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D_John_Bonerr

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This is a serious question Ii hope women can give feedback to, however anyone is welcome with serious answers.
This is more intended for women but anyone is more than welcome to answer.


New to dating at 30 and want a meaning full relationship with a woman.

I have been trying to date since high school but have never had any luck. I brought a girl flowers to her house and she didn't come to school the next day saying I was being a "stalker". I have never had a girl even as a buddy or normal friend. WHAT THE HELL IF WRONG WITH ME!? I feel unworthy for sex, and I hate when I think about it. I feel even less of a person when wanting to hold their hand. Maybe I just don't know how to talk to a woman. I get real nervous when I approach even though I have a HUGE dick(thats not the point just stating the fact) however like I said It would be nice to have sex but I feel unworthy for that so how can I ever be a loving affectionate boyfriend? The fact that I've never had a girl who's been a friend scares me. Any advice rom either party?
 

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Perhaps you're anxiety is showing? This translates into lack of perceivable confidence? Perhaps the manner in which you approach and speak to women gives off a creepy aura? Maybe you're not that attractive, dress like a slob, smell, have bad breath?

Are you also saying, apart from never having a female friend, that you've never felt a women was attracted to you?

If your hygiene is poor, easy fix right? If your confidence low, not so easy. Your confidence and the vibe you give off can make up big time when it/if it comes down to you not being very handsome. Do you consider yourself good looking?

I know, lots of questions, some could be right off the mark, don't mean to be cruel, just trying to cut to the chase and get an idea of who you are.

Do you have a sister? Do you have a good relationship with her? Are you and your mom close? What was your family environment like? Did your parents fight a lot? Did they put you down?

A few answers to these questions and I may be able to narrow my advice. Until then it's hard for me to know how to respond.
 

D_John_Bonerr

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Thanks for the reply to start MG,


No I have no sister, my mom always says things like "I don't know how you should talk to women" I have some physical problems (phenotypically speaking an oxygen tank and thick glasses from severe legal blindness, contacts no longer work surgery is a gamble for sight at this point.) I have no acne. One of the dental hygieneists at my dentist office always refers to me as Handsome when i get ready for appointments. I am 6''6 slender with a dark complexion(tend to think the height with the other problems gives off a creepy vibe). I wouldn't consider myself to smell or have bad hygiene. I brush, floss etc.. I have a deep manly base in my voice, yet i think being so slender it sounds kind of misleading. Finally only in high school I thought of myself as unattractive. Most people my Mother runs into say how handsome i've gotten(note this is the case of every mothers friends that know you) I am good at reading womens body language when they want me to approach themEspecially if its strong but then again in my head I know i've been wrong before. So i just am like blah! forget it. Lastly i just should add its about the size of my manhood. (nothing xrated i want to add).... I was recovery from a lung procedure and was in inpatient for a few days, I was showering in the patient shower and one of the CNA's got a full frontontal,(i know this for a fact because i caught her) the next thing I know I am back in my hospital room and she is doing vitals, then she is walking by pushing her ass into my cock doing it purposely three times. When she left for a few minutes 3 nurse techs came in and were like "how was your shower? Let us know if you need anything" They had grins pn their faces and I caught two biting their bottom lip. So I dont know.
 

Kotchanski

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Not a question, though now that I'm here I'll point out that asking here and starting a thread with the same content is both redundant and potentially flooding...

Main point of being here is to inform ML that I have stickied her thread, hope ya don't mind!
 

LaFemme

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Not a question, though now that I'm here I'll point out that asking here and starting a thread with the same content is both redundant and potentially flooding...

Main point of being here is to inform ML that I have stickied her thread, hope ya don't mind!

Yay for Kotch!
 

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Thanks for the reply to start MG,


