Are You A Natural Dater?

cofrader

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I sounded like a magazine but anyway.
What did you have to learn from men or from yourself to successfully date?
Personally I had a lot of work doing theater for confidence, opera singing, gym, some couching courses, NLP, Field observation and practice. On the other hand I know natural guys that just seam to do everything right just like that.
So how is for you? What did you have to learn?
 
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I sounded like a magazine but anyway.
What did you have to learn from men or from yourself to successfully date?
Personally I had a lot of work doing theater for confidence, opera singing, gym, some couching courses, NLP, Field observation and practice. On the other hand I know natural guys that just seam to do everything right just like that.
So how is for you? What did you have to learn?

I appreciate the sincerity of this post. I think some people find it easier to connect when they were raised in a loving home where their mere presence was valued and so they don’t go into the world believing they’re impaired, in some way - there is no fear in seeking connection. For others, we’ve have had to learn that just being who we are, is enough but that can take years, if it happens at all.

Personally, having been raised by a mother who is a manipulative, malignant narcissist, it has taken me decades to understand my co dependency issues. Choosing to be single whilst I find other ways to be in the world has, singularly, been the most productive use of my time. It shocks me to think back to how I was in friendships and relationships where I can remember feeling as though I didn’t exist as a person unless I was of value to another, in some way. Of course that kind of mindset attracts a particularly toxic type of relationship which compounds the damage. But it’s hard to shake off.

I think asking ourselves this exact type of question is helpful in that it separates the self from the action/behaviour. We are not our thoughts, nor are we what happens to us. And so, if we can start to ask the right questions, our mindset can and will change and, eventually, so will our lives. With that said, I know a lot of people from a wide section of society (poor to super privileged) and every one has issues. Everyone of them. Some just need more courage than others.

Learning to come to terms with who we are and finding compassion for ourselves, is the best way to find compassion for others. And that’s exactly the kind of quality that people desire in others.
 
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I’ve had to learn who I really am and what I want and everything fell out of that. For example, I’ve learned to respect myself and not sleep with someone just because “I want them to like me”. I’ve learned my self worth and to how to not be treated like a door mat. I’ve learned that sometimes I need to be selfish to be happy, which isn’t something that comes easy to me. I’ve learned that I need to be happy with myself before I can truly be happy with someone else.

I’ve learned exactly how I don’t want to be treated. I’ve also learned to recognise red flags ASAP and not make excuses for people.
 

cofrader

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Thank you for your answers.
I think been shy for a man made the process harder.
Would have been interesting to experience the full frontal Ellie method but I’m proud of my accomplishments.
As for your abilities to assess a situation on a split second I suspect they come from bad attempts by men.
I will offer my daughter a martial art, lie to me kind of course and legimency if possible, just in case.
 
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EllieP

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Thank you for your answers.
I think been shy for a man made the process harder.
Would have been interesting to experience the full frontal Ellie method but I’m proud of my accomplishments.
As for your abilities to assess a situation on a split second I suspect they come from bad attempts by men.
I will offer my daughter a martial art, lie to me kind of course and legimency if possible, just in case.

I've always been natural on dates. As outgoing as I am I always try to make sure that the conversation is balanced. I do tend to monopolize the talking. I've always found it easy to get a man to talk about things that he's interested in. Sometimes there's a tendency to go overboard, so the work to balance it out gets a bit more difficult. When it becomes too difficult I just throw in the towel and enjoy whatever is left of the evening the best way I can.

I've dated shy men, outgoing men and a whole lot of in-betweens. It's all about reading personalities and looking for something to mesh besides genitals, of course.
 

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Being my natural self always worked for me. No surprises or complaints afterwards as I wasn't wrapped in cotton or sheep's clothing. Everybody made their own minds and had only themselves to blame since I was consistently myself from day 1.

I can't say I learned a lot but I confirmed a lot of what my parents taught me to do and not to do. And that respect, sincerity, honesty, openness, love and kindness are good words to include in your life.