Are we having sex yet?

Gisella

Expert Member
Joined
Mar 18, 2006
Posts
4,822
Media
0
Likes
114
Points
193
Location
USA
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Female
To be fair to the OP Gisella, he was musing over the different approaches to virginity and what counts as a sexual partner to gay men and str8 men. I have to agree that the devirginator is a bewildering mindset, but not nearly so much as the guy who then married her happy that she was a vaginal virgin whilst his previous fiancee had had just one partner.

You are right that the cult of virginity is an expression of power and control by a patriarchal society. Though some women are happy to accept it and rationalize it as right for themselves - which of course it may be.

Well...coming from hetero or homo males particular mindsets still males. In the end of the day women owns her virginity and will make her own choices, the power and control must be hers.

Than in most societies women are being still labeled and being objectify...in very conservative and free societies. As long sexual freedom alone is being put in a majestic trone of its own and real women issues not taking the same higher places, we are not there yet...long way to go.:smile:

My female body is much more than a fountain of sexual pleasures. We do ocupy a greater place than that.:smile: :wink:

I just can't see this thread anymore as ' are we having sex yet"...:biggrin1:
 

joyboytoy79

Sexy Member
Joined
Aug 28, 2006
Posts
3,686
Media
32
Likes
60
Points
193
Location
Washington, D.C. (United States)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Can it lead to pregnancy? If "Yes" it is sex.

Can it lead to an STD (sexually transmitted disease)? If "Yes" it is sex.

If you look at it any other way, there are a lot of virgin mothers and a lot of virgin fathers. Also, so many virgins out there have HPV, Herpes, Syphilis, HIV... and didn't have any blood transfusions or IV drug use...
 

Gisella

Expert Member
Joined
Mar 18, 2006
Posts
4,822
Media
0
Likes
114
Points
193
Location
USA
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Female
Maybe there's a difference between virginity and vaginity :smile:

:biggrin1: ...sure there is...and you know something LP..if you take a look around as researching both are being disregarded...well, if you look at what some experts say about a vagina not really being good for much, penetration does not bring much pleasure, we are not supose having "Os" by it and blablabla..because it is not sensitive not feels really deep...is kind of very strange to my own experiences.

"Experts" say women are not supose feel much inside but outside...yeh right. As much every woman is unique we have to learn to listen to ourselves and our bodies. Not embrace any kind of dictation from anyone. Than each one of us own our 'truths' that works for us.
 

DC_DEEP

Sexy Member
Joined
Apr 13, 2005
Posts
8,714
Media
0
Likes
93
Points
183
Sexuality
No Response
I find it very interesting that some have included reaching orgasm as part of their definition of sex. If a couple engage in vaginal penetrative intercourse, and continue it for 10 minutes, but neither reaches orgasm, then he pulls out, are they both still virgins?
 

Gisella

Expert Member
Joined
Mar 18, 2006
Posts
4,822
Media
0
Likes
114
Points
193
Location
USA
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Female
To some virginity is an event that can be done in 5 minuts of penetration depends the type of hymen one has, to others it take more actions to it go away for good...:tongue: and to most women first time is not very good but gets better, and even excelent to some.

If we are talking about man and woman sexual interaction here, than...for most men orgasm is natural as to breath..to many women is not common depending of the approach being used to reach it. To many men is very difficult to understand that women 'cannot' have the same reactions as he has..still..:rolleyes: How many of men in here do not orgasm when having sex by any means??? How many of men in here being over stimulated by 10 minutes penetrating is not ready to shot ? How many of you have to learn to control your ejaculations because you are ready sooner them most women???:rolleyes:

To me most people will prefer to engage in activities that brings them pleasure of course...and do not find appealing just to go with the flow of a particular activity. There are women that finds pleasure being penetrated but not orgasm by it just that but with manipulation of clitoris...others find their pleasure by being penetrated and orgasm by it. Than among all the preferences if you have a particular buttom that gives you pleasure plus you orgasm by it will be heaven..:biggrin1:

There are people who find their orgasm buttoms by themselves in a very early age..they are engage into pleasure themselves for a long time...they have sex with themselves some say. In both case they must learn to have sex with another partner, pleasuring themselves together...in my observations this situation is way more easy to men. And women many times they learn too engage a partner into the picture as she already knows how to please themselves. Sometimes or many times she is penetrating and stimulating clitoris to reach orgasm and blabla.

But what people dont get it or know is that is not a formula that applies to everybody...there are people that do not engage in experiences with themselves early because it did not tickle to touch and explore, or was 'forbidden' but really even h is not 'allowed' wen it tickles you're going to play with it anyways :rolleyes: and maybe some can carry some early 'guilty'.

But some make late discoverings in life. They will make discoveries with their partners, it can even take long to some...some are having pleasures and orgasm for long time with themselves and others will learn to as an older age.

Than to try to shove individual experiences in bags, in very simplified manner will not answer anything really...for this motive those issues belong to 'my' and 'your' unique experiences, and gender here do apply.

