Are relationships overrated??

[D_Percival Puddleford Pukehorn]

I was having a coversation with a friend over the weekend about how we as human beings strive to obtain a serious relationship and then eventually find out that it's not all it's cracked up to be. Have any of you felt this type of disappointment? And i'm not referring to your partner as the one to blame for the disappointment but more yourself! Have any of you felt that it wasn't what you were seeking afterall and preferred to be alone??
I hint that would be my case. :frown1:

 

[lickme69]

No. If you feel this way then it is not the relationship for you. Do that person a favor and move on.

 

[B_theOtherJJ]

No, GOOD ones arent ! But then again you need to be a relationship kind of person. Some people cant commit to anything, and would find a relationship alot of work (which it is) and overbearing for them.

This is a matter of "to each their own".... I had one for 22 yrs and miss it now.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

yes and no. Loving someone properly and having them love you back and all the other important parts of a relationship, like mutual support and understanding e.t.c. aren't disappointing, but I'm not sure it makes you any happier than being single does. What matters is being able to enjoy your life and feel at home with yourself, whether you single or in a relationship.

Happiness doesn't come from other people, nor does fulfillment, and all too often people think that being in a relationship will automatically make them happier and more fulfilled, big mistake in my opinion.

 

[Fleur]

No. If you feel this way then it is not the relationship for you. Do that person a favor and move on.

I agree. I think if you do feel like that--then it's not the right relationship. A serious relationship you're in shouldn't feel overrated. :smile: It should feel great, maybe with a few bumps along the way, but great and intimate and lovely.

But a lot of people go into relationships for the wrong reasons and stay in glaringly bad ones for reasons like comfort and fear of not wanting to "start over" or because they're co-dependent on some level and in denial about that. Or they're like me and they care about the person but are loyal to a fault so they stick around long after the horse is already dead and been kicked a few times.

It really helps to be single and self-sufficient, get to know yourself and understand you as well as know what you want in a partner before you go into a serious relationship.

 

[B_Marcus50]

I was having a coversation with a friend over the weekend about how we as human beings strive to obtain a serious relationship and then eventually find out that it's not all it's cracked up to be. Have any of you felt this type of disappointment? And i'm not referring to your partner as the one to blame for the disappointment but more yourself! Have any of you felt that it wasn't what you were seeking afterall and preferred to be alone??
I hint that would be my case. :frown1:

Hell yes! They are immensely overrated. There is always one person who loves the other one more than vice versa. Another thing is that most women think "What can he do for me" instead of thinking about what they can bring to the relationship themselves. They think they're queens that should be catered to by some guy, who has to put up with all her bullshit and not make any demands himself.
And many people today (not only women) have become too superficial and are constantly seeking a perfect person, which leads them to engage in a relationship with an almost perfect person only to become disappointed later on, because that person isn't perfect.

And how often do you see a couple that have been together for more than 10 years? Most of the relationship/marriages dissolve after 3-5 years (or less), and then you have to find a new person. Relationships are a waste of time IMO.

 

[D_Percival Puddleford Pukehorn]

well said.

 

[invisibleman]

I was having a coversation with a friend over the weekend about how we as human beings strive to obtain a serious relationship and then eventually find out that it's not all it's cracked up to be. Have any of you felt this type of disappointment? And i'm not referring to your partner as the one to blame for the disappointment but more yourself! Have any of you felt that it wasn't what you were seeking afterall and preferred to be alone??
I hint that would be my case. :frown1:

Well, it is a disappointment if you didn't expect what you got from the relationship.

I have personal disappointments from relationships back from when I was in my early twenties. But I was a bit more optimistic than I am now. So, I guess that I am weaning off of that optimism nowadays. But with that trade off was bred an intolerance for abuse of any kind. I used to take a bunch when I was younger...but not now. That is why I have learned a few simple rules. Keep friends as friends. Keep lovers/fuck buddies as lovers/fuck buddies. If you ever entertain having a relationship with a friend or a fuck buddy...you had better make sure that you can handle that person totally disappointing you and you can love that person totally in spite of that disappointment. If not, don't bother giving yourself permission to fall in love. Keep them as friends. Or as fuck buddies.