No I have no sister, my mom always says things like "I don't know how you should talk to women" I have some physical problems (phenotypically speaking an oxygen tank and thick glasses from severe legal blindness, contacts no longer work surgery is a gamble for sight at this point.) I have no acne. One of the dental hygieneists at my dentist office always refers to me as Handsome when i get ready for appointments. I am 6''6 slender with a dark complexion(tend to think the height with the other problems gives off a creepy vibe). I wouldn't consider myself to smell or have bad hygiene. I brush, floss etc.. I have a deep manly base in my voice, yet i think being so slender it sounds kind of misleading. Finally only in high school I thought of myself as unattractive. Most people my Mother runs into say how handsome i've gotten(note this is the case of every mothers friends that know you) I am good at reading womens body language when they want me to approach themEspecially if its strong but then again in my head I know i've been wrong before. So i just am like blah! forget it. Lastly i just should add its about the size of my manhood. (nothing xrated i want to add).... I was recovery from a lung procedure and was in inpatient for a few days, I was showering in the patient shower and one of the CNA's got a full frontontal,(i know this for a fact because i caught her) the next thing I know I am back in my hospital room and she is doing vitals, then she is walking by pushing her ass into my cock doing it purposely three times. When she left for a few minutes 3 nurse techs came in and were like "how was your shower? Let us know if you need anything" They had grins pn their faces and I caught two biting their bottom lip. So I dont know.

Sorry to here about your medical issues. Are you able to work? Do you have the oxygen tank with you at all times?

If yes than I'm going to be frank with you. Most people, never mind women, can be a bit standoffish when it comes to that. I'm sure you've probably noticed this. It's not that they are repulsed or purposely trying to be cruel it's just that a lot of people don't know how to behave around those who have disabilities, even limited ones like your own. Having worked with mentally disabled individuals who also have severe medical issues I can tell you it takes a little getting use to. Not that you're anywhere near that I'm just trying to give you a sense that people with little to no experience are going to form their opinion of you through stereotypes and ignorance.

Now you just want to be friends with women. Well, all friendships are cultivated over time and people need to get to know you, the real you. If you're projecting an anxiety that translate to them something forced and artificial then most people are going to take a step back. Women have a radar for guys who are trying too hard, want something more. We know when some guy just wants to be friendly and when others just want to get in our pants. All it takes is one slip, one sentence, a word, that on the surface may seem harmless to you but to us it speaks volumes.

First, relax. We are not all that. We're people too. The reason I asked you if you had a sister is that you should talk to women you've just met as if you were talking to your her. You don't say to a woman you just met that she looks attractive, that's big red flag for us. Unless you're at a club and the girl is dressed for a compliment it's going to be seen as a come on. At a club it's expected but when we're out and about, shopping, working, etc., it can make for an uncomfortable first meeting.

You mentioned bringing flowers to the door of a girl in high school and her unfavorable reaction to it. Was this girl a friend or was she someone you pined over from afar? If it was the latter and you never took the time to get to know her, instead stared at her all time, she gonna be a little creeped out. Why? Because you're the strange guy who eyed her all the time, never talked to her, now on her doorstep, uninvited, holding flowers. That would creep most women out big time. You see it as sweet, she sees you as a threat. Now if you took the time to get to know her, talked to her several time, and it became obvious you sort of had a crush on her, you still don't want to be showing up on her doorstep uninvited unless she's made it clear to you that she's interested. You want to meet her on common ground. She may not feel the same way but I don't know of too many women who'd take offense to that. Even if she wasn't interested and had to let you down, most are going to take it as a compliment and think you were sweet for doing it. If some girl did take offense to that, well, she's a major bitch and you're better off without her.

You want to make friends with a woman? You talk to her like you would a female in your own family. You respect her as a person without any type of sexual pressure or innuendo. Allow women to come to you. This means don't project yourself in such a way that it appears you're trying to win someone over in the first few minutes of meeting them. It makes you look weak and needy. Just be yourself and if the conversion people may be having around you leads to a topic of some interest offer a few word, an opinion, a thought. Don't be aggressive and take over the conversation. A good way to display confidence it lay back and allow people to direct question/the conversation to you and not inject yourself into and over everybody else. Remember sometimes a woman doesn't have to ask you into a conversation directly. A woman could be talking with friends and look at you as if she's looking for affirmation or opinion about a topic. Eye contact is big when you first meet a women. A woman isn't going to repeatedly look at you if she isn't affording you the opportunity to speak up.

Now not being the over talking when first meeting a woman doesn't mean be "the quiet guy" it means pace yourself and allow people who don't know you get used to your presence. If you're out with friends and you guys have just met a group of women don't feel as if you have to beat out the competition by forcing yourself and your words over them. The women are already mentally weeding through the group with every word and through body language. The most interesting guy can be the one who displays his confidence by hanging back and allowing those women talk, and this is important, IS LISTENING TO THEM. You can display a level of interest just by paying attention to what they have to say. A good way to show interest is only offering queries into what she's talking about and allowing her to answer. Don't be cutting her off mid sentence with something you think will impress her. Let her finish her thought and then offer your own.

