Ask a Black Girl Anything . . .

[Principessa]

One of the few good things I can say about him is that he was never physically violent with me and he had a nice fat cock. :redface:

I think it started with his negative comments about my body, which had me see-saw dieting. Even though I was doing bridal shows at the time and at 5'9" only weight 128 lbs. He'd complain I was too bony so I would gain a few pounds but not enough to put me out of a job. I remember once at about 135 lbs. he patted my ass as he got out of bed and said I was a, "damn good lay for a chubby chick." :wtf2:
Then he started complaining about my small boobs and how I would be the perfect woman if only I had D cups. Then came the comments about how, stupid, dumb, and ugly I was. All this happend over the last 4-6 years of the relationship. It was always interspersed with how much he loved me, wanted to marry me, and wanted to have children together.

It takes a long time to heal, from something like that.:redface:

Actually I just ended mine. I choose to stay in spite of it the abuse, and our breakup was due to an unrelated circumstance, fortunately the abuse ended quite some time ago.

Anywho, at it's worst points, he was pullin' knives on me, pulled a gun on me, and in retrospect it's easy to go "that's when I should've left" but hey, people, go figure.

I'm over all that stuff, I've forgiven him and myself for puttin' up with it, I just wanted to hear ur thoughts cuz a lot of people are judgmental about things like that, thanks for sharing about ur abusive past though, it means a lot.

 

[D_Fiona_Farvel]

I have never been in an abusive relationship. But have helped friends through their's and it was tiring to be involved. I didn't judge but it was: Cautious optimism whenever they mentioned wanting to leave. Maddening to watch them go back. Heart breaking to see them lose their spark. Joyful when they finally left the sucka.

For them I think the abuse, verbal or physical, happened so infrequently, that it almost seemed like a forgivable, one-off thing after time. In the media, it is usually the extreme presented, and so anything less than an ass beating every single day seems less serious... That was the pitfall for my friends, the pattern sort of snuck up on them.

Weird thing was each was otherwise successful in life and I never understood their need to be with someone, gender neutral because there is abuse on all sides, who treated them like shit. But maybe having gone through it they now can set boundaries with certainty? :shrug:

Only one friend got out fast, and that's because her family heard her BF slapped her at the parents house. Her brothers and father paid the BF a visit while at her baby shower and he never touched her again. So, maybe having a family support system, particularly male for m on f abuse helps combat it, too. :shrug:

 

[Principessa]

I have never been in an abusive relationship. But have helped friends through their's and it was tiring to be involved. I didn't judge but it was: Cautious optimism whenever they mentioned wanting to leave. Maddening to watch them go back. Heart breaking to see them lose their spark. Joyful when they finally left the sucka.

I have an acquaintance for whom I was on standby for, for many years. By standby I mean the deal was if ever she reached a point where she had to get out I would come get her and her border collie and take them someplace safe. I've left Jersey but there are still 2 more people that are on standby for her as well. It's been about 10 years now. :frown1: She is still with the bastard.

For them I think the abuse, verbal or physical, happened so infrequently, that it almost seemed like a forgivable, one-off thing after time. In the media, it is usually the extreme presented, and so anything less than an ass beating every single day seems less serious... That was the pitfall for my friends, the pattern sort of snuck up on them.

Yes, that's it exactly! It did not start out day one or year one being that way. I think the situation may have been complicated or exacerbated by the fact it was often a long distance relationship.

Weird thing was each was otherwise successful in life and I never understood their need to be with someone, gender neutral because there is abuse on all sides, who treated them like shit.

In my case it was a matter of thinking I was lucky to have him and not thinking I could possibly do any better with someone else. :frown1: :redface: I know now how wrong I was in my thinking but back then you couldn't make me see the light for anything.

But maybe having gone through it they now can set boundaries with certainty? :shrug:

Don't bet money on it. I've been in therapy for years and I still have trouble with the boundary thing. :frown1: It's easy to learn where they should be, what's difficult is knowing when and for whom to take them down. :redface:

It didn't help that the guy I dated before the abusive guy was an alcoholic druggy with a thing for mescaline. So when I found this tall, handsome, dentist I just knew I had finally made a good choice. {how wrong I was!}

Only one friend got out fast, and that's because her family heard her BF slapped her at the parents house. Her brothers and father paid the BF a visit while at her baby shower and he never touched her again. So, maybe having a family support system, particularly male for m on f abuse helps combat it, too. :shrug:

I think if he had laid hands on me I would have left a lot sooner because physical abuse is so obviously wrong.

