No. Don’t run away. Wait for a reaction. Don’t torture yourself. You are not a pussy, man up and own your feelings
Ashamed of what i did.
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I agree. It is odd. I find myself behaving as a teenage version of myself where this guy is concerned. I will say it and hold my own. For some reason I think he will not know what to do and will play dumb and say thanks but no ways. I just have to get it off my chest and move on as unrequited feelings do make me feel somewhat pathetic. I wonder how much he thinks about me.
I’m really curious to see the result. I think you have a lot of lurkers following your narrative.
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One the one hand I hear what can happen at ymcas and other locations were it's not 'offical', but if you know the right moves and 'motions', you can meet someone cool.
On the other hand, it's a public stall and full view of others, even if you think you know its just he and you.
My suggestion, slip him your number, let him know your up for casual fun. Me, I wouldnt get involved unless I know the wife is okay with it. I'd prefer to do anything with single people, but if they are with someone, I'd prefer they are aware and give an okay. The risk of breaking up a couple...never something I'd like to do.
Still, wont lie, sounds like a hot scene for like a roleplay or something
On the other hand, it's a public stall and full view of others, even if you think you know its just he and you.
My suggestion, slip him your number, let him know your up for casual fun. Me, I wouldnt get involved unless I know the wife is okay with it. I'd prefer to do anything with single people, but if they are with someone, I'd prefer they are aware and give an okay. The risk of breaking up a couple...never something I'd like to do.
Still, wont lie, sounds like a hot scene for like a roleplay or something
I would never break up a relationship. It is not something I would go along with regardless of my feelings. I would like a friendship and, at most, one mild hookup to get him out of my system. But I want a friendship, not a romance. Maybe it will not be as simple as that but I know that I would walk away if I start getting in too deep. He has children and I do not want to devastate a family.
I took a shower with a guy in an open setting. I had been drinking and ended up on my knees in the shower sucking his dick. It was so hot!
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Wow. So hot. Keep eyeball fucking this stud in the gym. Hoping to do the same.
My desire is more emotional longing than physical. I guess I want a friend and what I do desire is really to kiss him rather than screw him. The latter does appeal certainly but it is not a priority. I just hate longing for someone and having to do small talk.
It caused me major pain in childhood and I am repeating the pain. Will it ever end!
It caused me major pain in childhood and I am repeating the pain. Will it ever end!
Don't be judgmental, everyone. Nothing bad happened. Maybe it's not that appropriate for sure. They're both adults. No one forced himself on anyone else.
Best of luck on figuring this out. You'll get there. Not a big deal, really. Be gentle on yourself!
Best of luck on figuring this out. You'll get there. Not a big deal, really. Be gentle on yourself!
Thank you bigbull29. Yeah my behaviour was uncharacteristic but I just needed him to know my position, hoping that he might address it. He won't though so maybe I will find the courage to address it or accept that he's off limits even for friendship but your supportive comment was nice.
dickthrobbing
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I do know that he is curious as one day he suggested aloud (more to himself than to me) the steam room when he saw me but then just continued to the shower when he saw me visibly look surprised. He then closed the shower door and started to hand solo.
Plus he didn't ignore me when I greeted him 10 minutes after he had seen me hand solo with the door sufficiently open.
So I don't know what he is thinking or how to proceed but nature will take it's course. I think that he considers my interest ego affirming but beyond that he doesn't spend too much time thinking about me. What I'd like is to know that he also thinks about me. That makes me feel like a teenager even though I'm in my late thirties.
Plus he didn't ignore me when I greeted him 10 minutes after he had seen me hand solo with the door sufficiently open.
So I don't know what he is thinking or how to proceed but nature will take it's course. I think that he considers my interest ego affirming but beyond that he doesn't spend too much time thinking about me. What I'd like is to know that he also thinks about me. That makes me feel like a teenager even though I'm in my late thirties.
Sorry, but that sounds like a terrible plan to me!
First of all, I've been going through all your threads and agree with others who have suggested that you seek a therapist concerning your feelings of guilt connected to your sexuality. You should not feel guilty for your sexual or romantic feelings. If that is not possible, I suggest you find an out homosexual friend that you can talk to in real life. There are People who can and will help you.
The thing with this guy has been going on for a long time now. I still am not chrystal clear on some of the details (how do you end up showering together at exactly the same time every day?) but from your description I would say that probably, you are more into the guy than he is into you (sexually or romantically). However, I would definitely say that he does have some kind of interest in you (it might just be mind-/powergames or a mild homosexual curiosity on his part, hard to say).
