Asking your date if she likes it large (seriously)

[dag0970]

I am going to ask a question that will (I feel) be silly to some of you. But I would *really* appreciate a nice round of shared perceptions from guys and girls on this.
Girls, your input is more valuable in some ways than the guys' input, but I am asking for both/everyone.

At whatever point in the dating process it appears that sex is imminent, is it ever okay to just ask the girl/woman, "How are you with big dick?"

I assume that many of us (maybe all, dunno) have had the following experience: you wine and dine her over a few dates and a few weeks. Conversation topics throughout this period have been through the comfortable end of the spectrum (family, friends, job, etc) to things way out on the esoteric fringe, and you have a lot of fun together.

You get in the sack (at last!&#33 and find out that she was actually hoping you had a 'little' dick. You find out, disappointingly of course, that she much prefers 'little' men. If you're new to this, maybe you actually hang in there (agonizingly), only to find after several months that she has either turned into a dead lay or that she just finds you 'uncomfortable' inside her. You find yourself feeling that asking for sex is implicitly entering into a bargaining activity. Of course, soon after that, it ends.

Part of this is a physiological/anatomical equation. The two sides of the equation are physical more than anything and simply do not balance out, as it were. It was never really a good match to begin with.

The as-yet unrecognized backdrop to this is that maybe the handwriting was on the wall from the very beginning, there were little signs, you just ignored them. What are the signs to look for (are there any objective indicators that she is going to be a woman whose personal 'ceiling' is 7 inches?).

How can you just come out and ask, "I have a thick 8 inch cock, we obviously find one another interesting and attractive, but do you LIKE BIG DICK? And not, are you OKAY with BIG (cause we're not just looking for basic tolerance, that distills to lame sex in the end, that's the whole point), but DO YOU LIKE BIG?"

At this point in my life, I think I'd rather only focus my energy on women who are
knowledgeable about the question (rather than confused looks, like they've never seen a cucumber, they don't know what you're talking about, etc). Meaning, they recognize your meaning and they can answer experientially, rather than theoretically.

I guess the difficulty with asking right out is that it is kind of like asking, "are you going to lay me?" Even if the question seems a little lude, or something, it is still not exactly 'cool' given social parameters.

??

 

[B_Hickboy]

Ummmmm... Why ask at all? If they run when they see the goods they run. If I were a lady I might feel insulted if some guy I had met recently asked me if his dick was too big for him to fuck me.

Try being friends first, and if sex happens deal with it. There are married members of this forum who struggle for their wives and husbands to accomodate them. Some of these people have been married for 20+ years, and the love and commitment they have overcomes the size issue.

'Course, if you're looking for shallow sexual experiences, there should be no shortage of those. There are lots of women out there who do like big cocks. You may even find that some of them have real minds and personalities. These things are worth checking out as well.

In the long run, being too large may be a better problem to have than being too small.

Just a few half-baked thoughts...

 

[hippyscum]

You might wanna drop that question just as you about to have sex.. but you may want to rephrase it to "seriously, not to be an egomaniac, but are you able to take an 8 inch dick?" at least then, it's in an appropriate situation and you don't sound like a raging dickhead.

 

[Sheppard]

Originally posted by hippyscum@Sep 26 2005, 04:42 PM
You might wanna drop that question just as you about to have sex.. but you may want to rephrase it to "seriously, not to be an egomaniac, but are you able to take an 8 inch dick?" at least then, it's in an appropriate situation and you don't sound like a raging dickhead.

[post=346724]Quoted post[/post]​

It just doesn't enter my mind that a gentleman would bring that up in conversation.

If you get to the point where you're dropping your pants, it will pretty much speak for itself then. And honestly, I get a little turned on when they are surprised by it.

If I were to talk about it first, it might lessen the surpise which I enjoy anyway.

But I don't think many women would respond favorably to it.

On the other hand, if she brings up the conversation "is it true that you're as big as they say?" that would be an invitation to show her what she wants to know... but let the ladies go first.

