as a few demons. Being alone is fine at times - I'm not knocking it, but that really doesn't take much effort does it?

" Ships are always safe in the harbor, but that is not what ships are for."
 

temptotalk

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I don't agree, it isn't a sign of weakness. The weakness aspect comes in when a person needs (above other things) to be romantically attached. And thats only because of those out there that would love to exploit that need.
 
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sangheili90

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I would say its a weakness if the person is in an unhealthy relationship and they desperately cling to it out of a fear of being alone, which I think is fairly common from what I've seen around me. What you said is true though, most people really cant fathom being alone and it terrifies them, this is more based on a human instinctual need to belong.
 
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I'm not a crutch for him, nor is he a crutch for me. We're both perfectly fine, strong, independent people. That being said, we make each other happy and we work well together.
 
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KennF

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Is the desire to be in a romantic relationship a form mental weakness? Like you don't have the mental strength to live life on your own, so you need the crutch of another person giving you emotional support?

Do you agree?

Wow. Emphatically No.

Being in a relationship requires a great deal of mental strength. Being vulnerable, open, honest,compassionate and focused on someone else takes a great deal of work. It is never easy to open up to others and admit your own shortfalls or concerns. To admit you made a mistake is one of the most difficult things you can do. No one is perfect, after all.

My husband and I are complementary in the relationship. We were both living life on our own and dealing with our own issues separately. Together, we are stronger than we were individually. When he needs support, I provide it and vice versa. When things get tough for me, he steps in and makes my life easier and vice versa. Together, we are stronger than we are individually, but in no way is that because we can't live alone. We were before and happy going it alone, but we're stronger and happier doing it together.
 

LadyJesseQuinn

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I used to think so. Up until my late 20's I honestly thought love was a bullshit lie within which everyone was conspiring. I met peeps I liked but I never fell in love, to me doing so would have been a definite indication of weakness. Didn't help that most of the peeps around me who were in relationships were miserable as fuck and were obviously there for reasons of dependence, fear, insecurity.

Relationships ultimately are what you make of them though; peeps who are terrified to be alone will always cling to them, conversely many strong, confident and independent peeps have partners who fit into and compliment their already fulfilling lives, and each party is happier and stronger for that.

I'm a better, stronger, kinder person due to my partner's influence, and I know the same is true in reverse. That's not weakness or co-dependence; that's taking on the world together, kicking it's azz and laughing non-stop along the way. Sure I could do it alone but it wouldn't be nearly as much fun

Being in a relationship requires a great deal of mental strength. Being vulnerable, open, honest,compassionate and focused on someone else takes a great deal of work.

^^^word, really well put =)
 

wallyj84

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Everyone is talking about how difficult relationships are, yet only vaguely defining the benefits of a relationship or saying that it's just what people do. I find that interesting.

Why put so much effort into something with so little real benefit? Why do something just because it's "what people do"?
 
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Tight_N_Juicy

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Everyone is talking about how difficult relationships are, yet only vaguely defining the benefits of a relationship or saying that it's just what people do. I find that interesting.

Why put so much effort into something with so little real benefit? Why do something just because it's "what people do"?

Who said there's 'so little benefit'? I feel overwhelmingly grateful to have the support of my man, to know he's there for me to smoke a bowl with and let me vent when I have a shit day at work, to know he's there to listen when I'm depressed about my health issues, to know I have someone to binge out on episodes of The Walking Dead with for hours at a time.. He cooks for me quite often, we help each other keep the house in order, he even gets doggy-treats for my big stinky puppy dog. He helps me feel safe, knowing he's a strong capable man and I'm not all alone at night. I'd even consider it a 'benefit' that I have to reciprocate those things for him.. gives me a sense of purpose to have someone to take care of in some way.

I'm not weak because I can appreciate having someone I love in my life. I'm just, human.
 
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wallyj84

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Who said there's 'so little benefit'? I feel overwhelmingly grateful to have the support of my man, to know he;s there for me when I have a shit day at work, to know he's there to listen when I'm depressed about my health issues, to know I have someone to binge out on episodes of The Walking Dead with for hours at a time.. He cooks for me quite often, we help each other keep the house in order, he even gets doggy-treats for my big stinky puppy dog.

I'm not weak because I can appreciate having someone I love in my life. I'm just, human.

