Asking your date if she likes it large (seriously)

[madame_zora]

Originally posted by jonb+Sep 30 2005, 11:45 PM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(jonb &#064; Sep 30 2005, 11:45 PM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-madame_zora@Sep 27 2005, 10:39 PM
I completely don&#39;t mind being seen as a "slut". What IS that anyway? I guess guys think it&#39;s a bad thing for a woman to have had different partners and know what her preferences are, but I don&#39;t give a fuck about that at all.

[post=347101]Quoted post[/post]​

&#39;Slut&#39; in this case refers to someone who only cares about sex. Also known as a slag or a slapper.

[post=347872]Quoted post[/post]​

[/b][/quote]


Wow, and I thought I knew my slang, I had never heard either of those terms. You are a wealth of information, my friend.

 

[dag0970]

Originally posted by Max@Sep 30 2005, 03:28 PM
To the original question I would answer (from experience) that if you are very well endowed it may in certain circumstances be important for your partner to know it and only fair for you to make sure she does.

I am thinking particularly of the situation where she has clearly fallen for you and this may lead to a long term relationship / marriage and this depth of relationship has come about before you have begun to have sex. These days this may not apply to many people, but it does apply to some.

It is then pretty well essential that she has some idea of what she is letting herself in for. Otherwise you and she could be in for a lot of hurt, physically and emotionally.

If you are very big, of course, she probably has an idea already. I would make certain, however, probably not by talking about it, but just by making sure she can feel and see it. (Max&#39;s patented Braille method, which I have mentioned before.)

[post=347836]Quoted post[/post]​

Thanks, yes, level headed and practical advice/reflection. Thanks for throwing that out there for everyone. I appreciate the thoughtfullness here.

 

[dag0970]

Originally posted by madame_zora@Sep 29 2005, 03:46 AM
You know, this is an interesting topic to me, but then everyting&#39;s interesting a 5am when you can&#39;t sleep&#33;

I puzzle over it a lot, but here&#39;s what I&#39;ve come up with so far: society still wants us to feel that sex is bad, or at least inferior to spiritual love. We are to first address anything good in ourselves to God, then what&#39;s left to our s/o and perhaps our children. I am not qualified to say if this is right or wrong, but it isn&#39;t how I live my life. As a species, we allow ourselves to be ruled by guilt and fear. Throughout history, a celebration of sex and physical intimacy has been seen as pagan in a sense. Anything that is human is seen as evil, but the unattainable is seen as Godly. Well, the problem with that is that the unattainable is just that- unattainable&#33; So here we are in marriages that are by and large fraudulent, depressed because we are unable to be what we think we&#39;re supposed to be, terribly unhappy and on more drugs than any generation of people in the history of the world. Why would I listen to what a lot of unhappy people have to suggest about how I live my life? Big fat fucking newsflash- the majority can be wrong and often is.

There has been embarrassingly little research done on female sexuality, the little that exists is painfully lacking in credibility. Why? It&#39;s not just that men don&#39;t care about us, it&#39;s that they are frightened to death&#33; If it&#39;s ever concluded that the vast majority of women COULD achieve orgasm, they might actually have to put out a little more effort. As it is, they can accept themselves to be an okay lover never seeing to the needs of their partner. Do you really think MEN are going to research a subject where they have nothing to gain and everything to lose? (we know from this site how obsessed men are about their dicks).

Now it&#39;s women&#39;s turn to get bashed. Women tend to be more emotional, less rational. Please don&#39;t tell me YOU are not like that, I said "tend to be". The old saying is "Women fuck who they love, men love who they fuck". Women tend to be more religious (please don&#39;t ask me to prove this, I could posts 35,000 reports), a thing that requires a disengaging of logic which men often have difficulty doing. Although there have been no studies on it to my knowledge, it is my personal opinion that a lot of women put their displaced sexual energy into their religious fervor. In the absence of sexual satisfaction, this leaves them with a feeling of goodness about themselves. How then are you to impose a question of blunt sexuality on such a person? Tread carefully&#33; Regardless of her age, many women will react like a 12 year old talking to a child molestor, recoiling from your vile insinuation that she was going to have SEX with you in the first place. Do you really want to deal with some bullshit like that?

I get so sick of the merry-go-round of fuck-lie-cheat, fuck-lie-cheat, rinse repeat. If we didn&#39;t lie, we might not cheat. The fact that people lie DOES NOT make them holier&#33; Let me repeat- your better-than-thou friends are having just as many affairs as anyone else, but they feel superior about themselves because at least they lie about it&#33; How fucked up is that? I&#39;d wager without fear of reprisal that 90% of all men who claim to be in open relationships have s/os who have no idea about this aspect of their relationship&#33;

So you wanna ask a girl if she likes big dicks. What you really want to know is will you have sex with me without making me beg, will you be interested in sex with me, and will you put forth any effort? These are fine things to want to know. You&#39;re looking for an exception, but the only way to find it is to ask.