 

[lapdog2001]

Unless the woman has an unusually small vagina, or you engage in no foreplay at all, she can probably accomodate you. I'v never brought up my size before having sex and the women have all been fine with what I have. Since I really enjoy getting a woman turned on and worked up, when it is time for penetration, I've had no problems at all.

I don't think at 8 inches, you'll have any problem either. For those truely rare guys at 9 or 10 inches or more, then talking to the woman as things start to get sexual may make sense. Who knows, maybe most women would like to take on someone your size as a personal challenge!

LapDog

 

[dag0970]

Originally posted by hippyscum@Sep 26 2005, 02:42 PM
You might wanna drop that question just as you about to have sex.. but you may want to rephrase it to "seriously, not to be an egomaniac, but are you able to take an 8 inch dick?" at least then, it's in an appropriate situation and you don't sound like a raging dickhead.

[post=346724]Quoted post[/post]​

Riiight, IknowIknowIknow. Really, I know. But as I said, it is REALLY NOT, on a certain level, whether or not they are *able*, but whether or not they *like*. What amazes me so much (just at this point) is that more of you guys haven't come to terms w/this in the course of your own sexual adventures.

Think about it this way: if you are a man who likes a well endowed woman, and that is just your thing (not exclusively of her other endearing aspects), how likely are you to start making advances w/a woman who is relatively flat? Are you *able* to? Sure, yes. Will you? No, not because you're shallow necessarily, but because there's something that's missing in the package.

We don't fault the occasional woman who shows up here (Gigi, for instance) being perfectly honest about big dick being her thing, right? She shows up asking for advice on how to make big-dick-sex better and we happily accomodate by offering advice, not saying, "Well, you know, it's kind of shallow of you not to stop and consider how average-sized men might feel that you're not interested in that...." It actually is better for both of them, right?

Is that really the issue though? The question, rather, is do you *like*? Because the erotic and sensual pleasure/enjoyment of love-making are going to be diminished to the extent that you *don't*. Nominally, it's not that you physically could not (&#33, it's simply that your will isn't really behind the effort.

 

[dag0970]

As I reflect on my own words, I tend to think that more and more of you will probably insist that my thinking is basically delusional, i.e., you're never going to find an appropriate way to broach that in conversation, so fuhget about it...

If that's what you're thinking, I actually agree. It may seem like rational idea to me, given my set of experiences w/women in general, but that doesn't make it a
practical or sound idea. I don't think women in general, will/would react favorably to being asked whether or not they like trouser snake on the first, second, third, or fourth date (etc). I guess I just find myself wishing--at times--that like a woman's cup size it was something just a little more obvious. I guess I could walk around wearing a speedo all the time. I'd be dead from pneumonia before the end of November, ha ha.....

 

[MsLulu]

As a girl, I'll make it easy on ya.

1. Don't just up and ask her one day. It may make you sound egotistical, even if you begin the sentence with "I'm not trying to SOUND egotistical, but..."

2. Most women CAN accomodate most any size. Where there is a will, there's a way.

3. If she sees it and/or tries to have sex with you and decides she isn't willing, then you really don't want to bother with her anyway, do ya? Who wants to be in a relationship with a woman (or man) that isn't into sex or at least into trying?

Trust me.... if it's gonna happen, then it's just gonna happen.

 

[hippyscum]

Ah right, well if you're talking about what women like, it's a natural instinct I think for women to like bigger dicks, it tends to imply masculinity, it's only once it gets too big that you have a problem, but at 8 inches I doubt you are.

And actually, yeah, looking back at my last post, I actually don't see any way you could bring up "do you like big dick?" and not sound like a complete ass. Just wait till you drop trou and if she uses the CS spray on you, you know that it's not meant to be.