Now, last time you have masturbated in front of him and he didn't immediately leave when he noticed that ( and from a european perspective, there is no reason to feel guilt about this either!). So this has defenitely changed your relationship. I would definitely wait and see, if he adjusts his behaviour the next time in any way. If I wanted to take it a step further, I would play back the steamroom comment (you said yourself, that you kind of froze and fucked up when he made that comment). Next time you see him, tell him that you're going to the steamroom. If you want to be more adventurous, use the exactly same phrase that he used back then. Then see what happens.
I would not say 'I like you', as it is a bit too strong. It exposes you directly. And I wouldn't do that in your situation. Especially, if the guy is just playing with you, for whatever reasons. So, whatever behaviour you interpret as an interest in you from his side, just kind of play it back at him.
Also, you could quite innocently tell him that you're going to change the gym and see how he reacts to that. If he is interested in you, the least thing he will do is express regret about that.
And not showing up for three weeks is not a good idea either, that sends mixed feeling an would totally confuse him if he is interested. It also wouldn't get you any further.
Also, I'd say you have to wrap this up somehow soon. A few more attempts in this direction should be enough. If that doesn't get you anywhere, move on. Forget about him. And start dealing with your own problems with your sexuality first.
I hope that helps a bit and let us know how it goes (in this thread, please).
First of all, I've been going through all your threads and agree with others who have suggested that you seek a therapist concerning your feelings of guilt connected to your sexuality. You should not feel guilty for your sexual or romantic feelings. If that is not possible, I suggest you find an out homosexual friend that you can talk to in real life. There are People who can and will help you.
The thing with this guy has been going on for a long time now. I still am not chrystal clear on some of the details (how do you end up showering together at exactly the same time every day?) but from your description I would say that probably, you are more into the guy than he is into you (sexually or romantically). However, I would definitely say that he does have some kind of interest in you (it might just be mind-/powergames or a mild homosexual curiosity on his part, hard to say).
Now, last time you have masturbated in front of him and he didn't immediately leave when he noticed that ( and from a european perspective, there is no reason to feel guilt about this either!). So this has defenitely changed your relationship. I would definitely wait and see, if he adjusts his behaviour the next time in any way. If I wanted to take it a step further, I would play back the steamroom comment (you said yourself, that you kind of froze and fucked up when he made that comment). Next time you see him, tell him that you're going to the steamroom. If you want to be more adventurous, use the exactly same phrase that he used back then. Then see what happens.
I would not say 'I like you', as it is a bit too strong. It exposes you directly. And I wouldn't do that in your situation. Especially, if the guy is just playing with you, for whatever reasons. So, whatever behaviour you interpret as an interest in you from his side, just kind of play it back at him.
Also, you could quite innocently tell him that you're going to change the gym and see how he reacts to that. If he is interested in you, the least thing he will do is express regret about that.
And not showing up for three weeks is not a good idea either, that sends mixed feeling an would totally confuse him if he is interested. It also wouldn't get you any further.
Also, I'd say you have to wrap this up somehow soon. A few more attempts in this direction should be enough. If that doesn't get you anywhere, move on. Forget about him. And start dealing with your own problems with your sexuality first.
I hope that helps a bit and let us know how it goes (in this thread, please).
Thank you Serrano for that powerful and thoughtful response. I agree with everything you proposed. A lot of this saga is about desiring the unavailable. I am afraid to risk rejection but inevitably wallow in self pity and hopelessness. I need to bring this internal matter to a conclusion and not let the external dictate how I feel. There is probably some level of interest from this guy but neither of us would allow or want a family to be destroyed. I do think this is all connected to my sexuality and how it felt all those years ago not being able to have what I desired and having to bottle up the pain. Your response gives me a lot to think about and you spent time reading my posts. Thank you
Mild hookup means a very brief 'once off experience', a wank and nothing further, a very vanilla wank and go.
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so hold out a slip of paper to him with your # and say, if you're interested in a j.o buddy give me a call. Let him chose to take it or not. If he declines initially, he may well think on it & a week or so later say 'offer still open?'. I expect a married guy would want to mull on it. ...or you could put it on the bench next to him as you were leaving - your # w/ "j/o buds?" written on it. Walk away & let him mull on it.
Jacking off together is a solid foundation to build a friendship on. Takes all the competition & mystery out of the formula..
Jacking off together is a solid foundation to build a friendship on. Takes all the competition & mystery out of the formula..
