Are women and bottoms being used?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Manbap, Dec 20, 2007.

  1. Manbap

    Manbap Member

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    Why do we keep insisting in using the term “used” to describe women and gay bottoms? When a man is having sex with a woman, why is it perceived as if the man is using the woman’s body? Or same if a top is having anal sex with a bottom? Why not say the woman is using the man’s tool to give pleasure to herself?? Either way, this word I find it very unpleasant at all because no one is raping the other here, it is just an intimate pleasurable sex activity for both sides and no one is using the other.

    Do you women and bottom guys feel used every time you engage in sex with others? Or do you straight men feel you are using the woman’s body during sex? Or top men are using the bottom’s body?
     
  2. whatireallywant

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    I don't feel "used" at all. :smile:
     
  3. Bbucko

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    Why is your text so tiny?

    In answer to your question, occasionally it's a pleasurable fantasy to fuck someone like a piece of meat, but actually doing so is sociopathic.

    I am not a human dildo, and my sexual partners have brains and minds and whole bodies attached to the holes I fuck.
     
  4. Manbap

    Manbap Member

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    the text looks normal on my screen, and I don't know how to change it!
     
  5. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    Sorry but it is ludicrous to say women feel used. Ive never felt that way nor have i ever heard any other woman say it.

    Women also initiate sex, so does that men we are then using the man for sex?
     
  6. whatireallywant

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    Heehee.... :biggrin1: I initiate sex more often than not! :smile:
     
  7. Manbap

    Manbap Member

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    so why is it that "used" is so common between men? Needs no effort to find this word scatterred in many threads here!
     
  8. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    I cant remember ever reading a post where it was insinuated that they were used because they were a bottom possibly they meant used as in taken advantage of.

    Many men choose to be bottoms, its their choice and their preference. id very much doubt they feel used when its what they want
     
  9. Bbucko

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    I'm not sure which message board you've been perusing. "Used" is not a word that pops up that often.

    There is a misconception about the whole top/bottom, passive/aggressive, sub/dom thing common among straight men, especially those who feel compelled to drag Old Testament sexism into their bedrooms. To simplify, it's the feeling that whoever is penetrated cannot possibly find pleasure in the penetration, and obviously anyone who does (male or female) is somehow a deviant.

    The reality, as I've experienced it, is that there is a tacit agreement between the parties. The penetrator can only do what the person being penetrated will allow, or else it's rape.

    Rape is not sex, it's an act of violence.

    I love rough sex, including some humiliation scenarios, SM, you name it. But I've never crossed over to the point where I've violated the agreement of limits discussed ahead of time. These limits are essential, as I've never wanted to cause unintended pain to my partner in pleasure.

    To carry it to the most extreme (where you usually find me anyways :wink: ), there's fisting. For the top, there's a certain Zen in the act, and an appropriate awe at the bottom's capacity. There is even the pleasure in sending the bottom to a place only that act will take him/her. But there's no real sexual satisfaction for the top while fisting...you cannot even masturbate while doing it.

    It's all about the bottom. Is s/he "using" the top?
     
  10. zumzum

    zumzum New Member

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    I don't hear and read this derogatory use of the term.

    There are many ways to have sex or make love, sometimes there's more the idea of being used, and sometimes not, regardless the role, but it's a subtle thing.

    I wish I was used from a massive hung top sometimes! as a top perhaps I prefer a more interactive bottom although I know what to do but I met someone in the past that was even too quiet for my tastes.

    and the definition "aggressive bottom" I see often on gay dating website pisses me off, there's nothing worst than someone on heath aggressively using you like a living dildo, I can already imagine teeth and pain on my cock or someone jumping on it ohh noo thanks! sex is a thing you need two guys to do, not one

    I think this "aggressive bottom" is more a thing of self marketing because those website are deadly boring so you have to invent something to keep things going on
     
  11. Ed69

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    Lisa and I do this for one another all the time.I fist her,she strokes my prostate through my ass.Not at the same time mind you!But there are things we do for one another at times.When I fist her it's about her,when she massages my prostate that's my time.I know for me it is a zen thing to be able to take her to that place,that I can give such joy and pleasure to her.I know by what I see in her eye's that I'm not using her.And she is not using me when she returns the favor.Somtimes she ride's me like a rented donkey.Other times I throat fuck her like a whore.Other times we make sweet love,but used? Never!
     
  12. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    No, that's unfair. There are women all over the place who have complained that they felt like they were just used for sex. All those one night stands, where 'he' never calls again. Come on, Lee... ponder a moment with me.

    In reference to your second comment... the answer is yes. Sex without a committment of anysort (ie, one night stands, quickies etc) is 'using' that person's body for your own sexual fufillment. Men do it, and women do it.
     
  13. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

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    Sometimes yes - Every time NO

     
  14. whatireallywant

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    I went to college with a bunch of women who didn't think women were "supposed" to enjoy sex. They'd have sex just because men like it, or to have children, but not for their own enjoyment. And they thought I was strange! :eek: I think it's very sad that they will have that attitude and convince themselves that they're not supposed to enjoy sex, and of course they will never enjoy it because of their way of thinking.

    I was of the "strange" opinion that men and women both should enjoy sex! Imagine that? How radical of me!
     
  15. earllogjam

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    I don't think I've ever felt "used" because all my sex has been consensual.
     
  16. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    You enjoy sex? You strange, strange woman

    next thing we know women will be the ones initiating it
    :eek:
     
  17. Ethyl

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    Blasphemer! :biggrin1:
     
  18. Bacchusbigboy

    Bacchusbigboy New Member

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    Ok I have to admit yes....I sometimes feel I am using my lover and I have to check if she is well still enjoying it ....OK OK yes it is silly and yes I can tell she is wet and horny but it still pops into my brain and I still have to check.
     
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