[post=347442]Quoted post[/post]​

Eyahhh, this is hard to argue. I suppose by "exception", you mean that most women will respond w/ &#39;tilt&#39; look or in any case less-than-openly-affirmative, and the exception is the (relatively rare) woman who will emphatically respond
&#39;yes&#39;. You are correct (I think) w/regard to what &#39;i really want to know&#39;, in the sense that you so eloquently described. But I don&#39;t mind it being kind of covertly "about me" (as the object of the question) rather than about her--as the subject--if she is someone who talks comfortably and kind of ad nauseam about herself. And you might be suprised (might not) to know just how frequent an experience that has been.

I realized in my 20&#39;s that not all women are really comfortable with sex, or some see it as kind of a way to maneuver themselves into "better" (more advantageous) positions inside relationships. One of my friends once told me "you&#39;re a dick in a jar to her, man". As in: in case of emergency, break jar, get dick. I ought to point out that men are certainly capable/culpable here as well. Not poking my finger at women exclusively.

But my concerns these days are not pathologically around/about fear of being used. Maybe I&#39;m also looking for a way to remove/minimize the spectre or shadow of that fear looking in the background. I don&#39;t want it to sabotoge/influence my thinking, posture, perception. If I smell something that seems like avoidance or jejune horseshit then I want out right away. If she can&#39;t look me straight in the eyes and answer directly then red flags are up. But as you implied, the question has a sort of hidden agenda, so I have to be circumspect about just how I react if she offers a response that is not necessarily my idea of perfect. Is that fair?

And spirituality is fine with me. In fact, I would count that as a MAJOR element of importance to me. In fact, I&#39;ve realized over the years that I just can&#39;t live without it in my partner. Religiousness is kind of a different thing (not unrelated, but it should be more often).

 

[madame_zora]

And here lies the sadness of printed text. I did not mean to imply that you had a hidden agenda, I was attempting (sloppily) to discern your intent. It seems I didn&#39;t choose my words carefully enough.

Yes, I think you will get the "tilt" look more often than not, but this should be a good thing. You can then decide if this is a person in whom you would be willing to invest more time and effort, or not. If there are other flags, you may do well to cut and run. From what I can tell from your writing, which may not be accurate, I don&#39;t see you as the type of guy to be satisfied with being a "dick in a jar". I&#39;m sensing you want a partner who has sex from a genuine desire to do so, not as a maneuver for postion in the relationship. While not very romantic (I hate that shit anyway), open communication about what you want from a relationship is my personal preference.

Spirituality is always an aspect to consider, as well as what degree of importance it holds for her. This is a place where incompatibility can be treacherous. It&#39;s really not all that important that you agree, just that there is room for both of you to view things as you do without one having to convert to the other&#39;s perspective. I find these types of conversions to be largely disingenuous and a yoke upon the convert. Finding a partner who is compatible to yourself is a good step toward setting a stronger foundation, as I&#39;m sure you know well already.

 

[BobLeeSwagger]

I think that asking a woman that would be just about the most ungentlemanly thing he could do, unless the two of them had already discussed penis size and she had already mentioned an interest in hung guys. There are so many ways that a woman could be offended by that question that it can only reduce your chances of getting laid.

 

[B_Fit Blonde]

If you&#39;re having to ask, it shows an insecurity in yourself. Just wait till sex happens...she&#39;ll like it. If it&#39;s "too big" it&#39;s more than likely that she doesn&#39;t actually want sex with you. Sorry guys, but that&#39;s it. A woman can take any size...believe me&#33; (Anally - well that&#39;s a different question&#33;&#33

 

[dag0970]

Originally posted by Fit Blonde@Oct 6 2005, 04:20 AM
If you&#39;re having to ask, it shows an insecurity in yourself. Just wait till sex happens...she&#39;ll like it. If it&#39;s "too big" it&#39;s more than likely that she doesn&#39;t actually want sex with you. Sorry guys, but that&#39;s it. A woman can take any size...believe me&#33; (Anally - well that&#39;s a different question&#33;&#33

[post=349317]Quoted post[/post]​

okay Fit, go here:
http://members.lovingyou.com/showthread.php?threadid=97978

and here:
http://www.askmen.com/love/vanessa/43b_love_secrets.html

If you really take the time to *consider* what&#39;s being said here I think you&#39;ll come to see something maybe you don&#39;t see: not ALL women agree with you. It has nothing to do w/whether or not &#39;I want to believe you.&#39; Let&#39;s just say I believe you. Believing you doesn&#39;t change what has already been said, many times, by many OTHER women (not discounting your perspective): bigger is not better.

