Are You ___ Enough?

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693987

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In a recent thread, a complete fool with a major chip on his shoulder in regards to me was questioning how Asian I am. It seems pathetically common (thankfully not among most of the ladies on here) that comments like "Real women have ___" or question if a woman is good enough without x trait pop up. I know it is far from unheard of for people to be questioned if they're -insert whatever ethnic background- enough, too. Asian enough, black enough, whatever.

How often do y'all lovelies tend to run into that kind of shit?

For myself, it's something I deal with often enough that it just comes across as tired and leads to me rolling my eyes. Especially because more often than not, it's coming from someone who knows nothing about me.

Just for fun, my Asian eyes.

2313851-1569977109-e0a9305a4c13440484f76ae0310312bb.jpg
 

Scarletbegonia

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I’m Jewish with red straight hair.
If I had a dollar for every “you don’t look Jewish”..... I’d have the RLG private island and we’d be partying down.

Since I think of shaving as highly optional, along with make up, I’ve been assumed to be lesbian.
Weirdly, aside from fuzz and a fresh face I’m pretty femme. Oh, and I got hit on by a woman because my keys were on a carabiner on a belt loop.
Purses are also highly optional.
 
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I’m Jewish with red straight hair.
If I had a dollar for every “you don’t look Jewish”..... I’d have the RLG private island and we’d be partying down.

Since I think of shaving as highly optional, along with make up, I’ve been assumed to be lesbian.
Weirdly, aside from fuzz and a fresh face I’m pretty femme. Oh, and I got hit on by a woman because my keys were on a carabiner on a belt loop.
Purses are also highly optional.

Well, damn. Pity you aren't getting that dollar every time. I could do with an island vacation ;)

Keys on a carabiner got ya hit on by a lady? Huh. Well, alright. I'm curious if any of the ladies who have dates a lot of ladies will weigh in on that one. I got confused for a lesbian a lot when my hair was short. I dressed very normally (for me) otherwise. Boot cut jeans and a t-shirt mostly, but I guess short hair is enough to make fools think "lesbian".
 

rtg

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I’m Aboriginal (native to Australia). Most people think I’m “white”, Spanish, Lebanese, Greek.... whatever nationality they want to call me for having olive skin. Some people respectfully guess right and I breathe a sigh of relief. Other Aboriginal people can tell that we are the same.

I’ve lost count of the number of ignorant people who ask “what percent are you?”... as though my identity is based on some kind of blood quantification. All the while, being so ignorant and insensitive to the rapes of Aboriginal women by white men, which resulted in many of us starting to have lighter skin. When I tell people it’s offensive to ask that question, so many don’t understand. I don’t elaborate because obviously they don’t want to know. A cup of coffee is a cup of coffee, no matter how much milk is on it.

I was speaking with AE about this just recently too.
 

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Here I have to explain I'm not "black" every single day - either to white or black Americans. It's somehow (nearly) always Americans commenting on my "blackness" - it has really taught me just how extremely deep racial perception runs in the states.

I hardly ever get comments on my colour from European guys here. When I do, it's more along the lines of "where are you from originally".

In real life I've never been confronted on my "Nutellaness" - I think I look Indian but can pass as Mediterranean if I'm not too tanned. Somehow it has always just added to my exoticness - never had my skin colour commented on in a negative way.
 

Tight_N_Juicy

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Being half white and half brown, I get it from both sides.

I've had white men joke about how I don't have a dozen kids already (blood boilingly fucking annoying) and I've had brown men shame me for not speaking fluent Spanish. That or call me derogatory names about my witness in Spanish assuming I know NONE because they think I'm not brown at all.

Yeah. I've heard a lot if shit about my sexuality and how I must treat men based on race.

Oh, and when I was in a relationship with a black man... Yeah. People are fucking stupid.
 
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My hubby and I are always surprised when we hear stuff like this. Just for reference, I am Hispanic and he is Caucasian, not that it matters to us. We have never thought of other people in terms of race. To us, you are either a nice person and tolerant of others' looks and opinions or you are not. It does not matter what shade you are, they are just pigments in your skin anyways.
Ironically, the folks that we have come across, the darker their skin, the more hung up they are about such things. Just my 2 cents.
 