If a woman is physically attracted, or you've peaked her interest through the limited convo you've brought to the table, she'll make a point of talking to you, trust me. A lot of times the other guys have all shot themselves in the foot in the first few minutes and now she interested in knowing the guy who seems nice, reserved, and wasn't all in her face with his heavy handed bravado. All this talk about a women knowing in the first few minutes whether she's interest in a guy or not is bullshit. Most great relationships are developed over time. They start out as friendships. The "I know if I want to be with a guy in the first few minutes" is more about sex, and those girls looking for sex. People know right off if they find someone physically attractive but knowing whether they want to have a relationship/friendship takes time. At least the ones that last do.

Finally, if you've had no luck at clubs maybe you should start looking somewhere else. There's a lot of superficial nonsense going on in those type of environments. You want to meet a nice girl who may be more sensitive to your medical issues, volunteer. A lot of really nice people are giving of themselves helping others. Lot of great interesting women in a place that you won't have to scream over the music or be competing with an army of men to get to know them. And what better place to showcase that you're not the awkward guy who has trouble talking to women but the kind guy who gives of himself because he cares about others. The type of women who volunteer are looking for more in a man than the guy with a phony line that can dance. They are looking for men who believe what they believe. They are women of substance and integrity. Intelligent women who if you take the time to get to know them will see beyond this mask you feel helpless/trapped in and see the real you. Good luck.
 

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Prior to your response, please mention who you are:

  1. Age
  2. Gender
  3. Profession/Field of Work
  4. Geographical Location
  5. Level of Education
  6. Beliefs
  7. Ethnicity
  8. Your BMI (Or bust/waist/hip/height/weight)
  9. Marital Status
  10. GPMA (Gravida/Para/Miscarriage/Abortion)
  11. Any significant medical (and psychiatric) history
Question: Given two men who're equally good in bed and equally attractive (physically and personality-wise), whom would you choose?
A) A man who is a workaholic, makes a low seven figure income, and holds a powerful position in a highly respected field. He, however, only sexually satisfies you once a week.
B) A man who is highly respected by the community, makes a low six figure income, and works only half the week, leaving the rest of the week to spend with you.

Why? (Please elaborate.)

Thanks,

j

Clarification: This screening questionnaire helps the reader(s) take into account the indisputable fact that all women are different individuals, i.e. raised and matured under different environmental factors. All women responding to any question on this thread should answer a screening questionnaire thoroughly and truthfully so that the readers can fully understand the rationality behind each response. The respondent remains anonymous, it requires minimal effort from the respondent, it takes under a minute to complete, and it would be of great help for the analytical readers.

I'm certain there is a consensus among all readers that blindly listening to and/or acting on a stranger's advice for one's life without knowing the respondent's personal and medical history is inadvisable. For example: Would you take advice from a therapist or a doctor (or even a friend) who, in the past, has done some questionable things that you should definitely know about?

(As for those who are poll-taking for any reason, think of it as a necessary screening process for your sample so as to avoid any skew in data that could potentially throw your conclusions off.)

j
 

Kotchanski

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Clarification: This screening questionnaire helps the reader(s) take into account the indisputable fact that all women are different individuals, i.e. raised and matured under different environmental factors. All women responding to any question on this thread should answer a screening questionnaire thoroughly and truthfully so that the readers can fully understand the rationality behind each response. The respondent remains anonymous, it requires minimal effort from the respondent, it takes under a minute to complete, and it would be of great help for the analytical readers.

I'm certain there is a consensus among all readers that blindly listening to and/or acting on a stranger's advice for one's life without knowing the respondent's personal and medical history is inadvisable. For example: Would you take advice from a therapist or a doctor (or even a friend) who, in the past, has done some questionable things that you should definitely know about?

(As for those who are poll-taking for any reason, think of it as a necessary screening process for your sample so as to avoid any skew in data that could potentially throw your conclusions off.)

j

All readers of the above should also note that the bolded section is in no way a requirement. It is further worth noting that the above, while the writer claims otherwise, is simply an attempt to pre-gather reasons for not accepting the advice given when it doesn't fit the desired response.
 

redz_rule

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Clarification: This screening questionnaire helps the reader(s) take into account the indisputable fact that all women are different individuals, i.e. raised and matured under different environmental factors. All women responding to any question on this thread should answer a screening questionnaire thoroughly and truthfully so that the readers can fully understand the rationality behind each response. The respondent remains anonymous, it requires minimal effort from the respondent, it takes under a minute to complete, and it would be of great help for the analytical readers.

