Asking out Girls

[belinoitaliano]

Originally posted by CeleSTiaLFuRY@Mar 19 2005, 05:18 PM
I have only tried to ask out a girl one time and the result was a disaster. I didn't even get to asking her. Instead I got so nervous that I forgot to breath and fainted. This has been terribly embaresing for me since the only other times which I have ever fainted have been the results of dehydration, blood loss, and severe exhaustion (I didn't sleep for 2 weeks). This happened about 4 years ago when I was a junior in highschool. Does anybody have any advice to help not becocme so nervous when asking somebody out?

[post=292202]Quoted post[/post]​

For some reason, I've never gotten nervous talking to girls, and talking to a hot chick the same way I'd talk to a non-hot chick or the same way I'd talk to a dude is actually my default state (though I think this might be just as much a turn-off as totally freaking out.) That said, I "talk to girls" a very small fraction of what other guys do (mostly just lack of opportunity.)

I read something on the internet that's helpful: have you ever been approached by a girl and said "no"? If so, did you point and laugh at her and tell all her friends you blew her off? No, you didn't, because it's not a big deal. So what makes you think that's what's going to happen if she says no to you? The stakes aren't that high, so be cool.

Don't worry too much about passing out. At certain times we react to stressors in extreme ways... I had a friend who passed out when his teacher started talking about him to the rest of the class.

Something else that has confused me. Some girls have told me "You're so cute!" and "You're adorable." Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I've heard women use the word cute in many different ways while men seem to only use it to describe things like babies and other things like that. I'm sort of confused about that, but I'm really concerned about how nervous I get when I'm around girls that I like. So if anybody has any advice for how to make yourself less nervous when asking somebody out, I could really use it.

[post=292202]Quoted post[/post]​

I saw a Blind Date where a guy was with a girl who constantly told him the things he did were "sweet", as the date progressed and she got less and less interested, her "sweet"s became more and more emphatic and high-pitch. It's no different for a girl than a guy: a guy can say "What I am telling you is TRUE!", and he emphasizes it that way because he's lying through his teeth. We'd have to know the way it's inflected and the context to tell you, and even then it's not for sure. If she calls you cute and sweet to other people, then that's probably a good thing. If she tells you you're adorable because you just bought her flowers, that's probably a bad thing. There was a girl who was constantly calling me "precious" to other people as she was hitting on me over the course of a few weeks, and "precious" is even worse than "cute" or "sweet."

Another question: Does anybody constantly get called "sweetie" or "honey" by female cashiers and other service-industry employees? It is kind of emasculating, isn't it?

 

[naughty]

Well,

Even though I am not a cashier I guess I need to strike "sweetie"and "honey" from my vocabulary.. Dont want to in any way emasculate anyone...

Naughty

 

[Pappy]

Naughty, you can call me "sweetie or honey" anytime you want!!

 

[jay_too]

Originally posted by belinoitaliano@Mar 23 2005, 11:40 PM
Another question: Does anybody constantly get called "sweetie" or "honey" by female cashiers and other service-industry employees? It is kind of emasculating, isn't it?

[post=293486]Quoted post[/post]​

I rather like it. It seems to me to be generational and regional....like I have entered a time warp and have ended up in say the 1940's and in the south or midwest. At least "Honey" means that she recognized me as a person and not as a 16-digit Visa card.

jay

 

[txquis]

I'm from the south/back in the south, and the "sweetie/honey" thing is a daily occurance here.
I like it

It does all boil down to confidence. Like most of us, I've known of a marginally attractive guy who always had a date/got laid.
When i questioned this a friend of mine said, "You know why that guy gets laid all the time? Because he knows he CAN".

I've never forgotten that.
He had confidence. (not that confidence always does it either, but it certainly helps)

 

[Ecchi]

Ummm ... how does one even start a social life?

I'm dead serious here ...

About the original topic ... unless someone else actively starts conversation with me or approaches me of their own volition, I CANNOT, under any circumstances, bring myself to talk or approach them. Unless I know, beyond any doubt, that that person has a real, actual interest in me, I can't talk to them or introduce myself.

I see it this way (and this is probably a monstrously bad analogy): get me to say, second base (or whatever it is nowadays) and I'm fine. I can do the romantic, loving, sensual parts, but I'm beyond horrible at introductions and courtship, mostly because I'm such an emotionally fragile dork.

 

[naughty]

Ecchi,

Honey ( I did it again! LOL! ) There is nothing wrong with you but the need for a little self confidence. We all feel ugly, inadequate, etc ( do I need to remind you! LOL! ) You are fearfully and wonderfully made! You are also a very sensitive and talented young man with a lot going for you!

Naughty


P.S. Alright, Pappy honey ! LOL!

 

[13788]

musclebound: When I was going through puberty I truly hated my Dad. Which was a big change from earlier years. He was a big burly guy that couldn't keep his hands off of you. He hugged, wrestled, kissed, and fought with his five boys everyday. He would make you do all kinds of shit you didn't want to do. ESPECIALLY if you didn't want to do it. He taught me to swim by pushing me out of a boat in the middle of a lake. He would dare you do anything and call you a pussy until you did it just to shut him up. Years later it finally clicked that my Dad had taught me to have confidence in myself and take risks. AND he did it with little things while I was still young enough that he could put his arm around me and tell me how brave he thought I was.

Asking a girl out is a terrifying thing to do. It is only reasonable for it to make you nervous. Accept that and at least you won't be embarassed to feel the way you do.

To build your self-cofidence, start with some easier things. Make a list of things you would like to try some day. And start with the easiest one. As you try them your confidence will grow. Even if you fail, you'll become accustomed to trying new things and learning from failure. It's just part of growing up. Most guys continue this process all their lives because risk-taking can be a hell of a lot of fun. I suspect you'd have more buddies if you gave it a try...

Some things that are a little bit risky:

Call in a request to a local radio station
Take a karate class, or try to learn something that you find a little intimadating
Buy a shirt that looks funky or has a smart saying on it that will catch peoples attention

you get the idea...