What you&#39;re saying is: there is no such thing as "too big", while the evidence clearly asserts that the real answer to that is something subjective, not something objective. It IS NOT merely a question of anatomy/physiology. If it were maybe you would be correct.

A#1: NOT ALL WOMEN WANT the same thing. FIT: have you ever HAD a big dick? Some women feel sore for days afterward. Some women don&#39;t like having to anticipate that just to think about sex. For some women, it kind of ruins the mood. Is that not a point well taken with you guys/gals?

B#2: I assure you that my psycho-sexual sense of my self is quite healthy (aka sense-of-security). I think I would admit to feeling insecure.

 

[madame_zora]

I&#39;m actually pretty surprised that people who HAVE sex are squeamish about talking about it first&#33; What&#39;s up with that? No one&#39;s suggesting a guy say "Hi my name is -----, how do you feel about big dicks?" I do feel, however, that there comes a time when it becomes apparent that sex may happen soon, and it is THEN that mature people should discuss practical things like birth control and general "issues". Am I really alone in this?

FitBlonde, I am glad that YOU feel you can take any size, but there are plenty of women who can&#39;t take over a certain size without painful consequences. You are not all women, we all have our limitations and personal preferences.

 

[dag0970]

Recognizing that my proposed question has a purpose beyond finding out whether or not bigger is better, or how much is too much (for her only), I see that I can only ask this if (at whatever point) sex is imminent.

Asking this question before then is asking for sex. Which is silly.

However, even with regard to this, I think she has probably already decided when (or even if) that is going to happen, under what terms, and in what kind of setting. Because aren&#39;t women really the ones who decide when, if and how far it is going to go between themselves and ANY man who shows an interest in them?

I mean really, men have absolutely no say in any of that when you stop and think about it, do they? They can show an interest, they can be &#39;available&#39;. They can say, "I am eligible as friend, or other, or just dick if that&#39;s all you want...." But they cannot really decide (&#33 that something is going to happen. Only the woman can do that, pretty much without exception, as long as the proceedings are not criminal (and even when they are, e.g., prostitution).

So....again....those of you that have offered your input and 2-cents, thanks again from me, thanks to all of you, not just Madame Zora.

Please don&#39;t hesitate if you disagree to just fire it off and don&#39;t be afraid to take off my left temple if you think you have something that just is dead center-aim.
I can take it. Furthermore, I promise not to gang up on any of you w/MZ or anyone else. I have a &#39;liberal&#39; point of view, which means that yours is important, especially when it flies against my own. I will not treat you like I am Bill O&#39;Reilly and you are on the "O&#39;Reilly Factor" lol

 

[D_Elijah_MorganWood]

I have an ex who is a total size queen. His method is to make out and "feel up" his date. He&#39;s so slick I didn&#39;t realize he was doing it...of course he also managed to photograph me nude without my knowing but that&#39;s a different story...what I do is just wait until the reveal and let my cock speak for itself. No reason to talk about it beforehand. Madame Zora is right about sexual compatibility but you won&#39;t know if you&#39;re compatible until you give it a whirl.

 

[Alley Blue]

Originally posted by madame_zora@Oct 7 2005, 06:21 AM
No one&#39;s suggesting a guy say "Hi my name is -----, how do you feel about big dicks?" I do feel, however, that there comes a time when it becomes apparent that sex may happen soon, and it is THEN that mature people should discuss practical things like birth control and general "issues". Am I really alone in this?

[post=349586]Quoted post[/post]​

I agree, and I&#39;m surprised that you seem to be alone in this too.

If your in a relationship of a sexual nature, communication strikes me as all important. Communicating what your going to do, how your going to do it and then, most importantly, will it work, seems to me to be vital.

I assume if your at the level of becoming intimate, discussing something like penis size should be pretty natural. Of course, as with so many other things in life, its not so much what you say, but how you say it.

 

[Love-it]

Size shouldn&#39;t be the first thing to come up in conversation, maybe after the second thing has come up it is OK to talk about size.

If she runs away screaming, she obviously is not into a conversation about size.

 

[AMikkell]

If dag feels comfortable with talking seriously about his penis size, shouldn&#39;t anyone he dates be the same? Wouldn&#39;t that be another sign of compatability? I feel that it is completely acceptable to ask that. As long as you do it tactfully, maybe explaining why your asking the question to her, it should go over fairly well.

 

[madame_zora]

Finally&#33; Thanks guys, I knew I couldn&#39;t be the only one.