But as a adult you should be able to handle all of that by yourself. Why do you need or even want someone else involved in that stuff?
 

Tight_N_Juicy

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But as a adult you should be able to handle all of that by yourself. Why do you need or even want someone else involved in that stuff?

Yeah. I know that.

I want it because I do, because it's normal/natural for a human being. Why do you need an explanation for that? If you don't feel the need to have that connection that's fine... but it doesn't mean you're 'stronger' than me emotionally.
 
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Everyone is talking about how difficult relationships are, yet only vaguely defining the benefits of a relationship or saying that it's just what people do. I find that interesting.

Why put so much effort into something with so little real benefit? Why do something just because it's "what people do"?

There is plenty of real benefit. We both still support ourselves and are perfectly capable of doing our own thing, but it makes me happy to do things for him and to share with him. Same for him. It makes me smile to share silly things with him, talk about random shit, etc. I don't NEED a relationship. I've gone without one for the majority of my adult life. I enjoy having one. There's a greater degree of happiness being in a romantic relationship, than just having platonic relationships.
 

wallyj84

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I know that. I want it because I do, because it's normal/natural for a human being. Why do you need an explanation for that? If you don't feel the need to have that connection that's fine... but it doesn't mean you're 'stronger' than me emotionally.

The man that can lift 200lbs by himself is by definition stronger than the person who needs help to lift 200lbs.

Let me ask you this, who says that it's normal or natural to want to be with someone else? I think that if we taught everyone to be self-reliant and emotionally strong, relationships and potentially deep friendships in general would disappear in a few generations.
 

wallyj84

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There is plenty of real benefit. We both still support ourselves and are perfectly capable of doing our own thing, but it makes me happy to do things for him and to share with him. Same for him. It makes me smile to share silly things with him, talk about random shit, etc. I don't NEED a relationship. I've gone without one for the majority of my adult life. I enjoy having one. There's a greater degree of happiness being in a romantic relationship, than just having platonic relationships.

You're describing very small benefits for the amount of work required.

You mentioned romantic relationships as being different than platonic relationships. Outside of sex, what is the difference between the two?
 

malakos

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But as a adult you should be able to handle all of that by yourself.

This ideology you are touting, symbolized in the above quote, is a modern fabrication that completely ignores the social nature of humanity expressed throughout our entire history so far. You are uncritically entertaining individualist propaganda, I would guess because it helps to neatly compartmentalize hurt you have experienced in an unhappy romantic life. Unfortunately, if a part of you still wants loving connection, continuing down this path will only decrease your chances of finding it.
 

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The man that can lift 200lbs by himself is by definition stronger than the person who needs help to lift 200lbs.

Let me ask you this, who says that it's normal or natural to want to be with someone else? I think that if we taught everyone to be self-reliant and emotionally strong, relationships and potentially deep friendships in general would disappear in a few generations.

I think someone could use a dose of humility...

It's kinda common sense... but also (I forgot the name of the doctor) in this documentary trilogy I watched called Zeitgeist, I believe there are 3 movies all together, a psychologist explains 'Human Needs'. We do in fact need to connect with other people and to feel accepted by our own kind. We aren't solitary creatures, we're pack animals.

I'll see if I can find the name of that doctor.
 

wallyj84

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This ideology you are touting, symbolized in the above quote, is a modern fabrication that completely ignores the social nature of humanity expressed throughout our entire history so far. You are uncritically entertaining individualist propaganda, I would guess because it helps to neatly compartmentalize hurt you have experienced in an unhappy romantic life. Unfortunately, if a part of you still wants loving connection, continuing down this path will only decrease your chances of finding it.

The social nature of humanity is a product of our environment and the fact that only as working as a group were we able to survive as a species. But those old paradigms are no longer relevant. We don't need tight knit tribes to survive anymore. Modern society has created so much distance beween human beings that we barely even need to talk to another person nowadays. A lot of people think think this distance is a bad thing and that we must return to the past, but they are fools. We should embrace this future of physical and emotional solitude. The era human togetherness and the tribalism and racism that it created is over. Now is the time of the individual! A shining beacon of individuality untainted by contact with other human beings.

You're right to say that I still want a relationship. I am weak, perhaps too weak to survive in the coming world, but at least I admit my weakness.