Are you and your ex friends?

invisibleman

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I'm curious to know if, after you break up and you and ex are friends/friendly, do you talk about the new people in your lives, dating, etc? Was it awkward at first? Did it continue or stop because it became awkward? Stories on how you handled hearing about his dating life or discussing yours would be appreciated.

I am not friends with any of my exes. I haven't talked to any of them about their lives apart from me. I assume/think that they are happier. I hope they are. I doubt that we would ever get back together at all. I don't plan on it.


 

aninnymouse

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The reason why I brought this up is because I do still care for the guy but in a different way. I'm 55 and he's 26. I was his first BF, his first relationship, his first full on sexual relationship. He got caught cheating and I kicked him to the curb. I've really tried breaking it off but he continues to call and write and now trying to plan a visit to the US. I've told him no visits for awhile while I get settled in and honestly that I need time to myself. He cries! I've asked him if he's going out because he calls me at times on Fridays and Saturdays when I think he should be out - at least out with friends! But he's home calling me telling me about what's happening at work there and asking me how my work here is going, commenting on a picture on Facebook and how's my mom and dad etc. When I asked about going out, he says he has no interest. That he's too tired after working all week and just wants to stay in. He goes out with a few straight girls then calls me the next day to tell me how drunk he got and threw up. It bothers me that at his age he's not getting out. I guess it shouldn't bother me but it does.


Just. Say. No.

Change your number, delete him from your Facebook, tell him never to contact you again. Don't give him the new number. Hell, change your email addy, if possible, if not, block him.

From everything you said, he's toxic to you and to your life. Do you really want him stalking you from 5,000 miles plus?

/There's a reason why some people are your exes.....
 

Teb8807

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I'm only friends with one of my ex girlfriends, but I sometimes feel like there is a "special" bond between us. A weird loving bond that we don't speak of or bring up. She's now in a relationship and I respect her boyfriend by keeping it platonic. No flirting, talking of our past, etc.

My ex girlfriend and I stopped talking a couple of months after she moved back to her home state and we split up. There was too much of a negative history for us to repair what had destroyed our relationship and friendship. She was the one to usually call me, ask me about my dating life and whatnot. She eventually stopped calling me (I figure she found somebody else) and I don't bother calling her.
 

lynxz23

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Yeah and she calls me more now than when we were together I still like her but I know its not worth pursuing I've matured alot since then I don't think she has as yet
 

JC8

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I don't know for sure, but I think I've been friends with exes because I never understood what boundaries were, and I also was never invested enough in the relationship to have the typical "healthy" strong reactions that would come to most.

I also always hear "Martha", by Tom Waits, when I think of talking to exes: Tom Waits - Martha (album version) - YouTube
 
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deleted556573

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I'm not on a friendly basis with any of my exes. Especially the last one. It's a good thing he's on the opposite side of the country from me. :mad:


I learned after the first ex that clean breaks must be made, as neither one of us could set and keep boundaries. It ended up dragging out the recovery period for us way longer than it should have. It's because of this that we are not friends today.

I won't go so far as to say I'd NEVER be friends with an ex, but I haven't had one yet that I actually had any desire to be on a friendly basis with, post-split up.
 

gymfresh

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On very fond terms with all my exes, except the two who are now dead. (Not my doing!) Actually, first dead one and I reached a point of pleasant civility before he passed. My last ex is one of my best friends, and he and my hubby of 7 years get on great. I like that and I like being friends with all those I've loved.
 

gymfresh

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JC8

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D_22

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Depends on the ex. Some I left off in good terms and may not talk or keep in contact, but when we do see each other it's usually very friendly and happy to see each other.

Some we're still friends but have to make sure we keep some sort of distance. There are some exes who can't seem to realize over is over, especially when they're the ones who let you go. It sucks sometimes having to be a dick or doucebag, but some people just can't seem to take no for an answer and move on, especially when its not mentally healthy for both parties.
 

AUS-WA

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I was friends with my ex until we got into a name-calling fight when I tried to give him advice on where he'd damaged the relationship with, so he wouldn't make the same mistakes with a new guy he'd just met. Apparently I was a weak-willed, pathetic whore, so I called him an emotionally vapid, frigid bitch. So that ended any type of friendship with him.

After that, I found out that some advice I had given him would've been beneficial, he met a guy, slept with him on the first date, then got chewed up and spat out a few days later. I told him not to sleep with the guy until they'd been out a few times. I couldn't help but laugh at his predicament, which is slightly pathetic on my part, but it was the sweet taste of poetic justice.
 

dolfette

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i wouldn't date a guy who is on bad terms with all his exes. it speaks to me of a childish and petty nature, or of very poor judgement. of a man who is constantly drawn towards shitty people, or of a spoilt brat who has to be shitty to any woman who has the audacity to reject him.

yeah, i'm harsh.
 

rtg

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I'd probably only talk to them out of spite and revenge....cos someone who hurts me doesn't deserve me in their life. The only other reason I'd still talk to them is if I still want to get back together with them...so I guess one of my exes and I are friends...but it's moreso just cos we still kinda want eachother lol.
 

sykray

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I have remained friends with my exes, though I admit that I'm no longer still in contact with one or two.
I knew about their new partners. I have visited them and I am friends with their partners.
 

dolfette

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cos someone who hurts me doesn't deserve me in their life.
objection!

that surely must depend on the nature of the hurt? a man cannot help it if he falls out of love with you, or fails to fall in love with you. that's just an unfortunate incompatibility and is nobody's fault.

as opposed to the ahole who kills your dog, shags your dad and pees in your favourite shoes.

even if you can't play bestest buds, there's no reason not to be civil and friendly towards the former.

not all hurts are equal.