LaFemme

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I’m another mixed woman - half Indigenous and half white. I used to have to defend myself all the time that I’m Indigenous enough. “You don’t look-act-seem Indian”. Well what does that mean exactly? That I’m not an alcoholic? That I’m educated? That my skin isn’t dark enough? I experience racism the same as any other Indigenous person in my country.

Now, I know I’m enough. Enough for the other Indigenous people who have questioned my experiences as an Indigenous person and enough for the people who question my ethnicity. I am enough. I know who the hell I am. Strangely enough, once I accepted myself as “enough”, others seemed to accept me better as well. Certainly not everyone, but it seemed to make a difference.
 

AlteredEgo

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I'm never black enough for some people. Some people are relieved, like thank God she's not THAT black. Some people tell me I'm one of the good ones, and that I speak so well, and should be a writer.

One lady gasped when I referred to my skin as being dark, and told me not to say something like that about myself, and that I was beautiful. As if dark skin and beauty are mutually exclusive.

Sometimes it is funny. By the time my high school sweetheart's mother met me, she had been accustomed to my soft, small voice on the phone, politely requesting her son in nearly accentless English with clean, clear, diction. She had expected someone tiny and white not someone almost as tall her son and 30 pounds heavier. She advised me that I was welcome to family events as long as her ex-husband's family would not be present. Her son said he had no intention of inteoducing me to his father. Down the hall, his brother laughed. His brothers had also told him that my blackness guaranteed that my sexual performance would be good, and that I would blow him and let him fuck my asshole. They told him he was lucky. He had no expectation that his brothers were right, and was just letting me know they were jackasses I did not need to befriend.

All through school I was "too white" to be cool. This was based on my diction and accent, my good grades, and my lexicon.

I can only be me. These folks can fuck right off.

I only identify as black, not multi-ethnic. I am almost 20% Irish but have no connection to Irish nor Irish-American culture. I was born to black people, raised by black people in a black community. Most of my Irish ancestors raped my African ancestors and forced them to give birth, and at least one sold a mother away from a nursing newborn, and that does heavily dampen any curiosity I might have about my Irish ancestors. I still want to tour Ireland though. It looks pretty in pictures.

People are just folks. That is the truest thing I know.
 
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Tight_N_Juicy

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Oh, and don't get me started on the "you'd be so attractive if you wore women's clothes" type of comments I get when I'm being my best masculine self.

I just giggle, because me And my guy think I'm sexy as fuck when I'm sporting man-wear.

I dress to impress me. Sure, from time to time I spoil him silly and dress to his request. 99% of the time I'm solely dressing to impress ME.

I look good when I'm wearing super sexy lady clothes with a full face of glam makeup... But I look just as fucking tasty when I'm sporting Dickies shorts and a T or tank with my natural face.
 

Spartan727

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I’m another mixed woman - half Indigenous and half white. I used to have to defend myself all the time that I’m Indigenous enough. “You don’t look-act-seem Indian”. Well what does that mean exactly? That I’m not an alcoholic? That I’m educated? That my skin isn’t dark enough? I experience racism the same as any other Indigenous person in my country.

Now, I know I’m enough. Enough for the other Indigenous people who have questioned my experiences as an Indigenous person and enough for the people who question my ethnicity. I am enough. I know who the hell I am. Strangely enough, once I accepted myself as “enough”, others seemed to accept me better as well. Certainly not everyone, but it seemed to make a difference.
Hell yeazzzz you are!!
 

rtg

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I’m another mixed woman - half Indigenous and half white. I used to have to defend myself all the time that I’m Indigenous enough. “You don’t look-act-seem Indian”. Well what does that mean exactly? That I’m not an alcoholic? That I’m educated? That my skin isn’t dark enough? I experience racism the same as any other Indigenous person in my country.

Now, I know I’m enough. Enough for the other Indigenous people who have questioned my experiences as an Indigenous person and enough for the people who question my ethnicity. I am enough. I know who the hell I am. Strangely enough, once I accepted myself as “enough”, others seemed to accept me better as well. Certainly not everyone, but it seemed to make a difference.
It’s sad that as Indigenous women on opposite sides of the globe that we have had, and continue to have, the exact same experiences. Solidarity to you sister.

I remember in high school I stayed over a friends house. At breakfast I was talking about my heritage and the mum said she didn’t know I was aboriginal and that I was “quite pretty for one”.
 

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I am a Italian Jewish female with all the features. I’m me, judge me if you wish, I really don’t care. I have no time for racism if any kind. I am very successful in a male dominated career. I have dignity - honor - integrity - valor. No time for bullshit. I’m straight up - if you want to know something ask, be sure you’re prepared for the answer.
I take very good care of myself. Heath is not a commodity. I love the sun and being out doors.
I’m extremely active. Up for a challenge.
I think it’s funny how shallow ppl are assuming they know something about someone’s sexuality
With out even knowing a person. I totally enjoy proving ppl wrong. My biggest passion is defeating death. Your worst day is my everyday, pfft Am I enough??
Every single woman on this site is enough! Just being who they are! We all come from different walks of life w different levels of education. It’s the heart that matters. Judging someone by their clothes, or physical appearance is shallow.
I wasn’t raised like that.

Everyday isn’t good but there is good in every
day!
 
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693987

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I’m Aboriginal (native to Australia). Most people think I’m “white”, Spanish, Lebanese, Greek.... whatever nationality they want to call me for having olive skin. Some people respectfully guess right and I breathe a sigh of relief. Other Aboriginal people can tell that we are the same.

I’ve lost count of the number of ignorant people who ask “what percent are you?”... as though my identity is based on some kind of blood quantification. All the while, being so ignorant and insensitive to the rapes of Aboriginal women by white men, which resulted in many of us starting to have lighter skin. When I tell people it’s offensive to ask that question, so many don’t understand. I don’t elaborate because obviously they don’t want to know. A cup of coffee is a cup of coffee, no matter how much milk is on it.

I was speaking with AE about this just recently too.

When people have seen photos of me where my face isn't showing, I've been mistaken for white as well (which there's nothing wrong with being white, I just am not). I've gotten the absurdly rude "what are you?" question too. While it's sad that so many people across the planet are idiots, it does in a way make me feel a little better that it doesn't just happen in my corner of the world.
 
6

693987

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Here I have to explain I'm not "black" every single day - either to white or black Americans. It's somehow (nearly) always Americans commenting on my "blackness" - it has really taught me just how extremely deep racial perception runs in the states.

I hardly ever get comments on my colour from European guys here. When I do, it's more along the lines of "where are you from originally".

In real life I've never been confronted on my "Nutellaness" - I think I look Indian but can pass as Mediterranean if I'm not too tanned. Somehow it has always just added to my exoticness - never had my skin colour commented on in a negative way.

From everything Rem has told me, it doesn't surprise me that black Americans question that. He gets a lot of flack for being a bit lighter skinned. Where he grew up (Detroit, MI), there was a pretty major divide between being lighter complexion or darker complexion.

As far as Asians, Ali Wong a comedian touched on it too, talking about "fancy" Asians or "jungle" Asians. Thankfully, I haven't run into much of anything like that, it has always been people who aren't Asian who have some shit to say.
 

MickeyLee

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Since the b
When people have seen photos of me where my face isn't showing, I've been mistaken for white as well (which there's nothing wrong with being white, I just am not). I've gotten the absurdly rude "what are you?" question too. While it's sad that so many people across the planet are idiots, it does in a way make me feel a little better that it doesn't just happen in my corner of the world.

The appropriate response to "what are you?" Is "fucking awesome!"
 
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693987

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Being half white and half brown, I get it from both sides.

I've had white men joke about how I don't have a dozen kids already (blood boilingly fucking annoying) and I've had brown men shame me for not speaking fluent Spanish. That or call me derogatory names about my witness in Spanish assuming I know NONE because they think I'm not brown at all.

Yeah. I've heard a lot if shit about my sexuality and how I must treat men based on race.

Oh, and when I was in a relationship with a black man... Yeah. People are fucking stupid.

I don't speak the language that matches my ethnic background. It is still a work in progress for me to not feel shame, if someone of my ethnic background speaks to me in the language and I have to tell them I don't understand. Given my background, being adopted, it makes perfect sense for why I wouldn't necessarily know the language. I know I don't owe strangers an explanation, but it still makes me feel awkward. Not being able to speak the language doesn't make someone suddenly not whatever their background is, but a dumb amount of people seem to think it does.

The assumptions about how I act in the bedroom or how "domestic" I am due to my ethnic background are sky high.
 
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693987

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My hubby and I are always surprised when we hear stuff like this. Just for reference, I am Hispanic and he is Caucasian, not that it matters to us. We have never thought of other people in terms of race. To us, you are either a nice person and tolerant of others' looks and opinions or you are not. It does not matter what shade you are, they are just pigments in your skin anyways.
Ironically, the folks that we have come across, the darker their skin, the more hung up they are about such things. Just my 2 cents.

That's nice that you and your husband are like that. I will say my experiences differ pretty wildly from yours, though (which isn't to say your experiences are wrong or invalid, just different). People fetishize/exotify my ethnicity a lot, and oh a good 90% of the time it's from white people. My partner deals with it too, being a tall fit black man, and again, the majority of the time it's from white people.
 
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693987

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I’m another mixed woman - half Indigenous and half white. I used to have to defend myself all the time that I’m Indigenous enough. “You don’t look-act-seem Indian”. Well what does that mean exactly? That I’m not an alcoholic? That I’m educated? That my skin isn’t dark enough? I experience racism the same as any other Indigenous person in my country.

Now, I know I’m enough. Enough for the other Indigenous people who have questioned my experiences as an Indigenous person and enough for the people who question my ethnicity. I am enough. I know who the hell I am. Strangely enough, once I accepted myself as “enough”, others seemed to accept me better as well. Certainly not everyone, but it seemed to make a difference.

I can only imagine. I am "full Asian" even though someone was trying to throw shade about me being otherwise, and being mixed in your ethnic background seems to open up the door even wider for people (assholes) to make shitty assumptions and make dumb remarks.
 
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693987

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I'm never black enough for some people. Some people are relieved, like thank God she's not THAT black. Some people tell me I'm one of the good ones, and that I speak so well, and should be a writer.

One lady gasped when I referred to my skin as being dark, and told me not to say something like that about myself, and that I was beautiful. As if dark skin and beauty are mutually exclusive.

Sometimes it is funny. By the time my high school sweetheart's mother met me, she had been accustomed to my soft, small voice on the phone, politely requesting her son in nearly accentless English with clean, clear, diction. She had expected someone tiny and white not someone almost as tall her son and 30 pounds heavier. She advised me that I was welcome to family events as long as her ex-husband's family would not be present. Her son said he had no intention of inteoducing me to his father. Down the hall, his brother laughed. His brothers had also told him that my blackness guaranteed that my sexual performance would be good, and that I would blow him and let him fuck my asshole. They told him he was lucky. He had no expectation that his brothers were right, and was just letting me know they were jackasses I did not need to befriend.

All through school I was "too white" to be cool. This was based on my diction and accent, my good grades, and my lexicon.

I can only be me. These folks can fuck right off.

I only identify as black, not multi-ethnic. I am almost 20% Irish but have no connection to Irish nor Irish-American culture. I was born to black people, raised by black people in a black community. Most of my Irish ancestors raped my African ancestors and forced them to give birth, and at least one sold a mother away from a nursing newborn, and that does heavily dampen any curiosity I might have about my Irish ancestors. I still want to tour Ireland though. It looks pretty in pictures.

People are just folks. That is the truest thing I know.

You and I have had conversations about this kind o topic before, and it still blows my mind the things I hear that you have dealt with, same for the things Rem has dealt with. Rem has a branch of family he doesn't keep in touch with, who give him shit for being bourgeoisie and not being "black enough" because he made something of himself. Rem has had white people get offended when he calls himself black, or when a friend described him as black. His family is well and pretty dang far removed from their African roots, so he doesn't identify as "African American". He just considers himself black. Good enough for him, good enough for other people to calm the fuck down about what he identifies as.