are you attracted or repelled when you find out

snoozan

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Some choose to stay because they have children and they are hoping beyond hope that their spouse will wake up and start responding to their pleas for attention, for marital counseling.

I understand this. When I said "one or both of the partners is too lazy to step up and make it work and/or too scared to end it," I meant exactly what you're saying. It takes both partners to make it work, and when one will not, it's doomed. I understand not wanting to leave for many reasons, especially if you have children. It's really sad when that's the case and your spouse has no desire to make things better. I'd hate to be caught in that situation, it would break my heart.

After years they get tired of repeating themselves to someone that never listens. Also sometimes money is a factor and anger is a factor of which you don't want to bear the brunt and so you go on just a little longer...Honey, my reasons are too complex and private to share here but they certainly don't involve lack of effort or an excuse to cheat.

All of this I understand. I'm not calling you out for your specific circumstances, I just have a jaded view of what someone looking to get laid calls a "dead marriage." To me, it's a really convenient excuse for some people to not work on their marriage and/or have extramarital affairs with less guilt.

I did fall in love with a man while still married and it was that relationship that forced me to get real and make decisions...but it just isn't that easy sometimes when you are coping with the death of a child on top of everything else. I am slowly, but surely moving forward...

I offer you my deepest and most sincere condolences on the death of your child. That has to be the one of the most devastating thing that could happen to anyone. I am glad to hear that you're moving forward. Moving forward when accompanied by pain and hardship is never easy.

I also don't think cheating is a mortal sin. It happens. And in your situation, it happened for reasons that are not hard to understand. I'm not condemning you. I was more just taking issue with how that phrase is used by some people. Sometimes there is a spouse at home who would be thrilled to work on this "dead marriage" if the other partner who is using that phrase to his/her paramour would try to work it out with them instead. But that doesn't sound like your situation to me at all.

I didn't mean to attack you personally, just comment on a phrase I hear batted around all the time.
 

memyselfandirene24

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I currently work with a woman that is also 26 like me and is married to a guy that also has the same first name as me :) She is so hot and the thought of her being married to a guy with the same name as me makes it that much more so. She is very flirty and always wears very revealing tops at the job. I think about doing her all the time. This is the first married woman I have been attracted to. Is it wrong, i'm married, and if I did something with her it would be. Would it be fun, absolutley. If need2befilled was trying to imply that she is married and likes to mess around, contact me, lol.
 

36DD

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I understand this. When I said "one or both of the partners is too lazy to step up and make it work and/or too scared to end it," I meant exactly what you're saying. It takes both partners to make it work, and when one will not, it's doomed. I understand not wanting to leave for many reasons, especially if you have children. It's really sad when that's the case and your spouse has no desire to make things better. I'd hate to be caught in that situation, it would break my heart.



All of this I understand. I'm not calling you out for your specific circumstances, I just have a jaded view of what someone looking to get laid calls a "dead marriage." To me, it's a really convenient excuse for some people to not work on their marriage and/or have extramarital affairs with less guilt.



I offer you my deepest and most sincere condolences on the death of your child. That has to be the one of the most devastating thing that could happen to anyone. I am glad to hear that you're moving forward. Moving forward when accompanied by pain and hardship is never easy.

I also don't think cheating is a mortal sin. It happens. And in your situation, it happened for reasons that are not hard to understand. I'm not condemning you. I was more just taking issue with how that phrase is used by some people. Sometimes there is a spouse at home who would be thrilled to work on this "dead marriage" if the other partner who is using that phrase to his/her paramour would try to work it out with them instead. But that doesn't sound like your situation to me at all.

I didn't mean to attack you personally, just comment on a phrase I hear batted around all the time.

I understand what you are saying completely...I didn't take it personally, really, I was just explaining because sometimes others reading it might fail to look deeper than what is seen on the surface. No one ever really knows how they would react in a situation until confronted with it...I try to remind myself of this also at times. Life can be so complicated at times: so beautiful and yet so ugly. I try to look at the beauty.