 

[Catchoftheday]

:wink:Hello MS Black Girl (s) - how many chat rooms do the black people on this forum actually want?

Hello Black girls - when you are you coming to England to visit me?

Hello Black Girl, your thread seems to have been broken :frown1:

I know that some white people lie in the sunshine to make there skin go brown, do you lie in the sun to make your skin go brown(er), or have you ever done stuff to make your skin lighter?

Hello Black Girl, maybe you have given up answering my questions?

Maybe the black girl has got me on block? Or maybe I have used my allocation of questions or maybe she can't see this font maybe I should make it bigger

 

[D_Fiona_Farvel]

Don't bet money on it. I've been in therapy for years and I still have trouble with the boundary thing. :frown1: It's easy to learn where they should be, what's difficult is knowing when and for whom to take them down. :redface:

Well, you have to date and experience setting boundaries often so it not only becomes second nature, but you learn, or re-learn, to trust your instincts as well.

Some guys do not like that I come off a little bitchy initially, but sorry, they missed my more complaisant phase and just have to deal with who I am now. Or not, because there's always someone else out there.
...actually I was thinking your absence from the thread meant a wonderful new BF. :scratchchin: If not, I know you're too smart and strong not to figure it out. :hug:

 

[marleyisalegend]

Maybe the black girl has got me on block? Or maybe I have used my allocation of questions or maybe she can't see this font maybe I should make it bigger

Maybe that first question, how many chat rooms "the black people" want rubbed her the wrong way. Maybe you have to use big bold font like other people. Maybe it's gonna rain tomorrow, I hope so.

 

[Principessa]

Maybe the black girl has got me on block? Or maybe I have used my allocation of questions or maybe she can't see this font maybe I should make it bigger

I would never Ignore you, COTD! I have no idea how I missed all your questions.:redface::frown1:

Originally Posted by Catchoftheday [URL]http://www.lpsg.org/images36/buttons/viewpost.gif[/URL]
:wink:Hello MS Black Girl (s) - how many chat rooms do the black people on this forum actually want?

We don't really care about how many chat rooms there are as long as there are no racists in any of them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Catchoftheday [URL]http://www.lpsg.org/images36/buttons/viewpost.gif[/URL]
Hello Black girls - when you are you coming to England to visit me?

As soon as you send me a round trip ticket. I've already got my passport. :smile:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catchoftheday [URL]http://www.lpsg.org/images36/buttons/viewpost.gif[/URL]
Hello Black Girl, your thread seems to have been broken :frown1:

I know that some white people lie in the sunshine to make there skin go brown, do you lie in the sun to make your skin go brown(er), or have you ever done stuff to make your skin lighter?

I have never tried to lighten my skin. However, I have tried to even it out with over the counter products. I had bad acne in my teen years which left my skin tone rather uneven. I hear most Brits have wonderful dewy complexions. Perhaps it's becausd of the lovely cool climate and the moisture in the air.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Catchoftheday [URL]http://www.lpsg.org/images36/buttons/viewpost.gif[/URL]
Hello Black Girl, maybe you have given up answering my questions?

No, I honestly didn't see your questions. They haven't been offensive or even annoying. I did sort of ignore the whole thread when javyn and biggin' were fighting. I guess that's how I missed your querys. :redface:

Maybe that first question, how many chat rooms "the black people" want rubbed her the wrong way. Maybe you have to use big bold font like other people. Maybe it's gonna rain tomorrow, I hope so.

No, that didn't bother me at all. I think his questions got lost in all that angry dreck between you, javyn, and biggin'. no offense but I did stop reading all that after a day or two.

 

[killerb]

NJ, maybe u can explain this one:
Almost every black woman I know does this: She wants her hair to be long, so she lets it grow out...as soon as it hits the shoulders, she cuts it short again...and then a few weeks later, gets a weave so it's long again!

If you want it to be long, why cut it short in the first place?

 

[Principessa]

NJ, maybe u can explain this one:

Almost every black woman I know does this: She wants her hair to be long, so she lets it grow out...as soon as it hits the shoulders, she cuts it short again...and then a few weeks later, gets a weave so it's long again!

If you want it to be long, why cut it short in the first place?

