Asking A Stranger To A Drink

Sohungx

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I'm really shy, girls find me attractive but my shyness becomes debilitating so I don't approach any girls I think are cute. What's the best way to approach a girl and maybe ask her out for a drink or coffee without coming off as a creep?
I'm tired of being lonely.
 
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Tight_N_Juicy

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The best way is just by being the genuine you that you are.

Always be prepared to hear a "no", but if that's the answer you receive don't let it compel you to give up. Everyone gets rejected at some point in their life. That doesn't mean keep asking the same woman though, just don't let anyone rejecting you keep you from talking to other people.

Also, confidence matters. If you don't actually like *you*, no one else will. The other end of the spectrum can be off putting as well. Cocky and confident are not the same thing.

Also... Girls shouldn't find you attractive. Women should.
 

Sohungx

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@Tight_N_Juicy @TinyPrincess @Scarletbegonia..I'm so sorry. I definitely did not mean to offend you by using the wrong noun. Thank you for pointing that out to me. I was engaged, a month before being married I found she was unfaithful on more than one occasion. I spent 10 years with. I wanted to spend my life with her and start a family someday. This shattered my confidence and because of all this I don't think I could handle another heartbreak. I'm at the point now where I really don't even try. I'm lonely, I have a lot of love to give but my heart and soul wouldn't make it through another situation like that.

I've been single three years now and I keep trying to convince myself I'm happier this way but I'm not. I just want to be loved. I just want to be wanted.

I'm sorry for rambling. Don't have an outlet for this stuff.
 

AlteredEgo

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@Tight_N_Juicy @TinyPrincess @Scarletbegonia..I'm so sorry. I definitely did not mean to offend you by using the wrong noun. Thank you for pointing that out to me. I was engaged, a month before being married I found she was unfaithful on more than one occasion. I spent 10 years with. I wanted to spend my life with her and start a family someday. This shattered my confidence and because of all this I don't think I could handle another heartbreak. I'm at the point now where I really don't even try. I'm lonely, I have a lot of love to give but my heart and soul wouldn't make it through another situation like that.

I've been single three years now and I keep trying to convince myself I'm happier this way but I'm not. I just want to be loved. I just want to be wanted.

I'm sorry for rambling. Don't have an outlet for this stuff.
I'm sorry you're hurting. You're not over it yet. So, why put it all on the line again already? Keep it casual. Go on dates. Make a few new friends who are women. Have sex with some of them if you want to. Never one. Always a few. It can help maintain just enough emotional distance until you are ready for an exclusive, goal-oriented entanglement. It doesn't matter what these women do because it is not serious, nor exclusive. Without the risk of heartbreak, getting some practice with facing the risk of rejection should be easier. Meanwhile, seek therapy. You need to be able to let go of the past to be a part of the present.
 

Sohungx

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I'm sorry you're hurting. You're not over it yet. So, why put it all on the line again already? Keep it casual. Go on dates. Make a few new friends who are women. Have sex with some of them if you want to. Never one. Always a few. It can help maintain just enough emotional distance until you are ready for an exclusive, goal-oriented entanglement. It doesn't matter what these women do because it is not serious, nor exclusive. Without the risk of heartbreak, getting some practice with facing the risk of rejection should be easier. Meanwhile, seek therapy. You need to be able to let go of the past to be a part of the present.
You are incredibly kind. You're absolutely right about everything. I try so hard to convince myself I'm over it, that I hate her for what she did but I'm lying to myself. I don't know how to be single or how to approach a woman. I've been out of the "game" for so long and I don't want to come off as desperate. This isn't the life I wanted. This wasn't supposed to happen.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and give a thoughtful response. I truly appreciate it.