Asexuality

[D_Warren Wifflebat]

I've been obsessed with cock size since I was about 11. I have always admired huge ones and lusted after them. The bigger the better. My obsession progressed to the point of considering hung guys superior in every way. It developed into a very narrow fetish where I could only get off during sex or even masturbation if it involved a hung guy humiliating me about my cock size.

The funny thing is, I know my dick is average size - 6.5 x 4.5. But nothing will EVER convince my brain that it isn't small. In fact my fear/obsession/neurosis over cock size has kept me from ever entertaining the idea that I could satisfy a guy or a girl. Thus, over the years it has completely shut down my desire to be in a relationship, have sex, or even want to be around most people anymore.

There doesn't seem to be much of a point to anything anymore. I feel asexual. I feel like a ghost, like I'm already dead. There seems to be no point to human interaction because it all revolves around sex (and cock size) and marriage and a relationship and building a life with someone.

It's bizarre because even though I've always had famous women that I looked up to that inspired me, and I've had amazing female friends, I'm especially shut off and distrusting of woman. Frankly, even being touched by a woman most of the time makes me shut down. It makes me feel vulnerable and violated. And the feelings towards men aren't much better. I've lived my life as a gay man, but have become completely disillusioned with gay culture and gay guys in general. They all seem shallow. heartless. egocentric. Straight men are just mysterious creatures to me. They're like machines. I can't relate on hardly any levels.

I am an alien, an android, an exception, and a freak. I feel pretty much non-human. The weirdest part of it all, is that all the time I've spent on this site dedicated to helping dudes with big dicks, has somehow helped me work through my size issues. I am no longer tortured, but yet I am numb. So I guess in the end I should say thanks to this strange world of big cocks for being pretty much my only outlet and therapy for my sexual insanity.

 

[onewatcher]

Friend, I am glad you feel that you can open up to us on LPSG. It is amazing what our minds can do to control us, even though the rational side of us knows differently. Definately your cock is not small by any means. There is so much more to human sexuality than just sex! The gay men you have met are not the norm. Do not give up on everything that you desire sexually. Hopefully, you have seen a professional regarding your feelings. You have to be an amazing man to be able to express to total strangers your deepest thoughts. I admire you for that..

 

[deleted15807]

There doesn't seem to be much of a point to anything anymore. I feel asexual. I feel like a ghost, like I'm already dead. There seems to be no point to human interaction because it all revolves around sex (and cock size) and marriage and a relationship and building a life with someone.

I'm not convinced human interaction all revolves around cock size. How do you figure that? Cock size seems to enter the picture as a 'key' issue with relatively few people.

 

[D_Warren Wifflebat]

First of all,

Thank you Onewatcher for your kind words. And yes I have been to therapy, but it wasn't helpful. Random people, whether they meant to or not have helped me though. Including some big dicked doms who were "abusing" me, and actually ended up becoming protective of me. And don't get me wrong, there's that "awww" feeling for a moment on my part. But I'm too far gone. Some things are damaged beyond repair.

sargon, no I'm not trying to blow the issue of cock size out of proportion for the general population. But it's a key sexual issue that you can't disconnect from a bunch of much more important issues. You can't separate it. Your cock is a key part of what makes you a man, and I'm not really sure how much you can change it's interaction with your mind and previous experiences If your cock is small or even perceived as small it can sabotage everything: your confidence, libido, body image, etc crash and then like dominos everything else falls along with it.

 

[deleted15807]

sargon, no I'm not trying to blow the issue of cock size out of proportion for the general population. But it's a key sexual issue that you can't disconnect from a bunch of much more important issues. You can't separate it.

But that can be true for a lot of other issues too (education, height, income, attractiveness, etc). Low self-esteem can spring from many perceived deficiencies that are not deficiencies to everyone. The key in life is not letting that 'flaw' block your interactions/relationships and intimacy with other people. Even the supermodels of the world have flaws.

Your cock is a key part of what makes you a man, and I'm not really sure how much you can change it's interaction with your mind and previous experiences If your cock is small or even perceived as small it can sabotage everything: your confidence, libido, body image, etc crash and then like dominos everything else falls along with it.

See above. Most people think men concentrate too much on their penis size. Thanks to porn some people may tend to think those guys are normal rather than what they are much larger than the average. They say 'its never about penis size' it's really all about self-esteem. Unless you have a micro-penis which from what you said you are not then it goes back to self-esteem. Penis size just happens to be the object instead of height or education or whatever.

