Ask a dumb englishman something easy

[Calboner]

Mr. Englishman, thank you for setting me straight about hooligans and their games. I think I saw or heard one of these people once. I had just arrived at the airport in Barcelona and was taking a bus to the center of the city when I heard a voice from a seat somewhere behind me say, in a loud, harsh voice, something that sounded to me like "GAW FA'A BAW KIER RAGGA VIZZER GARFOZ TAW RASS BAWF," and so on. I eventually figured out that he was speaking a variety of English, though I still could not understand any of it. I think he must have been in town for a game of hooliganism.

I see that you have a new avatar picture again. I am trying to figure out what it shows. Is it a mountain on Mars?

 

[Catchoftheday]

I see that you have a new avatar picture again. I am trying to figure out what it shows. Is it a mountain on Mars?

Hello Mr Cal Boner, I think that you will find that a mountain is too big to fit on a Mars, a mountain is I think quite big and I ate a Mars yeterday and I don't think you would have fit a mountain on it.

It is clearly something else :redface:

 

[Calboner]

Okay, I'll guess again. Is it your penis?

 

[Catchoftheday]

Okay, I'll guess again. Is it your penis?

Hello Mr Cal Boner I don't think we are allowed to have willy pictures on here, so that would be a bit naughty .

Anyway I think your one is much nicer than my one :smile:

 

[Catchoftheday]

Hello everybody, Do ya think I'm sexy?

YouTube - Do ya think I'm sexy? - Rod Stewart

:tongue:

 

[cockoloco]

Of course you are sexy! A little less sexy when you impersonate Rod Stewart, but sexy nonetheless.

 

[Catchoftheday]

Don't walk away..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_5EzB-rT6I

 

[Calboner]

I have another guess at what is in your avatar picture. Is it an English meat pie?

 

[Catchoftheday]

Well done Mr Cal Boner it is an English meat pie, I wonder if anybody fancies a nibble on my pie.

 

[Calboner]

Mr. dumb Englishman, if you are the catch of the day, then do you start to stink when several days go by without anyone asking you another stupid question?

 

[Catchoftheday]

Mr. dumb Englishman, if you are the catch of the day, then do you start to stink when several days go by without anyone asking you another stupid question?

Thank you Mr Cal Boner for your nice question. Clearly I am the Catch of every day not just one day so I smell nice and a bit like roses and stuff.

However if nobody asks any nice questions in my nice thread it starts to get a bit smelly and people don't like coming here and looking at my stuff so if you want to keep my thread from getting smelly please could you ask me some more questions...the more stupidder the better:biggrin1:

 

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah]

Why is the sky blue
Why is the grass green
Why are birds called birds
And why do dogs bark?

 

[Catchoftheday]

Why is the sky blue
Well a long time ago, when God was making the world, they didn't have colour that was when the world was black and white and then God invented colour by making the sun and he thought that black was a bit boring and made people go to sleep, to start off with he made the sky pink but he thought that was a bit too exciting so he made it blue cos it isn't exciting like pink and doesn't make you sleep like black.
Why is the grass green
Well after God made the sky pink he made the trees and grass and stuff Orange cos he thought that looked nice, but this made the people feel a bit poorly which wasn't very nice so he made the grass and stuff blue which was OK 'til he made the sky blue and he couldn't find stuff then he thoought that green would be easier to find stuff

Why are birds called birds
Birds are only called birds by people, this is because people can't speak bird language if people could speak bird then I would know what birds are really called, maybe Mr Cow will know how to speak bird language?

And why do dogs bark?

Dogs only bark when they get excited. Most opf the time dogs speak to each other by doing stuff like wagging tails and maybe sniffing bums and stuff like that, but most people don't understand what they are saying. So the dogs try copying the people but because dogs hearing is different to peoples they think that people are saying woof woof and stuff all the time. Clearly doggie find it difficult to tell the difference between "hello nice doggy" and "do you want to shag my left leg"

 

[Calboner]

Why is the sky blue
Why is the grass green
Why are birds called birds
And why do dogs bark?

Those aren't stupid questions! But I suppose they may have stupid answers.

Thank you, Mr. Englishman, for the useful information. I may have some further information relevant to answering the last question. There is a "Far Side" cartoon showing a man who has invented a device for translating dog utterances into human utterances wearing his device over his ears as he walks through a neighborhood filled with barking dogs. The dogs are saying "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey!" "Hey hey hey!" "Heeeeeey!" And so on.

If this cartoon represents actual fact (and I see no reason to doubt that it does), then at least we know what dogs are saying, if not exactly why they say it.

Do English bulldogs, Welsh corgis, Scottish terriers, and Irish wolfhounds have different accents, just like English people, Welsh people, Scottish people, and Irish people?

 

[Rubenesque]

Why do I always wake up at the wrong time when I'm having a sexy dream?

 

[Catchoftheday]

Do English bulldogs, Welsh corgis, Scottish terriers, and Irish wolfhounds have different accents, just like English people, Welsh people, Scottish people, and Irish people?

Yes it is true doggies from different parts of the country talk differently. Also it is true that just like people you have common sounding people and posh sounding people. Some dogs are quite posh, clearly the Queen's Corgis are quite posh and I think that poodles are quite posh and maybe Labradors too

I think that Jack Russel and Sheepdogs are working dogs and probably have working class accents.

 

[Catchoftheday]

Why do I always wake up at the wrong time when I'm having a sexy dream?

I don't know, what time is the right time to be waking up when you are having a sexy dream?......maybe you have set the alarm clock for the wrong time although I think probably you are waking up because you keep hoping that you are going to be waking up next to me and.....clearly that would be nicer than any sexy dream :biggrin1:

 

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah]

Yes it is true doggies from different parts of the country talk differently.

So will a dog in China understand if i speak to them in English or do i need to learn Chinese before i can ask them to obey commands?

 

[Catchoftheday]

So will a dog in China understand if i speak to them in English or do i need to learn Chinese before i can ask them to obey commands?

It depends, chinese dog language and english are nearly the same and people wouldn't be able to tell the difference, so if you can talk doggy then Chinese dogs will be able to understand you.

Dogs don't understand peoples language very well and I think English and Chinese sound very much the same so I don't think it will matter if you speak Chinese or English

 

[hockeyguy741]

You seem to be very knowlegeable about dogs and their understading of our different languages you are truely a very wise person, what about fish can they understand human language,and do they have a language of their own.......