I sounded like a magazine but anyway.
What did you have to learn from men or from yourself to successfully date?
Personally I had a lot of work doing theater for confidence, opera singing, gym, some couching courses, NLP, Field observation and practice. On the other hand I know natural guys that just seam to do everything right just like that.
So how is for you? What did you have to learn?
I appreciate the sincerity of this post. I think some people find it easier to connect when they were raised in a loving home where their mere presence was valued and so they don’t go into the world believing they’re impaired, in some way - there is no fear in seeking connection. For others, we’ve have had to learn that just being who we are, is enough but that can take years, if it happens at all.
Personally, having been raised by a mother who is a manipulative, malignant narcissist, it has taken me decades to understand my co dependency issues. Choosing to be single whilst I find other ways to be in the world has, singularly, been the most productive use of my time. It shocks me to think back to how I was in friendships and relationships where I can remember feeling as though I didn’t exist as a person unless I was of value to another, in some way. Of course that kind of mindset attracts a particularly toxic type of relationship which compounds the damage. But it’s hard to shake off.
I think asking ourselves this exact type of question is helpful in that it separates the self from the action/behaviour. We are not our thoughts, nor are we what happens to us. And so, if we can start to ask the right questions, our mindset can and will change and, eventually, so will our lives. With that said, I know a lot of people from a wide section of society (poor to super privileged) and every one has issues. Everyone of them. Some just need more courage than others.
Learning to come to terms with who we are and finding compassion for ourselves, is the best way to find compassion for others. And that’s exactly the kind of quality that people desire in others.