 

[madame_zora]

Hmm, I have long advocated sexual compatibility being an important factor of a sucessful relationship. As you can see, many people disagree, but I personally wouldn't want to be in a relationship where either one of us was only tolerating sex (especially me&#33. If you want to find women who LIKE big ones, then I say, ask away! Most women who are in touch enough with their seuxality to know this about themselves are probably going to appreciate your candor. Those who are not wouldn't likely know how big they are down there anyway, and might be more reserved that what you are looking (hoping) for. There's nothing wrong with a little honesty in choosing a partner. Bring it up when you're already talking about sex, hopefully you make a practise of doing so before you're actually doing it anyway. It's always a good idea to talk about sex at some point before doing it to discuss practical matters like birth control and general protection needs. A good conversation on likes and dislikes is an easy and less emotionally painful way to find out if you have any compatibility issues before you get there. If you hate doing oral, and that's the thing that does it for her, wouldn't you rather know that up front? Well, if you're packing a large dick and she prefers smaller, she might appreciate that info before she feels forced to accomodate you.

By the way, you're not alone. Many if not most of the guys I've known in that size range have said they've had similar experiences to yours at some point. 8" IS plenty big enough to give a lot of women second thoughts. There are plenty who would see it as an added bonus too, so why not look for those?

 

[dag0970]

Hmm, I have long advocated sexual compatibility being an important factor of a sucessful relationship. As you can see, many people disagree, but I personally wouldn't want to be in a relationship where either one of us was only tolerating sex (especially me&#33. If you want to find women who LIKE big ones, then I say, ask away! Most women who are in touch enough with their seuxality to know this about themselves are probably going to appreciate your candor. Those who are not wouldn't likely know how big they are down there anyway, and might be more reserved that what you are looking (hoping) for. There's nothing wrong with a little honesty in choosing a partner.

:yourock:

MZ, thanks soo much. I have asked a couple times, in advance. I've come to recognize it as bad sign when the response that I get is a little like the kind you might expect from asking somebody, "What's the cosine of 23 times 1,245?"

As though, the woman knows there is an exact answer (eg. 'yes, definitely like it' or 'no, i don't, glad you asked&#39, but defers instead to answer as though they were
the secretary of defense and it was a question about military occupation in Iraq (an ethereal, "well, in theory it should be okay, if xyz....")

I guess I am simply one of those that feels we could only benefit from more rank honesty (with ourselves, for starters). AND, as you say, THERE do seem to be some creative ways of getting around to it in conversation without just asking out of nowhere. Ways of being more open. And I feel you're also completely right about her needs as well: I love to lick, nibble and suck her pussy.

YEs I do wanna know if that's on her list of likes, or not on her list of likes. I can't figure out why there is alllllll this bs about assessing the situation beforehand in terms of the subjective likes and dislikes of your mate (isn't that called "communication"?). I feel like saying, HELLO@!???, it's part of being a good lover, right?@?#!@ That's what we're trying to do, right? RIIIGHT? Were you guys ALL raised by old ladies?

Instead, what I get a lot of is (evidently/apparently), "You, know, it's just not 'cool' to ask her that before you've been there. You don't want to risk being seen as 'not cool' do you?"

I'm starting to think the answer to that should always be a resounding 'YES'!!
I am NOT cool.

I think I'd rather be a mature fool than an immature person acting pretentiously as a way of hiding the fact that they really do NOT know what they are doing when it comes to s-e-x. And to substantiate what you said about women who are in touch w/their sexuality (probably) appreciating the candor, the instances in which I have asked and got an 'abstract' response (meaning the young lady really does NOT know what her answer is) were with girls in their early/mid twenties: not a lot of experience there for them to draw from.

I was talking last night about this w/a good friend of mine and she said, "Why don't men--in general--make that particular intimate-inquiry? Because it's assumed in general that any size/shape of a penis is generally as good as any other (as far women are concerned), which IS NOT something I feel that a broad sampling of women would confirm. Who is really making decisions for who, here?

