Are relationships a sign of weakness?

[wallyj84]

Your view on relationships being toxic and outdated is simply your opinion, there really isn't anything inherently correct or incorrect about it. Yes, some relationships are very much toxic and yes in some cases people's views on relationships are a bit outdated, but that doesn't mean we can make a sweeping generalization about all relationships from this.

This is where we disagree. An opinion can be wrong if it goes against reality. For example if your opinion is the earth is flat, then your opinion is wrong.

I'm basing my opinion on everything I have seen and experienced in life. So there is no room　for me to be wrong. Having said that, I've written some stuff in this thread about the benefits of solitude that are less than fact based and might actually be wrong.

 

[sangheili90]

This is where we disagree. An opinion can be wrong if it goes against reality. For example if your opinion is the earth is flat, then your opinion is wrong.

I'm basing my opinion on everything I have seen and experienced in life. So there is no room　for me to be wrong. Having said that, I've written some stuff in this thread abput the benefits of solitude that are pesd than fact based and might actually be wrong.

Dude, your own experiences are not necessarily reality. A person with schizophrenia will have experiences that may seem real to them but have no basis in reality whatsoever.

 

[wallyj84]

Yep! And not wanting to discuss something further with someone who only wants to hear themselves apparently means concession

I tried to respect your decisin to leave the disussin. Why are you back?

This is my opinion, not based on facts, but I think my words have affected you somehow. You see the truth and want to know more. Feel free to IM me if you don't want to ask mu outright on the forum.

 

[keenobserver]

I attempted to have a friendly discussion, but it quickly turned into an arguement. I　would present a point and she would only respond with empty platitudes. How can we have a discussion when one side　refuses to accept reality?

Honestly, neither one of us was　listening to the other. She refused to even contemplate the idea that relationships are inherently toxic and outdated, while I was a bit dickish towards her by calling her　relationship a FWB situation. We were both at fault.

Actually, only one of you was at fault. You started the thread with no apparent desire to honestly listen to what anyone said. Your mind was made up. "The fault lies not in our stars, but in ourselves (or yourself as the case may be).

 

[wallyj84]

Dude, your own experiences are not necessarily reality. A person with schizophrenia will have experiences that may seem real to them but have no basis in reality whatsoever.

But their experiences never really happened. That's why their experiences are worthless. Mine DID happen.

 

[693987]

I tried to respect your decisin to leave the disussin. Why are you back?

This is my opinion, not based on facts, but I think my words have affected you somehow. You see the truth and want to know more. Feel free to IM me if you don't want to ask mu outright on the forum.

I was done talking to YOU. Because it was not productive and you were being insulting. That doesn't mean I can't post in the thread.

And, yes, it's your opinion and you're projecting your opinion on everyone else, without even remotely considering that anything anyone is saying has truth to it. Magically your experiences have merit, but no one else's do. Weird. Like I said, stop talking to me. Or better yet, I'll finally add your rude ass to my block list. Make the forums much more pleasant.

 

[wallyj84]

I was done talking to YOU. Because it was not productive and you were being insulting. That doesn't mean I can't post in the thread.

And, yes, it's your opinion and you're projecting your opinion on everyone else, without even remotely considering that anything anyone is saying has truth to it. Magically your experiences have merit, but no one else's do. Weird. Like I said, stop talking to me. Or better yet, I'll finally add your rude ass to my block list. Make the forums much more pleasant.

I'll help you with the blck list.

 

[sangheili90]

But their experiences never really happened. That's why their experiences are worthless. Mine DID happen.

I don't even know why I posted on this thread lol. A lot of what you said may very well have some truth in it but it may or not be the experience of others. Its a rather interesting topic but this constant back and forth debate will never go anywhere.

 

[wallyj84]

I don't even know why I posted on this thread lol. A lot of what you said may very well have some truth in it but it may or not be the experience of others. Its a rather interesting topic but this constant back and forth debate will never go anywhere.

Fair enough.

 

[554279]

Is the desire to be in a romantic relationship a form mental weakness? Like you don't have the mental strength to live life on your own, so you need the crutch of another person giving you emotional support?

Do you agree?

I think you hit it closer with the second part regarding emotional support. I think everyone has emotional flaws and relationships give use confidence and companionship. So it is probably more like emotional frailty maybe.

 

[temptotalk]

The social nature of humanity is a product of our environment and the fact that only as working as a group were we able to survive as a species. But those old paradigms are no longer relevant. We don't need tight knit tribes to survive anymore. Modern society has created so much distance beween human beings that we barely even need to talk to another person nowadays. A lot of people think think this distance is a bad thing and that we must return to the past, but they are fools. We should embrace this future of physical and emotional solitude. The era human togetherness and the tribalism and racism that it created is over. Now is the time of the individual! A shining beacon of individuality untainted by contact with other human beings.

You're right to say that I still want a relationship. I am weak, perhaps too weak to survive in the coming world, but at least I admit my weakness.

Yeah thats just about impossible. Not only for emotional reasons but for practical reasons. People aren't going to stop bumping uglies until theres direct death on the horizon. Even then people will continue to populate the earth with more and more people. So lack of contact with another human being....impossible. The only way thats even close to being possible is if you live in a certain area and have skills that allow for no human contact.

With that said. I agree we human beings do need to learn how to be individuals. When it comes to relationships no, there is no weakness unless theres a need that supersedes other things. That isn't to say that there isn't something going on. From what i've seen people tend to agree more readily with their partners more often on certain issues. They tend to loose their individuality with regards to certain types of unions. And when that idea is placed on larger issues...people tend to just go with the flow. It's part of being a couple, same as giving and taking or that balance everyone talks about.

Yeah no matter what relationship it is someone is getting something out of it. If they weren't they wouldn't be in the relationship. Whether it's shallow or not is another issue. Thats defined mostly by preferences and people's view of the world/people around them. How they define it.

The need for relationship is a very real very human thing. Just not in the context of how most relationships go currently. The only need human beings have that could be said to be inherent is contact and maybe sex. I say maybe because human beings have reached a point intellectually that we don't necessarily need sex. Not when our brains are as powerful as they currently are fantasy wise. Human contact though is a different ballgame.

Not necessarily skin to skin but other forms. Also blah blah blah blah...blah.

 

[someperson]

But as a adult you should be able to handle all of that by yourself. Why do you need or even want someone else involved in that stuff?

what kinda dope are you on because i want some lol

 

[TurkeyWithaSunburn]

No.
No.
No.

 

[Hatt_101]

No it's not

 

[ronin001]

There is an old saying about the grass being green,

Many single people want to be in relationships.
Many people in relationships wish they were single.

Relationships can be pains in the ass; and they can be wonderful life building experiences. Either way I have never seen them as a weakness.

 

[huguest]

I read one time a book that changed my view on relationship.

When Your in relation you learn and you grow, it's mostly a survival mechanism. But in the book, they prone to not stagnate in that relation. When you stop learning from that partner, you need to change.

Most of us don't do it, we think it's too much of a sacrifice, we prefer to comfort in that security and stay with our partner. Some of us stay just for the emotional comfort even if it's toxic. Some grow all their life with the same person.

But it's mostly a learning reason. learning emotionally, learning to survive, Love is just a matching vibration.
Love procure much emotionally and physically, but it's still a matching vibration.

 

[185248]

Is the desire to be in a romantic relationship a form mental weakness? Like you don't have the mental strength to live life on your own, so you need the crutch of another person giving you emotional support?

Do you agree?

When you are out of one, it's a need to be in one, when your in one, it's a desire at times to be out of it. The strength comes when you decide to be in or out and remain happy with your decision.

 

[braalian]

If you (op) don't want to be in a relationship because of past experiences, lack of interest/desire, or any other reason, there's nothing wrong with that. But that doesn't make you "stronger" than those who are in relationships.

You can't define someone as weak or strong simply based on whether or not they're in a relationship. There are "weak", dependent people who base their identity on their relationships and do not have a strong sense of self. There are also "weak" people with self-confidence issues who are afraid of being rejected who stay single as a defense mechanism.

And even in both these cases, it is over-simplifying things to label these people "weak".

And I don't think the argument that "it's stronger to be single because it's harder to make it through modern life alone" makes much sense. It is way easier to manage my own finances, my own apartment, and my own free time when single. Adding another person creates a lot of complication that requires a lot of compromise and maturity.

 

[KennF]

But as a adult you should be able to handle all of that by yourself. Why do you need or even want someone else involved in that stuff?

You are mixing competing concepts and your logic is flaw accordingly.

First, there is a difference between weakness and inability. There is a difference between strong enough, and the strongest ever.

The comment about a person who can lift 200lbs versus a person who needs help lifting 200lbs doesn't factor in the need. If there is never a need to lift 200lbs, but only lift 175lbs, then both people are strong enough.

Is one weaker than the other? Of course. No one is identical in all aspects.

Most people in relationships are strong enough to live on their own. They will adapt, survive and live. But that isn't the same style, ease or enjoyment as not doing it alone.

With my husband we can lift that 200lbs easier, quicker, with more fun, and enjoyment, than if either of us attempted to lift it alone.

 

[KennF]

What is the difference, then? They seem to be essentially the same thing to me.

The difference between codependency and healthy relationship are a bright line as can be.

In a codependent relationship, "I need my partner to be deficient to complete myself."
In a healthy relationship, "I help my partner become better and feel self-rewarded for my efforts."

Totally different levels of needs and requirements, wants and desires.