I can only speak for myself but my hair won't grow past my shoulders. :redface: This is not as easily manageable a length as you might think, as black hair can be notoriously difficult to maintain and style. For me, short hair is easier to maintain and style especially when you are rushing out of the house in the morning.

There was a time in my life when I wore weaves in the winter (keeps the head warm :biggrin1:) and wore it relaxed in the summer. Usually just slicked back, like a Robert Palmer video girl or pushed back with a head band and the ends curled under. I have always loved to swim so this was easy to do.

When I get a weave I always get hair longer than mine would grow naturally, because then I have more styling options. Up, down, ponytail, chignon, curled, straight, the options are almost endless.

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

Take care of your hair and enjoy it for it's own natural beauty and state.

Is it true that prepstud got braid with weaves, and looked like nate out of Madea goes to jail?

 

[marleyisalegend]

NJ, do you have any friends that are codependent? They could have a big house, savings account, good friends, and 2 Masters degrees but they still feel worthless cuz they ain't got a man (or woman)? How do/would you handle these sob cases that apparently think "There's someone for everyone" is the gospel truth?

 

[prepstudinsc]

Take care of your hair and enjoy it for it's own natural beauty and state.

Is it true that prepstud got braid with weaves, and looked like nate out of Madea goes to jail?

Shhhhhhh, that was supposed to be a secret.

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

Shhhhhhh, that was supposed to be a secret.

Vanessa is cheating on you too. The baby is not yours.

 

[Principessa]

NJ, do you have any friends that are codependent? They could have a big house, savings account, good friends, and 2 Masters degrees but they still feel worthless cuz they ain't got a man (or woman)? How do/would you handle these sob cases that apparently think "There's someone for everyone" is the gospel truth?[/quote]
'Scuse you, I resemble that remark. :12: I am definetely not co-dependent but I do have two masters degrees, used to have a high paying job before I became disabled, and yeah I would periodically go on a man hunt. The problem wasn't that I couldn't be alone. It's just that all that money and all those things really don't mean shit when you're sleeping single in a double bed.

 

[marleyisalegend]

'Scuse you, I resemble that remark. :12:

Then you misinterpreted it. There's a monumental difference between wanting a relationship and thinking your life is meaningless without one.

I am definetely not co-dependent

Then what were you upset about? I'm talking about codependency, nothing else. Everything else was examples of people with mixed up priorities. Having 2 master's degrees is a well-earned blessing. I believe a humble person should appreciate their blessings whether it's 2 Master's degrees or a husband or a house on the safe side of town.

What I'm talking about is the person who has their life together, has accomplished great things, but feels like none of that is as important as having a boyfriend. I'm like, "I have a boyfriend. If you want, I'll trade you your two Masters degrees for my boyfriend since they aren't enough to make you content". I'm talking about realism, people who buy into the delusional fantasy that some day Prince Charming is guaranteed to come along, and until he does their life means nothing and nothing they do matters. "I could cure cancer, but if I don't have a husband to come home and tell about it, it means nothing". WTF??!! Many people who live alone die having lived happy and fulfilling lives. Many people who are married their whole life die miserable and alone, even though they had someone to sleep next to for 50 years, they were still alone. What I'm talking about is the difference between WANTING a relationship, and OBSSESSING over one to the point that you aren't smelling any of the roses in front of you.

 

[javyn]

Catchoftheday, maybe she should just change the title of this thread from "Ask a Black Girl Anything..." to "Ask a Black Girl politically correct fluff questions to dodge any real issues or understanding out of a fear offending someone who is ignorant and misreads posts"

 

[D_Myer_Dogasflees]

black woman do seem to be a bit bossy, are you the stay at home type, or the dictator business woman type?

 

[D_Myer_Dogasflees]

seems to be the other way round in black homes, are woman dominant in black societies?

 

[D_Myer_Dogasflees]

i like it that way to be honnest:biggrin1:

 

[marleyisalegend]

black woman do seem to be a bit bossy, are you the stay at home type, or the dictator business woman type?

Believe it or not, there are more than two types. There are business women who ALSO take care of the home, there are business women that aren't bossy, just persistant, and there are stay at home women who are just as bossy in the home as someone would be in the office.

I doubt NJ wanted you guys to worry about being politically correct, but I doubt she wants questions that pigeonhole black women either, suggesting that there's only two "types". Whether you're talking about black women, white women, Italian women, or Russian women, or women in general, there's always more than two types.