Asian Failed This Gay Interracial Demisexual Ldr In Australia, Need Future Advice.

karikusa

Experimental Member
Joined
May 13, 2020
Posts
30
Media
0
Likes
14
Points
268
Location
Alaska City (Alaska, United States)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
*Demisexual = No sexual desire to people who he have not developed a strong emotional ties with
or simply commitment before sex, or no hookups before commitment.

*LDR= Long Distance Relationship.

I am having a complex feeling so I am writing this post to vent my emotions.

My Brazilian ex-boyfriend quit his job to come to Australia from 17000km(10563.31 miles) away and we are actually not compatible, after about 3 years, we can't make it together, I broke up with him peacefully.

In 2017, I decided to study in Australia and that's also for Permanent Residency(Green Card), I am an old-school kind of guy who never hook up and will not meanwhile having a strong sexual desire. I find it extremely hard for me to date anyone, first is because I live in a small city, secondly I find white guys in Australia is not really into asian guys, especially when they are not feminine, unfortunately I am just a normal asian guy that acts 'straight', actually nobody knows that I am gay, I keep this to myself because it's better I come out proudly with my partner, it's such a beautiful thing to me.

BTW I have a thing for white guys, especially those with blue/green eyes.

So I started by looking at several online apps, for Grindr, I was there about for 3 months and finally a kind guy told me that this app is for fun only, I deleted it then tried Tinder, doesn't work. Finally I used OKCupid.

I locked in some restrictions: Demisexual, Gay, White or Hispanic and answer dozens of questions and finally find a match - my ex.(he's half Italian and half Spanish, he isn't blonde at all).

After a few days I fell in love with him, he was travelling alone in Chile climbing mountains, on his way back to Brazilian in a Starbucks, I managed to contact a local Chinese guy(spent some money, of course) to help me delivery Roses to him and I said I love him. then after a few months he accepts me...

We talked every day, sharing everything, if we don't have anything to talk to, we say good morning and good night and share some random pictures, the most amazing thing is that he always reply my message in 5 minutes maximum, normally 1-2 minutes.

On 2019, he decided to quit his job and came to Australia, he was stressed too, he doesn't have much money (he was 28 and had a deposit of Australian $7000) and Australia or Canada is somewhere he wants to settle. I applied for my Permanent Residency and I was granted that at October 2019. I will help him with that if we get along and I really hoped so.

He applied for Travel Visa first and after he arrives I paid a few hundred $ money to an agency for him to get a student visa and scholarship.

I am an extremely caring person to all my friends and family without asking anything back:
I paid all the money when he stays here from November 2019 till July 2020. I buy most of the the groceries, I buy him SIM card plans, I pay for all the bills at the rental house and 100% of the rent, I bought new fridges, new bed and everything, all he had to pay was his tuition fee and the meal he had outside himself. I am okay with paying but I currently don't have a job and I will run out of money too. For the 9 months, he only applied for ONE JOB in July when I told him I need to break up with him.

Things depress me a lot and I cannot PERCEIVE love or care from him for the most of the time, I can give some examples:
I told him about everything of me, he knows that I am doing ketogenic diet and it's important to me, he doesn't give a damn about knowing it, let alone cook anything for me, I told him if I ever feel depressed(rarely but yeah), can he make just make a fried egg for me? he said no, ' I am not your mom', ' we have to cook together', it really hurts but I accepted it, people maybe are just different.

I left Australia in Jan and be back in June, from Nov 2019- Jan 2020, I feel really confused about what love is, is this really what I am looking for? before I leave I asked him to take care of my car by starting it every week. he didn't do it after doing it for 3 weeks. seems like his partner's most valuable item left in Australia is not important at all to him, he didn't even bother to tell me about it.

I developed an acute gout when I come back at June, I really need to drink a lot of water like at least 10L every day but I just cannot move at all from my bed, the foot is swollen and painful. I asked him if he could pass me some water, he says I have to wait for 10 minutes because he's playing a phone game. it is not only for once, it's every time, I feel so desperate because I really need that water right now and I have to ask for help for 20 times a day at least, but just for passing water, took less than 5 seconds. As a result I have to take double the painkiller and did it all by myself, every time I left my bed, I have to re-apply medicine to my foot again.

During the time I had gout attack, I asked him to buy me food from a nearby restaurant, he asks money EVERY TIME BEFORE HE GOES THERE, it's just $20.. OMG...I paid at least $12,000 for just rent and..this is what I get returned. That's when I really want to put everything to an end, I have told him so and he agreed.

