Are You Drawn to the "Needy" Types?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by steve319, May 10, 2005.

  1. steve319

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    Heavy relationship question here, but first your required reading assignment... ;)

    “High on Sunday 51” by Aimee Mann

    The monkey knows how you'll react
    Creating want by holding back
    Like some reverse pyromaniac
    Let me try, baby, try

    I propped my window up and then
    I turned my back to lure you in
    To rifle through what I might have been
    Let me try, baby, try

    Baby, please -- let me begin
    Let me be your heroin
    Hate the sinner but love the sin
    Let me be your heroin

    We have crossed the Rubicon
    Our ship awash, our rudder gone
    The rats have fled but I'm hanging on
    Let me try, baby, try

    Baby, please -- let me begin
    Let me be your heroin
    Hate the sinner but love the sin
    Let me be your heroin


    (Nice heroin/heroine thing, huh?)

    Are you a “fixer” in your relationships? Do you pick someone who, because of emotional issues or a troubled background or substance abuse problems or whatever, is desperately in need of rescue and repair? Are you drawn to the needy ones?

    Or, conversely, do you attract these hero-types? Are you the one who is (perceived as?) falling to a sad end, thereby pulling in the ones who think helping you get over your hang-ups is a personal mission?
     
  2. naughty

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    Steve,
    here is my answer in verse! LOL! I hope you enjoy it!

    NO, no ,NO! ,
    I've got to run
    Ive got to hide
    I'm not your
    magic carpet ride.

    Dont look for me
    to quench your thrist
    Wont be the last
    sure aint the first
    to think this bird
    looks best encaged
    its oh so wrong
    this plot youve staged.

    Go, grasping hands
    and needy souls
    I have no light
    for your black holes

    You've me enthroned
    with purple robe
    But I'm the queen
    Commitment phobe.


    Seriously,
    Neediness comes in many forms. But I guess when I see it I can spot it in all of its variety and I dont like it. I think there is a natural supporting of one another in a normal relationship, and then there is the unhealthy codependence built on issues. For the needy that says it all be it emotional, physical or economic. For the giver , this person too is needy in need of affirmation. Neither is a good basis for a mature well functioning relationship. Jealousy is not love, it is the fear of loss and fear of control. I have had enough morey eels ( human leeches) of the emotional and monetary kind. I am not their parent and soon may not be a friend because friendship goes two ways. Anything else is dishonest and being called by the wrong name. Getting locked in a car, or screamed at unnecessarily for sins un imagined is enough for me at least to head for the hills....

    Naughty
     
  3. Supportive Female

    Supportive Female New Member

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    First: the two [above] posts are better than what you would find on a lot of sites geared toward poets, english majors, and psychology majors. Well done!

    To answer the question posed: how about an option of "learning from one's mistakes" and no longer being attracted to (or repelled by) those individuals who have personalities that are toxic to your own life-patterns.

    It's just a thought...
     
  4. Dr Rock

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    nope. I don't allow myself to engage on any emotional level with anyone nowadays, precisely because I long ago got utterly tired with other people's bullshit. no-one else is worth that much to me, and I don't want anyone else convincing themselves I'm worth that much to them, either.
     
  5. rope9839

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    Biggest issue in my life. Lost 12 years and seven figures to an ex with a compulsive gambling problem, among other issues. Should have learned, but I am now involved with a couple of charity cases. Show me a pretty girl with big issues and I am all over it. I know I can't fix these people and that my associations with them are causing me to miss my own potential, but I feel pretty helpless to do anything about it. therapy has helped, but only to the point that I recognize what I am doing - not to the point that I can actually stop the behavior.
     
  6. Alley Blue

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    "Dreams unwind, loves a state of mind......"
     
  7. Dr Rock

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  8. naughty

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    Workin' up a good pot of mad!
    A winter’s day
    In a deep and dark december;
    I am alone,
    Gazing from my window to the streets below
    On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
    I am a rock,
    I am an island.
    I’ve built walls,
    A fortress deep and mighty,
    That none may penetrate.
    I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
    It’s laughter and it’s loving I disdain.
    I am a rock,
    I am an island.

    Don’t talk of love,
    But I’ve heard the words before;
    It’s sleeping in my memory.
    I won’t disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
    If I never loved I never would have cried.
    I am a rock,
    I am an island.

    I have my books
    And my poetry to protect me;
    I am shielded in my armor,
    Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
    I touch no one and no one touches me.
    I am a rock,
    I am an island.

    And a rock feels no pain;
    And an island never cries.


    Please ignore my reference to an earlier post by Dr.Rock. I hope you all enjoy the lyrics to Paul Simon's "I am a rock" however as an example of isolation vs generativity...


    Naughty
     
  9. Alley Blue

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    Its from a song. What you posted reminded me of that song...........