It may NOT be important to men TO ASK, because most men are average sized but, conversely, it is with wide variation of opinion and appeal that men's 'taste' varies over the issue of womens' breasts. Some don't care at all about the 'rack but about her butt instead. The point is there is A LOT of variation in opinion there.
But 'men' don't need to ask because the answer is a tautology: men wouldn't be chasing the women to begin with unless they didn't like the physical/sexual aspects of the picture, right?

I just find it odd and funny when I look at how long this double standard has been going on and how narrow our thinking has become inside it. I think if I didn't have a big dick I might never have really noticed it all.

To all the rest of you who've given some input, I sooo appreciate it. And I've reflected on what I've read here. It's given me quite a bit of good food for thought.

 

[wonderland]

I see no reason not to ask. It is not a first date subject but if you are comfotable enought to have sex with someone I see not reason not to bring up. From personal experience I have had men tell me they were big before hand and it was not true at all. But some women do know that a large man is not for them so I say ask.

 

[jonb]

Usually when you're about to have sex. If you ask the question before that, you look like a horndog. It's very insulting; it actually implies she's a slut.

 

[madame_zora]

I completely don't mind being seen as a "slut". What IS that anyway? I guess guys think it's a bad thing for a woman to have had different partners and know what her preferences are, but I don't give a fuck about that at all.

Then again, I'm a bad example for anything. I'm brutally honest, communicate openly, love sex voraciously and think my satisfaction is equally important to my partner's. I've been branded "slut" for that most of my life, if I let that control or influence my self image, I'd be a mess. As it is, I see men's insecurities for what they are and let them keep their own baggage.

dag0970, most of the women you ask will either be offended or give you that "tilt" look that is just so inspiring, but it's a lot easier to determine it over a cup of coffee or a few drinks than having to go through one unsatisfactory relationship after another seeking mutual fulfillment, don'tcha think? Listen to what's being said. No one's saying everyone actually fits together, they're just saying you're bad if you WANT things to work well.
You're a smart guy, make your own summation of the info given.

 

[dag0970]

Originally posted by madame_zora@Sep 28 2005, 12:39 AM
I completely don't mind being seen as a "slut". What IS that anyway? I guess guys think it's a bad thing for a woman to have had different partners and know what her preferences are, but I don't give a fuck about that at all.

Then again, I'm a bad example for anything. I'm brutally honest, communicate openly, love sex voraciously and think my satisfaction is equally important to my partner's. I've been branded "slut" for that most of my life, if I let that control or influence my self image, I'd be a mess. As it is, I see men's insecurities for what they are and let them keep their own baggage.

dag0970, most of the women you ask will either be offended or give you that "tilt" look that is just so inspiring, but it's a lot easier to determine it over a cup of coffee or a few drinks than having to go through one unsatisfactory relationship after another seeking mutual fulfillment, don'tcha think? Listen to what's being said. No one's saying everyone actually fits together, they're just saying you're bad if you WANT things to work well.
You're a smart guy, make your own summation of the info given.

[post=347101]Quoted post[/post]​

Yeee-ahhh. MZ, you've been !AWESOME!
Can't thank you enough.
THANK-YOU THANK-YOU@#!@

Yes, I do agree. I've been relatively successfull at being able to give and convey warmth and pleasure to a few women, and both of us were moved inside it. I think so many look, searchingly, for a way back to that. I know I do.

 

[madame_zora]

You know, this is an interesting topic to me, but then everyting's interesting a 5am when you can't sleep!

I puzzle over it a lot, but here's what I've come up with so far: society still wants us to feel that sex is bad, or at least inferior to spiritual love. We are to first address anything good in ourselves to God, then what's left to our s/o and perhaps our children. I am not qualified to say if this is right or wrong, but it isn't how I live my life. As a species, we allow ourselves to be ruled by guilt and fear. Throughout history, a celebration of sex and physical intimacy has been seen as pagan in a sense. Anything that is human is seen as evil, but the unattainable is seen as Godly. Well, the problem with that is that the unattainable is just that- unattainable! So here we are in marriages that are by and large fraudulent, depressed because we are unable to be what we think we're supposed to be, terribly unhappy and on more drugs than any generation of people in the history of the world. Why would I listen to what a lot of unhappy people have to suggest about how I live my life? Big fat fucking newsflash- the majority can be wrong and often is.

