Are Women More Emotionally Attached to Sex?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by jason_els, Sep 16, 2007.

  1. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    After mentally comparing ramwella's wonderful thread on Man-to-Man sex with SpoiledPrincess's response, "...one of the main points of sex is that it's interacting with another person, so what's the point of gloryholes, if i were a man I'd rather have a good old wank." to earllogjam's thread, Men at the Gloryhole, the old stereotype emobdied in the saying, men see sex as a reason to commit and women see commitment as a reason to have sex occured to me. I think it's essentially true that men can engage in sex with no emotional attachment to it at all. In fact I know, at least for myself, it is and for many other men as well. I do know men who have cheated on their wives yet love their wives no less, claim to have no marriage issues. In these cases sex seems to be nothing more than a relatively novel alternative to masturbation. I also know gay couples frequently have rules about outside play built-in to the relationship.

    Pre-feminist morality told us that sex is very important to women because they become emotionally attached to the people they have sex with. It's an unwritten rule among men that if you know a guy is having occasional quickies, as opposed to an affair, you keep your mouth shut because other men know what it's like. Then came Erica Jong's Fear of Flying and the introduction of the zipless fuck, essentially the female equivilent of the quickie. You may not remember the book but it was a huge best seller and very controversial because it showed women essntially treating casual sex as men did. Perhaps the old stereotype about women wasn't true. Maybe Senor Rubirosa's quote as seen in mercurialbliss's signature, "A slut is a woman with the morals of a man," ala Samantha Jones from Sex in the City, is accurate and the stereotype of women and sex wasn't true at all.

    Or is it that as DC_Deep's reply to the Men at the Gloryhole post, "That's the whole reason I've never done a gloryhole, and have no intention ever of doing it. I absolutely do NOT want to have any sexual contact with someone I don't know," simply illustrates that emotional attachment or no is up to the individual more than it has to do with the individual's sex?
     
  2. sargon20

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    Certainly. I think the series 'Sex and The City' was a good example. You had four women and only one of them had sex 'like a man', no commitment but the other three by and large wanted a relationship around the sex. And even the one who didn't at the end of the series had been in two relationships.
     
  3. B_Jennuine73

    B_Jennuine73 New Member

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    Everybody is different and I think most men need emotional attachment to have sex as well as women.
    Not all women need to feel an emotional attachment. I think some prefer there to be no attachment. Some feel more comfortable when it is just about physical pleasure.
    I think some men want to believe all women need an attachment and that gives them the excuse not to get involved, because they don't want the attachment.
    A woman you pick up in a bar may not be as likely to want or need the emotional attachment as the lady you met at a business luncheon.

    As for men, I think there is a huge stereotype that men do not need attachment. In my opinion most men do, even if they pretend not to. Men have to act a certain way when he is amongst his male counterparts in order to not stand out.

    In general, as humans, emotional attachment is very important and I think most of us crave it. And to be honest, how much closer can you get than when a man's cock is buried deep inside? ;)
     
  4. Ethyl

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    Can one experience emotion during sex without becoming attached? A friend of mine from this board and I have discussed this at length. Allowing oneself to experience all the emotions that sex can bring is healthy and normal. Equating that with commitment is something else entirely. A commitment is a decision. Emotions can be a part of the decision making process of commitment but it's not required. Over two years ago I made the decision that I wasn't ready for a committed relationship due to circumstances in my life and purposefully used that time for introspection and self-assessment. Did I have sex? Yes. Did I experience a range of emotions while having sex with my partner/s? Yes. Doesn't mean it was love. Emotion is a part of love but love is encompasses much more than emotion.

    That said, I think everyone is different, male and female. I've known men - gay and straight - who couldn't have casual sex and wanted only sex in committed relationships. I've known women who seemed to have no trouble separating sex from love. I've often wondered if the "men needs sex for commitment/women need commitment for sex" was concocted by society long ago to excuse men who cheated on their significant others. After all, where did the phrase "it was just sex, she doesn't mean anything to me, honest" come from? Not to mention women who cheated on their significant others because they weren't getting the emotional support they needed at home?

    In the end, it all depends on the individual and their internal makeup. That's my conclusion thus far but i'm willing to entertain other ideas.
     
  5. Love-it

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    I am not sure that I know how women operate, I have been living with my wife for 33 years this month, but experience living with a woman does not mean that I have figured her out beyond a few obvious cause and effects.

    In my case the first time I had sex was with an acquaintance and it was good to have the experience but I realized that without an emotional attachment there wasn't much to the whole process.

    That being said, if I were to lose my wife I would look for another relationship but I would like to think that I could play the field some. After years of sexual frustration at not being able to make love with my wife because of girth issues it would be fun to find a woman or women who enjoy sexual intercourse.
     
  6. Drifterwood

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    We share emotions with people we don't know all the time. Sorrow at 9/11, Cinema, joy when your team wins etc etc. I don't see that it makes it any different to experience emotion during a shared sexual experience, without any other attachment or connection than a joy in expressing oneself sexually with another person.

    As MB says, you then make choices about where you go with that shared experience and emotion.
     
  7. TheRob

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    sex hell
    I'm a man and I get emotionally attached to a girl if I just talk to her enough lol
     
  8. snoozan

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    what she said.

    oh and-- even with the same person i can have emotionally charged sex and other times less emotional.
     
  9. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    I just happen to like sex better when I love the person I'm with. It maybe not always be "earth-shattering", but there's a component of love-making with a full-time lover that is very emotionally satisfying, at least for me.
     
  10. Ethyl

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    I know that of which you speak. Sex in the context of love is more intimate, meaningful, cherished. Sex without love can be fantastic but it's virtually impossible to capture the same level of intimacy as when you are love your partner.
     
  11. Act2_Begins_Now

    Act2_Begins_Now New Member

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    For me, I have experienced great sex leading to an emotional attachment. This is has been a pondering point of mine of late, considering perhaps establishing a FWB, the cougar/teacher scenario among other things. Have been thinking it might not be a wise thing for me. To be emotionally attachedto someone that really isn't long term viable, too much heartache could be ahead.
     
  12. whatireallywant

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    Yep... definitely agree. I really have a problem with the whole gender stereotype thing...

    As for me, I have had both emotional involvements and sex totally separate from love. There is also the possibility (as in my case) that the same person can do both, at varying time in their lives, depending on who their partner (or, hey, partners in the case of group sex :biggrin1: ) is/are at the time.
     
  13. Drifterwood

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    That is indeed one of the big issues Act 2. Having said that, unless you try the experience you won't know whether you can handle the rollercoaster nor indeed what your limits are. I have been through this and found my limits. It isn't easy. Is it worth the ride? Well in my case, the jury is still out.
     
  14. Principessa

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    That is my feeling as well, after having a fuck buddy and a friend with benefits.

    I quite agree . . . I miss that. :redface:


    You hit the nail on the head.

     
  15. Ethyl

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    If you don't think it would work for you, that's understandable and I commend you on your introspection. :smile: Being honest with yourself is most important in deciding whether or not an FWB is worthwhile for you.
     
  16. Not_Punny

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    Re: Are Women More Emotionally Attached to Sex? No, women are more emotionally attached to their shoe collection.

    - - - - - -

    Actually there's truth to the concept that women are more emotionally attached to sex, at least in my case. BUT, I'm trying to see if I can divorce emotion from sex. A little (big?) experiment. Results as yet unknown. :wink:
     
  17. TheRob

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    can I help you find out lol
     
  18. 36DD

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    I can't speak for all women, since we all have our own reasons for having sex. For me, personally, yes, I attach a lot of emotion to it. It is in a way a source of validation for me because I don't just give it to anyone...I have to care about the one I am with and I have to trust him, which does not come easily for me. .. so if I trust him, he is pretty special in my eyes. Sex for me is something reserved for, and shared with someone special.
     
  19. Gisella

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    Oh yes..I am. I can't have casual sex. I need to have made a strong connection to men I am having sex with. I just can't share my body much less I would crave touching his body.

    I take my time and I love sexual tension, build up created by the getting to know..I do not rush the process. Many times it was just a lust bubble, gone away soon..I do not use casual sex with strangers and people who are just available for sex to release my craves. I prefer masturbation release.
     
  20. h0neymustard

    h0neymustard New Member

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    I read that men secrete more of a specific hormone during the throes of sex, women secrete that same hormone when being held/cuddled.
     
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