But I guess if you are totally disappointed in relationships in general. You could mentally train yourself to do without love primary relationships. Find ways of getting that kind of love you are seeking from other sources.

 

[D_Percival Puddleford Pukehorn]

wow. i love your reply invisy. Wel thought and well lived.

 

[D_Ivana Dickenside]

it depends what kind of relationship you're talking about.

a good, healthy, trusting, loving, caring relationship with great communication is far from overrated. it's actually rare and is something that should be cherished.

but a bad, abusive, unhealthy, untrusting, unloving relationship with bad communication is completely overrated. the people go into relationships like these almost always think it will solve all their problems, but it doesn't work that way.

i honestly believe people need to know themselves inside-out first, and also be entirely happy with who they are, before they can dedicate themselves to someone else.

i've had my fair share of bad dating experiences and one very bad relationship. but i got to know myself better after that, and now i'm currently in the best relationship i've ever been in. at least that's how i came to learn and appreciate what i have now. we are celebrating our 1 year anniversary in november :biggrin1:

 

[D_Jurgen Klitgaard]

it depends what kind of relationship you're talking about.

a good, healthy, trusting, loving, caring relationship with great communication is far from overrated. it's actually rare and is something that should be cherished.

but a bad, abusive, unhealthy, untrusting, unloving relationship with bad communication is completely overrated. the people go into relationships like these almost always think it will solve all their problems, but it doesn't work that way.

i honestly believe people need to know themselves inside-out first, and also be entirely happy with who they are, before they can dedicate themselves to someone else.

i've had my fair share of bad dating experiences and one very bad relationship. but i got to know myself better after that, and now i'm currently in the best relationship i've ever been in. at least that's how i came to learn and appreciate what i have now. we are celebrating our 1 year anniversary in november :biggrin1:

Agreed! :biggrin1:

I will say that this is my first relationship, and so far it has been great! I didn't know getting into it what to expect, so I've been learning as I go along. I just knew I wanted to be with her. Thankfully Stacy has been a wonderful and understanding girlfriend and helping me as I go along. I couldn't ask for better. My issue has been comfort level. I've been a loner for all of my life, so now having someone to share my life with taken me out of that comfort level. It's been scary at times, as I would assume any relationship would be, but fun at the same time. I can't imagine living my life without her. :redface:

Every relationship has had or will have it's ups and downs. It's how you handle them together than makes the relationship special. I'm still learning about that as I go along. If I wasn't able to confide in Stacy about my thoughts and feelings, and she wasn't able to do the same with me, then I'm sure we wouldn't have lasted this long, especially being so far away from each other.

Giving your heart to someone and accepting theirs in return is very scary, but it can also be wonderful. You never know what you'll be missing out on if you don't try.

 

[dolfette]

my view on relationships...

first you should learn to be happy alone. to love your own company and to love yourself.
when you are happy alone then you will only seek the company of those who increase your happiness.
and you will stay because the relationship is good and not because you fear to be alone once more.

a good relationship is the icing on the cake of life.

 

[B_am12388]

I think they are. I love being single. Relationships are too much hassle. I'm way too selfish and busy to devote my time to someone else.

 

[Lex]

I was having a coversation with a friend over the weekend about how we as human beings strive to obtain a serious relationship and then eventually find out that it's not all it's cracked up to be. Have any of you felt this type of disappointment? And i'm not referring to your partner as the one to blame for the disappointment but more yourself! Have any of you felt that it wasn't what you were seeking afterall and preferred to be alone??
I hint that would be my case. :frown1:

I think that relationships are only overrated to and for those who have not found success in any of them. My serious relationships HAVE been all they are cracked up to me-- me and my S/O made them that way. My current one is the most amazing connection I have ever felt with another person, period. I couldn't possibly rate it high enough.

Remember, "The only consistent feature of all your dissatisfying relationships is you."

 

[D_Maurice Mountlilly]

yes and no. Loving someone properly and having them love you back and all the other important parts of a relationship, like mutual support and understanding e.t.c. aren't disappointing, but I'm not sure it makes you any happier than being single does. What matters is being able to enjoy your life and feel at home with yourself, whether you single or in a relationship.

