asking a guy you fancy if he is gay

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by jerkitout, Sep 26, 2008.

  1. jerkitout

    jerkitout Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2007
    Messages:
    171
    Likes Received:
    59
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK
    I have been 'stalking' a guy on the train to
    work. but not in the creepy sense! i feel
    really attracted to him and now i really wana
    ask him if he is gay/bi. i only ever see him
    between getting off the train and getting on
    the underground. even trying to make eye
    contact is hard because he always reads a
    paper! can i approach him with something like
    'excuse me, do you mind me just asking if you
    are gay or bi?'. if i dont say something to
    him soon i may get a different train just so i dont
    see him again :(
     
  2. ohhhey

    ohhhey Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2008
    Messages:
    300
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Currently traveling Southeast Asia
    It sounds like he's a complete stranger who you've never even talked to. Walking up to him and asking him that seems way too personal a question, and he might not even feel safe in answering it honestly. If you really really want to make contact with him, I guess you should just hand him a piece of paper with a message or contact details on it.

    You should probably bear in mind that if you've never talked to him, then it's just a physical attraction. Anything else about him is just your fantasy or imagination, and he may be nothing like you expect. He also might not be single.
     
  3. Lng_1

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2008
    Messages:
    314
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Baton Rouge (LA, US)
    Verified:
    Photo
    You're right... you are stalking him and it is a bit creepy...... IMHO
     
  4. Smartalk

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2008
    Messages:
    1,730
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    8 miles outside of Manchester
    I totally agree with what the others ahve said totally In light of this, I would say get a different train sooner rather than later so as to avoid making a fool of yourself or likelyhood of problems.

    If he felt the same way as you I think he would be just as keen to make eye contact, but that is not the case. In fact he could be trying to avoid you, because he thinks your stalking him. We don't realise what we say about ourselves with our body language. Non verbal communication is a very real and powerful thing.
     
  5. D_BarryBunwarmer

    D_BarryBunwarmer Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2008
    Messages:
    389
    Likes Received:
    1
    Try talking to him first
     
  6. B_Nick4444

    B_Nick4444 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2007
    Messages:
    7,002
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    San Antonio, TX

    I shouldn't try that, if I were you
     
  7. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2007
    Messages:
    11,912
    Likes Received:
    44
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York City, by way of Marblehead, Boston and Ge
    Whether or not he's gay, it still doesn't mean that he's available, or that he's interested in you. I know I'd be pretty offended if a complete stranger asked me a question that personal. Or any personal question for that matter.
     
  8. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2004
    Messages:
    10,576
    Likes Received:
    25
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Warwick, NY, USA
    Chat him up. Get to know the guy. If you see him everyday on the train, that's an intro right there. The regulars on my train talk to each other. Get the same paper he does, read a story in it, and then ask him about it. Simply say you notice he reads the same paper. Intros don't have to have iron-clad reasons. Offer him a mint or something. It matters little. See how he reacts, see if he's really attractive to you.

    Get to know him and, if you like him, see where it goes. You should be able to know pretty quickly if he's friendly or not and then take it from there. Most guys talk about current or past relationships pretty quickly. You should also be able to tell if there's any romantic interest on his part.

    I learned the hard way not to let these things go on and on without end. Shit or get off the pot. If you don't, you'll continue building interest in this guy until he's all you think about and then his possible rebuff will be hard to take.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted