What are you planting this year?
Nothing.
In the 4th grade, (back before schools had been invented), I grew two lima bean plants. One was in the shade and the other was in the only window in the fucking apartment which had any sunlight (and even that was very little). Both plants grew, one day during the rice wars I was hungry (our approval on surplus food was not yet done), and I ate all the lima beans. Ate them with the ketchup I had swiped from the Automat.
My grandfather scolded me and made clear that my terrible behavior showed a lack of decency and goodness. Seeing as how I had disgraced the family, I put on my sweater and headed down to the subway tunnels to live out my remaining days.
It was some weeks later when Officer Shillabotnick found me in the old Lexingon Avenue station by 18th Street (station long sealed off). He brought me home and showed me off to his wife and 18 children-I later learned that they weren't his either.
While living with Officer Joe and his pretty wife Mildred, I was forced to breed potatoes in jars. Nothing ever came of those potatoes and soon I was on the 23rd Street crosstown bus heading back to home. When the bus reached 9th Avenue, I got off and slowly walked down towards the projects. Grandfather was out front with a new boy who had replaced me while I was gone and he was grinning excitedly while holding up a bag of the biggest tastiest lima beans the world had ever seen. He'd grown them up on the roof.
Eventually, Grandfather welcomed me back into the apartment and the safety of our bed (we were poor, no shenanigans going on) although he rarely allowed me the family blanket ever again. The other boy, who had taken my place, went on to bigger and better things-perhaps you've heard of him, pehaps not.
As to me, I don't do gardening, just wanted to share this highly unlikely tale of my youth. (or is that
Yoot?) (parts were real-grw lima beans, parts were not).
