Ask a dumb englishman something easy

[Calboner]

Mr. Englishman, your new photo makes me think of some questions. Do you call your little finger your pinkie? And is it really pink? If it is, is it any pinker than your other fingers? If not, then why not call all your fingers pinkies?

 

[HiddenLacey]

Hello Mr Englishman, could you please tell me why the sky is blue?

 

[rbkwp]

Cot
Gordon Brown, last of the Political English Gentlemen..other 2 etonians are like NZs current PM, photo opportunists etc, ha
Me thinks..
Do you have any UK Birds that imitate sounds they hear?
fr inst..
neighbours -2- cars, his & wifes, go out and back once a day, both alarmed = 4 times a day the local TUI (NZ Bird) who has her nest close by
i was told, this bird continually imitates the sound of the Car Alarms .. i am living proof of this happening
as ALL FCKN day long, the Bird is letting off this security car alarm noise, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr hahha
-and the birds NOT caged,..Great ha
enz

 

[Catchoftheday]

Mr. Englishman, your new photo makes me think of some questions. Do you call your little finger your pinkie? And is it really pink? If it is, is it any pinker than your other fingers? If not, then why not call all your fingers pinkies?

Hello Mr Calboner, I call my little finger...my little finger, also I call my other little finger on my other hand my little finger this is because I have too little fingers no I don't have too little fingers I mean I have two little fingers. I think that it is people from abroad who call little fingers pinkys or is it pinkies this is because people from abroad sometimes use words to mean different things to what they should mean. I don't think this means they are a bit stupid, just a bit different to people from England.

 

[Catchoftheday]

Hello Mr Englishman, could you please tell me why the sky is blue?

Hello Miss Girl, I can't tell you why the sky is blue, this is because the sky is not blue everybody knows that the sky is grey sometimes it is light grey and sometimes it is dark grey it depends on something which is a bit complicated. Sometimes the sky looks like it is blue this is the clouds in the sky which make it rain, the clouds are made up of water which is the same as the sea so the clouds are the same colour as the sea. In England it doesn't rain very much so we don't see the blue clouds very often.

 

[Catchoftheday]

Cot
Do you have any UK Birds that imitate sounds they hear?
fr inst..
neighbours -2- cars, his & wifes, go out and back once a day, both alarmed = 4 times a day the local TUI (NZ Bird) who has her nest close by
i was told, this bird continually imitates the sound of the Car Alarms .. i am living proof of this happening
as ALL FCKN day long, the Bird is letting off this security car alarm noise, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr hahha
-and the birds NOT caged,..Great ha
enz

Hello Mr enz, the lady that used to live next door to me used to have a parrot which copied the lady and because the lady was a bit deaf it used to shout quite a lot. But that was quite nice.

Mostly birds in England don't copy stuff what they hear though and make a lot of noise I think the birds in England are happy to copy the other birds what they meet in the trees and stuff and sing nice songs and whistle and stuff like that which is probably a lot nicer than alarms and stuff

 

[Calboner]

Hello Mr Calboner, I call my little finger...my little finger, also I call my other little finger on my other hand my little finger this is because I have too little fingers no I don't have too little fingers I mean I have two little fingers. I think that it is people from abroad who call little fingers pinkys or is it pinkies this is because people from abroad sometimes use words to mean different things to what they should mean. I don't think this means they are a bit stupid, just a bit different to people from England.

Well, I am a bit sorry to hear that, but if you come to the US, you will find that little fingers are called pinkies, which is an arrangement that you might like.

 

[jjsjr]

What does BP reallly stand for?

 

[maxcok]

Hello Mr Maxcock, yes people from England like paddling in the sea a lot they usually do it when they are on their hols and usually there is a lot of people doing it at the same time although sometimes people like doing it by themselves.

I think when they paddle themselves it is called self-flagellation if I am not mistaken. I know some Catholics and other religious folk are into that. Thank you for the information Mr. Englishman. I must say that is quite a picture, all those people paddling themselves and each other in the sea. I should very much like to see that when I come to your shores.

May I prevail upon you to answer this question: How many angels can dance on the head of a pin? And perhaps you could elaborate on what sort of dances and the type of music they prefer. Do you think they have room for one of those spinning mirror ball thingys with the flashing lights too?

 

[Catchoftheday]

Well, I am a bit sorry to hear that, but if you come to the US, you will find that little fingers are called pinkies, which is an arrangement that you might like.

Hello Mr Calboner in England we use pinkies for catching fish, they look a bit like little worms.

Pinkie Vs Punch - Match Angler

 

[Catchoftheday]

What does BP reallly stand for?

Hello Mr jjsjr, BP stands for somethings like he stands when he has a wee but he don't stand when they play the natinal anthem I think that's a bit naughty.

BP stands for lots of different things, it can be Blue Peter which is a nice TV programme for small people or Big Penis or maybe Bastard Pollutors or maybe Blood Pressure or maybe Bingo Players or maybe Best Pants and also Blooming Pansies

 

[D_Relentless Original]

Hello Mr Catch, please can you tell me, when potatoes in my garden will be due for pulling up?, do they have to flower first?. Its the first time i have grown potatoes.

Thank you in advance.

 

[rbkwp]

Hi CotD'

are you getting all orgasmic over the upcoming World Cup?.
(better add Football) and/or is your village/county whatever going nuts' with British Flags etc in the Windows of the houses
(or pink ribbons? wrapped around trees)
what's that all about now?
enz
btw afraid England will again miss out?ha
Maybe Italy or Germany methinks..yahhoooo .. pit your pounds on them>? hah

 

[hockeyguy741]

how early is too early and how late is too late?

 

[rbkwp]

CotD

Hey, the World Cup games will be over before i know of an answer ha
FYI you fella draw with USA today, haha arent yous LUCKY no more battles re BP now, you can just play with the Americans ... on an equal footing..in Sport'
(I Miss Gordon Browns DEEEEEP Voice' btw )

Do you agree with me that
CALLAN (and Lonely) .. lwas one of the better' UK TV Programes
in its day...
loved everything about Edward Woodward right to his death.
Q.. Now is that a Question/Statement or a what, ya never know with me cause i never know either? ha
enz
Now to get on a Piss binge and wait for us to lose ALL our games.?

 

[Catchoftheday]

I think when they paddle themselves

May I prevail upon you to answer this question: How many angels can dance on the head of a pin? And perhaps you could elaborate on what sort of dances and the type of music they prefer. Do you think they have room for one of those spinning mirror ball thingys with the flashing lights too?

Hello Mr Maxcock I have put pictures of peopling paddling on here I hope you like them.

The angels like dancing to all kinds of music depending on the mood they are feeling at the time , the amount of angels that can dance on the head of a pin depends on what kind of dancing it is, if it is dancing that needs a lot of room, maybe they will be only be able only fit one on but if they can dance close together they will be able to fit up to 46 angels, any more than this and the health and safety angels have to tell them to stop dancing.

 

[Catchoftheday]

Hello Mr Catch, please can you tell me, when potatoes in my garden will be due for pulling up?, do they have to flower first?. Its the first time i have grown potatoes.

Thank you in advance.

Hello Mr Tardis, it is nice to know that you are growing some nice food for us all, I don't think that you will be able to pull up the potatoes, I think you will need a fork or something to dig them up, I don't think they will need flowers on them before you can dig them up, I think that you have to wait till the upper parts of the potatoes get big, I think this means that the part under the ground is big to and is nice to eat.

 

[Catchoftheday]

Hi CotD'

are you getting all orgasmic over the upcoming World Cup?.
(better add Football) and/or is your village/county whatever going nuts' with British Flags etc in the Windows of the houses
(or pink ribbons? wrapped around trees)
what's that all about now?
enz
btw afraid England will again miss out?ha
Maybe Italy or Germany methinks..yahhoooo .. pit your pounds on them>? hah

Hello Mr enz, Orgasmic? I don't think so. although it is quite good fun it's not as though it's the ashes or anything really important, lots of people have been putting flags outside their houses and stuff which looks quite nice but it is a bit boring the flags being all the same and stuff I don't have a NZ flag or I would put one up I don't know anything about ribbons and stuff.

I'm not allowed to put money on Germany that's just silly Mr enz I hope that your team do well for you

 

[maxcok]

Hello Mr Maxcock I have put pictures of peopling paddling on here I hope you like them.

Thank you for posting pictures of the paddling pools, Mr. Englishman, that was most generous of you. I must say honestly though, the pictures fall somewhat short of the images I had in my own mind. Also, the Englishpeoples in the paddling pools, for better or worse, look strikingly similar to American peoples. Looking at the first picture, I noticed a sign referring to the "paddling pool safety officer". I am wondering how one becomes a paddling pool safety officer, and whether it requires any special schooling or certification and such. What exactly are the duties of a paddling pool safety officer, and how much are they paid for their services?

The angels like dancing to all kinds of music depending on the mood they are feeling at the time , the amount of angels that can dance on the head of a pin depends on what kind of dancing it is, if it is dancing that needs a lot of room, maybe they will be only be able only fit one on but if they can dance close together they will be able to fit up to 46 angels, any more than this and the health and safety angels have to tell them to stop dancing.

That is most interesting, Mr. Englishman. Do the angels dance closer together if they drop Extacy (or Angel Dust)? Also, are the health and safety angels anything like the paddling pool safety officers?

 

[Catchoftheday]

how early is too early and how late is too late?

Hello Mr hockeyguy, too early is just before too late and too late is just before too early and too early is just after too late and too late is just after too early this is of course all in Greenwich mean time it will probably be a bit different in Canada because of the time difference