asking if he or she has an STD

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by yelims, Mar 26, 2008.

  1. yelims

    yelims New Member

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    In this age of rampant STDs, how many ask a prospective partner about it before having sex? How do women ask men, and how do women want men to ask?
     
  2. Principessa

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    I don't think I have ever asked that question? I usually just ask when was the last time you were tested and what were the results. Because I love myself even more than sex, I have been known to go with them to get tested; and get re-tested myself. Even after that I insist on condoms except for oral. There are so many STD's out there I figure better safe than sorry. :cool:
     
  3. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    I have a standard group of questions I ask before any sexual contact. Condoms are used, even for oral, and testing required for actual sex.

    Yes, I am bitchy.
     
  4. B_andyo

    B_andyo New Member

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    useless to ask...
    know by getting tested
     
  5. Jovial

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    STD's never seem to be a popular topic. Most people are pretty ignorant about them. My main fear is getting Herpes or HIV. With the few partners I've had I didn't ask because I was ignorant. In the future I plan to ask.

    The question is when do you ask? If you bring the subject up on a first date then you come across like you just want sex. So do you wait until after you've kissed and fooled around some? That seems reasonable, but then what if he/she says they haven't been tested or you don't entirely trust them? I guess it's reasonable to then wait to go further until after being tested. I think in practice people wait until after sex, then see if the relationship is going to last to go get tested together.

    Ideally, everyone that is going to be with a new partner will have a copy of recent test results including blood tests for Herpes 1 & 2 (which they don't routinely do!). If someone showed me that I would feel very comfortable.

    I am not too worried about getting a curable STD (syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia) because as long as I get tested it can be treated. I am vaccinated for Hepatitis A and B, so I'm not worried about them either.

    Hepatitis C (HCV) is not curable, but is not easily transmitted from sexual activity. It is a blood-borne infection so requires blood to blood transmission such as sharing needles, tattoo needles, piercing implements, etc. Sharing other items like toothbrushes and razors can also spread HCV.

    HIV doesn't appear to spread easily from oral sex or vagina sex using a condom. So I'd feel comfortable with someone who got tested within the last year and didn't seem too high risk. Of course I'd want them to be tested again if I was with them longer-term.

    I'm not sure how much to worry about herpes. In the USA, 20-25% of adults have genital herpes. Condoms only reduce the risk of transmission by 50% because the virus can be on the skin around the genitals. People that have it can still spread it sometimes when they don't have an outbreak. Many people don't even know they carry the virus because they never had a severe outbreak and/or don't realize it's herpes. That's why I tell people to insist on a blood test for herpes when they get tested for other STD's. The tests should only cost $20-30.

    Oral herpes (core sores) I'm really not sure about. They say 90% of adults 40+ years old carry herpes simplex type 1 (HSV-1). So if you don't have it, should you ask if someone has it before you kiss them? Some people will say they are disease free, but they get colds sores, so are they really STD-free? And what about the people that don't get cold sores, carry HSV-1 but have never been blood tested so they don't know? They can still transmit HSV-1 with some small probability.
     
  6. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    Great post, Jovial!

    I ask when it seems like we are getting close to intimate contact. I pretty much know who has a chance to fuck or get a hj/bj soon after meeting them. It isn't a surprise, at least to me.

    If the person has not been tested, I'll tell them to come back after they do. If the person makes it a "you don't trust me?" issue, they'll hear the brutal truth - I don't.
     
  7. D_Kaye Throttlebottom

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    sadly oral sex isn't risk-free. Oral HPV-turned oral cancer is on the rise:


    Oral Sex Can Add to HPV Cancer Risk - TIME

    HPV study reports link to oral cancer

    HPV study reports link to oral cancer - Chicago Methods Reporter

    HPV Cancer Human Papilloma Virus Mouth Cancer Oral Sex

    Oral lesions caused by HPV

    BBC NEWS | Health | Oral sex linked to throat cancer

    Hartford Courant Examines Potential For HPV Vaccine Gardasil To Prevent Oral Cancer

    Be careful.
     
  8. Milkyman77

    Milkyman77 New Member

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    That the advantages of getting married. Not the better way to have safe sex because nobody never knows ^^, but in another way if I ask my wife for prospection she may kill me ... mmmh, no she kills me it's sure !!
     
  9. alex8.5

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    We have been together 15 years, we still use condoms for anal only. Always be safe.
     
  10. Jovial

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    I didn't mention HPV at all! I guess if she didn't have warts, then that's all I can go by. If she was vaccinated with that new vaccine and I didn't think she slept around much I'd feel better about it. Honestly, as a man, I am more worried about genital warts then cancer (caused by HPV), but I am also concerned about passing it on if I got some strain of HPV. From what I understand the body will clear HPV over time and warts will also go away with treatment.

    Since they don't test for HPV what is there to ask a partner about? All you can go by is how many partners they've had, if they currently have warts and if they've been vaccinated.
     
  11. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    Women are tested for HPV with the pap smear.
    If she chooses another test, that's fine. However, if she has a regular gyn check up, she should know her status at least once each year.
     
  12. B_Jennuine73

    B_Jennuine73 New Member

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    I ask when kissing has gone further to petting. I ask if they are disease free and when was the last time they were tested. If I get hums and hahs, I don't go further. I always use a condom.
     
  13. walla99

    walla99 New Member

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    Yep, I used to not ask (or at least not until after) and just got tested after the fact and usually used condoms...but I've been diagnosed with hpv seven years ago.

    Since then, I've learned a lot and really educated myself. Now I'm upfront with what I've done to be tested and I expect the same in return. If it's a new relationship, there's nothing wrong with asking for test results. I usually bring it up if things are starting to get sexual.

    As far as hpv goes, the reality is it's extremely common and contagious. 80% of sexually active women will get hpv at some point in their lifetime. (They don't know what it is for men because there's no test for them. Their percentage is probably also pretty high as obviously that's where women get it from.) It's also usually harmless, although some strains can lead to cervical cancer. "Genital warts" sounds bad, but you get treated and that usually does the trick. Most people don't have symptoms and there is no test for men. The good news is that condoms provide SOME protection, but like anything, not 100%. Also, women have paps and there is a new hpv test out there as well as the vaccine. 90% of people will clear the hpv virus from their system within 2 years through their immune system.

    Herpes is also more common than you'd think, and again many people have little to no symptoms and don't know they have it and when you get an "std screen" they DO NOT routinely do a blood test for herpes and usually will not even mention it unless you bring it up yourself. You can get herpes through oral sex as well from someone who gets cold sores and they do not have to have a cold sore present in order to pass it on!

    Those 2 stds are 2 of the most common std's and yet there is often little done to determine if one has them and both are viruses which can only be treated not cured. However, neither causes infertility or death so that is the good news.
     
  14. Jovial

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    Very true. And most doctors don't really understand herpes either. It is not a high priority it seems. They are not looking at the STD test from the standpoint of showing it to potential partner to verify you are STD free. The last doctor I had didn't suggest I get the blood test. His thinking was someone could be positive but not get outbreaks so they may not be able to spread it, so it would just give them something to worry about.

    Herpes doesn't cause death, but type 1 (HSV-1) has been linked to Alzheimer's desease. Also women with genetal herpes can pass the virus to their baby during birth which can have potentially deadly consequences for the baby.


    For people interested in knowing more about herpes here's a useful page:
    Herpes and Cold Sores - Sort the Facts from the Fiction
    or the forum there:
    Herpes & Cold Sore Support Forum
     
  15. Bbucko

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    I've gotten really good at discussing everything up front, but it took lots of practice before I became completely comfortable about it.

    For the last three years (since I ended a nine-year relationship), the qualifying Q&A has worked out to variations on this theme:

    I'm HIV positive, have been for over 20 years. I only play with fellow pozguys.

    I am a strict anal top, and an excellent cocksucker.

    I do not use condoms.

    I like to edge and am not into quickies or any encounter less than 3-4 hours long.

    I vastly prefer that my partners have average or smaller uncut dicks.

    I do not use party drugs, but will not object if you do.

    I enjoy rough sex with a playful edge: Safe Words need to be discussed if required.

    Any of these conditions (and there are a few others, besides) are deal makers/breakers for me. I have no interest in "gifting" anyone, so matter how "poz-friendly" he might be, if he's not poz I'm not interested.

    My stance on party drugs (Meth, Coke, etc) is a pragmatic one. I do not use them, nor would I ever encourage anyone else to use them. But if getting high is one of their qualifying prerequisites, then I'll accept it.

    All of life involves properly educating oneself to risks and then making adult, competent decisions based on this education. Likewise: no one but you yourself is responsible for your own sexual health and well-being. Trusting someone you've recently met with your health is foolish, and all this D/D-Free:UB2 bullshit is the quickest way to a positive test result that I can imagine.
     
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