I'm certain there is a consensus among all readers that blindly listening to and/or acting on a stranger's advice for one's life without knowing the respondent's personal and medical history is inadvisable. For example: Would you take advice from a therapist or a doctor (or even a friend) who, in the past, has done some questionable things that you should definitely know about?

(As for those who are poll-taking for any reason, think of it as a necessary screening process for your sample so as to avoid any skew in data that could potentially throw your conclusions off.)

j

Yeah.... not gonna happen. As far as I am concerned, I am under no obligation to answer any questions in the first place and the person asking is in no position to demand the terms under which I do.
 
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molotovmuffin

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Clarification: This screening questionnaire helps the reader(s) take into account the indisputable fact that all women are different individuals, i.e. raised and matured under different environmental factors. All women responding to any question on this thread should answer a screening questionnaire thoroughly and truthfully so that the readers can fully understand the rationality behind each response. The respondent remains anonymous, it requires minimal effort from the respondent, it takes under a minute to complete, and it would be of great help for the analytical readers.

I'm certain there is a consensus among all readers that blindly listening to and/or acting on a stranger's advice for one's life without knowing the respondent's personal and medical history is inadvisable. For example: Would you take advice from a therapist or a doctor (or even a friend) who, in the past, has done some questionable things that you should definitely know about?

(As for those who are poll-taking for any reason, think of it as a necessary screening process for your sample so as to avoid any skew in data that could potentially throw your conclusions off.)

j
Until you answer our question, you're not going to get any real replys...Oh sorry...you're not going to get any real replys anyway.

Edit....adding yet another to the ignore list.
 

tgirlsrgreat

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This is a serious question Ii hope women can give feedback to, however anyone is welcome with serious answers.
This is more intended for women but anyone is more than welcome to answer.


New to dating at 30 and want a meaning full relationship with a woman.

I have been trying to date since high school but have never had any luck. I brought a girl flowers to her house and she didn't come to school the next day saying I was being a "stalker". I have never had a girl even as a buddy or normal friend. WHAT THE HELL IF WRONG WITH ME!? I feel unworthy for sex, and I hate when I think about it. I feel even less of a person when wanting to hold their hand. Maybe I just don't know how to talk to a woman. I get real nervous when I approach even though I have a HUGE dick(thats not the point just stating the fact) however like I said It would be nice to have sex but I feel unworthy for that so how can I ever be a loving affectionate boyfriend? The fact that I've never had a girl who's been a friend scares me. Any advice rom either party?
you should seek professional help, you have low self esteem issues and i think it would be good for you to address them/work on them before you hurt yourself or somebody. need to like yourself for someone else to be able to like you as well. at least, in a healthy way.
 

tgirlsrgreat

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Clarification: This screening questionnaire helps the reader(s) take into account the indisputable fact that all women are different individuals, i.e. raised and matured under different environmental factors. All women responding to any question on this thread should answer a screening questionnaire thoroughly and truthfully so that the readers can fully understand the rationality behind each response. The respondent remains anonymous, it requires minimal effort from the respondent, it takes under a minute to complete, and it would be of great help for the analytical readers.

I'm certain there is a consensus among all readers that blindly listening to and/or acting on a stranger's advice for one's life without knowing the respondent's personal and medical history is inadvisable. For example: Would you take advice from a therapist or a doctor (or even a friend) who, in the past, has done some questionable things that you should definitely know about?

(As for those who are poll-taking for any reason, think of it as a necessary screening process for your sample so as to avoid any skew in data that could potentially throw your conclusions off.)

j
sheer silliness
 

D_John_Bonerr

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Okay..... Those aren't the responses or replies I was hoping to get, I definitely am in NO way thinking or hurting myself nor others. If I new this was the feedback I would receive I definitely would have NOT asked for opinions. I only hope the rest of this site doesnt think "the elevator doesn't go to the top with this guy".
 

D_AnnaConda

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Ok..I'm going try another question..it has to do with opening up to your bf or spouse about your sexual desires and fantasies. Obviously there would be a point in a relationship where either you feel comfortable opening up to him or you would be ok with him asking these types of questions. My question is which would you prefer, from him to ask or you bringing it up on your own.
 

tgirlsrgreat

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Okay..... Those aren't the responses or replies I was hoping to get, I definitely am in NO way thinking or hurting myself nor others. If I new this was the feedback I would receive I definitely would have NOT asked for opinions. I only hope the rest of this site doesnt think "the elevator doesn't go to the top with this guy".
i don't know what you expected but i am in no way belittling you or think you are crazy. lots of folks suffer from low self esteem and it can manifest itself into a lot of different things. one is loneliness because you don't see yourself worthy of other like, love or trust. it can lead people to hang with or attract others with even lower self esteem, so by comparison you feel better about yourself. all of this can lead to some really strange and potentially damaging situations. suggesting someone seek professional help is in no way implying they are crazy, just that seeking professional help might be a healthy thing to do.
 

MickeyLee

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Okay..... Those aren't the responses or replies I was hoping to get, I definitely am in NO way thinking or hurting myself nor others. If I new this was the feedback I would receive I definitely would have NOT asked for opinions. I only hope the rest of this site doesnt think "the elevator doesn't go to the top with this guy".

nah. even if ya elevator didn't go all the way to the top, that's why we have elevator repair folks. :wink:

hmm i've read both ya posts. for true? seems like you just don't have enough practice with girls. not talking smexy.. just face to face time. social is a skill, most folks are born with a basic blue print.. but all the subtleties that lead to successful mingling are learned. for a few reasons, and some insecurities, ya got a little behind.

remedial social skills 101. if you want to start small.... maybe a penpal? a girl ya can exchange emails with? get to know.. learn how you interact with the ladies on just a friend level. boundaries between casual friend/intimate friend.

pay attention to folks who are friends with women. ya can pick up heaps by watching how folks mingle.

tall.. not a bad thing. sometimes big dudes can be a bit physically intimidating. add you feeling uncomfortable, the vibe might go wonky. what you can do. be very away of personal space. a good idea is "arms length." since you have longer arms, stand back a bit. so a woman won't feel crowded.

the oxygen tank thing.. not ya typical accessory. and, no fibbing, might put some people off. do ya have a big tank? or is something small/ish? spending time around the transplant center *family member had a transplant* the younger folk with tanks carried their's around in a backpack. the hoses were black. so unless a person really paid attention.. the whole shebang just looked like a backpack/headphones. is not saying you have anything to hide.. is just minimizing impact for first impressions.

glasses.. do you have Uncle Jr. frames? thick lenses ain't a killer. serial rapist frames are :tongue1: hmmm

message board disadvantage.. we only ya know ya from a couple of posts. ya don't paint a loverly picture of you. maybe post ya bright points. what makes you awesome..

are you artistic? do ya have talents? where do your passions live? see.. those are the things that will attract. everyone likes sparkle.. ya don't have to be make of perfect.. just a few bright pops of "wow.. intriguing"
 
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D_jwhite997

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Any advice from either party?
I'll answer as a male.

Okay..... Those aren't the responses or replies I was hoping to get, I definitely am in NO way thinking or hurting myself nor others. If I new this was the feedback I would receive I definitely would have NOT asked for opinions. I only hope the rest of this site doesnt think "the elevator doesn't go to the top with this guy".

I agree with the posts about confidence-building. Women love alpha males. I don't know you personally, so I can't help you with that specifically. But I can suggest something:
Take this as a grain of salt. I'm not fully acquainted with the form of art called pick-up art, practiced by pick-up artists (PUAs - Google it); but you should read about it, and take away from your readings only what makes sense to you (as from my superficial understanding of it, a lot of what they suggest borderlines on unethical).

Here is one example of this so-called art: Guys in Wheelchairs Pick Up Girls - Get Her Number! - YouTube
This video, although a bit immature, shows 3 guys in wheelchairs picking up girls somewhere in SoCal. Their purpose is two-fold: 1) to humor the audience, and 2) to encourage the disabled.

Disclaimer: Don't take what you see or read on the internet too seriously. (This is very important.) Know your reference.

My general background in concise form, in case you're wondering who you're receiving advice from: Male, much younger than you are. Studying medicine in the US. Liberal. Caucasian. BMI of 22.2 (5'10", 150 lbs, Athletic Build). Engaged. No significant med hx. Social hx: the occasional beer, no recreational drug use.
 
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