    "It's the heart afraid of breaking
    that never learns to dance
    It's the dream afraid of wakingthat never takes the chance
    It's the one who won't be taken
    who cannot seem to give
    and the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live "

    Oops, there I go again.....
     
  10. EFH33

    EFH33 Member

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    Its from a song. What you posted reminded me of that song...........

    "It's the heart afraid of breaking
    that never learns to dance
    It's the dream afraid of wakingthat never takes the chance
    It's the one who won't be taken
    who cannot seem to give
    and the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live "

    Oops, there I go again.....
    [post=310031]Quoted post[/post]​
    [/b][/quote]

    "When the night seems so lonely
    and the road... it seems too long.
    And you think that love is only
    for the lucky and the strong.
    Just remember in the winter
    far beneath the bitter snow.
    Lies the seed
    That with the sun's love
    In the spring becomes the rose"

    Sorry... I had to finish it.
     
  11. txquis

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    I'm not attracted to the addicted or the mentally ill.

    I *WAS* a sucker for the vulnerable, and ill-used.
    I devoted five years of a relationship to being the "savior" for
    someone who had been neglected and abused as a child,
    and succeeded to some extent.

    But in the end, that personality-type moves back out into the sunlight,
    says, "thanks for all your help when i was a mess",
    and ventures out into new adventures with new people.

    Now, i just seek people who make me laugh, are secure,
    and share many of my views.
     
  12. Freddie53

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    Dr. Rock, we are just different. I am a people person and I draw strength from other people. Even though I know some are fake and full of shit. Sometimes I am full of shit too. Different strokes for different folks i guess.

    I hope you are happy and content with your life. What ever you want to get out of life, I hope you have found it or will find it.
     
  13. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    My best friend's girl friend is one of those girls who thinks she can fix a broken person...My best friend has emotional and substance problems and his girlfriend who has no clue thinks she is going to be his savior...I mean she trys to isolate him from his friends, invade his privacy and then share issues w/his parents...

    And I know some guy friends of mine that have no emotional survivor skills...Once a girl dumps one friend of mine - he quickly jumps into another relationship w/in a day or two...I have tried to talk to this guy but it is like talking to a brick wall...I have even gone as far as to tell him he got some serious issues and he responds that he knows but can't help it...It is pretty pitiful to see a grown man get attached deeply to someone he just met and he is a wreck when he gets dumped...I kid you not this guy has probably been dumped by 10 girls in the last year or so...He leeches on to girl and wants to be around them constantly...
     
  14. Dr Rock

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    hey folks, maybe since you don't know anything about my life or my reasons for emotional self-sufficiency, it might be a good idea for you NOT to try associating me with your own experiences and/or lack thereof in that area. I am not amused when people try to stick labels of any kind on me. the fact that I choose not to distract myself with the dross and dysfunctions of other peoples' lives, or try to find obscure meanings or profundities in all that crap, does not mean I'm afraid of somebody soldering an engagement ring to my finger in my sleep or some shit like that. it simply means that I don't believe in wasting my time or effort in pursuit of masochistic/self-pitying nonsense.
     
  15. Alley Blue

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    I really did'nt mean to attract attention to Dr.Rocks post. I simply was fascinated by it because I really understood what he meant..... or at least I think I do...... :)
     
  16. B_DoubleMeatWhopper

    B_DoubleMeatWhopper New Member

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    Some of us are not amused by your constant sticking of labels onto us based on your perceptions, and often misconceptions, of our religious views. Our lack of amusement doesn't stop you, does it?
     
  17. Dr Rock

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    nope, and here's why: you stick those labels on yourselves by publicly endorsing organized religions, then try to squirm out of them when someone points out the unacceptable aspects of your particular sects. if you declare yourselves adherents of a specific religion, you're saying "I believe in this and this and this (whatever), I support the existence and activities of this church (or whatever), and I'm perfectly happy for everybody else to know all those things about me."

    I'm just the observer there.
     
  18. naughty

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    Dr Rock,

    I will delete the portion of an earlier post that was so presumptious as to ask a question about your online name. Thank you for informing us not to refer to you in any manner. I will try to remember that in the future....


    Naughty
     
  19. B_DoubleMeatWhopper

    B_DoubleMeatWhopper New Member

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    The labels 'weak' and 'stupid' are not labels that I have stuck on myself, those were your words. You tend to lump all Christians who are members of organized religion into one group. I can assure you that my beliefs are not identical with anyone else's simply by virtue of what faith I profess. The only personal beliefs of mine that you know for sure are those that I have divulged here, and some of those beliefs are not exactly orthodox Catholic doctrine. What aspects most people find unacceptable about the Catholic Church are often unacceptable to Catholics as well, but we choose to work within the Church rather than pooh-pooh it and walk away. Maybe since you don't know anything about my life or my reasons for being a member of my Church (and you have demonstrated that you don't), it might be a good idea for you NOT to try associating me with your own experiences and/or lack thereof in that area.
     
  20. Freddie53

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