We only had 3 times of sex: I topped him twice, he had a failed try on me because he is too big and thick for me (20cm, super thick), I am really kinky when it comes to sex but he doesn't wanna do any kinky things and he doesn't seem very interested in sex too, so I didn't even bother to ask him for sex anymore.////


Here is my question:
where can I find and date old-school guys?
I downloaded OKCupid again but this app isn't the same anymore, I tried every city in Australia and New Zealand, there is no match for me, I sent a few hundred Intros but got 0 reply,

When I switch to the USA, I got many likes but still gets no reply, I guess people just don't trust LDR..

Do I have to be alone for my entire life? somebody helps me?
 
  • Like
Reactions: 2incher
6

6526831

Guest
Wow, mate! Being Brazilian myself, I feel ashamed for his attitude! By the way, I was born in Brazil, but all my grandparents were from Japan.

As for being alone, we never know. I started dating my wife when I was 24 and we got married 3 1/2 years later. I hadn't dated anyone before my wife. I was too busy studying and practising with an orchestra.
 

cedarizzo

Superior Member
Joined
Apr 15, 2013
Posts
1,495
Media
34
Likes
6,513
Points
533
Location
Champaign, IL, USA
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
Just my two cents. Whenever I tried looking for a guy, I never found one. There were always reasons, the ones I liked weren't interested or I wasn't interested in the ones that liked me. But each time I did find a guy, I wasn't really looking. At those times, I worked on myself, I did things that made me happy, I spent a lot of time with my friends. Finding a guy wasn't on my mind at the time. And each time, I found a guy without looking. The thing was I was happiest and most comfortable with myself and the guys would see that in me and that would interest them. I've also found over time to stop limiting myself to the type of guy I am looking for. The guy that sparks your interest has nothing to do with what nationality, race, color, hair color or eye color. You will find that spark where you least expect it.

So my thoughts for you are you need to stop trying so hard.
Get comfortable with yourself, learn to be happy with yourself (your body, your surroundings and your situation).
And open your eyes to different guys around you.
 

karikusa

Experimental Member
Joined
May 13, 2020
Posts
30
Media
0
Likes
14
Points
268
Location
Alaska City (Alaska, United States)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Just my two cents. Whenever I tried looking for a guy, I never found one. There were always reasons, the ones I liked weren't interested or I wasn't interested in the ones that liked me. But each time I did find a guy, I wasn't really looking. At those times, I worked on myself, I did things that made me happy, I spent a lot of time with my friends. Finding a guy wasn't on my mind at the time. And each time, I found a guy without looking. The thing was I was happiest and most comfortable with myself and the guys would see that in me and that would interest them. I've also found over time to stop limiting myself to the type of guy I am looking for. The guy that sparks your interest has nothing to do with what nationality, race, color, hair color or eye color. You will find that spark where you least expect it.

So my thoughts for you are you need to stop trying so hard.
Get comfortable with yourself, learn to be happy with yourself (your body, your surroundings and your situation).
And open your eyes to different guys around you.
Good suggestion, I am working on my body and diet, doing my business and looking for a job that makes me happy :) I like to do customer service.
 
  • Like
Reactions: cedarizzo

karikusa

Experimental Member
Joined
May 13, 2020
Posts
30
Media
0
Likes
14
Points
268
Location
Alaska City (Alaska, United States)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Wow, mate! Being Brazilian myself, I feel ashamed for his attitude! By the way, I was born in Brazil, but all my grandparents were from Japan.

As for being alone, we never know. I started dating my wife when I was 24 and we got married 3 1/2 years later. I hadn't dated anyone before my wife. I was too busy studying and practising with an orchestra.
Lucky for you mate :) my two best friends in high school both get married and they are very happy.
Everything’s different you don’t need to feel sorry about that.
 

cedarizzo

Superior Member
Joined
Apr 15, 2013
Posts
1,495
Media
34
Likes
6,513
Points
533
Location
Champaign, IL, USA
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
Good suggestion, I am working on my body and diet, doing my business and looking for a job that makes me happy :) I like to do customer service.
Don't worry about your body and your diet. Be happy with who you are and what you have. Some people spends years/decades trying to be somebody else. Your body is your body as it is right now.

I forgot to mention that I am sorry about your gout. I also suffer from gout and when it flares up, it is the most painful thing I have ever suffered. I'm guessing from your diet (keto) you eat a lot of meat. Meat is a huge trigger for gout. Limiting meat in your diet helps keep the gout away. Good luck.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Coronathebeer

karikusa

Experimental Member
Joined
May 13, 2020
Posts
30
Media
0
Likes
14
Points
268
Location
Alaska City (Alaska, United States)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Don't worry about your body and your diet. Be happy with who you are and what you have. Some people spends years/decades trying to be somebody else. Your body is your body as it is right now.

