Are some people destined to be perpetually single?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by HairyTXdude, Jan 12, 2009.

  1. HairyTXdude

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    Because I think I am one of those people, I'm almost 20 years old and have only been on one date(which when very well, but i was stood up the next time). I am always getting shot down, ignored, or stood up...I think I've heard every reason in the book:

    Too tall
    Too short
    Too hairy
    Not hairy enough
    Too nice
    Too narcissistic ( that one really hurt)
    No blue eye
    No green eyes
    Too gay
    Not gay enough
    Too big (dick size)
    Too small (dick size)
    Too geeky
    Not nerdy
    Too smart
    Not smart enough
    Not catholic
    Cause I'm cut

    Hell and many more! I'm on countless dating sites, go clubbing almost every weekend, volunteer when ever i can heck I've recently found out a friend paid a guy to go out with me and he said it wasn't worth it so blind dates don't even work............. So are some people destined to be perpetually single?
     
  2. Principessa

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    You're trying too hard.
     
  3. HairyTXdude

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    Oh ya, and one reason i get alot is...

    Cause I'm a virgin!

    WTH?!
     
  4. HairyTXdude

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    care to explain please?
     
  5. flibbertigibbet

    flibbertigibbet New Member

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    19 years old is far too young to be worring so much about it. But I have to know how you manage to ask someone out to a movie and get turned down because your penis is too big/too small. Do you try to pick people up at nude beaches?
     
  6. OCMuscleJock

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    I dont know ya Hairy...but you look like a handsome fella and I'm guessing maybe it's none of those things listed. Maybe they are picking up on your insecurities. Self confidence is a good thing. Guys and girls both can feel when a guy is lacking and it's kind of a turn off. People don't want to spend time constantly reassuring someone that they are just fine in WHATEVER catagory. I can speak from experience here. My first trip thru college...I was TOTALLY insecure, I'd go out and such with friends/roommates and always shy away from anything that I felt inadequate around. I'd walk into places and never make eye contact with anyone...never smiled and always felt that people looked down to me. It was until my friend, said to me. I'm NEVER going to go anywhere with you if you don't get over it. I said, over what. She said, you got TONS of things going for you, you need to be confident and stop looking away, down or just avoiding people in fear that you dont fit in. Well it struck a cord with me...and it wasn't easy to do...but I did it. Things really changed from that point on. When I'd walk into a bar or whatever, smiling, holding my head up...just enjoying my time being there. People would come up to me and say hi and such. I even got molseted by a hot school teacher that I had never met before AT THE BAR! hahaha Too bad I was out of town and with friends...or that could have been a fun night..cuz the hot guy with her was into it too. So, in other words...stop worrying what other people think. Ask a female close friend to be honest with you and tell you what SHE thinks you should do appearance wise. Tell her to be brutally honest and even ask her to help. The reason I say female is guys are your competition when it comes to dating...some may not be so honest. :) HOWEVER, again...i think you're a handsome fella...and just feel that your lack of confidence is mabye what is holding you back.

    Work what ya got and be proud of yourself. :)
     
  7. HairyTXdude

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    Word spread from my High school locker room days...
     
  8. morano

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    Are you just trying to fuck, or do u wanna relationship? If you wanna relationship, start off friends, but not real besties bcuz that makes it wierd for some reason. Then you try to take it to higher levels. Do what u both will have fun doing, and make sure you get your point across.
     
  9. HairyTXdude

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    Great advice, thanks

    But i just dunno, if im insecure about anything, I'm pretty happy with my appearance..well id like more muscle but thats another rant....but that doesn't make me feel down about myself. I was voted most out going and popular in high school and that was only a lil over two years ago, and I'm now the guy who forces my friends to go clubbing and get out and do stuff.... I've asked a "girl" friend what i can do to to better my appearance and she said nothing, that i was really hot, heck i even walked up to a random girl at a club the other day and asked her if she could change one thing about my appearance wat would it be i got "Absolutly nothing! Your really hot!" so i asked her to dance and i got "Sorry, not my type".... hmm
     
  10. HairyTXdude

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    I want a relationship...ya i've been down the friend road three time..did work, they just wanted to be friends and i help them date there crushes...now two are engaged lol
     
  11. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    No.