 

[fredlet]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Sorcerer &#064; Oct 10 2005, 07&#58;17 AM) [post=350269]Quoted post[/post]</div><div class='quotemain'>
I have an ex who is a total size queen. His method is to make out and "feel up" his date. He&#39;s so slick I didn&#39;t realize he was doing it...of course he also managed to photograph me nude without my knowing but that&#39;s a different story...what I do is just wait until the reveal and let my cock speak for itself. No reason to talk about it beforehand. Madame Zora is right about sexual compatibility but you won&#39;t know if you&#39;re compatible until you give it a whirl.
[/b][/quote]

Your cock must be armoured better than most of the army&#39;s humvees if you don&#39;t know someone is touching it whilst making out.

As far as dicks speaking for themselves go, we&#39;ll finally see that after they incarcerate Karl Rove.

 

[B_horribleperson56]

the only time you want to talk about the size of your dick with a girl, is when she A) asks you your size or B) she sees it for the first time.

if A
if she asks you then you can say its big, are you ok with that, and would you like to see it.

B is tricky
you could get "you are not putting that in me" or anything like that.

if you get this answer, then it means she is thinking that she will end up in the ER later tonight (and trust me you dont want to go to the ER at 2am with a girl gushing blood from her vagina) but thats a whole other story.

or she will have sex with you and then decide if she wants to a 2nd time.

so NO dont bring it up unless she does.

 

[Karena Morgan]

<span style="font-size:10pt;line-height:100%"><span style="font-family:Comic Sans Ms">God, Chance would be a fine thing&#33;

But seriously folks, er..If I am asked this ever I hope to hell that whoever asks me it is f*cking ENORMOUS when I eventually unzip him as I would hate to have my hopes built up then dashed when I find hes a perfectly nice guy with a perfectly acceptable but a little over average size dick &#33;

But more seriously, there are many sensible views in other posts. It&#39;s never happened to me, I hope it does and if a man was seriously huge, like big enough to do me damage or scare me, and had taken the time confident in knowing his size through his experience and being motivated to ask because of genuine wise pre-care then I would be even more respectful of him (whilst yanking my thong off at an unladylike haste..)

I think asking for &#39;brag&#39; sake would yea be kinda tacky and the guy would prob be a complete knobhead and if he wasnt big id be inclined to decline, so to speak..but if he was huge when it came to it, I&#39;d be too busy to worry about the etiquette of it all.</span></span>

 

[Alley Blue]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Karena Morgan &#064; Nov 5 2005, 11&#58;14 PM) [post=358451]Quoted post[/post]</div><div class='quotemain'>
...and had taken the time confident in knowing his size through his experience and being motivated to ask because of genuine wise pre-care then I would be even more respectful of him (whilst yanking my thong off at an unladylike haste..)
[/b][/quote]

LOL.........I think your gonna become pretty popular around here&#33;

 

[rob_r_lpsg]

I&#39;ve been a lurker for a very long time.
Finally there emerges a topic where I have enough experience to make an insightful comment.
For years I took the approach of "tipping off" girls about being big. I thought most girls cared enough about the issue for it to be a positive. At 23 years old, it&#39;s taken me about 5 years to figure this one out. Most girls honestly don&#39;t care. Advertising rarely has the helps out the way you might think it would. Once again, it has taken me a very long time to figure this out, but don&#39;t brag about it&#33; Treat your partners right, make sure you make them feel special, keep them cumming and they&#39;re be coming back for more. This is as concise as I can express by experience with the issue. But believe me when I say that I&#39;m speaking from considerable experience on this. Most girls automatically assume you&#39;re exaggerating if they hear it from you. They&#39;re much more likely to give the information thought if they hear it from a former partner of yours whom you left on good terms. I know it sounds trite, but think of your casual sex relationships like a business. Forthcoming Rob Original: "Satisfied customers are the best source of advertising for a business." Ex-girlfriends/whatever are much more capable of boosting your stock than any apparent bragging.
As far as your question about how to let them in on your little (or big, as the case may be) secret, I&#39;ve found that having an erection is rarely as awkward as some guys think. Most girls take it as a compliment. They&#39;ll tend to want to get a feel for themself. And if you read their reaction as impressed/intimidated/outright-scared, well then there is your icebreaker for that conversation. Save it until then. Give my advice as much weight as you see fit, but in my experience, they won&#39;t take you seriously and it is likely to have a negative impact on your relationship with that person (unless you are already POSITIVE that the person wears the "Size Queen" badge with pride).

-Rob.

--Apologies again for the long-time-lurker-status.
I hope you find it to be an insightful post

 

[viviv]

I&#39;ve known two guys that hinted they were big, and ended up one being about average and the other quite small. This past year I dated a guy who said during a funny conversation about sex that he was "about average". When we eventually hooked up, he turned out to be absolutely huge.