Are we having sex yet?

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by fortiesfun, Dec 4, 2006.

  1. fortiesfun

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    Back in my fraternity days, almost all of my new fraternity brothers who were still virgins were introduced to this local sorority girl, affectionately nicknamed the “Devirginator” by the seniors, who promptly cured them of their problem. I did not so avail myself, but my best friend did. Seemed she had a fetish for fresh meat. Rumor had it she had blown or slept with well over a quarter of the hundred men who lived in our frat house.

    In my junior year one of my fraternity brothers found Jesus and promptly broke off his engagement to his high school sweetheart because she had confessed to him that before she got religion she had slipped once and was not a virgin. So, it came as a great surprise when less than a year later this priggish frat brother announced his engagement (shockingly) to the Devirginator. It was not that he was unaware of her reputation but he happily declared that he knew as a fact that she was still a virgin.

    I incredulously tackled my best friend, who sheepishly confessed that it could be technically true as far as he knew, because when he had lost his cherry to her she had talked him into anal intercourse. Turned out that she had done so with everyone, or convinced them to settle for a blowjob.

    I don’t feel particularly judgmental about any of this, but it struck me as odd then, and still does, that somehow all these people who seemed to feel virginity was terribly important, apparently defined sex so narrowly that the most experienced girl on campus met the criteria.

    I got to thinking about this again lately when we were playing with the “number’s right” thread. It appears that when counting their partners heterosexual men only include women with whom they have had full vaginal intercourse. Gay men, by contrast, seem to follow a far looser standard.

    So I wonder, what constitutes “having sex?” How do you decide whom to include in your counts?
     
  2. DC_DEEP

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    LOL perhaps you should have asked your religious frat brother if that changes the whole context of "Do not lie with a man as with a woman, for it is an abomination." I'm sure his definitions would start to get a bit jumbled at that point. It is either sex when you stick your cock in, or it isn't.

    I guess my definition would be something like "actions between two or more people, involving the sexual organ of one or more of those people, with the intent of sexual stimulation." Oh, unless I was trying to rationalize my hypocrisy, then I guess I would have to define it as something other than what I had actually done...
     
  3. Ethyl

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    A former lover of mine had this similar narrowminded view of sex. Unless the woman was vaginally penetrated, it wasn't sex. Back in college he decided he was going to save himself for marriage; however, he had two girlfriends and he had oral and anal sex with both of them. I never understood how one sexual act could be good or bad, depending on the timing of the activity, and other sexual acts were always acceptable at any given time. Makes no sense to me. Maybe because vaginal penetration can lead to pregnancy it's considered by many (usually those who propose abstinence until marriage) the ultimate sex act? I dunno...
     
  4. Chrysalis

    Chrysalis New Member

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    I start the count with genital touching. If I gave a guy a hand job, or if he fingered me, he does go on the "sexual encounter" list. "Sexual encounter" includes oral sex, manual stimulation, and basically anything up to penetration. "Sexual intercourse" includes penetration.

    So, I kind of keep 2 separate lists in my head... the "sexual intercourse" list and the "sexual encounter" list.

    It's been a long time since I had multiple partners, though, so the list has gotten kind of vague...:rolleyes:

    Anyway, I also think it's ridiculous for a women to do every thing except vaginal sex, and call herself a virgin.
     
  5. Rubenesque

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    I count it as any sexual encounter with another person that leads to my orgasm...... as such.... I'm a virgin! wooooohoooooooo
     
  6. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    If someone asks me how many women I've had sex with... I usually ask them to define sex before I give them an answer. They'll give me funny looks, but this thread proves that there is a good point to it.
     
  7. DC_DEEP

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    I've lived with my partner for almost six years, and we have never had sex... at least not by the OP definition. And I guess the terms "oral sex" and "anal sex" are oxymorons or paradoxes, since it isn't sex unless it's vaginal.

    Funny thing, that... it sure FELT like I was having sex.
     
  8. Gisella

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    Sex to me is penis inside my vagina action...is where I orgasm and my pleasure way more than any other action..than everything else is just playing around.

    Is not incommon in some places to have anal sex and keep vagina without action and virgem..just the vulva is 'allowed' to play.:tongue:
     
  9. Mr. Snakey

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    No sex can be anything. Really if you think about it two people can have sex and not even touch eachother . Now intercourse is a whole other matter:smile:
     
  10. Spoogesicle

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    If we're talking about technicalities, we should get the terms straight to begin with. Technically, a virgin is not someone who hasn't had sex; it is someone who hasn't had intercourse. There is a big difference. Someone can be a total slut, yet still be a virgin by technicality. A blowjob is sex; ass-fucking is sex; no question about either. However, the definition of sex is not what's in question: the definition of virgin is. Ask Sue Johanson; she'll tell you.
     
