Are we having sex yet?

Lordpendragon

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We were just chatting away idly while you had more important things to do - besides if you can get your number down to 1 - why shouldn't I? :tongue:
 

Gisella

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When I started this thread I wasn't really concentrated on virginity, per se, but Spoogesicle's post (#10) makes a distinction that I had not considered and clarifies for me how I inadvertently confused the issues. The distinction between "having sex" and "having intercourse" is, indeed, huge. Of those two, I actually am interested in the first: What counts as having sex? Virginity, as it turns out, is not the definitive marker that I thought it was.

By way of apology to Gisella: I am not among those who elevate virginity. I was not a virgin by anyone's definition at my marriage, and neither was my wife with whom I had already been living for some time before we wed. I did not mean to endorse by fraternity brother's obsession with technical virginity, in fact my sympathies at the time (now almost 30 years ago) were with his first girlfriend, who was a kind and thoughtful person. He was a real prig.

I thought it was a useful example because it actually contained four distinct perspectives about sex:
1. My best friend's, who was sure he had had sex via anal intercourse but did not think that applied to the woman he had sex with.
2. My priggish frat brother's, who felt that all forms of sex short of vaginal intercourse were not sex.
3. The dumped girlfriend who believed that she was not a virgin having had intercourse once, but thought her boyfriend was, despite his sexual activity outside intercourse.
4. The "Devirginator" who did not hold that she had had sex ever, though literally dozens of men thought they had had sex with her.

I can see, however, how anyone could have misunderstood the reason for my example, because I failed to make Spoogesicle's simple distinction. I thought of virginity as the definitive marker of “having had sex,” which turns out not to be the case. Everything might have been clearer had I not included that example at all.

As Lord Pendragon points out, my starting point was another thread on which, as a game, we tried to guess the number of sexual partners other posters have had. It quickly became apparent that those were calculated in vastly different ways. (Because most of my sexual partners have been men, my own largish response would be reduced to a single digit if I used Pendragon's definition, for example.) It made me wonder what constitutes "having sex.” This thread has already shown that there are almost as many definitions as posters.

Thank you for apologizing to me Fortiesfun...sorry if I said nonsenses but my mind expands in issues and I just can help and just shut up...I'm emotional person. :rolleyes:

But this things about sex and virginity sometimes is cloudy...in my case I had my first experience that was bad...than thought I was not a virgin by the time 2 years late I went gyno to get exames and birth control she discovered that I still was...:eek: for a while I hd sex and was a virgin until it wasted away..:biggrin1:

Than many things are in the mind set...as much as technicalities exist and about the psicological, emotional and etc things people feel inside. Plus I do think for many is way more easy to get into the phisicalities of sex actions than to get really intimate having intimacy...than at least in the Desviginator situation..who know by giving not vagina she was keeping 'some' to give it away as more deep and intimate...:confused:

We give what we can..some give little, others a lot....:tongue: to some I have sex that is intercourse to me to few others I do make love..those are distinctions I make...and what is 'foreplay' is just play to me not sex because I dont get much from it 'yet', really, to get some from it i have to be penetrated and than be foreplayed at same time. Masturbation for me is not sex just mecanical relief that I learned not long ago, because did not tickle to play and I did not discovery until I had orgasm with partner inside me for a while.

Kisses and thank you for your understanding and gentleman ways.:smile:
 

fortiesfun

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We were just chatting away idly while you had more important things to do - besides if you can get your number down to 1 - why shouldn't I? :tongue:
I didn't say I could get it down to one, just to one digit. And not even the eternal optimist COLJohn thinks my virginity can be restored.
 

Spoogesicle

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Now... do i really count myself as a virgin? HELL NO!! Anal SEX is still sex. Oral SEX is still sex. Just because the word "sex" is preceeded by a qualifier doesn't mean it isn't sex.

Yes, of course it's sex, but like I said, virgin doesn't mean someone who hasn't had sex. It means someone who has never engaged in sexual intercourse. That's a big difference. You can have various and sundry sexual encounters that do not include sexual intercourse.

It's REDICULOUS.

It can't be rediculous because there's no such word. Ridiculous never had an e in it.
 

Sergeant_Torpedo

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A virgin is a virgin because she tells you she is. But to go back to the original thread: like watching some terrible old movie on TV from the 1950s. The script was ancient even then I suspect.
 

joyboytoy79

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Yes, of course it's sex, but like I said, virgin doesn't mean someone who hasn't had sex. It means someone who has never engaged in sexual intercourse. That's a big difference. You can have various and sundry sexual encounters that do not include sexual intercourse.



It can't be rediculous because there's no such word. Ridiculous never had an e in it.

Eh, i'm prone to typos, get used to it.

Now, let's look at some definitions here.

Yes, Virginity does translate to: "Somone, typically female, who has not engaged in sexual intercourse."

So, what's the definition of sexual intercourse? "Sexual contact between individuals involving penetration."

Guess what, Oral sex involves penetration... it is therefor ORAL intercourse. Anal sex involves penetration, it is therefor ANAL intercourse.

If we want to be childish about it, we can say things like "She's a vaginal virgin" OR "She's an oral virgin" etc... but can you really aply "virgin" with no qualifier once someone has engaged in ANY act of intercourse? I know I wouldn't do it.