Happiness doesn't come from other people, nor does fulfillment, and all too often people think that being in a relationship will automatically make them happier and more fulfilled, big mistake in my opinion.

i agree 100%....

 

[hud01]

my view on relationships...

first you should learn to be happy alone. to love your own company and to love yourself.
when you are happy alone then you will only seek the company of those who increase your happiness.
and you will stay because the relationship is good and not because you fear to be alone once more.

a good relationship is the icing on the cake of life.

Now I am scared. I agree with this.

 

[D_Percival Puddleford Pukehorn]

Agreed! :biggrin1:

I will say that this is my first relationship, and so far it has been great! I didn't know getting into it what to expect, so I've been learning as I go along. I just knew I wanted to be with her. Thankfully Stacy has been a wonderful and understanding girlfriend and helping me as I go along. I couldn't ask for better. My issue has been comfort level. I've been a loner for all of my life, so now having someone to share my life with taken me out of that comfort level. It's been scary at times, as I would assume any relationship would be, but fun at the same time. I can't imagine living my life without her. :redface:

Every relationship has had or will have it's ups and downs. It's how you handle them together than makes the relationship special. I'm still learning about that as I go along. If I wasn't able to confide in Stacy about my thoughts and feelings, and she wasn't able to do the same with me, then I'm sure we wouldn't have lasted this long, especially being so far away from each other.

Giving your heart to someone and accepting theirs in return is very scary, but it can also be wonderful. You never know what you'll be missing out on if you don't try.

Goddamn mr hardcock! I find it hard to believe that you've been alone too often whatnot with that cock of urs! YUM YUM! :wink:

 

[D_Jurgen Klitgaard]

Goddamn mr hardcock! I find it hard to believe that you've been alone too often whatnot with that cock of urs! YUM YUM! :wink:

LOL! Thanks :wink:

Me being alone for so long was due to my nerves. I never could get the courage up to approach a girl that I liked to just talk to them, let alone ask them out. Stacy joined here about the time I did, and eventually developed a crush on her and followed her from thread to thread with cutesy little flirting.

Answering your disappointment statement in the OP, I haven't felt disappointed in the relationship simply because I've had no prior experiences to judge this relationship to, but I can understand where you're coming from. If I've felt disappointed it's because of myself for being scared to drop my defenses and pull myself out of my comfort level. I suffer from anxiety issues that at one time required me to be medicated. Once I went off of them my anxiety came back. It's a bitch for sure. Maybe your preference to be alone is really anxiety in disguise. Sometimes I do feel like just being alone and totally separated from the world. Then I look in my heart and realize that my life would truly be empty without Stacy.

 

[Pendlum]

I like dolfette's statement, except cake pretty much sucks without icing. :tongue:

 

[invisibleman]

Well, it is a disappointment if you didn't expect what you got from the relationship.

I have personal disappointments from relationships back from when I was in my early twenties. But I was a bit more optimistic than I am now. So, I guess that I am weaning off of that optimism nowadays. But with that trade off was bred an intolerance for abuse of any kind. I used to take a bunch when I was younger...but not now. That is why I have learned a few simple rules. Keep friends as friends. Keep lovers/fuck buddies as lovers/fuck buddies. If you ever entertain having a relationship with a friend or a fuck buddy...you had better make sure that you can handle that person totally disappointing you and you can love that person totally in spite of that disappointment. If not, don't bother giving yourself permission to fall in love. Keep them as friends. Or as fuck buddies.

But I guess if you are totally disappointed in relationships in general. You could mentally train yourself to do without love primary relationships. Find ways of getting that kind of love you are seeking from other sources.

wow. i love your reply invisy. Wel thought and well lived.

YEP. My relationships were: Well-lived...well-loved...and well-left. :biggrin1: But nowadays, I am kinda uncertain about the path I want to take. I don't think that I want anymore long-term relationships with men. And if I ever get into one, the guy had better be waaaay better than my ex's good traits to make me even consider one.