I forgot to mention that I am sorry about your gout. I also suffer from gout and when it flares up, it is the most painful thing I have ever suffered. I'm guessing from your diet (keto) you eat a lot of meat. Meat is a huge trigger for gout. Limiting meat in your diet helps keep the gout away. Good luck.
I learnt a lot from the outbreak of my gout, it’s actually bubble tea that I had :/ don’t drink Chinese bubble tea(or milk tea or pearl tea).
I have limited my intake of meat, my uric acid stays at 400 even if I don’t eat anything, that’s more of an internal issue than external food.
 

Industrialsize

Mythical Member
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Dec 23, 2006
Posts
22,237
Media
213
Likes
31,757
Points
618
Location
Kathmandu (Bagmati Province, Nepal)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Fine, but stop being abusive, not everyone is good at being in a relationship, learn to respect people, that’s the basic of being a human.
I thought I was being kind advising you to seek help.
 
  • Like
Reactions: emmyfan

Chowderbomb

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Oct 28, 2019
Posts
684
Media
160
Likes
6,150
Points
388
Location
Sydney (New South Wales, Australia)
Verification
View
Gender
Male
LDRs are by definition hard. Couple that with making a huge decision to move and live together before really knowing each other. Not really exclusive to gay relationships either.

Honeymoon period can be strong but internal values require some time to be acknowledged. In my mind he jumped at the chance to come over to AUS with someone as support and company.

So suggest get a native born (or at least someone who has settled for some time), or someone who can at least support themself for sure.

Other things are preferences and secondary. Race isn't everything.
 

karikusa

Experimental Member
Joined
May 13, 2020
Posts
30
Media
0
Likes
14
Points
268
Location
Alaska City (Alaska, United States)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
LDRs are by definition hard. Couple that with making a huge decision to move and live together before really knowing each other. Not really exclusive to gay relationships either.

Honeymoon period can be strong but internal values require some time to be acknowledged. In my mind he jumped at the chance to come over to AUS with someone as support and company.

So suggest get a native born (or at least someone who has settled for some time), or someone who can at least support themself for sure.

Other things are preferences and secondary. Race isn't everything.
Race isn’t a problem, it’s just a preference

but .....

I tried every app and every location in Australia, it doesn’t work.
 

hzs3fg

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Feb 27, 2008
Posts
3,694
Media
7
Likes
6,092
Points
443
Location
USA
Verification
View
Sexuality
80% Straight, 20% Gay
Gender
Male
For what?

I think it is very (extremely!) clear that your Brazilian friend saw you as simply a meal ticket and grossly abused your relationship. The fact that you were (and still are?) oblivious to this simple fact indicates that you might benefit from professional therapy.

As an aside, green-eyed people make up about 2% of the population and blue eyes add about another 8%. So, you are already working with a very small subset by setting such preferences. :)
 

Coronathebeer

Legendary Member
Joined
Feb 1, 2020
Posts
853
Media
0
Likes
2,159
Points
138
Location
Kota Kinabalu (Sabah, Malaysia)
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
*Demisexual = No sexual desire to people who he have not developed a strong emotional ties with
or simply commitment before sex, or no hookups before commitment.

*LDR= Long Distance Relationship.

I am having a complex feeling so I am writing this post to vent my emotions.

My Brazilian ex-boyfriend quit his job to come to Australia from 17000km(10563.31 miles) away and we are actually not compatible, after about 3 years, we can't make it together, I broke up with him peacefully.

In 2017, I decided to study in Australia and that's also for Permanent Residency(Green Card), I am an old-school kind of guy who never hook up and will not meanwhile having a strong sexual desire. I find it extremely hard for me to date anyone, first is because I live in a small city, secondly I find white guys in Australia is not really into asian guys, especially when they are not feminine, unfortunately I am just a normal asian guy that acts 'straight', actually nobody knows that I am gay, I keep this to myself because it's better I come out proudly with my partner, it's such a beautiful thing to me.

BTW I have a thing for white guys, especially those with blue/green eyes.

So I started by looking at several online apps, for Grindr, I was there about for 3 months and finally a kind guy told me that this app is for fun only, I deleted it then tried Tinder, doesn't work. Finally I used OKCupid.

I locked in some restrictions: Demisexual, Gay, White or Hispanic and answer dozens of questions and finally find a match - my ex.(he's half Italian and half Spanish, he isn't blonde at all).

After a few days I fell in love with him, he was travelling alone in Chile climbing mountains, on his way back to Brazilian in a Starbucks, I managed to contact a local Chinese guy(spent some money, of course) to help me delivery Roses to him and I said I love him. then after a few months he accepts me...

We talked every day, sharing everything, if we don't have anything to talk to, we say good morning and good night and share some random pictures, the most amazing thing is that he always reply my message in 5 minutes maximum, normally 1-2 minutes.