 

[airc3]

I know exactly what you mean. I've never had sex, and don't really feel compelled to. While I don't have a size issue like you, I do have body image issues. I used to be really fat (270 lbs) and am now down to 190 lbs. But now instead of fat, I have all kinds of loose skin. I also hate how much body hair I have. Because of this, I am terrified of ever taking my shirt off in front of anyone. At this point, sex is something other people do but I don't. I feel numb to it all.

I am an alien, an android, an exception, and a freak. I feel pretty much non-human. The weirdest part of it all, is that all the time I've spent on this site dedicated to helping dudes with big dicks, has somehow helped me work through my size issues. I am no longer tortured, but yet I am numb. So I guess in the end I should say thanks to this strange world of big cocks for being pretty much my only outlet and therapy for my sexual insanity.

 

[SR_Mike_Rowe_Peen]

Let me try (pardon some things, since I am a hopeless romantic).

Let me start by saying that your sexuality is just your preference for a certain gender or individual. It does not define you as a person. There is no behavior set required for each sexual preference. That being said, across the board there are people of with a myraid of personalities, its just human nature. People search a lifetime to find the perfect one for them, but the search pays off in the end. To have one to lean on in hard times and to share your life with, there is no deeper feeling of bonding than that. I am still searching as well.

Second, humans are a superficial race (don't fight it you know its true). We tend to be drawn to those who have physical features we all find appealing. Although this attraction can warp the mind and lead to distorted perceptions of the self and one's view of others. While physical attributes draw attention, it is the character of a person which will help determine the depth of a relationship. Relationships based on the superficial lead to heartbreak and an unpleasent aftermath. As far as sex would go, I would guess that those who love each other do it for romance as well as the feeling of being together (pleasure being experienced during this), again I am a hopeless romantic.

For my final words, I would say to try and focus on yourself. Getting to know you and appreciating yourself for who you are. Ignore the perceptions of other people who would judge you prematurely, there is nothing wrong with you. Take the time to figure things out and to find the right person, you'll get there eventually.

Well hope it helps.

 

[Draconis71]

Body image...
Till about 9-10 years ago, I used to weigh anywhere between 115 and 125 pounds. I could NOT gain weight. Now, I'm hovering around 190-210 (And, no, it's not cause I'm lifting weights.. Just carrying a little (or a lot) extra).
As for penis size... I always thought I was small. First LIVE one I ran into in a change room (when I was 19) made mine look tiny... and it was on a younger kid. Kids would ask size at school. Of course, they would exagerate, lie, or have no clue how to measure... (maybe they were thinking centimeters???), saying they had 10 or more inches.

Things get twisted. "normal" tends to be a personal thing, in one's mind.
Same with abnormal.

As for sex... well, body image issues, social awkwardness...
My first date? Ninteno was her name-o!

 

[helgaleena]

I've been obsessed with cock size since I was about 11. I have always admired huge ones and lusted after them. The bigger the better. My obsession progressed to the point of considering hung guys superior in every way. It developed into a very narrow fetish where I could only get off during sex or even masturbation if it involved a hung guy humiliating me about my cock size.

The funny thing is, I know my dick is average size - 6.5 x 4.5. But nothing will EVER convince my brain that it isn't small. In fact my fear/obsession/neurosis over cock size has kept me from ever entertaining the idea that I could satisfy a guy or a girl. Thus, over the years it has completely shut down my desire to be in a relationship, have sex, or even want to be around most people anymore.

There doesn't seem to be much of a point to anything anymore. I feel asexual. I feel like a ghost, like I'm already dead. There seems to be no point to human interaction because it all revolves around sex (and cock size) and marriage and a relationship and building a life with someone.

It's bizarre because even though I've always had famous women that I looked up to that inspired me, and I've had amazing female friends, I'm especially shut off and distrusting of woman. Frankly, even being touched by a woman most of the time makes me shut down. It makes me feel vulnerable and violated. And the feelings towards men aren't much better. I've lived my life as a gay man, but have become completely disillusioned with gay culture and gay guys in general. They all seem shallow. heartless. egocentric. Straight men are just mysterious creatures to me. They're like machines. I can't relate on hardly any levels.

I am an alien, an android, an exception, and a freak. I feel pretty much non-human. The weirdest part of it all, is that all the time I've spent on this site dedicated to helping dudes with big dicks, has somehow helped me work through my size issues. I am no longer tortured, but yet I am numb. So I guess in the end I should say thanks to this strange world of big cocks for being pretty much my only outlet and therapy for my sexual insanity.