There has been embarrassingly little research done on female sexuality, the little that exists is painfully lacking in credibility. Why? It's not just that men don't care about us, it's that they are frightened to death! If it's ever concluded that the vast majority of women COULD achieve orgasm, they might actually have to put out a little more effort. As it is, they can accept themselves to be an okay lover never seeing to the needs of their partner. Do you really think MEN are going to research a subject where they have nothing to gain and everything to lose? (we know from this site how obsessed men are about their dicks).

Now it's women's turn to get bashed. Women tend to be more emotional, less rational. Please don't tell me YOU are not like that, I said "tend to be". The old saying is "Women fuck who they love, men love who they fuck". Women tend to be more religious (please don't ask me to prove this, I could posts 35,000 reports), a thing that requires a disengaging of logic which men often have difficulty doing. Although there have been no studies on it to my knowledge, it is my personal opinion that a lot of women put their displaced sexual energy into their religious fervor. In the absence of sexual satisfaction, this leaves them with a feeling of goodness about themselves. How then are you to impose a question of blunt sexuality on such a person? Tread carefully! Regardless of her age, many women will react like a 12 year old talking to a child molestor, recoiling from your vile insinuation that she was going to have SEX with you in the first place. Do you really want to deal with some bullshit like that?

I get so sick of the merry-go-round of fuck-lie-cheat, fuck-lie-cheat, rinse repeat. If we didn't lie, we might not cheat. The fact that people lie DOES NOT make them holier! Let me repeat- your better-than-thou friends are having just as many affairs as anyone else, but they feel superior about themselves because at least they lie about it! How fucked up is that? I'd wager without fear of reprisal that 90% of all men who claim to be in open relationships have s/os who have no idea about this aspect of their relationship!

So you wanna ask a girl if she likes big dicks. What you really want to know is will you have sex with me without making me beg, will you be interested in sex with me, and will you put forth any effort? These are fine things to want to know. You're looking for an exception, but the only way to find it is to ask.

 

[Knight]

I would never ask that although I am tempted to ask people what the fuck they're staring at when their eyes are glued to my crotch. I don't stare at girls' tits or anything so I'd appreciate it if they wouldn't stare at me. Some lads have been doin it too lol, it seems to happen a lot now that I'm at uni.

Closest I'd get to asking her if she liked it big would be 'do you like MY [big] cock?' but that's a personal thing, I'd only like to know specifically how she feels about my cock and not a penisography of her past sexual encounters.

 

[fri2219]

It's something that'll come up by itself- why bring it up?

I'd guess your S/O probably ranks something like that about 1099th on the list of important qualities.

 

[Max]

To the original question I would answer (from experience) that if you are very well endowed it may in certain circumstances be important for your partner to know it and only fair for you to make sure she does.

I am thinking particularly of the situation where she has clearly fallen for you and this may lead to a long term relationship / marriage and this depth of relationship has come about before you have begun to have sex. These days this may not apply to many people, but it does apply to some.

It is then pretty well essential that she has some idea of what she is letting herself in for. Otherwise you and she could be in for a lot of hurt, physically and emotionally.

If you are very big, of course, she probably has an idea already. I would make certain, however, probably not by talking about it, but just by making sure she can feel and see it. (Max's patented Braille method, which I have mentioned before.)

 

[jonb]

Originally posted by madame_zora@Sep 27 2005, 10:39 PM
I completely don't mind being seen as a "slut". What IS that anyway? I guess guys think it's a bad thing for a woman to have had different partners and know what her preferences are, but I don't give a fuck about that at all.

[post=347101]Quoted post[/post]​

'Slut' in this case refers to someone who only cares about sex. Also known as a slag or a slapper.