  11. joyboytoy79

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    I'm a virgin.

    Yup, i said it; and by many definitions it's true. I have NEVER had vaginally penetrative sex. I've never touched a vagina (well, other than being born through one... and having to clean a few when i was a CNA... but that HARDLY counts).

    Now... do i really count myself as a virgin? HELL NO!! Anal SEX is still sex. Oral SEX is still sex. Just because the word "sex" is preceeded by a qualifier doesn't mean it isn't sex. That's like saying red paint isn't paint. It's REDICULOUS.
     
  12. snoozan

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    *wipes sweaty brow*

    Thank GOD the roofies worked... (he doesn't remember a thing)

    :biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1:
     
  13. Heather LouAnna

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    I don't count BJs. If I did, I'd be through the roof. I don't have anal sex with just anyone. :rolleyes:

    All my encounters with men have been vaginal intercourse.

    But anything having to do with genitals as far as women go, I could as sex. This includes finger banging, dildos, and tongue+pussy.
     
  14. DC_DEEP

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    All these "technicalities" are really clouding the issue, rather than clearing it.

    So, technically, one does not lose "virginity" unless sexual vaginal penetration occurs? Does it have to be a real penis and a real vagina to qualify? If two females have an encounter, and use a strap-on dildo, there is penetration but no real penis, so that doesn't count? What about a finger in the vagina? Do lesbians who get IVF to have a child get to claim "virgin birth"? Kinda degrades the whole jesus idea, doesn't it?

    And back to my previous post; technically, the argument posed by "religious-types" against homosexuals hinges on the "do not lie with a man as with a woman" scripture. Since it is technically impossible for one man to lie with another man as with a woman (since no vaginal penetration occurs), is that not self-negating?
     
  15. Shelby

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  16. Lordpendragon

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    There's a red hot pitchfork with your name on it Shelby. :smile:

    I only count vaginal penetration if anyone asks my number.

    Not that other forms of sex aren't sexual activity. Maybe they are not from a biological pov.
     
  17. Chrysalis

    Chrysalis New Member

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    Evil, but apropos.:wink:
     
  18. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Sex is the act of penetrating an orafice, with AT LEAST one partner reaching some form of climax.

    You do not lose your virginity unless you are the penetrator or the penetratee.

    For men: You are not a virgin if you have stuck your dick in a vagina, or an asshole OR if you have had a dick stuck in your asshole/mangina:rolleyes:

    For women: You are not a virgin if someone has stuck a dick in your vagina or asshole. If a man goes down on you, "still a virgin"; if a woman goes down on you, not a virgin.:tongue:

    It's the best I can do.
     
  19. Gisella

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    I do think that the situation of the original question of this post is already clouded...and people will aproach it answering the original question: what 'you' count as sex...and what sex is...

    By giving the exemple of the "Desvirginator" was not a good approach...yep she may be hypocrit to some but she made her choice, that I understand because women makes the same choice as she did but not so public as she did...anal is used as a form of birth control to some young couples that want to have sexual actions plus they/she may have a mind set to keep her virginity (vaginal/hymen) until she marries or find "the one."

    If we are talking about women virginity, and what we as individual count as sex, plus the biology of it that is the technicality of virginity and how hetero couples choose to have sex..what it have to do with sex going on between homosexuals ??? Males dont have vaginas or hymens to deal with at some point, than their aproaches can be of disregard. About 2 women lovers their aproachs and sensitivities of the issue would be different...and how they choose to iniciate their sex journey is their own choice.

    I do find this post demeaning against women choices, women body, women biology, womens wants. I tend to think about big pictures of women issues around the world. And women must be allowed to make her own choices. Keep vaginal virginity, give ass, give all, not give..is her choice. And the mind set where traditional thinking is narrowminded and sexual freedom is open mind is narrow in itself..because both women in those situations can be press to act or not in what society expect of them. In the end of the day the whores, the sluts, the saints, and virginal hypocrits will be carry their particular labels given to them by 'others': males and females of the particular mindset of that particular culture and society...

    Women must own their bodies, make her own choices and dont give a shit to no one...who cares what 'you' think? :smile:
     
  20. Lordpendragon

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    To be fair to the OP Gisella, he was musing over the different approaches to virginity and what counts as a sexual partner to gay men and str8 men. I have to agree that the devirginator is a bewildering mindset, but not nearly so much as the guy who then married her happy that she was a vaginal virgin whilst his previous fiancee had had just one partner.

    You are right that the cult of virginity is an expression of power and control by a patriarchal society. Though some women are happy to accept it and rationalize it as right for themselves - which of course it may be.
     
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