    One of the unfortunate side effects of relative youth is the tendency to shallowness exhibited by your peers. You'll never be anyone's 100% everything any more than they will be yours. What matters most is the character of your soul and your self-esteem. You've shown yourself to be a decent guy here but your self-esteem seems to wax and wane dramatically and that's usually a signal to forgo the relationships and focus on your life and making yourself happy. Apparently the twisted logic of these things is that your most attractive to others when you least need or want to be in a relationship.

    A lot of guys here will tell you they didn't meet the right person for a long time. You have me beat already. I didn't go on my first date until I was 31 and my second date until I was 42. Neither of them ever called me back so I'm in the same boat. Yeah I'm pissed about the last one but I'm not letting it stop me. HE's the jerk missing out, HE's the one with issues, HE's the one who turned down a damned great guy. The fact is that other people are usually a lot better at making themselves look like their lives are perfect and fulfilling. They're not. Everybody fronts to some degree, some people are just better at it than others.

    Objectively speaking, you're a good-looking guy and you seem really nice if a bit insecure. Work on that insecurity and you'll be good to go. Insecurity is something others pick-up on right away and can ruin the chance for relationships before they begin. I know because I have more than a slight tendency to insecurity.

    The more you work to live your own life, make yourself happy, and honestly appreciate yourself, the easier it will be to see the failings of others. Understanding, forgiving, indulging others is important because if you don't, and always search for Mr. Perfect, you'll never find him. Everybody has faults. What's important is that you find a Mr. Imperfect who you can love and will love you back. Sounds like the guys you've been dating aren't at that point yet and maybe you're just a little not ready for it either.

    Are you in college or planning to move any time soon? Many times getting out on your own and living your own life helps close those insecurity gaps as you get more experience in the real world.

    Hang in there HTX, you're actually doing better than you think.
     
  12. HairyTXdude

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    btw OCMuscleJock your pretty handsome yourself :smile:
     
  13. OCMuscleJock

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    well, the fact you're asking before I even wrote this shows you're insecure about it. I'd say don't worry...just smile and be confident. Make people think that they want to know you just by you being in the room. I dont mean make an idiot out of yourself...but smile and make eye contact. Just don't hold the contact too long..that can be creepy. :)
     
  14. OCMuscleJock

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    why thank ya :)
    :redface:
     
  15. flibbertigibbet

    flibbertigibbet New Member

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    Maybe the problem is that you ARE obsessed with your appearance... I wouldn't be interested in someone who's first question to me was about how they looked... It is a little narcissistic and insecure at the same time.

    Just take a deep breath and relax. Enjoy everything else life has to offer, and don't be so intensely worried about being "perpetually single". What's the old saying? You have to like yourself before others can?
     
  16. HairyTXdude

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    Hmm, i just wish i could figure out what I'm insecure about... one thing I've been told before, is that I need to learn to be happy alone....Not alone as in a relationship wise, but in general, i can't stand being along.... I don't know if that counts....

    I'm not looking for mr. perfect, cus I know no one is perfect, i mean if perfect on a 1-10 scale is 10 i've been asking out from a 3 and above....

    Ya I'm already in college and I'm planning on hopefully *Crosses fingers* moving out come august...
     
  17. HairyTXdude

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    eh maybe..lol One just beings to wonder after being rejected/stood up 43 times in the past 5 month...ya no lol
     
  18. HairyTXdude

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    That was actually to prove a point to my friends, that just cause people find me hot doesn't mean They'll want to date me...I could really give a shit about my appearance, I've gone to school in my PJs b4, but don't get my wrong I like looking good and maintaining a good appearance, i just dont obsess with ya. :wink:
     
  19. Xcuze

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    At 19 u still have a lot of growing to do. You seem to have teenage hang ups judging by your post. When u get in your 20s youll lose some of these & grow into yourself. Which, in turn, will give u more confidence.

    Just have fun & dont look for some special relationship. If u parade yourself as a victim like this in real life then its just gonna put people off.

     
  20. cbrmale

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    You are probably sending out some bad messages to the women you are crossing paths with, and probably trying too hard too. Women really pick up on men's emotion and mental state from body language, and it makes the difference between 19 and horny and middle-aged and being flirted with (by women in their thirties at least). Maturity, confidence and a sense of self-worth is what it takes.

    Be that as it may, it took me a long time to have my first date too, but eventually I got there, and once I crossed that bridge and felt worthwhile they kept on coming. Before I reached that milestone, however, I lost my virginity in a fairly shallow sort of way, but one that was suprisingly okay. So I managed to compartmentalise sex and relationships, because I just couldn't wait for sex any longer.
     
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