And I was thinking about the "Desvirginator" situation, as wanting to make an interview with her and listen to her side of the story. Because I would want to know what she was getting from all the bj's and anals...what the degree of pleasure she was getting from it...and etc. Why she decided to act the way she did and etc. Not to judge her actions but just to listen what she has to say. And how long ago and how old was she anyways ? We tend to be extra inconsequent when we are younger...

In my own experiences I had lots of pleasurable vaginal penetrations with no orgasms but for sure I was having sex. When I learn how to trigger my orgasms..ulala..it for sure add much more to my sexual experiences.
 

fortiesfun

Sexy Member
Joined
May 29, 2006
Posts
4,619
Media
0
Likes
77
Points
268
Location
California (United States)
Sexuality
60% Gay, 40% Straight
Gender
Male
When I started this thread I wasn't really concentrated on virginity, per se, but Spoogesicle's post (#10) makes a distinction that I had not considered and clarifies for me how I inadvertently confused the issues. The distinction between "having sex" and "having intercourse" is, indeed, huge. Of those two, I actually am interested in the first: What counts as having sex? Virginity, as it turns out, is not the definitive marker that I thought it was.

By way of apology to Gisella: I am not among those who elevate virginity. I was not a virgin by anyone's definition at my marriage, and neither was my wife with whom I had already been living for some time before we wed. I did not mean to endorse by fraternity brother's obsession with technical virginity, in fact my sympathies at the time (now almost 30 years ago) were with his first girlfriend, who was a kind and thoughtful person. He was a real prig.

I thought it was a useful example because it actually contained four distinct perspectives about sex:
1. My best friend's, who was sure he had had sex via anal intercourse but did not think that applied to the woman he had sex with.
2. My priggish frat brother's, who felt that all forms of sex short of vaginal intercourse were not sex.
3. The dumped girlfriend who believed that she was not a virgin having had intercourse once, but thought her boyfriend was, despite his sexual activity outside intercourse.
4. The "Devirginator" who did not hold that she had had sex ever, though literally dozens of men thought they had had sex with her.

I can see, however, how anyone could have misunderstood the reason for my example, because I failed to make Spoogesicle's simple distinction. I thought of virginity as the definitive marker of “having had sex,” which turns out not to be the case. Everything might have been clearer had I not included that example at all.

As Lord Pendragon points out, my starting point was another thread on which, as a game, we tried to guess the number of sexual partners other posters have had. It quickly became apparent that those were calculated in vastly different ways. (Because most of my sexual partners have been men, my own largish response would be reduced to a single digit if I used Pendragon's definition, for example.) It made me wonder what constitutes "having sex.” This thread has already shown that there are almost as many definitions as posters.
 

D_Sheffield Thongbynder

Experimental Member
Joined
Apr 30, 2006
Posts
2,020
Media
0
Likes
4
Points
183
I think most of us tend to become Clintonesque when asked to define virginity or sexual partners. The Devirginator is fairly typical of how many girls preserve their virginity (I am more curious as to why any girl who's willing to take on a fraternity would worry about a technical definition). Her fiance, however, is not so typical. I think most men would consider her less than a virgin, but if he needed to rationalize with that definition to justify his feelings for her, so be it. IMO he's building a sandcastle to live in. Far better for him to admit she has been around and get on with life. If he loved her, he shouldn't need to worry about distinguishing between anal and vaginal intercourse.
 

Lordpendragon

Experimental Member
Joined
Jul 5, 2004
Posts
3,814
Media
0
Likes
18
Points
258
Sexuality
No Response
(Because most of my sexual partners have been men, my own largish response would be reduced to a single digit if I used Pendragon's definition, for example.) It made me wonder what constitutes "having sex.” This thread has already shown that there are almost as many definitions as posters.

I am fairly sure that if I was a different gender and/or orientation I would have a different definition and different definitions with the different genders. But my sexuality is wholly vagina fixated :redface:

If I had had anal sex with a woman and not vaginal, I think I may also include that, but I haven't so I can't say.

I can see the argument within str8 sex for including stimulation of the genitals (openly or not and to orgasm or not), but I would still class this as heavy petting. And if that is all that the couple wished to do, then it would be fair to class them as your sexual partner.

Anal is the tricky one. If you class str8 anal penetration as sex, you would logically also have to count str8 BJs, as they also involve penetration of the body. Not sure where tiity fucks come in all of this :redface:

I am only repeating Str8 all the time as I have no place to comment on anyone else's opinions on this. :smile:
 

Lordpendragon

Experimental Member
Joined
Jul 5, 2004
Posts
3,814
Media
0
Likes
18
Points
258
Sexuality
No Response
LOL. I'll drink to that, K. Now, LP, on the other hand, would need a miracle to revirginize himself.:wink:

I have my bottom, thank you Colonel. :wink:

OK - I do admit that if we had to include all of what I would call heavy petting then we would need a word beyond slag or slut :redface: . Maybe this is why I don't.

The cahllenge is still down to make me pass out though :smile: