i just don't invest much in the casual.
i don't expect/need/want all the rush to bloom into connection.
all i'm after is tht rush/rawh/buzz.
if that makes sense to anyone but me
:smile:
randomly.. i miss heaps of folks from this thread
*lil sniffle*
Holy necromancer, Batman! It is always bizarre to see a return of thread started by someone who has since died, no? Startling. Unsettling. But not unpleasant. I miss peeps fom here too. Miss them oodles.
I do know what you mean about the rush, I think. I definitely get a charge from the anticipation, the sharing, and the new additions to my honds of friendship with my partner(s). The more encounters we share, the better that rush gets for me. I can ramp it up, too, by preparing for the time together. My whole getting-ready-for-sex routine adds something special to the sitch for me.
I can become more emotionally attached through sex, but those emotions are not typically romantic. Sex and romantic love are not conjoined for me. I suppose that's why I can be satisfied within a nearly sexless marriage, and not be clingy and weird in my sexual friendships.
On the other hand, I have had men tell me I'm cold or frigid, and the root always seems to be surprise that I'm not falling in love with them just because we had really good sex on many occasions. I have had men I sist they want to keep it light, fun and casual, and then get possessive over me and the time I want to spend fucking other men. I have had men tell me they would love to become friends over time, but they wanted to make sure I wasn't looking to become a girlfriend. I have had those same men tell me they needed some distance to get their heads in order; they were having "confusing feelings" for me.
Three times I fell in love with a casual sex partner (over time). It was mutual all three times. It was impossible to explore the first time. He would never have been able to withstand the fallout of seriously dating/marrying a black woman. That was painful. The other two times are current. I'm trying to let go of them a little because I'm moving 1000 miles away soon. I can't rob my husband of the time it would take to maintain two long-distance love affairs. So it's "Peace, Homie. We'll always have Miami." I hope not to have this kind of complicated entanglement with anyone in my next city.
One last thought. I'm back in the Bronx to take care of some family business. I have been here a month. I fucked two friends, and keep missing a third. It has been difficult for the third and I to schedule around a job that flies him out of town four days a week, and his girlfriend who is wonderful, but not invited to bed with us. The blizzard just cancelled tonight's attempt at a romp. The second is a man I have known through a friend for a few years. We were always mutually curious, but my relationship wasn't open when I lived here. The first shocked me. Sex was much slower, more deliberate, more orally attentive, and he kept making deep eye contact and telling me how much, and how deeply he loves me. I said the words back, and kissed him so he would stop talking. The elephant in the room is, what kind of love are we talking about? I love him. He has been a very good friend to me for over a decade. A traumatic event we experienced on our first "date" cemented our bond, and our friendship has been a rock for each of us at one time or another. But I'm not in love with him, and as I would hate to ever hurt him, I hope he isn't in love with me. I don't want to hurt him, and I don't want to lose him.