Don't forget-- MASTURBATION IS SEX! It is LOVING YOURSELF! If you have no desire to even give yourself sexual pleasure, do other nice things for yourself.

I have been on that unicycle of not giving a damn any more, many times. But then I would look out and see some beautiful thing amid the grey gloom, some sweet thing that ticked my aesthetic senses, a sweet smell or a splash of color or a luscious texture, and I would wonder why I was still breathing and desire to continue.

Take a hot bath. Put yourself to bed and tuck yourself in. Hug yourself. Then look in a mirror and notice that you are not actually as ugly as you thought you were.

Asexuality means that a person has no interest in sex but rather does other things for pleasure exclusively, be it hobbies or work or whatever. You are coming to a site devoted to sexual organs, and you will have to forgive yourself for having them attached, at some point. Penis is beautiful, no matter what size or shape IMO. That is why I am here, despite not owning one.

 

[MarkLondon]

I'm saddened by reading your posts in this thread. I suppose this is where SPH leads ultimately. At least you have self-awareness, so you may not be entirely lost.

I'd just like to point out that at 6.5" you're a full inch above the true (indepentandly measured) average, that's almost 20% bigger! But just like an anorexic, you have a false body-image and unfortunately your sexual practices have reinforced that. At age 11, when you report that this obsession began, you would have had a smaller penis and fully adult ones would have appeared enormous to you. You need to acknowlege that you have grown (in more ways than one) since then.

As for your assertion that penis size is fundamental to masculinity and status, I disagree. I've been to a straight men's steam club (bath-house) where nudity was the norm. There was one exceptionally well-hung older guy there, well liked in an affectionate way but treated almost as a mascot (not taken seriously) whereas the definate alpha male, the one everyone deferred to, treated with respect and sought advice from actually had quite a small cock.

I've only once encountered a man with a micro-penis (about an inch long and not stubby, but in proportion - think of the last two joints of your little finger, when erect) he was a successful businessman from New York, one of the most competetive cities in the world, and he concentrated on what he did well - sucking cock! Without humiliation.

You need to find non-cock ways to increase your self-esteem.

 

[thirdlegmeat]

I am also saddened by this post. SPH is one thing... if it is a fetish where the man is still happy, then it make sense.

Unhappiness never makes sense IMHO. Please remember that ALL people have reasons to be unhappy or envy others... be it money, penis size, career, etc.

Happiness is a learned trait. It's accepting the blessings you have while capitalizing on your talents to improve others. If you cannot achieve happiness through focusing on your blessings--and some cannot--it means you have a chemical imbalance in your brain. In either event nobody can help you but yourself. I really suggest you see a psychologist... there's no stigma to seeing a "shrink" in this day and age... you must help yourself. :redface:

 

[D_Mongo Pubestrimmer]

so many people on this site, think that penis size is the basis for everything.....theres a lot more important things in life............and i think you thinking way to much in your sexuality, just does what ever makes you happy.....who cares, str8/bi/gay,,,its just a label

 

[helgaleena]

Make friends instead of hookups. Leave your clothes on in public. It's not hard to do that much. Save sexy time for your very best friend, you. Someday one of your best friends other than yourself might want to get physical, but it's not an essential part of living with others.

 

[D_Mongo Pubestrimmer]

guy ur just thinking in to much into what society thinks......u gotta stop feeling sorry for urself and make a change guy....

 

[D_Mongo Pubestrimmer]

lol excuse my spelling mistakes, im a lil lifted right now hehe

 

[D_Warren Wifflebat]

so many people on this site, think that penis size is the basis for everything.....theres a lot more important things in life............and i think you thinking way to much in your sexuality, just does what ever makes you happy.....who cares, str8/bi/gay,,,its just a label

I'm sure you're a nice guy and you only mean to help. BUT you're ridiculously sexy and hung. And you're straight. So all I hear in this is "blah blah blah" So go drink with your buddies, fuck a pussy, and enjoy.

There's really no answer or solution. It's ok to be fucked up and destroyed. If you try to remove the people or things that represent an imbalance or a problem, then, like a diabetic losing a limb to numbness, the world loses perspective. I think maybe I'm on this planet to be an open wound. That at least gives me some sense of purpose.

It's ok people, I wouldn't know what to say if I were you either. lol Thank you for trying. I promise you I'm not vying for attention. I'm just venting.

 

[beltboy]

This is an excellent thread, a representation of those who are on the fringes of this hyper sexual world.