On 2019, he decided to quit his job and came to Australia, he was stressed too, he doesn't have much money (he was 28 and had a deposit of Australian $7000) and Australia or Canada is somewhere he wants to settle. I applied for my Permanent Residency and I was granted that at October 2019. I will help him with that if we get along and I really hoped so.

He applied for Travel Visa first and after he arrives I paid a few hundred $ money to an agency for him to get a student visa and scholarship.

I am an extremely caring person to all my friends and family without asking anything back:
I paid all the money when he stays here from November 2019 till July 2020. I buy most of the the groceries, I buy him SIM card plans, I pay for all the bills at the rental house and 100% of the rent, I bought new fridges, new bed and everything, all he had to pay was his tuition fee and the meal he had outside himself. I am okay with paying but I currently don't have a job and I will run out of money too. For the 9 months, he only applied for ONE JOB in July when I told him I need to break up with him.

Things depress me a lot and I cannot PERCEIVE love or care from him for the most of the time, I can give some examples:
I told him about everything of me, he knows that I am doing ketogenic diet and it's important to me, he doesn't give a damn about knowing it, let alone cook anything for me, I told him if I ever feel depressed(rarely but yeah), can he make just make a fried egg for me? he said no, ' I am not your mom', ' we have to cook together', it really hurts but I accepted it, people maybe are just different.

I left Australia in Jan and be back in June, from Nov 2019- Jan 2020, I feel really confused about what love is, is this really what I am looking for? before I leave I asked him to take care of my car by starting it every week. he didn't do it after doing it for 3 weeks. seems like his partner's most valuable item left in Australia is not important at all to him, he didn't even bother to tell me about it.

I developed an acute gout when I come back at June, I really need to drink a lot of water like at least 10L every day but I just cannot move at all from my bed, the foot is swollen and painful. I asked him if he could pass me some water, he says I have to wait for 10 minutes because he's playing a phone game. it is not only for once, it's every time, I feel so desperate because I really need that water right now and I have to ask for help for 20 times a day at least, but just for passing water, took less than 5 seconds. As a result I have to take double the painkiller and did it all by myself, every time I left my bed, I have to re-apply medicine to my foot again.

During the time I had gout attack, I asked him to buy me food from a nearby restaurant, he asks money EVERY TIME BEFORE HE GOES THERE, it's just $20.. OMG...I paid at least $12,000 for just rent and..this is what I get returned. That's when I really want to put everything to an end, I have told him so and he agreed.

We only had 3 times of sex: I topped him twice, he had a failed try on me because he is too big and thick for me (20cm, super thick), I am really kinky when it comes to sex but he doesn't wanna do any kinky things and he doesn't seem very interested in sex too, so I didn't even bother to ask him for sex anymore.////


Here is my question:
where can I find and date old-school guys?
I downloaded OKCupid again but this app isn't the same anymore, I tried every city in Australia and New Zealand, there is no match for me, I sent a few hundred Intros but got 0 reply,

When I switch to the USA, I got many likes but still gets no reply, I guess people just don't trust LDR..

Do I have to be alone for my entire life? somebody helps me?
I think the best way for u to find someone is not using apps or any dating sites, cause mostly people using those things are only looking for fun or judging by the cover without letting themselves know what kind of a person u are. Its best for u to go out and explore, go to bars, clubs or joining any community and groups.
No one deserve to be alone, u derserve all the loves in the world its just a matter where and when. Good luck finding ur love one, i wish ull find him soon
 

karikusa

Experimental Member
Joined
May 13, 2020
Posts
30
Media
0
Likes
14
Points
268
Location
Alaska City (Alaska, United States)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
I think it is very (extremely!) clear that your Brazilian friend saw you as simply a meal ticket and grossly abused your relationship. The fact that you were (and still are?) oblivious to this simple fact indicates that you might benefit from professional therapy.

As an aside, green-eyed people make up about 2% of the population and blue eyes add about another 8%. So, you are already working with a very small subset by setting such preferences. :)

Statistic data always makes me feel great :)
yeah thank you for being rational and tells me about this.
 

karikusa

Experimental Member
Joined
May 13, 2020
Posts
30
Media
0
Likes
14
Points
268
Location
Alaska City (Alaska, United States)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
I think the best way for u to find someone is not using apps or any dating sites, cause mostly people using those things are only looking for fun or judging by the cover without letting themselves know what kind of a person u are. Its best for u to go out and explore, go to bars, clubs or joining any community and groups.
No one deserve to be alone, u derserve all the loves in the world its just a matter where and when. Good luck finding ur love one, i wish ull find him soon
Thanks.